DH just had his second panic attack in 3 weeks. What should I do for him?

[i.love.lucy]

His whole life he has dealt with anxiety. Mostly in the form of separation anxiety. He was always a worrier and not a particularly self-confident person, but not wimpy or anything either. Just sensitive and definitely attached to his family. He has never liked it when people leave him. He can leave them, but used to break down when his mom and dad would leave after a visit from out of state, when I took the kids to California last Dec, etc. His dad died in April, so that's been tough, and 3 or 4 weeks ago he had what I now think is a panic attack but I don't recall what brought it on. It was after a VERY stressful week at work and he just fell apart from the stress and worry. Today we sent my dd9 off for 4 days with a friend's family on a trip to the beach. It's very safe, we've known them for years, have absolutely no worries about her safety. But when I got back from dropping her off he sat there not wanting to eat lunch and had to excuse himself to our bedroom (away from ds5) and when I went in there he couldn't breathe, sweating, tearing up, couldn't talk to me.

 

He is on Paxil and has been for years. It's been a wonder drug for him for anxiety. He says he's dealt with this kind of panic attack his whole life but I think this is the first I've seen him like this. He hasn't had a change to his script since he got it, so maybe that needs to be looked at? I do know that the stress at work is at critical levels but I don't know that there is anything to be done about it. Men can't show weakness in the workplace in the sense that he can't tell his boss he's too stressed and overworked. It is what it is there.

 

What do I do in the short term when it's happening? Breathing into a bag? I see that helps with carbon dioxide issues. This is very scary to me because I am afraid of the stress and anxiety eating away at him and giving him a heart attack or something.

 

And advice?:confused:

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

His whole life he has dealt with anxiety. Mostly in the form of separation anxiety. He was always a worrier and not a particularly self-confident person, but not wimpy or anything either. Just sensitive and definitely attached to his family. He has never liked it when people leave him. He can leave them, but used to break down when his mom and dad would leave after a visit from out of state, when I took the kids to California last Dec, etc. His dad died in April, so that's been tough, and 3 or 4 weeks ago he had what I now think is a panic attack but I don't recall what brought it on. It was after a VERY stressful week at work and he just fell apart from the stress and worry. Today we sent my dd9 off for 4 days with a friend's family on a trip to the beach. It's very safe, we've known them for years, have absolutely no worries about her safety. But when I got back from dropping her off he sat there not wanting to eat lunch and had to excuse himself to our bedroom (away from ds5) and when I went in there he couldn't breathe, sweating, tearing up, couldn't talk to me.

 

He is on Paxil and has been for years. It's been a wonder drug for him for anxiety. He says he's dealt with this kind of panic attack his whole life but I think this is the first I've seen him like this. He hasn't had a change to his script since he got it, so maybe that needs to be looked at? I do know that the stress at work is at critical levels but I don't know that there is anything to be done about it. Men can't show weakness in the workplace in the sense that he can't tell his boss he's too stressed and overworked. It is what it is there.

 

What do I do in the short term when it's happening? Breathing into a bag? I see that helps with carbon dioxide issues. This is very scary to me because I am afraid of the stress and anxiety eating away at him and giving him a heart attack or something.

 

And advice?:confused:

 

I could see my ds3 getting like this as a grown up. Right now what works is soothing by: praying with him, sitting and holding his hand while talking in a low tone of voice about how you understand what he is feeling. Talking about the real and present blessings of life, and how wonderful it is for your daughter to have this experience, and how (insert person's name) would not want him to be unhappy. Low classical music helps too.

 

When I have done what I can, I leave my son to think through what I have said. I don't own his problem.

 

This usually helps my son. It may take a couple of hours before he actually tells me he's feeling better. We went through this last week when my daughter and grandson came for a quick visit. He was devastated when they left.

[runmiarun]

I watched my dad go through the same type of panic attacks as his work stress dramatically increased due to workload and upper mismanagement. He had been on Paxil for years as well. He went to his doctor and had a long talk about what he was experiencing. He took along a journal he had been keeping for about 4 months that chronicled his med dosages, daily work life, and any stress-inducers over and above the everyday work stress so he could have documentation and peace of mind that he wasn't just "going crazy" as he put it. The journal gave the doctor a good understanding and timeline of the situation. They were able to adjust his meds, which helped dad to be able to endure the stress. He retired 3 years later and few months after retirement was able to readjust his meds to lower dosages.

 

I'll be praying for y'all.

[sbgrace]

I'd think he needs either a med adjustment to dosage or perhaps even type. I had great success adding N-actylcysteine (NAC is sometimes used as an abbreviation) to an SSRI med. It's very effective for many anxiety disorders. There might even be research on it particular to panic disorder.

 

Beyond that, is there any way he can do cognitive behavioral therapy?

 

:grouphug: to you and your husband.

Edited July 4, 2010 by sbgrace

[Julie in AZ]

I'd suggest that he see the doctor for a prescription to help when he feels the symptoms of a panic attack coming on. I know several people who can ward off attacks using klonopin.

[Sharpie]

Agreeing with PP about cognitive-behavior therapy. I'm currently reading Freeing your Child from Anxiety by Tamar E Chansky because my ds is experiencing separation anxiety. I'm not very far in the book but some of the suggestions, could be used on an adult.

[Mom2J112903]

Without going into too much detail/personal experince, the best thing I have found is to be held. Even if that is for 3hrs........

 

:grouphug: to you and your DH.

 

*ETA-short acting anti-anxiety meds can become addictive/your body build a tolerance to. Hold him while it happens and see if you can find a *good* CBT to work with to hopefully prevent them.*

Edited July 4, 2010 by Mom2J112903

[G5052]

 

Beyond that, is there any way he can do cognitive behavioral therapy?

 

:grouphug: to you and your husband.

 

Especially given what he's been through, he might find that a combination of medication and therapy will help more than one or the other alone.

[Terabith]

I know for me a short acting anti anxiety med like xanax can help a TON if I start having a panic attack. I mean, it's not something you want to rely on every day, but in a pinch it gets you through and can also help prevent anxiety spiraling in on itself.

[i.love.lucy]

Thanks all for these good suggestions and kind words. I had come downstairs to get my medical book out, wrote the post, and by the time I went back upstairs (with a paper bag for him to breathe in) he had calmed down and was feeling much better. These two episodes don't last long and he seems to be able to bring himself out of it.

 

I am going to talk to him about getting back in to see his doctor. He has begun exercising albeit not strenuously, but I think he needs to get in there and talk to her about this. I see the work stress as temporary for the most part, and maybe something like Xanex will help him in the short term when he feels it coming on. My mom does this and it helps her tremendously.

 

I don't have any form of anxiety so it's hard for me to understand what he's going through. Especially when he feels foolish, like he was acting like a baby or something.:confused: I never want him to feel that way and only want to help him manage it.

 

Thanks again.:grouphug:

[kwickimom]

:grouphug: I suffered with sever attacks for a solid 4 months, I couldnt even leave the house. Prozac worked great for me...therapy did nothing. I had a few attacks after that and thankfully as quick as they came they went away.

[KristenS]

FWIW, I am on Xanax along with other meds ... it does help, but for me it has to be 'round the clock because of the severity and frequency of my panic attacks. But we've made breakthroughs this summer and I might get to taper down soon.

 

Weirdly, my stepdad was prescribed a MUCH higher dose for as-needed ... I didn't even know it came in that high a dose! (And I wonder why my former docs never suggested it??) Anyway ... most folks swear it calms a panic attack in 15 minutes. It doesn't for me, but my panic levels are usually pretty high to start with, which is why we are doing more long-term dosing.

 

It's worth asking. I also hear good things about klonopin from others.

[Denisemomof4]

I started to take anxiety meds when I put my mom on Hospice. I was scared and also anxious for her suffering to end. It was very hard and not without guilt and a million tears.

 

I came off the meds and started to have heart palpitations. Nothing like your dh is experiencing, but still anxiety. L-theanine has helped me tremendously. I read customer reviews on iherb.com and I saw that others were able to come off meds from taking them. And you can take them several times a day without side affects.

:grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

while I have never had a panic attack as bad as your husband. I do have anxiety separation problems. I have never gone to a doctor for them and try really hard to talk my self out of them.

My father killed himself when I was 3. and Have never really coped with people who are close to me going away. I remember when I was in primary school, running home from school sobbing my heart out because an Aunt that was visiting went home.

I find it particularly hard when my husband goes away. I get this overwhelming feeling that he is not coming back. I sometimes find it so overwhelming that I end up in my room balling my eyes out.

 

My husband is at the moment on the other side of the world, visiting his parents (In CANADA).

I have managed alright so fat this time, my husband helps, he rings me every day and assures me he is coming home.

 

While none of this is any help to you or your husband, I am just trying to express my sympathy. I know what separation anxiety is like.

[DianeW88]

Warning from a nurse here: DO NOT breathe into a paper bag to try to treat anything. It can dangerously lower the amount of oxygen in your bloodstream and actually make a panic attack worse. Tell your dh to breathe slowly and evenly and to try and relax. Unless he is suffering from TRUE hyperventilation syndrome (numbness in lips, fingers, toes, then muscle cramping in these areas...the lobster claw type fingers) breathing into a paper bag is NOT helpful and can actually make things worse.

 

"To make matters worse, several studies now show a link between high concentrations of CO2 and panic attacks, which means that artificially increasing CO2 in inhaled air is likely to trigger more feelings of panic in patients who suffer from anxiety."

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[StephanieZ]

Well, I would want him to have a discussion w/ the DR who RXes the Paxil to discuss how to manage the anxiety attacks. . .

 

I have a history of lots of anxiety, and for me, the best thing ever was Xanax. The great thing about it is that you can keep a bottle handy and you KNOW that you can pop a pill and feel better right away (w/in 20 min) whenever you need to do that. For me, I could take a half a pill if I was freaking out and it was just enough to take the edge down so I could get to sleep and sleep soundly. Or a full pill if it was a serious stressful situation and I was not able for some reason to go to bed (i.e., DR visit). . . Or even TWO pills if I had to go to the dentist or some other catastrophe was imminent. LOL. I love that control of knowing that I can have instant anxiety relief and head off a melt down.

 

The thing is, Xanax, b/c it is sooo darn handy, is also prone to abuse. I am not an addictive type person and was/am very prudent with the pills. I have had it on hand for 5 YEARS or so, but I never go through my whole 20 count bottle before it expires. So, maybe I take it a handful of times a year. My doctor trusts me and feels fine prescribing it.

 

I know lots of doctors and people resist xanax and similar drugs b/c of that issue, but honestly, for me, it is the best thing ever. Just HAVING it, I believe, dramatically improved my management of anxiety b/c it puts me back in control. I rarely take it, but just knowing I CAN if/when I want reduces my anxiety level. And, boyoboy, do I love it for dental work!!!!!

 

Personally, I think it is much healthier to take a psychotropic drug on occasion when I need it than to be on mind-altering drugs 24/7 year round. . . I don't know why so many DRs want to put us on long term meds when I think, often, a little help from Xanax (or the like) on occasion would be even more effective. . .

 

HTH

[3littlekeets]

In addition to daily anxiety meds, can you inquire about Klonapin for clearly stressful situations?

 

My DH takes it and it is a wonder addition for high stress situations!!! http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000635

 

I know how overwhelming it can seem!

[thefircone]

A few years ago my dh began having panic attacks so frequently that he was afraid to leave the house. Then he started wanting me to stay with him all of the time. Very scary.

 

The best thing he did was to see a psychologist. We found a wonderful older woman with many years of counseling experience, who my husband said was like "talking to your favorite aunt."

 

The book my dh recommends to people experiencing panic attacks is Pass Through Panic by Claire Weekes. I found it in audio book form on the Internet for free through our local library. It's a little outdated, but the basic information is extremely helpful. Dr Weekes guides you through letting the panicky feelings "float" over you and not getting caught up in anxious thoughts of impending doom. My husband also started to practice meditation every evening. Archibald Hart has a tape called "Christian Meditation" that he used to relax.

 

My dh didn't find medication especially helpful. He tried several and complained of not feeling "like himself." One medication actually changed his personality so much that it scared both of us. He still takes one med to help him sleep, but that's it.

 

My dh's frequent panic attacks were brought on by overwork. He was trying to do too many things and please too many people. He had to learn to let some things go, even though they were good things, because he couldn't be all things to all people. Our life is more balanced now and much happier.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Jenn

[secular_mom]

For me, it helps to have someone who is understanding there to hug me/rub my back/hold my hand and speak soothing words (talk me down). If I'm on my own, I have to realize that whatever has caused my extreme anxiety is NOT the end of the world, things WILL be all right, that I am NOT dying from the panic attack and just breathe slowly. I've found that trying to take time to meditate each day helps, sometimes I need it more than once a day (on high stress days). I don't tell anyone else what I am doing, I just slip away to a quiet corner (preferably behind a locked door) and focus on breathing and something positive.

 

Sounds like he really should see his Dr. about upping his meds.

[Mommyof4ks]

Thanks all for these good suggestions and kind words. I had come downstairs to get my medical book out, wrote the post, and by the time I went back upstairs (with a paper bag for him to breathe in) he had calmed down and was feeling much better. These two episodes don't last long and he seems to be able to bring himself out of it.

 

 

 

That is what I was going to suggest, can he feel when they come on and talk himself down. I had panic attacks when my son was going through cancer treatment, and basically they were brought on by my lack of control over the situation. I knew in my head that I had no control over anything, but for some reason I still felt the need to try to control things and when I felt like I didn't have that control then I panicked. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I was able to feel when they were coming and I could talk myself down before I ended up with a full blown panic attack.

 

That will obviously not work long term especially if he has anxiety outside of very stressful situations, but maybe in the moment you could help remind him to calm himself. It is hard to calm down once the attack starts, because it feels like you are having a heart attack. For me my heart race, I got sweaty, I got dizzy, I could not breathe, and I felt as though I was going to pass out. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt.

 

Hopefully he finds what works for him long term. :grouphug:

[katemary63]

Just in case, have his thyroid checked. My son suffered from severe panic attacks for 3 years before he was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. His Dr. says his panic attacks were probably caused by the hypothyroidism (we'll see now that he's on synthroid) because his attacks started soon after other thyroid symptoms. He does have other anxieties so we didn't consider a physiological cause. I feel terrible that he suffered needlessly.