Asking the hive...

[Tidbits of Learning]

Ok,I have a friend (I use this term loosely) that constantly makes fun of me. She like to point out when I talk oddly. I had speech as a child and I still say certain words oddly or will speak in odd sentences to avoid the sounds that still give me problems. Said friend knows this. I just chuckled along the first time she did it, but she did it several times since then and each time she tacks on and she teaches her kids or and you are teaching your kids language arts? She is a homeschooler as well...so I don't know what her problem is about the way I talk and insinuating that I am less than intelligent to teach my children. Also, 3 of my kids have had to have speech and she has done this to me in front of them.

She did it this morning after I had taken about 2 months break from the friendship. I called her up to chat. I misspoke aten (ate-en) instead of eaten b/c my kids were running around and I got tongue twisted and she burst out laughing and then said littler wasn't a word either. I had said something about my youngest son being littler than the other kids somewhere in the conversation. I googled that one and it is little, littler, and littlest.

I kind of lost it b/c she has done this to me in front of other people and pointed it out and well this was one time too many. I told her she was an *ss and that it was rude to point out someone's flaws especially when she knows that I had speech and sometimes get tongue twisted. I am a little chagrined to say I called her an *ss several times in the next few minutes as she tried to tell me she *laughs* at my mistakes b/c she finds them endearing like her mother saying yeller instead of yellow.

I thought about apologizing for the cussing, but I don't feel bad that I told her what I thought. I actually told her I was going to buy her an etiquette book and show her she was being rude. Should I just stay as far away from this person as possible or do you think that my going off and blowing up at her will do any good?

[Guest]

To me, it sounds like she needs to put you down to feel better about her own insecurities in life. I think if it's a toxic relationship, it would be better to end it and only allow positive people in your life. If you want to salvage the friendship, then tell her that you will not tolerate her making fun of you anymore, and if she values the friendship, she will knock it off.

 

If you want to apologize for the cussing, tell her exactly what you posted... that you are sorry for cussing, but not sorry you told her how you feel.

[i.love.lucy]

Doesn't sound like a true friend to me. I'd drop her like a hot potato.

[WhollyHis]

She doesn't seem like a very nice/considerate person. :( Some people feed off of or feel better by putting others down-these people do not make good friends-at least in my book they don't.

 

If it were me, after blowing up and setting boundaries I'd give her one more chance. If that doesn't work, it sounds like it's time to find some new friends. :grouphug:

[Avila]

Sounds like she is doing this because she thinks she is being cute. If this is her sense of humor, I doubt she is going to change it without some prodding. Otherwise, she is doing it to somehow make you feel smaller or insecure, and if that is her reasoning, then I think she is toxic and incapable of being a real friend to you.

 

I would sit down with her another time in person without kids when you are calm and explain to her before she does it again that it really bothers you when she does this, that you don't think it is cute or funny, and that you really would like her to quit. Then if she still chooses to continue doing it, you know she is choosing to do it despite knowing how you feel. And then you know that you will either have to put up with her behavior, make a point of correcting her every time she corrects you, or just choose to end the friendship.

 

:grouphug:

Edited July 28, 2010 by Asenik

[Jean in Newcastle]

She is the one who needed to apologize - not to try to cover for herself by saying that she finds it endearing. I agree with Lucy - this is not a "friend" that you need in your life.

[SonshineLearner]

Gosh.. tough one! I have a friend that I love her "british sayings" and I've pointed out sayings before.. because years ago, I had a friend Viv from England... and it reminds me of them. BUT, I don't do it everytime, and I'm not making fun of her. I took speech too. My name has two r's so... it was hard to say my name my whole life. I've been told others can't hear it now, but I've been self conscious my whole life... about it... even though I really like my name anyway.

I say you have to think about if you like the rest of your friendship. If so, tell her that once was good, can she get over commenting about your flaws? I mean... I speak properly, and don't point out when others are incorrect... all the time... (like I instead of me... etc..) I was lucky (or cursed:) with a mom who hs me.. and started speaking correctly when I was young. She made it a point to speak properly... but no one wants to be corrected all the time..

 

:)

[iammommy]

If you've told her it bothers you (which you have now), and if it continues, then she's not a friend I would want.

 

Nan

[Gooblink]

She sounds like a social clod - I'm married to one :tongue_smilie:and it's true, he really does giggle at peoples' idiosyncrasies because he finds them endearing. There is no malice intended by his laughing "at" someone, but he is completely clueless when it comes to reading other people.

 

I'd apologize for blowing up. I'm not saying you aren't justified in being annoyed by her gauche behavior, but you really should have been upfront with her a long time ago.

[LauraGB]

She is the one who needed to apologize - not to try to cover for herself by saying that she finds it endearing. I agree with Lucy - this is not a "friend" that you need in your life.

 

:iagree:

 

And you won't catch any flack from me for taking her down a notch. Something needed to be said in a way in which she could understand. I'll bet that's exactly what you did.

[Tidbits of Learning]

Thanks everyone. I was about in tears this morning. This actually is the 2nd time I have said something. The first I was very nice and polite and explained why I get tongue twisted and such. I am actually missing the thing under my tongue. The thing some people have to get clipped. Well, in my family it is common to just not have one and sometimes trip over your own tongue. :tongue_smilie:

I am from the south. I don't mind someone picking on my accent or my southern slang. Neither were the case with this friend. I have to be around her b/c we are on a committee together, but that is once a month. I plan to not speak in front of her again. I had enough of being picked on as a kid. I don't need it as an adult.

She is the only person that has ever done this to me as an adult. I feel like I am 7 years old again and the cool kid is picking on me. I vividly remember my mother listening to me be upset and in tears and then every red light on the way to school we would practice r words.

Anyway, I guess sometimes we are all just little kids deep down inside and some hurts are always there. I would never do that to anyone else especially after they have told me that it bothers them.

[2cents]

It might be ok to kid about it once or twice...in a lifetime. But this sounds passive-aggressive. I've known people that veil their meanness with "oh, it was a joke" or exactly the same thing your friend said. I'd have a hard time being around someone like that. It isn't a friendship when you can't even talk without being under stress that she will call you out. I'd call it quits.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think I'd apologize to her if I were you. But I WOULD tell her that you can no longer tolerate her laughing at your speech and pointing out your mistakes. I'd tell her that if she wants to keep the friendship going she's going to have to stop doing that. Then if she continues, I'd walk away.

 

My husband stutters. When I found out one of my best friends in NH was mimicking him behind my back, I ended the relationship and NEVER looked back.

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks everyone. I was about in tears this morning. This actually is the 2nd time I have said something. The first I was very nice and polite and explained why I get tongue twisted and such. I am actually missing the thing under my tongue. The thing some people have to get clipped. Well, in my family it is common to just not have one and sometimes trip over your own tongue. :tongue_smilie:

 

She is the only person that has ever done this to me as an adult. I feel like I am 7 years old again and the cool kid is picking on me. I vividly remember my mother listening to me be upset and in tears and then every red light on the way to school we would practice r words.

 

 

does she know this? And still continues to do this to you? :banghead:

 

Your mom sounds AWESOME!!!!! She's :coolgleamA:

[May]

I would never dream of laughing or bringing to someone's attention on the way they speak. You have already told her that you've have some problems when you speak and she still brings it up:confused: You deserve a better friend then this, drop her.

[EJCMom]

I think I would have said something like this to her: "Thank you so much for helping me to improve my speech by pointing out my mistakes. After all, if no one points them out to me, how will my speech ever improve? I really appreciate your taking the time to help me. In fact, I'd like to return the favor. I'd like to point out to you that you are being a socially inept clod. You are displaying the social skills of an emotionally stunted 8-year-old. It isn't that I'm trying to call you a &itch, I just find it endearing."

 

But, I'm a smarta$$ like that. ;)

[Tidbits of Learning]

does she know this? And still continues to do this to you? :banghead:

 

Your mom sounds AWESOME!!!!! She's :coolgleamA:

 

Yes, she knows why I get tongue twisted. This is the first time she has done this since I told her and told her why it bugged me the first time. Of course, we haven't been around each other much since the end of May. This time I wasn't polite and I didn't stew over it...I kind of blew up and called her names. Not very mature I know, but well neither was her behavior.

[AnitaMS]

She certainly has problems of her own. You can be sympathetic, but not put yourself in the position of being made fun of! We're supposed to love one another, but *liking* is a whole other thing!!

[MtnTeaching]

What would you tell your children to do if a friend were making fun of them to their face regarding their speech?

 

Your "friend" is being hateful, cruel and insensitive if she has continued to belittle you, especially after you told her your feelings. I'm feeling very protective toward you right now and she better be glad she's not in this room.

 

I was raised in GA and got a job as a flight attendant right after college. I remember my very first public announcement as we landed in Hartfort, CT - the entire plane busted out laughing. I worked hard for years to lose that accent and now I miss it. My ds stutters and my dd has always had a tough time with speech. We've spent so much money on private speech for her and she still struggles with the "s" sound.

 

I'm afraid that if your "friend" were in the room - she would get a repeat of the "tongue-lashing" you gave her. I am so very tired of bullies (and that is what she is) getting away with bullying. Good for you for letting her know how you felt. Having said that, I always feel bad if I "let someone have it", but in this case, I do feel she deserved it. Who knows, maybe she'll actually look at herself and her actions - miracles do happen.

[Harriet Vane]

She is the one who needed to apologize - not to try to cover for herself by saying that she finds it endearing. I agree with Lucy - this is not a "friend" that you need in your life.

 

:iagree:

[Tidbits of Learning]

What would you tell your children to do if a friend were making fun of them to their face regarding their speech?

 

Your "friend" is being hateful, cruel and insensitive if she has continued to belittle you, especially after you told her your feelings. I'm feeling very protective toward you right now and she better be glad she's not in this room.

 

I was raised in GA and got a job as a flight attendant right after college. I remember my very first public announcement as we landed in Hartfort, CT - the entire plane busted out laughing. I worked hard for years to lose that accent and now I miss it. My ds stutters and my dd has always had a tough time with speech. We've spent so much money on private speech for her and she still struggles with the "s" sound.

 

I'm afraid that if your "friend" were in the room - she would get a repeat of the "tongue-lashing" you gave her. I am so very tired of bullies (and that is what she is) getting away with bullying. Good for you for letting her know how you felt. Having said that, I always feel bad if I "let someone have it", but in this case, I do feel she deserved it. Who knows, maybe she'll actually look at herself and her actions - miracles do happen.

 

I'm from GA too!

[Denisemomof4]

Yes, she knows why I get tongue twisted. This is the first time she has done this since I told her and told her why it bugged me the first time. Of course, we haven't been around each other much since the end of May. This time I wasn't polite and I didn't stew over it...I kind of blew up and called her names. Not very mature I know, but well neither was her behavior.

 

she sliced open an old wound and poured salt into it. I'm not sure you deserve that "immature" label. She most definitely deserves the "Stupid" label. ;)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Don't apologize. She had it coming. (I normally don't condone calling someone an *ss, but I'll give it a pass in this instance;).) I would not consider this person a friend, nor would I want her around my children, tearing me down in front of them. If she was a friend, she would not need to correct an "endearment". The correction was done to enforce her feelings of superiority (or bolster them up if she is indeed that insecure.) With friends like that, who needs enemies?

 

ETA: I read some of your additional posts in this thread. So it seems that you may have to deal with her in the future. That is a bummer. But, you could work this to your advantage. Well, this is the advice I would give to anyone experiencing the "pleasantries" of a bully. If she feels the need to comment again, I would call her on it and move on. Calling her on it could be a pointed 2 second glare with raised eyebrows, or a more verbal "quit being a dumb-*ss" or a quick "that's just mean." Don't treat her like a friend or someone who has the right to approve or disapprove of you. Don't give her that power over you. Treat her like a rude, interrupting child, which she is or just an annoying gnat who needs a swat:). I know that it is hard, given your history (I have been there - I know), but if you behave with confidence, she will be the one with egg on her face.

Edited July 28, 2010 by dirty ethel rackham

[Guest]

She sounds like a social clod - I'm married to one :tongue_smilie:and it's true, he really does giggle at peoples' idiosyncrasies because he finds them endearing. There is no malice intended by his laughing "at" someone, but he is completely clueless when it comes to reading other people.

 

I'd apologize for blowing up. I'm not saying you aren't justified in being annoyed by her gauche behavior, but you really should have been upfront with her a long time ago.

 

 

I don't think this is the same thing, and that's in defense of your dh. Openminded told her to stop last time, so it's stopped being an endearing thing. She is continuing knowing Openminded hates it.

 

If your dh laughs and everyone knows he is laughing in an endearing way, then that's fine. If someone tells him to stop, that's different, ya know?