Friendships........................

[butterfly113]

It seems as life gets busier and busier, especially with kids and so MUCH technology... people are so in their own world so to speak. I have noticed people saying we should get together or .... yet everyone is so busy, it seems to hardly happen or come together.

 

How many of you have friends that you actually talk daily, or several times a week?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do, though much of it is via technology - e-mail, telephone or in person, it is still maintaining our friendship.

[Elizabeth in WA]

I do, though much of it is via technology - e-mail, telephone or in person, it is still maintaining our friendship.

 

Hi Jean! (waves)

 

I do, though I have to admit that getting together in person revolves around the kids schedules coinciding to a large degree. Since ds12 spends 20 hours a week at the gym and dd8 spends 12 hours a week at the gym, that's their social group, and mine revolves around other parents, many of whom homeschool, that I met and chat with at the gym.

 

Ds10 and ds14 just started tae kwon do, and, while we are making friends there, I haven't met any other homeschoolers at the dojang. They do, however, have foozball and free arcade games there that the kids can use before and after class, so they are rapidly making friends there as well as in our new neighborhood. But those are their friends, not mine - yet.

[Jean in Newcastle]

See! I can keep up with Elizabeth on this board or at the gym!

[dm379]

I do! I'd be lost without them. It does revolve around the kid's schedules a lot though. Most live either across the street or within walking distance and that helps a lot.

[Garga]

Every other week on a Wednesday a friend has "Soup Day." We all show up at about 11:30 and eat soup and talk until 2 or 3. There are 5 of us who show up each week. We've been doing this for a couple of years, and the kids just have to deal with it. (Either they play together, or bring their GameBoys, etc,)

 

We (the women) will go out of our way to get to Soup Day. Almost nothing can stop me from soup day! I plan my homeschool week around Soup Day.

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't actually have close friends, apart form my Dh.

I have homeschool mum acquaintances, that are not friends, because basically our religious views differ too much. we meet once a month, and can be polite and chatty, and that is it.

as far as the rest of the community, I am involved in Basketball, as my 5 children play basketball, they only had 2 referees, so I put my hand up to have a go, which instantly has made me the enemy!

I am friendly with my neighbours, meaning, that I wave to them if I see them, and send them surplus veggies from the garden.

I "talk" to you guys on this forum.

apart from that, I am friendless.

[myfunnybunch]

My best friends from high school (the local ones) and I set up a weekly walking day for this very reason. We're all SO busy that if we don't set aside time for one another, it flies by!

 

I'm fortunate to have a homeschool friend living very near who buys eggs from my sister, with me as the middleperson. That way I have to see each of them once a week too. :) Some weeks, it's a simple, "Hi, how are you? Gotta go!" with a hug. Some weeks we end up having a heart-to-heart for an hour.

 

We were really busy. I was missing contact with others. Setting aside time for regular consistent contact is what has made the difference--not just setting it aside, but making it a priority.

 

Cat

[mompotter]

I have a few friends that we get together with or talk with at least two or three times a week. They are also from our church so we see each other on Sunday too. I go to a small church and most of our friends are from there or from our hs group.

[Food4Thought]

I have two friends I consider close. I see one at least once a week, because I teach piano to her daughter. The other one I chat with on facebook every day or two, and we try to get together once every week or two. During the busy school months (they both public school), it may be months between seeing them.

 

However, as an introvert (remember that big thread??) I can go for a while without needing that interaction. One of my friends is an introvert too - the other is so insanely an extrovert, I'm amazed she chooses to hang out with me ever. If I see my friends once a week, we're good.

[homeschoolva]

I tend to have friends that are at the same places we are - the theatre, the gym, etc.... I have so little time outside school and activities to fit in anything more. I do keep in touch with friends via Facebook - I joined to monitor kids accounts and found it to be a great way to share pictures with family and keep up with friends for me too! There are 2-3 other friends whom I try to call every week but it really tends to be more like every month. A good friend realizes life gets in the way, and I know there will be a season in life when I have time to further cultivate those friendships.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't actually have close friends, apart form my Dh.

I have homeschool mum acquaintances, that are not friends, because basically our religious views differ too much. we meet once a month, and can be polite and chatty, and that is it. I "talk" to you guys on this forum.

apart from that, I am friendless.

 

Aw. One of these days I'll save the petrol money to make the trek east. But don't worry about your serenity being spoilt. It's a long way, I couldn't afford to do it enough to get really annoying. ;)

 

I don't have any close buddies that I absolutely must speak to each day. I talk to my brother, online or otherwise, fairly often. I have a fortnightly playdate with a friend and her kids, with another friend of mine hopefully joining us this week. We socialise in the community setting of the SCA, no particular friends, but we are part of the group. It's enough for me.

 

:)

Rosie

Edited July 31, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Melissa in Australia]

Aw. One of these days I'll save the petrol money to make the trek east. But don't worry about your serenity being spoilt. It's a long way, I couldn't afford to do it enough to get really annoying. ;)

 

:)

Rosie

 

Thanks Rosie. You are so great at cheering me up.

I would love you to visit, you are welcome anytime.

[Peela]

It does seem to be a common issue. I have some close girlfriends but sometimes we can go months without seeing each other. For about 2 years we used to get together once a week on Tuesday mornings- but once I started homeschooling I stopped that. We have some common areas of contact and we do have a good friendship- the 3 of us- plus about 3 other women we like to connect up with. But as I said, it can go for months without connecting at times. Recently we did reconnect and are making more effort again. Fortunately none of us takes offence when we are "too busy" and its like we have never been apart when we catch up.

 

Then there are my homeschooling friends...for me it is similar to Melissa's issue...although I would call us friends, the religious ideology differences make it hard to get too close, really. I have 2 or 3 homeschooling friends I do enjoy spending time with outside of homeschooling, but as homeschooling is our glue, so to speak, if we dont have shared activities, it doesn't really happen much. Our connection is through our kids and our kids are all growing up.

 

I have become so aware of this issue that I have started a womens circle for women who feel isolated in the suburbs and want some deeper connection with other women. At first our group was specifically generic and non religious- it was just a social discussion group. But I realised that wasn't giving us the depth I wanted, so I recently dissolved that group and began a spiritual women's circle...although the spiritual part is not defined. The response is strong...many women feel ...busy, but isolated. Even though many have friends and often many aquaintances, they have shared that they feel they cant discuss everything with their friends, or go very deeply. They want something more than a superfical discussion when they catch up. They want to be able to share deeply.

 

It seems to be a disease of western lifestyle. If you travel in other countries, it is so warming to feel the sense of community even (and perhaps especially)amongst poorer people. Coming back to Australia for me after travelling to India, all 3 times, has showed me how isolated we live. We need community. I too get a lot of my needs for community met from here and the internet and stay in touch with friends and family that way too....but even though I am an introvert and cant handle social overload.....I do crave healthy community and friendships. It doesn't come especially easy to me- but I am learning that its not just me.

Edited July 31, 2010 by Peela

[Colleen in NS]

began a spiritual women's circle...although the spiritual part is not defined. The response is strong...many women feel ...busy, but isolated. Even though many have friends and often many aquaintances, they have shared that they feel they cant discuss everything with their friends, or go very deeply. They want something more than a superfical discussion when they catch up. They want to be able to share deeply.

 

It seems to be a disease of western lifestyle. If you travel in other countries, it is so warming to feel the sense of community even (and perhaps especially)amongst poorer people. Coming back to Australia for me after travelling to India, all 3 times, has showed me how isolated we live. We need community. I too get a lot of my needs for community met from here and the internet and stay in touch with friends and family that way too....but even though I am an introvert and cant handle social overload.....I do crave healthy community and friendships. It doesn't come especially easy to me- but I am learning that its not just me.

 

Do I ever know what you mean. I've been thinking about "community" a lot lately. I really wish we lived on a street or on a square with a few of the families we enjoy being around, so the kids could play and the adults could get to know one another more than just once or twice a week (or less) and *help* each other on this road of life. I've lived in community before, for six years before I was married. Some things about it I don't miss, but I really miss the daily relationships. They were communities of families and single people, all working together for various purposes. Anyway, though I have neighbours, I feel very isolated. Each household is all about it's own household/property (though they do help out each other in crisis times), and we are in a different stage of life than our immediate neighbours.

 

Can you tell me more about your spiritual women's groups? I know you said they aren't defined, but what exactly do you do in them? Do you have some sort of stated purpose, or timeline/deadline, or loose agenda to use? I keep thinking I'd like to handpick some women and beg them to come to my house each Wed. evening (when I'm really lonely) for some kind of deep discussion plus knitting/crocheting/handwork, so I have something to look forward to. My church has "small groups" that meet during the week, but I can't get out to any of them.

[kewb]

This past year I have really been putting myself out there to enlarge my social circle and connect with friends. It has not been easy but I have definitely been enjoying some fruits from my labors. It is definitely an issue.

 

When I was working full time all I wanted to do was be alone and quiet on my weekends. Then when I started homeschooling all I wanted was to be alone and quiet on my weekends. I'm tired. My friends can catch me on facebook or send me an email. I don't have the patience for shoot the breeze phone conversations so I rarely talk on the phone except to confirm plans.

[elise1mds]

I am very lucky to have a great group of friends who refuses to let anyone go "under the radar" for more than a few days. My best friend Mary and I talk almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and get together as often as possible. We spent Saturday night at a restaurant with some of her other friends - some of whom I had met and some I hadn't - and get our boys together often, too. Then I have three other very, very close friends that I talk to quite often. We try to get together as often as our schedules permit.

 

THEN... I have my mom's group, my homeschool group, and my new ASD group. I do things with them as often as my schedule allows. Between all that, I see people quite often! I used to think of myself as an introvert, but I have discovered that around people who genuinely care and try to understand others' situations... and who aren't going to stab me in the back at the first opportunity... I love to be WITH people! It's very refreshing. :)