Tomato staking, introverted parenting woes (warning: pity party inside).

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown today. The boys have been tough, tough, tough to deal with lately, and I know it is greatly my fault. I've always struggled with self-discipline, energy level, and consistency, and now it is catching up with me. It doesn't help that I was soooooo exhausted and nauseated at the beginning of this pregnancy.

 

I have to tomato stake all 3 extroverted boys (8, 6, and almost 4) every second of the day. 14-15 hours straight. If I leave them for two seconds, they get into something they aren't supposed to, destroy something, slack off on their tasks, or make a huge mess. Every. Single. Time. I've tried every consequence I can think of, and nothing works. So now, they have to follow me around (or I follow them). One of us has to go to the bathroom? All of us go to the bathroom. Mom needs a shower? There they all sit. Quiet time? Mom is on their bedroom floor monitoring it.

 

I'm an introvert who doesn't even like background music on. I want to space out in my own little world. Sigh. And I'm pregnant. Which means I'm kicked all day long and feel like I'm suffocating. Any alone time is eaten up in extra sleep needs. I'm going to go INSANE. But it's that or let the boys' behavior slide, and that's going to hurt worse in the long run. Especially when this baby gets here and I'm getting no sleep and nursing 8 hours a day.

 

There really aren't any solutions here, other than buck up and do the hard thing. I'm just hoping the thread of sanity I have left lasts until they go camping with their daddy in a week....

 

:nopity: Thanks for letting me whine. I'll finish my pity party and go get some sleep. It's going to be a looooong day tomorrow.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[jld]

I'm so sorry, Heidi. It's tough to be a mom. But it sounds like you're doing all the right things. And how exciting you're going to have a little girl! I know you'll look back and think it was all worth it! :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: Just focus on that camping trip!

[Marylou]

:grouphug: hope you're going to have a girl ;)

[Kirch]

:grouphug: I hear you. Thankfully, only one of mine is like that at the moment. Hang in there!

[kalanamak]

If I leave them for two seconds, they get into something they aren't supposed to, destroy something, slack off on their tasks, or make a huge mess.

 

Can you go to a park or a small stream or the beach and just veg while they tear up the earth? 4 hours outside at hard play seems to make my fellow slightly civilized.

[Sophia]

:grouphug:

You know, I was just thinking about you and Jennefer@ssa~ moms who have three boys close in age. I have two boys 16 months apart and I'm telling you, they are little tornados ALL.THE.TIME.

 

I don't know what I'd do if I was pregnant...........cry a lot?

 

You are fabulous for tomato staking them now, especially now, and I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight!

 

Blessings,

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

:grouphug:

. I have two boys 16 months apart and I'm telling you, they are little tornados ALL.THE.TIME.

 

I don't know what I'd do if I was pregnant...........cry a lot?

 

 

 

I have 2 boys 16 months apart also and yes they are tornados ALL.THE.TIME. These last few days have been trying on me too and I am NOT pregnant.

 

To the OP :grouphug: hang in there. Just remember, CAMPING TRIP. CAMPING TRIP. CAMPING TRIP!!!

Edited July 14, 2010 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

:grouphug:

 

I feel things heading in that direction here some days. I'm on the hunt for ideas on how to avoid totally going there and I guess I just have to come to grips with the reality that it's going to mean more self discipline, energy and consistency from me, just as you mentioned. Gah! I have a lot of praying to do. :tongue_smilie:

[Lisa in Jax]

Heidi,

 

Can they go outside and dig holes in the yard with non-lethal (small) implements? I'd have each boy dig a hole in a size *you* determine, then have boy A transfer his dirt to B's hole, and B to C's, then tamp it all down. Make the holes a bit apart from one another, so they can't interfere with each other, and make the requirement for the hole big enough that it takes a while to dig.

 

The outside "work" will be good for them b/c they'll be active, you're giving them permission to tear stuff up/make messes, and you can observe from inside. Get a chair and a book and watch out the back window!

 

Or, have them stack and move a wood pile or another outdoor activity that keeps their limbs moving/tired and lets them tear something up/make a mess and clean it up.

 

Hugs to you. I'm a noise-hating introvert, and the thought of tomato staking three young boys makes me nauseated! ;-)

 

You're a good mom for getting it under control now.

 

Lisa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown today. The boys have been tough, tough, tough to deal with lately, and I know it is greatly my fault. I've always struggled with self-discipline, energy level, and consistency, and now it is catching up with me. It doesn't help that I was soooooo exhausted and nauseated at the beginning of this pregnancy.

 

I have to tomato stake all 3 extroverted boys (8, 6, and almost 4) every second of the day. 14-15 hours straight. If I leave them for two seconds, they get into something they aren't supposed to, destroy something, slack off on their tasks, or make a huge mess. Every. Single. Time. I've tried every consequence I can think of, and nothing works. So now, they have to follow me around (or I follow them). One of us has to go to the bathroom? All of us go to the bathroom. Mom needs a shower? There they all sit. Quiet time? Mom is on their bedroom floor monitoring it.

 

I'm an introvert who doesn't even like background music on. I want to space out in my own little world. Sigh. And I'm pregnant. Which means I'm kicked all day long and feel like I'm suffocating. Any alone time is eaten up in extra sleep needs. I'm going to go INSANE. But it's that or let the boys' behavior slide, and that's going to hurt worse in the long run. Especially when this baby gets here and I'm getting no sleep and nursing 8 hours a day.

 

There really aren't any solutions here, other than buck up and do the hard thing. I'm just hoping the thread of sanity I have left lasts until they go camping with their daddy in a week....

 

:nopity: Thanks for letting me whine. I'll finish my pity party and go get some sleep. It's going to be a looooong day tomorrow.

[Carrie12345]

 

I have to tomato stake all 3 extroverted boys (8, 6, and almost 4) every second of the day. 14-15 hours straight. If I leave them for two seconds, they get into something they aren't supposed to, destroy something, slack off on their tasks, or make a huge mess. Every. Single. Time. I've tried every consequence I can think of, and nothing works. So now, they have to follow me around (or I follow them). One of us has to go to the bathroom? All of us go to the bathroom. Mom needs a shower? There they all sit. Quiet time? Mom is on their bedroom floor monitoring it.

 

I'm an introvert who doesn't even like background music on. I want to space out in my own little world. Sigh. And I'm pregnant. Which means I'm kicked all day long and feel like I'm suffocating. Any alone time is eaten up in extra sleep needs. I'm going to go INSANE. But it's that or let the boys' behavior slide, and that's going to hurt worse in the long run. Especially when this baby gets here and I'm getting no sleep and nursing 8 hours a day.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm fighting a similar battle with my GIRLS! Not that my boys are any kind of angels, but they tend to respond better to more typical discipline methods.

 

And my body seems to be forgetting that the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the one that's full of energy @@.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[runmiarun]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Many, many virtual hugs to you. I can honestly say I know almost exactly what you are going through. Today is hopefully going to be a better day since the last 24 have been horrible for us. We are about to head outside and play in the water hose (even though it's 7:45am) since everything in my house is making me want to toss my cookies. I'll just deal with the water bill later.

 

I like your phrase "tomato staking". That sounds much nicer than my "chain gang" I've been using for the same actions you speak of. I'll be praying for you today.

[Renee in NC]

I couldn't do it. They just make too much noise. I like the hole idea. Or go to the park.

 

This too shall pass. I hope. Someday!

 

(BTW, it isn't just a boy thing - one of my girls is this way as well! My 4yo is an absolute tornado.)

[....]

My best suggestion for avoiding mental breakdown is to listen to your Ipod while you're supervising the mayhem. I know this sounds like horrible parenting, but my kids know I'm to the point where my brain can't handle it anymore when I turn the MP3 player on. I can still see everybody and I know what they're up to... No one is in danger. :tongue_smilie: It allows my brain to reboot and not hear the "She bit me on the neck!" or the "I have to check on my virtual hamster or it will die!" or "It's MY turn to be the Komodo Dragon and YOU'RE the prey!" :D The alternative to this is...me yelling and everybody getting upset/stressed out and getting feelings hurt. Listening to some music for a while is better than having a nervous breakdown (like our parents did when we were kids :tongue_smilie:).

 

Have fun with your mayhem...:D

[jazzyfizzle]

My best suggestion for avoiding mental breakdown is to listen to your Ipod while you're supervising the mayhem. I know this sounds like horrible parenting, but my kids know I'm to the point where my brain can't handle it anymore when I turn the MP3 player on. I can still see everybody and I know what they're up to... No one is in danger. :tongue_smilie: It allows my brain to reboot and not hear the "She bit me on the neck!" or the "I have to check on my virtual hamster or it will die!" or "It's MY turn to be the Komodo Dragon and YOU'RE the prey!" :D The alternative to this is...me yelling and everybody getting upset/stressed out and getting feelings hurt. Listening to some music for a while is better than having a nervous breakdown

 

 

:grouphug: I use this method once in a while. At first they keep it up, and then they realize I am watching, but it is loud and I am tuned out. :D

And, if I listen to upbeat music, it gives me a little pep up.

 

Other than that- just :grouphug:s for you.

[G5052]

Mine used to drive my crazy the same way, and I was perpetually questioning my parenting. DH was not available to help for much of that period, and we have no relatives close by. I often had them run up and down the hills on our property, around the house, etc. to step down the energy. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. I lived for church on Sunday because it was often my only extended adult interaction.

 

And then it changed. They do fine when I need to work on something for an hour without interruption, and my youngest just made breakfast!

 

So hang in there. This is one of the hardest parenting periods in terms of the physical and emotional intensity, but it gets easier on you.

[KnitWit]

Three words...

 

Noise Cancelling Headphones

 

...and wear them without guilt. LOL

 

(I am like you, and I admit, I have to play a little background music to completely drown them out...but what a small price to pay to shut out all the *sound effects* of four boys happily at play!)

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Mine used to drive my crazy the same way, and I was perpetually questioning my parenting. DH was not available to help for much of that period, and we have no relatives close by. I often had them run up and down the hills on our property, around the house, etc. to step down the energy. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. I lived for church on Sunday because it was often my only extended adult interaction.

 

And then it changed. They do fine when I need to work on something for an hour without interruption, and my youngest just made breakfast!

 

So hang in there. This is one of the hardest parenting periods in terms of the physical and emotional intensity, but it gets easier on you.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. It's nice to know I'll probably live through this. :tongue_smilie:

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

:grouphug:

 

I feel things heading in that direction here some days. I'm on the hunt for ideas on how to avoid totally going there and I guess I just have to come to grips with the reality that it's going to mean more self discipline, energy and consistency from me, just as you mentioned. Gah! I have a lot of praying to do. :tongue_smilie:

 

Sometimes, it is REALLY nice to know I'm not the only one.... :grouphug:

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Can you go to a park or a small stream or the beach and just veg while they tear up the earth? 4 hours outside at hard play seems to make my fellow slightly civilized.

 

The thought of taking them anywhere to play where there might be other people sends me over the edge right now. I spend the whole time 'coaching' their social interactions since they are extremely extroverted and have trouble with the concept that other people might not be quite as interested in playing (or talking) with them.

 

We live out in the country which usually is lucky in that regard, except they've gotten into so much trouble outside that I've had to take away their play time unless I'm very carefully monitoring them. Lately, I've been having to come up with chore type activites for outdoor time. Which takes even more effort on my part to keep them working....

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

:grouphug:

You know, I was just thinking about you and Jennefer@ssa~ moms who have three boys close in age. I have two boys 16 months apart and I'm telling you, they are little tornados ALL.THE.TIME.

 

I don't know what I'd do if I was pregnant...........cry a lot?

 

You are fabulous for tomato staking them now, especially now, and I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight!

 

Blessings,

 

You're so sweet, Sophia. Yes, tornados. Great way of putting it. And three tornados in competition with each other... who can't be separated because then I can't watch all 3 of them at the same time...

 

I had a hysterical crying fit yesterday. Hopefully I can keep it together today.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Heidi,

 

Can they go outside and dig holes in the yard with non-lethal (small) implements? I'd have each boy dig a hole in a size *you* determine, then have boy A transfer his dirt to B's hole, and B to C's, then tamp it all down. Make the holes a bit apart from one another, so they can't interfere with each other, and make the requirement for the hole big enough that it takes a while to dig.

 

The outside "work" will be good for them b/c they'll be active, you're giving them permission to tear stuff up/make messes, and you can observe from inside. Get a chair and a book and watch out the back window!

 

Or, have them stack and move a wood pile or another outdoor activity that keeps their limbs moving/tired and lets them tear something up/make a mess and clean it up.

 

Hugs to you. I'm a noise-hating introvert, and the thought of tomato staking three young boys makes me nauseated! ;-)

 

You're a good mom for getting it under control now.

 

Lisa

 

 

I'm going to try the hole digging thing today. I've had them run up and down our long driveway and haul water for the plants. But it takes me being right on top of them to keep it from deteriorating. I guess I'll just get a good tan. :lol:

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Many, many virtual hugs to you. I can honestly say I know almost exactly what you are going through. Today is hopefully going to be a better day since the last 24 have been horrible for us. We are about to head outside and play in the water hose (even though it's 7:45am) since everything in my house is making me want to toss my cookies. I'll just deal with the water bill later.

 

I like your phrase "tomato staking". That sounds much nicer than my "chain gang" I've been using for the same actions you speak of. I'll be praying for you today.

 

:grouphug:

 

I got the tomato staking phrase from here, but your chain gang is cracking. me. up. (That's probably closer to what it's going to resemble with 3 boys.) :lol:

[Wheres Toto]

The thought of taking them anywhere to play where there might be other people sends me over the edge right now. I spend the whole time 'coaching' their social interactions since they are extremely extroverted and have trouble with the concept that other people might not be quite as interested in playing (or talking) with them.

 

..

 

This is my younger two exactly. Very high energy, very exuberant and very, very social. Whenever we go to the park or public places, they are running right up to the other kids, saying hi, introducing themselves and me, telling about daddy and big sis steph who's at school, etc. The poor other kids usually look totally overwhelmed. I end up constantly calling for them to "back it down a little".

 

I've been coping lately by going to a local, completely fenced-in playground early in the day. This way it's not too hot yet, it's not too crowded (sometimes we are alone) but they can run around playing and I can sit quietly. We also have a safe, fenced-in yard for them to run around, dig and explore.

 

For me, anyplace that they are not contained is not relaxing.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

My best suggestion for avoiding mental breakdown is to listen to your Ipod while you're supervising the mayhem. I know this sounds like horrible parenting, but my kids know I'm to the point where my brain can't handle it anymore when I turn the MP3 player on. I can still see everybody and I know what they're up to... No one is in danger. :tongue_smilie: It allows my brain to reboot and not hear the "She bit me on the neck!" or the "I have to check on my virtual hamster or it will die!" or "It's MY turn to be the Komodo Dragon and YOU'RE the prey!" :D The alternative to this is...me yelling and everybody getting upset/stressed out and getting feelings hurt. Listening to some music for a while is better than having a nervous breakdown (like our parents did when we were kids :tongue_smilie:).

 

Have fun with your mayhem...:D

 

I'd do this except the music would probably drive me more batty than the kids. I don't play music around here (or in the car) unless I am sacrificing my personal well-being for an educational opportunity for my kids or deferring to my dh when he's driving. I'm thinking the noise-cancelling headphones are sounding like a good idea, though.....

[ahousefullofjs]

Oh Heidi :grouphug:.

I was in your exact same shoes just a few years ago. I also had to do some major tomato staking with my boys while I was expecting dd. It will pay off, I promise.

You've received some great suggestions. Keep them as busy as possible, chores, chores chores. Lots of physical labor. Running outside and digging holes is great. I suggest you bring a comfy chair, a nice cool beverage, a sunhat and put those boys to work. I often had mine moving the compost pile, shovel into the wheelbarrow, move to location x and refill. Completely unnecessary but it got them good and tired.

I also made up a game where, I would sit outside in a chair with a set of flash cards for each (trivia questions, addition, subtraction, sight words, or colors and shapes depending on age) each boy would ride up on their big wheel, scooter, tricycle, bike, whatever. They would grab a card, then ride around the "track" (a designated area as large as you want to make it) and come back with the answer. If the answer was wrong they ride around the track again with the same card. If they got it right, they get a new card and ride around the track again. Pretty simple but, they loved it. After about an hour of that mental and physical excercise, they were pretty tired.

I also (still to this day) have a "quiet time" where each child is in a designated room alone. The little girls take naps in their room, ds6 sometimes naps or reads in the boys room alone, ds 10 is in the living room, reading or drawing, and ds8 is in the family room reading, drawing, playing cards, marbles, etc. The rules are, quiet time generally lasts from 12-2 (or whenever I get the baby to sleep) I am not to be bothered unless there is an emergency. They must stay in their designated spots, and they must be quiet. I have always done quiet time, since the first one was born, so they are used to it, but I think any child could be trained to do this. It is definitely more for me than for them. I would go insane if I did not have that peace and quiet time everyday. When I am expecting, that is my naptime too.

FWIW, this too shall pass. My boys still have the occasional butting heads, testosterone driven competition episodes but now that they are just a little bit older, they are awesome!!! They have been incredibly helpful with the little girls and I can count on them to do anything I need. They really are becoming wonderful little men.

Hope this helps. Hang in there mama. :)