Why do people feel the need to quiz HS'ed kids?

[m0mmaBuck]

My MIL does this to DS constantly. We can't have a nice family meal without her asking him to spell some random word (and spelling is his weakest subject) or throwing some math problem his way. She didn't do it when he was in PS but now it seems like she feels the need to check on us constantly.

 

I sincerely hope that when I he finishes his assessment/test on Friday, I have a piece of paper I can tell her to shove where the sun don't shine.

 

Ahhhhh. I feel better now.

[Cindyz]

This has begun with my son as well. They never ask the ps cousins these types of questions, but they will ask my son math questions until he finally gets it wrong!

 

But then of course they also asked my son, "do you make your bed every morning?" and my son answered, "no, daddy already built it!". :D I guess that answers that! :D

[mysticamethyst]

I'm sorry she is acting this way. :grouphug: I cannot say why yours does it but mine does it so that a door can be opened for her to tell me that the kids would be doing better if they were in a classroom instead of in their home. My kids are older and are wise to what she is doing so when she starts in they turn it around on her and ask something that they know she will be unable to answer and that generally ends it. I hope that she stops acting childish and just accept the fact this is the path your family is walking.:grouphug:

[secular_mom]

I'm not sure why they do it, I guess they want to 'know' if hsing 'really' works or not, and they think they can figure that out by throwing questions at the kids. Ugh. I would just have to tell them to knock it off if it happened more than once. I'd also instruct my kids to NOT answer such questions, or to reply with a 'canned response' that I supply for them. "My mom says I don't have to answer those questions, she also says it's very rude of you to ask them."

[JVA]

Both of our mothers were skeptical about hs. They never said it openly, but we knew. My mil ALWAYS was helping in her kids' schools and my mom is a teacher...(they couldn't see that anything was WRONG with the public schools! - OMGosh) ...so, to reassure them, my dh sent them our kids' test scores for a good number of years. One summer, my mom casually mentioned that he didn't need to do that anymore- she could see they were learning and excelling. Quite a concession from her!!

If any of our family had tried to quiz our kids, we would have told them that was not allowed. They were welcome to visit on a school day and watch what happened but they were NOT allowed to put the dc in that position. If it happened more than once after that warning, we would have had to tell them that contact would be limited if they were going to be disrespectful. Thank the Lord , it never got there.

[Cindyz]

I just thought of something. Maybe it's because our children don't have report cards? Maybe if we set up something to show them of their progress, they will no longer feel the need to do the quizzing. I do know that the ps kids are asked about their grades and how well they are doing in school...so maybe quizzing is the equivalent for home school kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The only ones who have ever done it are my ILs. And as a pp mentioned, they did it to prove to themselves that homeschooling "works". They no longer feel the need to quiz ds and dd never did get quizzed much.

[Belacqua]

We don't get much quizzing any more, that I'm aware of, but when The Boy was younger, it was always state capitals. And, even more inexplicably, always, "What's the capital of Vermont?" (which is nowhere near where we live).

[m0mmaBuck]

I just thought of something. Maybe it's because our children don't have report cards? Maybe if we set up something to show them of their progress, they will no longer feel the need to do the quizzing. I do know that the ps kids are asked about their grades and how well they are doing in school...so maybe quizzing is the equivalent for home school kids.

 

That's an interesting point. I wonder if there is some type of readily available form that I could fill out. I could just keep a "grade book" of his math and LA work, or a folder of the quizzes we do. However, she never asks when we are here. It's always at their house.

 

She is a teacher's aide at a very expensive private school and thinks that's where DS should be going. Not only is money a deterrant, but I have looked at their 2nd grade curriculum and know that what we are using is advanced in comparison. It's just frustrating.

 

I get to go home to WI in August and be watch him be quizzed by my family of PS school teachers. My 3 brothers are teachers, their wives work in the school system (speech pathologist, school psychologist, and preschool aide), two of my nephews are teachers and married to teachers, one niece is a teacher and another is a youth librarian... Oh it's gonna be a fun visit, lol!

[secular_mom]

That's an interesting point. I wonder if there is some type of readily available form that I could fill out. I could just keep a "grade book" of his math and LA work, or a folder of the quizzes we do. However, she never asks when we are here. It's always at their house.

 

She is a teacher's aide at a very expensive private school and thinks that's where DS should be going. Not only is money a deterrant, but I have looked at their 2nd grade curriculum and know that what we are using is advanced in comparison. It's just frustrating.

 

I get to go home to WI in August and be watch him be quizzed by my family of PS school teachers. My 3 brothers are teachers, their wives work in the school system (speech pathologist, school psychologist, and preschool aide), two of my nephews are teachers and married to teachers, one niece is a teacher and another is a youth librarian... Oh it's gonna be a fun visit, lol!

:tongue_smilie:

You must REALLY love them. :D

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I get to go home to WI in August and be watch him be quizzed by my family of PS school teachers. My 3 brothers are teachers, their wives work in the school system (speech pathologist, school psychologist, and preschool aide), two of my nephews are teachers and married to teachers, one niece is a teacher and another is a youth librarian... Oh it's gonna be a fun visit, lol!

 

The quizzing hasn't started yet with my daughter, but I do see that family members pay close attention to what she can and can't do.

 

When the questions start coming, I'll just quiz their children and see how they feel about it!! Maybe this could work for you. :D

When the children get a wrong answer, make sure to bring up to the parents (later, when said children are out of earshot) how little Johnny didn't know blahblahblah, and this is proof that public schooling doesn't work. Then when they argue about how they just haven't learned it yet, or any other reason they come up with, point out that the same excuses can be applied to homeschooled children!

[Zoo Keeper]

My MIL does this to DS constantly. We can't have a nice family meal without her asking him to spell some random word (and spelling is his weakest subject) or throwing some math problem his way. She didn't do it when he was in PS but now it seems like she feels the need to check on us constantly.

 

I sincerely hope that when I he finishes his assessment/test on Friday, I have a piece of paper I can tell her to shove where the sun don't shine.

 

Ahhhhh. I feel better now.

 

 

I don't have an answer, but I do feel your pain. Our family doctor does this kind of thing every. single. time. I bring one of our children in. It gets old. He also feels the need to ask our kids how many friends they have, when do they get to see them, do they like being at home, and so on. I then get a little homily about why my kids should be with theirs peers in ps.

[pqr]

This has never bothered me, our family members do this frequently, but they, for the most part, fully support HSing and only do it to give the kids a chance to demonstrate what they have learned.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I get to go home to WI in August and be watch him be quizzed by my family of PS school teachers. My 3 brothers are teachers, their wives work in the school system (speech pathologist, school psychologist, and preschool aide), two of my nephews are teachers and married to teachers, one niece is a teacher and another is a youth librarian... Oh it's gonna be a fun visit, lol!

 

My SIL is a teacher. As far as I'm concerned, we are both educators. We go to teacher stores together. I helped her pick out borders for her bulletin boards. We swap books. When I find great books on the clearance shelf for 50 cents each I'll buy up a stack that I think her class would enjoy.

 

Don't go into the situation expecting that there will be confrontation. Expect to be treated as a co-educator. And I'd be picking the librarian's brain about books that are good quality books that she can't get the students to check out.

 

I'll add though that these conversations are between the adults. I don't let my kids get quizzed. My kids have occasionally gotten into good book chats with their aunt.

[m0mmaBuck]

My SIL is a teacher. As far as I'm concerned, we are both educators. We go to teacher stores together. I helped her pick out borders for her bulletin boards. We swap books. When I find great books on the clearance shelf for 50 cents each I'll buy up a stack that I think her class would enjoy.

 

Don't go into the situation expecting that there will be confrontation. Expect to be treated as a co-educator. And I'd be picking the librarian's brain about books that are good quality books that she can't get the students to check out.

 

I'll add though that these conversations are between the adults. I don't let my kids get quizzed. My kids have occasionally gotten into good book chats with their aunt.

 

My family does not support my choice to homeschool at all. I've managed to avoid the conversations for the most part by skillfully circumnavigating the topic when they bring it up. Their collective feeling is that I should have taken the school's option of going in to the school for 2 hrs/day every day to do "enrichment" with DS while paying for daycare for DD because she is not allowed on school grounds during my volunteer time. Their feeling is that I did not give the PS enough time to work through a "problem" like DS. The "problem" was that he excelled and was bored but the school policy was to sit him in a corner with a book while the rest of the class caught up. Grrr.... Still makes me angry.

 

I do pick the librarian's brain frequently though. She has always been a bookworm and has had a goal of reading one book per day since she was a teen. She is the Youth Librarian at the public library in Ames, Iowa, and if anyone wants some great suggestions for books for their kids, ask for Danielle!

[Debora R]

I get to go home to WI in August and be watch him be quizzed by my family of PS school teachers. My 3 brothers are teachers, their wives work in the school system (speech pathologist, school psychologist, and preschool aide), two of my nephews are teachers and married to teachers, one niece is a teacher and another is a youth librarian... Oh it's gonna be a fun visit, lol!

 

 

Take a portfolio, maybe? Let him Show Off some of his accomplishments. Then they can see exactly what he's doing without the need for quizzing...

[beachmom]

My MIL does this to DS constantly. We can't have a nice family meal without her asking him to spell some random word (and spelling is his weakest subject) or throwing some math problem his way. She didn't do it when he was in PS but now it seems like she feels the need to check on us constantly.

 

I sincerely hope that when I he finishes his assessment/test on Friday, I have a piece of paper I can tell her to shove where the sun don't shine.

 

Ahhhhh. I feel better now.

My parents did that to my kids and I liked it because it just proved to them that they really were learning. I think it also paved a way for them to start a conversation with them since they didn't see each other often. Having said that, I can understand your frustration.

 

On a funnier note, my dad was calling out random spelling words to my 7-year-old. He was saying,"Spell house. Spell fence, etc." Then, my quiet 3-year-old piped in quite loudly,"Spell buttcrack!" Let's just say the spelling class ended there while we were all belly laughing!

[m0mmaBuck]

On a funnier note, my dad was calling out random spelling words to my 7-year-old. He was saying,"Spell house. Spell fence, etc." Then, my quiet 3-year-old piped in quite loudly,"Spell buttcrack!" Let's just say the spelling class ended there while we were all belly laughing!

:lol::lol:

[m4given]

My parents did that to my kids and I liked it because it just proved to them that they really were learning. I think it also paved a way for them to start a conversation with them since they didn't see each other often. Having said that, I can understand your frustration.

 

On a funnier note, my dad was calling out random spelling words to my 7-year-old. He was saying,"Spell house. Spell fence, etc." Then, my quiet 3-year-old piped in quite loudly,"Spell buttcrack!" Let's just say the spelling class ended there while we were all belly laughing!

 

:lol: I like the idea of humor. That often lightens the air.

 

I wish I was better at thinking of humor on the spot. . ..

 

We also have a Dr that quizes us -- We are looking for another Dr.

Edited June 4, 2010 by m4given
typo

[Red]

Not sure but there are a few people who quiz our kids too. They respond by either saying

 

"Why do you ask don't you know the answer at your age?"

 

or

 

"I only do interviews by appointment".

 

Only thing I can think of is maybe they watch alot of ABC news :001_rolleyes:.

[OhM]

Someone else posted her dc's response when they were being quizzed. Maybe it would work for your ds:

 

"Why do you ask, Grandma? Don't you know?"

[Aubrey]

Oh, I love when people quiz my kids. For the adults, it's an attempt to talk to kids when they don't really know how. For the kids, it's a chance to shine. Or learn something new. Or, in fil's case, learn the alternative history of the Revolutionary War, ala Mel Gibson. :lol:

 

I count hs kid quizzes as a polite query into something I'm passionate about. I try not to gush. :D

 

ETA: You know...if there were some poor kid from a 3rd world country sitting at a party w/ a Harvard grad, which one would people be tempted to quiz? They'd feel sorry for the guy w/ no education & be curious how much more a "Harvard man" really knows. So I still think it's a compliment. At least, I choose to take it that way! ;)

[LaissezFaire]

This is something that DRIVES ME CRAZY. Other kids do it, not just adults. My poor DD11 was trying to swim laps once at swim team and this girl kept swimming up beside her and quizzing her on multiplication! My dd is just too nice and was answering her, finally I asked her coach to never put them in the same lane together.

I don't understand why people feel the need to do this? It's as if people truly believe that the only way you could ever learn anything is in a classroom.

[orangearrow]

This used to make me inSANE! We used to have several snappy comments, but I've forgotten them all now...

 

It rarely happens now. I'm guessing it has most to do with the fact that my kids have gotten older - they can string a coherent sentence together - so people don't feel that crazy need to quiz them any longer. They frequently receive compliments after a short conversation with someone who learns that they are home schooled... but not so many spontaneous quizzes.

[Lilymax]

:lol: I like the idea of humor. That often lighten the air.

 

I wish I was better at thinking of humor on the spot. . ..

 

We also have a Dr that quizes us -- We are looking for another DR.

 

Wow, I would have to find another Dr. as well. We are so blessed with our pediatrician...she loves that we homeschool and is very supportive of it. She never has anything good to say about public schools...and I figure she's seen it all!

[Sahamamama]

My MIL does this to DS constantly. We can't have a nice family meal without her asking him to spell some random word (and spelling is his weakest subject) or throwing some math problem his way. She didn't do it when he was in PS but now it seems like she feels the need to check on us constantly.

 

Well, you probably shouldn't listen to me, as I have pushy MIL issues (so pushy MIL questions push my buttons, KWIM?). :glare: At least mine lives 3000 miles away. But if she didn't live 3000 miles away AND she did this "inquisition thing" with my children, I would end it. She certainly would not grill my children in my house and at my dinner table.

 

The line would be drawn. :smash:

 

First -- Talk to your husband. Tell him how this makes you feel, how your MIL's behavior shows disrespect for you and your choices as parents, how it shows a lack of trust in your abilities as a mother/teacher, how it puts you down, angers you, frustrates you, humiliates you, embarrasses your son, intrudes on your family's privacy, disrupts your family's unity, assaults your family's joy of learning, and violates any reasonable boundaries that should be established between grandparents, parents, and children. She is a grandmother, so of course she has concerns about her grandchildren. But she is not the parent of these children and she will not attempt to undermine your authority as parents and teachers. You need to really talk it out with him, because you won't get any farther than his resolve.

 

Second -- Depending on how that conversation goes, tell your children that they do not have to answer those types of questions from Grandmother. Give them permission not to play her game. Give them permission to respectfully decline to answer, or to defer the question to their father with, "Dad says that I don't have to answer pop quizzes from you anymore." :001_huh: Role play what are and are not respectful ways of declining to answer. This will depend on your family's culture/dynamics, but you can work out how your children should respond to this kind of prodding from Grandmother.

 

Third -- If Grandmother begins to question your son/children, your husband needs to step in (gently) with, "Mom, why do you feel the need to test him? Do you think we can not teach him? Do you ask this to test him? Because it feels like you are testing us, his parents. We are educating him. He is learning, he is growing and maturing. You don't need to worry about him. We can handle it. We are committed to our son, to his learning and his future."

 

If she has only been asking questions out of a sincere concern for her grandson, then this reassurance should calm her fears. If this doesn't stop the quizzing, then your husband needs to come out with a very clear, "Mom, stop quizzing the children." Your husband should be firm about setting this boundary, or it'll be an issue for years. HTH.

Edited June 4, 2010 by Sahamamama

[Sahamamama]

I don't have an answer, but I do feel your pain. Our family doctor does this kind of thing every. single. time. I bring one of our children in. It gets old. He also feels the need to ask our kids how many friends they have, when do they get to see them, do they like being at home, and so on. I then get a little homily about why my kids should be with theirs peers in ps.

 

Are there no other doctors up there in Maine? :glare:

[Peela]

The only one who has quizzed my kids is my grandfather- their great grandfather- who was a school teacher. I dont know if they passed or not- I think he asked them a maths times table and a question about Helen Keller- fortunately my son had just read a book about her so could answer it! Not that it really matters whether he passed or not, but if it made grandad feel good and confident his grandkids were ok, Im ok.

 

My family have incredible confidence in me for some reason and when they meet the kids every couple of years they are so taken with their friendly and outgoing personalities, they don't bother asking about academics at all. My stepmum- dad's wife- has actually encouraged her daughter to homeschool one of her daughters, who is being bullied at school, soley on the strength of how well my kids have supposedly turned out!

 

I think you have to give them a bit of rope when its such a strange concept to many people- even now. But after a while- I would ask that it stop.

 

I have heard many stories of sceptical relatives- including husbands- turning into strong supporters (including mine). Hang in there- the relatives do mean well usually, even if they are showing it unskillfully.

[emubird]

A lot of our relatives quiz our kids. The worst is my mom. My daughter used to write to her all the time. Then one day, she made a spelling mistake in the letter. My mom wrote back that she would pay my daughter a whole dollar if she could write a letter without any spelling mistakes.

 

My daughter didn't write to her for a couple years after that.

 

Since then, they've gotten back to writing, but it's not as if my daughter has forgotten. Every time my mom makes a spelling mistake, my daughter suggests writing to grandma and offering her a whole dollar if she can send just one letter without a mistake.

[mommabird]

 

Every time my mom makes a spelling mistake, my daughter suggests writing to grandma and offering her a whole dollar if she can send just one letter without a mistake.

 

Love it! :lol: