So.... our Fresh Air Fund Child is here! And a question.

[NanceXToo]

We picked her up from the bus drop off at 6 PM EST this evening. We had a fast food dinner, drove the 25 minutes home from the bus drop off point, and she and my daughter have been having a great time together, they are getting along wonderfully.

 

They played upstairs, they've been chatting and giggling non-stop, they took one of our turtles out in the backyard and let it run around in the grass, they sat on the porch for a while, Alexa introduced her new friend to her cousins, and so on.

 

Our Fresh Air Fund child is being very sociable with my husband and I, too, she's too funny. She seems great so far. She's very likable.

 

The girls are currently upstairs in Alexa's room; at their request we moved the mattress from the bed our Fresh Air Fund child was going to use into Alexa's room on the floor so they could sleep in the same room. They're watching TV, and we said they had to turn the lights out at 10:30 PM. So far so good.

 

Just one thing:

 

She told me that she has to "take her pill" at 10 AM. I said "What kind of pill?" She shrugged and said "I don't know." I said "Let me see them."

 

So she went upstairs and brought down these tiny white pills wrapped in a tinfoil packet, and said she has to take one at 10 AM every morning.

 

I said "What are they for?"

 

She said "For cholesterol."

 

I said to my husband, in front of her, "you know, that informational packet they gave me for her said 'medication: none.'"

 

And she spoke up and said "yeah that's because if we said I take medication they wouldn't let me come."

 

I said, "I think they still would have let you come," and she said "No, they wouldn't."

 

I let it go.

 

Other than that, the first day went great.

 

Not quite sure if I just proceed with giving her the pills on my own (she's got one for each day of her stay), if I should call her mother in the AM and double check with her first before I let her take one, if I should bother mentioning anything about this to my local representative or just let it go. So, my question:

 

What would you guys do? She's 10 y/o btw. And her medical form that her doctor signed said she has no restrictions of any kind in regard to physical activity, diet, etc.

[Perry]

I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd ask her mom. You could also take them to a pharmacy and ask them if they can tell you what they are.

[jewellsmommy]

My dd has high cholesterol (skinny as a rail, more active then a jack rabbit, and eats great, but... :glare:) her cardiologist said that doctors do not medicate children this young. The meds have not been studied long term in children. So, I can't imagine what it would be unless it is not prescription.

 

Yes, I would call.

[MyThreeSons]

Do a Google search of the description of the pill, particularly any code that's imprinted on them. That should tell you what they are and what they're for.

 

I wouldn't give them to her without talking to her mother, though. Any chance they're really for ADHD? My dh takes cholesterol med, and the instructions specifically say to take at night, not during the day.

[Starr]

Call Mom if you can. These kids don't have everything but the ones I've met are well loved. I bet you'll be able to make it work. I second google.

[DianeW88]

Nurse here. Give her the meds and give them on time. They may be crucial to her health and well-being. Then, call her mother in the morning and ask about them. If you're really unsure, call a pharmacy that's open 24 hours (usually a Walgreen's around here) and explain the situation to the pharmacist. He should be able to tell you what the medication is. But do not deprive a child of what may be a very necessary medication.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[kalanamak]

Do a Google search of the description of the pill, particularly any code that's imprinted on them. That should tell you what they are and what they're for.

 

I wouldn't give them to her without talking to her mother, though. Any chance they're really for ADHD? My dh takes cholesterol med, and the instructions specifically say to take at night, not during the day.

 

Not all cholesterol tabs are taken at night....some are even taken twice a day (Lopid, e.g.). Is this child Hispanic by any chance. I know that back in my days at a NYC hospital I met a few Hispanic families where the non-smoking men AND women had MI's in their 30's, and even child who died of one at age 12.

 

Poor thing. Lied because she knew she couldn't come. Since she seems so "with it", I would look up the pill, but if you don't have an answer by 10 tomorrow, I'd give it. She might have been told it was for "cholesterol" rather than something else.

[anotherbrother]

Do a Google search of the description of the pill, particularly any code that's imprinted on them. That should tell you what they are and what they're for.

 

I wouldn't give them to her without talking to her mother, though. Any chance they're really for ADHD? My dh takes cholesterol med, and the instructions specifically say to take at night, not during the day.

 

:iagree: You should be able to find out what the pill is for online. If it's what she says, I wouldn't be concerned. If it's something else, I might question it further. It's unfortunate that they feel like they wouldn't be able to come if they had a minor medical need.

[NanceXToo]

Thanks for that advice! I did get my husband to look it up and we found that it is, indeed, a cholesterol med!

 

ETA: No, she isn't hispanic... also, I just did a little more looking and came across something saying that particular medication can be taken any time of day or night but that you should try to take it at the same time each day.

 

So I'm assuming it's fine, that she knows what she's talking about, and they really were just worried that she might be denied a place in the program if they admitted she was regularly taking any sort of medication.

Edited July 3, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Starr]

That's a relief. It is always good to get a straight story. Maybe she could do without them for a couple of weeks? Call Mom?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Since her story of what the medicine is checked out, I would give her the medicine. At the most, I would call her mom. I would not call the supervisor since it would get the family in trouble.

[NanceXToo]

Since her story of what the medicine is checked out, I would give her the medicine. At the most, I would call her mom. I would not call the supervisor since it would get the family in trouble.

 

Yeah that's where I'm at in my thinking right now too. Thanks! :)

[MariannNOVA]

Since her story of what the medicine is checked out, I would give her the medicine. At the most, I would call her mom. I would not call the supervisor since it would get the family in trouble.

 

 

:iagree: And I wanted to say that it is wonderful to read that everything got off on such a positive note. What a wonderful experience for your family and for this little girl.:)

[anotherbrother]

:iagree: And I wanted to say that it is wonderful to read that everything got off on such a positive note. What a wonderful experience for your family and for this little girl.:)

 

:iagree:

[Perry]

Since her story of what the medicine is checked out, I would give her the medicine. At the most, I would call her mom. I would not call the supervisor since it would get the family in trouble.

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

I'm going to call her mom in about a half hour or so, a little after 9, and just double check with her that 10 AM is the time she takes it each day, and to ask her whether there should be any dietary restrictions. I am wondering if they didn't want to note the medication on the forms, if maybe they didn't want to note dietary stuff, either. Like, maybe they worried that even though it's a pretty minor issue to them, that it may have made her be seen as more of a "special needs" child and that some families might not want to deal with that 'hassle' and maybe they just figure that what she eats for two weeks is no big deal. But I'll casually ask about it.

 

If anyone is interested in seeing pictures from yesterday evening for the first day of the visit, feel free to click on my livejournal link at the bottom of my sig, I just put yesterday's entry up with a couple of pics :) (All of which can be enlarged by clicking on them).

[NanceXToo]

Last night's issue: The medication.

 

Tonight's issue: Homesickness!

 

The girls seemed to have a fun day, today. We didn't have anything special planned, but we made a big breakfast and all ate together. The girls played a game of Monopoly til they got bored with it. They went outside and played in the kiddie pool, and then on the slip n slide in the next door neighbor's backyard.

 

They had a picnic lunch on the patio, and then my mom and I took them out for Italian ices/ice cream at Rita's.

 

We came back and they continued playing in the backyard with each other and Alexa's cousins and a neighborhood kid or two.

 

They eventually came in the house and continued playing in here. Sometimes downstairs with other kids, sometimes upstairs with just each other. We ate dinner. They continued playing. They seemed to be having fun.

 

Around 8 PM I was just thinking of sending the other kids home and doing something quiet with the kids in my household, maybe watching a "Planet Earth" type show or some such, then putting my son to bed and reading a bit with the girls.

 

Before I could act on that, out of the blue, Alexa came down with our FAF child trailing behind her, and Alexa told me our FAF child is homesick and wants to go home.

 

I had her sit with me and she started silently crying. Yep, she misses her mom!

 

I put my arm around her and rubbed her back and tried to soothe her. I comforted her as best I could, tried to balance between being understanding of how she felt, and trying to cheer her up/excite her enough about future plans to try to get her to feel differently, made sure that nothing had HAPPENED that upset her (nope!) and did everything I could think of along those lines, pretty much.

 

We called her mom so she could talk to her. She talked to her in privacy for a couple of minutes, then her mom asked to talk to me, and we talked about how things have been going and how this was pretty out of the blue and that I understood that a girl her age away from home for the first time might have moments like that and that I was doing what I could to comfort her, etc.

 

Her mom asked to talk to her again so she could try to comfort her further, too.

 

They were only on the phone another minute or two, and then she gave me my phone back after they'd hung up.

 

I said, "So what did your mom say?"

 

She said, "She said she's going to try to call my dad and see if he can pick me up Tuesday or Wednesday."

 

She seemed more okay by now. So we talked a bit further, then the girls watched a TV show and I went outside and called her mom again on my own. I told her that her daughter was calm again and wasn't crying or anything anymore, that they were watching TV, that I just wanted her to know that nothing had 'happened' that had upset her, it was just a bout of homesickness, and that up until this point she's been great and having a good time and so on.

 

I repeated what she had told me her mom had said about being picked up early.

 

Her mom said she was just kind of saying that to her to try to get her cheered up but that she was hoping that by then she would have changed her mind and would want to stay. She said she really wanted her to be able to have this experience and hoped that she'd stay. But did say that if she got really bad, they would get her.

 

So I don't know. When the show was over, I took the girls into the kitchen and we made a 'countdown calendar' that she could cross a day off each night before bed, counting down to when she would go see her mom again. And we also noted on it days which we had fun things planned that maybe she'd look forward to. And she commented along the lines of that she WANTS to stay (Alexa chimed in her to say "Last night you even said you want to come back next year! I want you to stay, I want to do all these fun things with you!") but that she misses her mom.

 

I said well we can see how it goes, who knows, maybe you will change your mind, these things sound fun, don't they? She said yes. She also asked me if we had to go in the car to do those things. I could not figure out why she was asking. Until she asked if she could call her mom one more time to ask her a question, and even though she went into the bathroom for privacy, I heard her ask "What day is he going to come? Because they have plans and I want to make sure he doesn't come and nobody's here" or some such. So she's worried that we'll take her out to do something and she'll miss out on being picked up early.

 

I have no idea how she will feel come tomorrow or the next day or the next or whatever.

 

The girls kept coloring while I put Ben to bed. When I came down, I saw our FAF child was really yawning a lot. So I had them get ready for bed and said it wasn't going to be a TV night, that we'd read together a bit and they'd get some sleep, that it's been a long day.

 

I asked our FAF child if she wanted to pick out a book and that I'd read them a chapter or two before bed. She seemed to like that idea, and she selected "Alice In Wonderland."

 

I got them up into bed and read them MOST of the first chapter, and then our FAF child fell asleep mid-page :) So I put the book aside and told Alexa to try to get some sleep too, and that was that.

 

We'll have to see how this plays out!

[Jean in Newcastle]

If she is homesick and goes home early, you didn't fail. It sounds like she's having a lovely time. But it also sounds like she has a warm loving relationship with her parents.

[MariannNOVA]

WOW! Poor little kid - being homesick is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. Poor you - :grouphug: - it's like a roller coaster ride, isn't it?

 

Hoping that things 'stabilize' -- this has to be a little difficult for everyone, your dd, you, and your guest. I'm hoping that the thought that she 'could' leave early if she wanted to, will help her relax and have a good time and settle in. She sounds so 'torn' right now -- no little kid wants to miss any fun, but when you're homesick, it's so hard to have fun.

 

Please keep us updated.:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

If she is homesick and goes home early, you didn't fail. It sounds like she's having a lovely time. But it also sounds like she has a warm loving relationship with her parents.[/QUOTE]

 

 

:iagree:

[HeidiKC]

Well, I hope she stays! You sound like a wonderful mother and hostess!

[nd293]

I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd ask her mom. You could also take them to a pharmacy and ask them if they can tell you what they are.

 

:iagree: But I probably wouldn't mention anything the the organisation in case it causes problems for the family.

[nd293]

When the show was over, I took the girls into the kitchen and we made a 'countdown calendar' that she could cross a day off each night before bed, counting down to when she would go see her mom again.

 

Is there something she could make for her mother that would get better and better the longer she stayed? Perhaps a memory box (napkin from the take-out place, stone from the river etc etc) or a journal with photos?

 

I saw the age range on the FAF website, and some of the kids are very young. We would spent summers with my father as children, and I would get homesick for my Mom. I think it's natural, and probably won't go away altogether, even if she stays. It's just something you'll have to work though with her on an ongoing basis. It sounds like and amazing experience for all of you!

[NanceXToo]

Is there something she could make for her mother that would get better and better the longer she stayed? Perhaps a memory box (napkin from the take-out place, stone from the river etc etc) or a journal with photos?

 

I saw the age range on the FAF website, and some of the kids are very young. We would spent summers with my father as children, and I would get homesick for my Mom. I think it's natural, and probably won't go away altogether, even if she stays. It's just something you'll have to work though with her on an ongoing basis. It sounds like and amazing experience for all of you!

 

Hi,

Thanks for that suggestion! I have been taking plenty of pictures and I did tell her that I wanted to make a photo journal for her that she could take home and show her mom, of all the things she did while she was here, that I could print all the pictures out for her and we'd put them in an album etc. I like the memory box idea, too, I'll ask her if she wants to do that.

 

Yes, the age for the FAF kids start at 6. That IS very young! Ours just turned 10 like two weeks ago, but you're right, it's natural no matter the age, especially for kids who have never been away from home before and who are in a place SO different from where they live! You're probably right that it may not go away all together, even if she stays, and we'll work around it.

 

I checked about 25 minutes ago and both girls were still sound asleep. I'm going to go check in on them again now. We'll see how today goes!

 

Today I plan to take them to our town's Fourth of July parade, then we're having a BBQ and setting up the kiddie pools again and having some family over and we've got sparklers and fireworks and marshmallows to roast and so on, and if the girls can stay up long enough, we can see our town's fireworks just by walking to the end of our block.

 

Tomorrow we plan to spend the day at the lake. Hopefully these things will make her happy!

 

I'll update again later (if you guys can stand my rambling lol, I know I tend to go on! I do appreciate having people to say "hey this is what's going on" to and to get a little feedback/support from)!

 

So thank you to everybody who has responded and encouraged! This is our first time in this program so it's all new to me, too!

 

:)

Edited July 4, 2010 by NanceXToo

[NanceXToo]

Update again:

 

I just went upstairs again and this time they were awake- I spent a few minutes talking to my FAF child alone while my daughter went to the bathroom and she seems okay.

 

She told me:

 

"I think I want to stay now."

 

:)

 

We talked some more about how it's natural to have moments when you miss your mom but that she can talk to me whenever she wants, and that she can tell me if there's anything I can do that would make her feel better, and she can talk to her mom whenever she wants, and that she might still have moments here and there when she felt like that, but that I thought they wouldn't last long and that we were going to have a lot of fun.

 

She said she wants to call her mom in a little while and tell her to tell him not to come.

 

We talked about just taking things one day at a time and her countdown calendar and how she always has the option to call her mom if she gets really upset but that it's not like she has to make some decision now, and so on.

 

She agreed and she seems cheerful, and my daughter came up at the end of it and got very happy to hear that she has changed her mind from last night. So, we are off to a good start so far today!

[MaMa2005]

:iagree: And I wanted to say that it is wonderful to read that everything got off on such a positive note. What a wonderful experience for your family and for this little girl.:)

 

:iagree: Have a great time!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I was really homesick going to camp (and later mission trips). But it turned out fine and I stayed every time. One thing was that the camp counselors and my parents didn't really play into it. My mom says that first trip, she got, after I came home, a letter boo-hoo-ing about hating it and wanting to come home and such. She was glad she got the really bad letter AFTER the fact because it would have been hard for her not to come get me had she gotten it "in time." Other trips, she knew to let it play out.

[Starr]

It sounds like things are going very well. One gets homesick and misses Mom no matter how much fun ones having, especially at night. I'm delighted you're having such a good time with your new friend.

[MariannNOVA]

Update again:

 

I just went upstairs again and this time they were awake- I spent a few minutes talking to my FAF child alone while my daughter went to the bathroom and she seems okay.

 

She told me:

 

"I think I want to stay now."

 

:)

 

We talked some more about how it's natural to have moments when you miss your mom but that she can talk to me whenever she wants, and that she can tell me if there's anything I can do that would make her feel better, and she can talk to her mom whenever she wants, and that she might still have moments here and there when she felt like that, but that I thought they wouldn't last long and that we were going to have a lot of fun.

 

She said she wants to call her mom in a little while and tell her to tell him not to come.

 

We talked about just taking things one day at a time and her countdown calendar and how she always has the option to call her mom if she gets really upset but that it's not like she has to make some decision now, and so on.

 

She agreed and she seems cheerful, and my daughter came up at the end of it and got very happy to hear that she has changed her mind from last night. So, we are off to a good start so far today!

 

Glad to hear she feels a little more settled this a.m.

 

I wanted to suggest that the next time the two of you 'talk' you mention to her that this feeling of'wanting to go home and wanting to stay and not miss any fun' is perfectly normal and everyone probably feels it to some extent. Sometimes if we can 'normalize' what they are feeling, they are able to process their feelings and work through them.

 

If you have ever been in a situation where you felt the same way, share it with your little guest and your dd -

 

Here's mine that you are welcome to use: when my dd who will be 30 in one week went to sleep away camp when she was 10, I received letters EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is what they said: 'I want to come home. I miss you.' And this was her SECOND year at the camp - she had been there the year before. When I called and spoke with the counselors, etc, they told me she was sad at times and would talk to them about it, but otherwise she was having a great time. She just needed to tell me that she missed me and wanted to come home. And, both my girls were there - the 10 yr old and the 11 yr old at the same time -- it didn't matter to the 10 yr old -- 'missing' someone is 'missing' someone. I would just your little guest know that this is perfectly normal.

 

I think the photo album is a fantastic idea -- and, yes, I agree with what you wrote - they are SO young.

 

Keep us posted. I will look for your updates.:grouphug:

[SailorMom]

Oh - homesickness is hard! We have boys in our Boy Scout Troop who are 11, and two of them backed out of summer camp for this issue.

It's very normal - and will wax and wane. It is usually in the evening when things calm down... There are some great suggestions on the internet for dealing with this at camp - and this would be close enough you might want to Google them.

Keeping her busy, talking about the "next thing" you're all going to do, etc - great ways to keep it at bay.

Sounds as if you are doing such a wonderful job. I'm sure her mom was comforted by how well you are handling it all!

[NanceXToo]

Hey all,

 

Thanks again for the responses and encouragement!

 

So as I had mentioned, Sunday morning she woke up saying she wanted to stay the whole time. But by Sunday evening she had another bout of homesickness and started talking again about going home early.

 

I guess she talked to her dad and he told her maybe he could get her early but not til Thursday.

 

And ever since then, she's had it in her head that she's going home on Thursday (the 8th; she's supposed to stay til the morning of the 15th).

 

I just left it at that, figuring maybe she'd change her mind again but that there was no sense in making an issue out of anything.

 

Yesterday was mostly good except for some homesickness at night. Today was great all day- we spent the day at the lake, swimming, playing in the sand, riding bikes, getting ice cream, grilling burgers and hot dogs, roasting marshmallows, playing, and so on.

 

Just as we were getting ready to leave the lake at around 8 PM, she asked to call her mom. She seemed happy as she told her mom about her day at the lake.

 

When she hung up, my daughter asked her for whatever reason what day she was going home (even though I'd told my daughter this morning it was probably best not to bring it up and that we'd just see what happened), and she told her "Thursday."

 

So I decided to sneak off and call her mom again on my own. I let her know that things have been great all day, no episodes of seeming upset or anything, and that that was the case 99 percent of the time. I said that she's been having a lot of fun and is getting along great with my daughter and that I thought that if she DID leave early, she'd end up wishing she hadn't, as she'd miss out on our camping trip and stuff like that.

 

I told her mom that of course it was up to her, but that I was thinking that if her mom DID want her to stay the whole time, that maybe it would be better if they just told her straight up that they wouldn't be able to get her early and that she'd just have to stick it out.

 

I thought it might be better for her to come to terms with that all at once, rather than constantly going back and forth in her own head about whether she was going to stay the whole time or not. I said I thought she'd be okay, that she could call her mom whenever she wanted, that we'd comfort her as best we could when she DID get homesick, that I had her countdown calendar and it wasn't really so many days and I thought she'd do fine and so on.

 

Her mom was very receptive and seemed to think that could be a good idea and said she'd talk to her dad and have him call her tomorrow to tell her that (since he is the one who would be getting her if she left early).

 

So we'll see if her mom and dad decide to go that route tomorrow, and if so, we'll have to see how she handles it!

 

I'll update when I have more news.

 

Hope you all had a good Fourth of July!

 

:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that she is having such a nice time.

[nd293]

Sounds like it's going well, despite the homesickness. Keep us posted!