Would you cook what your guest WANTS or what they SHOULD eat?

[Pegasus]

I'm just curious how other families handle hosting a guest with medical issues. My FIL has diabetes as well as other health considerations but does not eat appropriately. When he visits my family, I cook the food he likes to eat, even though it is not good for him. On the other hand, when he visits his daughter and her family, she cooks meals appropriate for his diabetes.

 

The last time he was here, he complained to me about his daughter's meals and admitted to sneaking out of the house to get food while visiting her.

 

I'd love for my FIL to eat right and stay as healthy as possible. Am I wrong to enable his poor eating habits while he is here or would I be a "better" host by making him unhappy with healthy meals?

 

I welcome all views.

Pegasus

[eternalknot]

Does it have to be either/or?

 

I'm sure there are plenty of meal options that would be balanced between his likes and his ... "should haves" LOL.

[Oakblossoms]

I cook what we eat when anybody is here. They can eat or make something themselves. We tend to eat healthy. If I planned tofu they can suck it up:tongue_smilie:

 

If you make the kind of food he likes to eat then he is a big boy and has his own choices to make.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I try to make their favorite foods with a healthier twist. For ex. making a favorite banana bread with a sugar substitute (though that has it's own health problems, for diabetics, it can help.)

[Daisy]

I cook what our family eats when guests are over. Normally that is fine and dandy with everyone. Actually my inlaws are usually scribbling down recipes while they are here.

 

BUT I don't make any treats when my Dad visits. He would eat them and love them, but he doesn't need them. So he sneaks out every now and then for a candy bar. I figure that's up to him, but at least my kids aren't bouncing off the walls from eating brownies non-stop.

[Mejane]

My fil is the same as yours, including the diabetes. I cook healthful, low-carb foods when he visits, and keep only diatetic cookies in the house. I don't want to be responsible for his going into a sugar coma while he's here.

 

ETA: Dh sneaks him out for ice cream once or twice. They think I don't know. :)

Edited June 27, 2010 by Mejane

[Jennifer in MI]

That's tough! My sister has the exact same issue with her FIL. She decided that feeding him food he shouldn't have is like feeding my peanut-allergic son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She cooks him healthy foods. If he wants to make his own decisions outside her house, that's on him. But, she decided she didn't want to be responsible for feeding him something that could kill him. YMMV!!!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I believe in a compromise.

 

There is almost ALWAYS a way to have a healthier version of something that is bad for someone. And I think it would be beneficial for a loved one to help someone find those options. MANY times, we don't tell hubby what is in his food right away. I want him to eat the food enjoying it and THEN finding out that I substituted X for Y or whatever.

 

Anyway, I think enabling bad choices would be detrimental. But I believe in balance also.

[Carrie12345]

I never hosted my grandfather, but the family always made sure there were options at gatherings. Ultimately, it was his decision, but he'd usually feel too guilty to go overboard on the "treats" and would have more of the "appropriate" fare. ;)

But my one aunt really did do a good job of learning to cook yummy, diabetic-friendly food, so he never really "suffered" for it!

[OrganicAnn]

We have had type 1 and type 2 diabetics in our family. There are some good food that is low carb. I would try to serve a balanced diet that is tasty and light on the carbs. If he has plenty of good food that is still low carb, maybe he will realize that it can be accomplished. I would even try to incorporate a small dessert. You might look at some of the South Beach recipes which are low carb.

 

So I guess I would try to make things that he should eat, but make them so tasty he'll never know they were good for him.

 

I guess it would also depend on the severity of the diabetes. Does he take shots? Test his blood sugar several times a day? Is he just border line and should control it was diet? All that would play into my decisions. But I'd probably take it as a cooking challenge.

[Pegasus]

I guess it would also depend on the severity of the diabetes. Does he take shots? Test his blood sugar several times a day? Is he just border line and should control it was diet? All that would play into my decisions. But I'd probably take it as a cooking challenge.

 

I appreciate all the input so far. I do make sure there are some low carb choices at mealtime. He COULD eat appropriately at my table but I admit to also having high carb dishes and he usually piles those high on his plate. I do not make sugary desserts while he is here. I'm mainly talking about things like potatoes, corn on the cob, biscuits or bread, fruit, etc.

 

He should be testing his blood sugar several times a day and takes shots after eat meal. Honestly though, this is hit or miss. Sometimes he remembers to do this on his own, often his wife reminds him, and sometimes he just forgets. He just doesn't take this very serious illness seriously.

 

I think I'd like to try to fix some yummy but appropriate meals for him the next time he is here (and leave the potatoes and bread off the table!) and see how it goes.

 

Any favorite meals to suggest?

 

Thanks,

Pegasus

[KnitWit]

I just thought I'd say that I understand.

 

I have relatives like this. If I cook what they *should* have, they just go to the store and get bad stuff, or the *next* meal, they want to go *out* and they not only choose what is bad for them, but also eat enormous amounts of it.

 

I just try to balance what I serve, which is really healthy for *all* of us, and beyond that...well, they are adults, not children, and they are making their own choices and either reaping the benefits or paying the consequences.

[OrganicAnn]

My parents favorite low carb meal was a ton of shrimp with butter and garlic or cocktail sauce & raw vegetables with dip or a salad. For dessert a low carb cookie or sugarfree jello with a good squirt of readiwhip (there is one type that is fairly low carb).

[Mynyel]

My mom is diabetic as well. I cook so that she can eat with us instead of cooking two separate things or cooking things that are potentially bad for her.

 

I would cook accordingly.

[rfoster]

What I did when my Type 1 brother was living with us was prepare balanced meals for the entire family that usually included 1 meat, 2 veggies, 1 carb, with a lot of meat so that he could fill up more on that. Sometimes he'd take more than he 'should' for the carbs or 'bad' veggies. Not my problem, he's an adult and if he doesn't regulate well, he's responsible for dealing with the consequences. I'll call 911 or provide a ride to the DR/ER if necessary if you mess up, but I refuse to micromanage or tell anyone over 14 years old how to eat. We grew up in a big family and I have always made enough food to have leftovers so that may be different from how you prepare your meals - some people only make enough for everyone to have 1 'proper' sized portion.

[kdeno]

but Type 1 diabetics can eat a healthy diet than anyone else can eat including carbs and minimal sweets. It is my limited understanding that they need carbs but have an autoimmune disease that prevents the pancreas from releasing insulin. Type 2 is a whole different ball of wax.

[kdeno]

Sorry Pegasus!

 

If I am having company just for one meal I make what they like. If I had someone living/staying with me I would have to reign in the junk that we normally do not eat.

[susankenny]

Can't the meal be both good for him and something he'll enjoy? lol. What does he like? I bet it can be diabetic friendly with some tweaking.

 

Susan

[jld]

Dh's parents came to visit us in America 12 years ago for 10 days. I made our McDougall food (oil-free vegan) for them the whole time. His mother's swelling went way down in her legs and she lost 5 pounds (she is obese). His father's headaches and constipation disappeared on the 2nd day, and he was in an unusually good mood the rest of the trip.

 

They have not come back to visit since.:)

[Mom2J112903]

What I do is cook something that is healthy and yummy, for all involved.

 

My FIL does not watch his diabetes either and it is so sad to see what he eats.

 

So, one meal for all, yummy and healthy.