What is extended nursing and similar questions

[LG Gone Wild]

First, what do you guys mean by extended nursing; beyond 2 years or up to 4 years?

 

What is the benefit or downside of nursing past 2 years?

 

I tactlessly commented on my neighbor's nursing. Here is the deal. Her ds is 2 and half and the size of my 5yo. I adore my neighbor, don't feel the same about her boy. I was at her house and she mentionned that she had to nurse her ds. I was surprised and splurted out, " You are nursing a 5yo!" as I pointed to the my dd (my dd and her ds were standing next to each other. I said it with a laugh but ... yeah, maybe it really wasn't that funny. She smiled politely and said she had a lady friend nurse her child. Her mom was there and said her dh's ex-wife nursed until 3. I smiled and nodded my head in a manner (hopefully) conveyed that what they said was interesting.

 

I am sure I'll find a way to make ammends for my tactlessness but it got me thinking about the extended nursing stuff.

[Sue G in PA]

for me...I'm not looking for it to end anytime soon. Actually, the average weaning age around the world is approx. 4yo! We in American actually nurse our children for the shortest amt. of time, on average, than any other country. Probably b/c of the readily accessible and wide-range of formula on the market. Nursing has extraordinary benefits...even to a 2yo or older. I nursed my first through my preg. w/ #2 and nursed them BOTH until I got preg. w/ #3. Then dd (#1) stopped. I nursed #2 until #3 was born (#2 stopped on his own actually). My boys averaged a year before they were done (much to my dismay). Dd2 now nurses only 2-3x a day. She's actually quite comical...hums to herself as she nurses or tries to talk while nursing (it's fun to try and translate her "sounds" into real words!). AND, her nursing is beneficial to me right now as it releases oxytocin thus stimulating contractions (I'm a bit anxious to get labor started, can you tell? :D). She will often fall asleep while nursing at night and that helps a lot. She can fall asleep on her own though so I'm not worried about forming habits.

 

As to your comment to the woman...I'd just apologize and explain that you didn't mean it the way it sounded. You were just surprised. Many in your shoes would have been! BTW...I typically do NOT nurse my 2yo in public. I tell her she must wait until we are home. AND, we have discussed "sharing" when the baby comes, LOL! I don't think your comment was thoughtless or rude...you were just surprised. Perfectly normal reaction.

[Tracy in Ky]

I nursed dd until she was 2 years, 8 months. Ds nursed until he was 2 years, 4 months.

 

The upside is health benefits for mother and child, and comfort for the child.

 

For us, there was no downside to it; I would do it again in a second. :)

 

In a strange way, extended nursing prepared me for homeschooling. I went against the norm, people thought I was odd, and I had to really believe in what I was doing to withstand the stress of doing something different.

 

What a preparation for homeschooling! Same song, second verse.

 

The third verse has turned out to be keeping our children with us in worship!

[Jenny in Atl]

Many think extended nursing means past a few months. I'm not sure what you want to know. I breastfed both of mine for almost four years each.

 

Plus side, it's not like nursing a baby. After about two, it becomes more of a nurturing tool and germ fighter. When the girls were sick, I could always nurse them even when they would not want or could not eat solid food. If they fell or were hurt, nursing was a quick fix. I can't even imagine how I would have gotten through my youngest dx of type-1 diabetes at 13 months, w/o being able to nurse her through those first shots, tests, and hospital stay.

 

Down side - that most westerners have lost this gift. That something so normal has been twisted into something crude or odd. If you compare us to the other mammals who breastfeed, we don't do it nearly as long as we should. Average weaning time should be between 2-7 years of age. We are in such a hurry to separate from our young, and in many ways this just makes them all the more dependent.

 

I am in no way bashing those who could not nurse or weaned earlier. Each family has to wade through all the conflicting advice and choose what works best for their family. For us breastfeeding was an incredible gift. And I'm sad to think others find it weird, even gross.

[nmoira]

As to your comment to the woman...I'd just apologize and explain that you didn't mean it the way it sounded. You were just surprised. Many in your shoes would have been!

:iagree:

 

I live in a crunchy neighborhood where extended nursing is the norm, so I generally don't have to worry about waiting until we're home. I nursed DD1 until 4.5 and her younger sister is still nursing at 3.75. She doesn't nurse often, typically only in the morning, but I don't limit her.

[LG Gone Wild]

..I was put off. Not about the extended nursing in general. I find it different but oh well (shoulder shrug). It is because she molly coddles him so to the point where it he is not particularly likeable. The idea of nursing him kind of threw me off.

 

 

for me...I'm not looking for it to end anytime soon. Actually, the average weaning age around the world is approx. 4yo! We in American actually nurse our children for the shortest amt. of time, on average, than any other country. Probably b/c of the readily accessible and wide-range of formula on the market. Nursing has extraordinary benefits...even to a 2yo or older. I nursed my first through my preg. w/ #2 and nursed them BOTH until I got preg. w/ #3. Then dd (#1) stopped. I nursed #2 until #3 was born (#2 stopped on his own actually). My boys averaged a year before they were done (much to my dismay). Dd2 now nurses only 2-3x a day. She's actually quite comical...hums to herself as she nurses or tries to talk while nursing (it's fun to try and translate her "sounds" into real words!). AND, her nursing is beneficial to me right now as it releases oxytocin thus stimulating contractions (I'm a bit anxious to get labor started, can you tell? :D). She will often fall asleep while nursing at night and that helps a lot. She can fall asleep on her own though so I'm not worried about forming habits.

 

As to your comment to the woman...I'd just apologize and explain that you didn't mean it the way it sounded. You were just surprised. Many in your shoes would have been! BTW...I typically do NOT nurse my 2yo in public. I tell her she must wait until we are home. AND, we have discussed "sharing" when the baby comes, LOL! I don't think your comment was thoughtless or rude...you were just surprised. Perfectly normal reaction.

 

 

And yes, I did apologize!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm sure others will answer more but I would consider extended nursing to be anything past a year. 2 would be the minimum I'd want to do so (and would express for the child if they self-weaned before then though I don't think that really happens as much as moms claim it does). I would nurse between 2 and 4 years. I can't imagine much past 3 but I can also see going with the flow so maybe if it inched to 4 or later, I could do it afterall.

 

I don't think there IS a downside. I think it's perfectly natural to do it during ALL of the infant, toddler, and preschool years. I believe it is beneficial physically, emotionally, mentally, and just family wise.

 

I WOULD limit public nursing about the 2nd bday though. Being sick or needing extra comfort aside, it would just be one of those things we do at home.

[Pamela H in Texas]

<<<<<<<<<<<<I was put off. Not about the extended nursing in general. I find it different but oh well (shoulder shrug). It is because she molly coddles him so to the point where it he is not particularly likeable.>>>>>>..

 

I think those are two completely different issues. Nursing is not babying a child.

[LG Gone Wild]

I think those are two completely different issues. Nursing is not babying a child.

 

I did see the nursing as part of her babying him.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, part of me says, what is wrong with babying a 2yo, at least to a degree. One wouldn't want to hold him back developmentally though. If discipline is more the issue, that is different also. Obviously not being there I couldn't say. Most probably I'd agree with you though. I tend to be driven crazy by other people's parenting. LOL

 

But nursing is not something just for babies...well, or it shouldn't be. It's sad most kids in our society aren't nursed more than a couple weeks IF AT ALL! But ideally nursing would be done for more than just babies.

[abbeyej]

..I was put off. Not about the extended nursing in general. I find it different but oh well (shoulder shrug). It is because she molly coddles him so to the point where it he is not particularly likeable. The idea of nursing him kind of threw me off.

 

I understand how in this particular case, these issues could be related, but I do not believe they are necessarily related, if that makes sense. One could wean a child quite early and yet baby and indulge that child in ways to make him or her exceedingly unpleasant to be around. Or one could nurse a child through the toddler years while imposing loving discipline and gentle correction that builds the child's character... Nursing could be an aspect of that "molly-coddling" you see in your friend's child, but it need not be...

 

I believe the technical definition of "extended nursing" is usually anything beyond twelve months. I nursed one of my children till just before his third birthday, and the other till shortly after she turned two. (In retrospect, I probably pushed her too hard to wean at a time when many other changes were going on in our lives, sigh.)

 

The thing I'd point out to you is... You don't wake up one day and look over at a big hulking toddler and think, "Hey, kiddo, I think I'll nurse you!" lol... You start with an itty bitty newborn. And they grow, but incrementally each day. ;) Looking at someone else's toddler and thinking, "gosh, I wouldn't want to nurse a kid that age/size" really isn't the same as nursing your own from infancy into toddlerhood.

[Donna T.]

My husband and I both believe that weaning is something that the child should do, not the mother. My oldest son self-weaned a month or so after he turned three. My youngest son self-weaned around the age of five. Nursing a child older than about two is very different than nursing an infant. As they get older, it is appropriate to say no when the time is not right and to delay or distract from nursings. I didn't nurse in public beyond about age two. The main advantage for me is that it promoted napping! Also, it was, over-all, just a wonderful time of bonding and loving one another in an uninhibited way. So, those are the main advantages to me: it promotes rest and bonding. Neither of my children were excessively babied nor were they inappropriately immature or delayed in any way. They just enjoyed the cuddling and the milk tasted good. Actually, my positive experiences with nursing were huge influences on me when it came time to decide about homeschooling. I was continuing to nurse them because I wanted to be with them and I enjoyed them. That's the same reasons I homeschool.

[Mrs Mungo]

First, what do you guys mean by extended nursing; beyond 2 years or up to 4 years?

 

What is the benefit or downside of nursing past 2 years?

 

I tactlessly commented on my neighbor's nursing. Here is the deal. Her ds is 2 and half and the size of my 5yo. I adore my neighbor, don't feel the same about her boy. I was at her house and she mentionned that she had to nurse her ds. I was surprised and splurted out, " You are nursing a 5yo!" as I pointed to the my dd (my dd and her ds were standing next to each other. I said it with a laugh but ... yeah, maybe it really wasn't that funny. She smiled politely and said she had a lady friend nurse her child. Her mom was there and said her dh's ex-wife nursed until 3. I smiled and nodded my head in a manner (hopefully) conveyed that what they said was interesting.

 

I am sure I'll find a way to make ammends for my tactlessness but it got me thinking about the extended nursing stuff.

 

I believe extended nursing is nursing beyond the 1 year mark because that is where it seems to be less socially acceptable. I nursed my children for 2 1/2 years each. There are many benefits. I didn't find any "downside" to it when it comes to my own experience. My kids didn't nurse around the clock at that age but did nurse for naptime. They were all very independent children.

 

Your wording *seems like* you expect her to treat him like a 5 year old just because he's big. He's not five. He's two. There's no reason for him not to be nursing or even babied at times.

 

As far as causing offense, any time you suggest the way other people are raising their kids is wrong you are going to cause offense.

[Vida Winter]

The thing I'd point out to you is... You don't wake up one day and look over at a big hulking toddler and think, "Hey, kiddo, I think I'll nurse you!" lol... You start with an itty bitty newborn. And they grow, but incrementally each day. ;) Looking at someone else's toddler and thinking, "gosh, I wouldn't want to nurse a kid that age/size" really isn't the same as nursing your own from infancy into toddlerhood.

 

 

Exactly, Abbey. I nursed my three dd's until 3yo and a few months. I never meant to nurse that long, we just kept nursing (and my daughters are very tiny).

 

Each time it took a supreme effort to wean - they didn't want to stop, but I was just plain *worn out*. My last 3yo got weaned last month and I feel relief. I need to get a mammogram (it's been 11 years since my baseline) and I'm glad to have my (body parts) back.

 

I did put up with a lot of comments from my mom and husband but I didn't pay much attention to them. ;)

[Mandamom]

[very] long time with my oldest nursing the longest. I day-weaned her around 2 years but she had no interest in giving up night nursing for a really long time. (BTW, she still has sleeping issues to this day) My reasons for eliminating the day nursing was so that others wouldn't find out she was still nursing when she could read a book :eek. Given that when I started I had only planned to go until 1 year it was a huge surprise to me, too.

 

Ironically my youngest weaned himself at 16 months and many congratulated me for nursing for so long :lol:

 

To answer your question, I think extended nursing is anything past 18 months.

 

Anyway, I think you handled it pretty well. I know when I get surprised I definitely say stuff that doesn't sound right.

[LG Gone Wild]

My husband and I both believe that weaning is something that the child should do, not the mother. My oldest son self-weaned a month or so after he turned three. My youngest son self-weaned around the age of five. Nursing a child older than about two is very different than nursing an infant. As they get older, it is appropriate to say no when the time is not right and to delay or distract from nursings. I didn't nurse in public beyond about age two. The main advantage for me is that it promoted napping! Also, it was, over-all, just a wonderful time of bonding and loving one another in an uninhibited way. So, those are the main advantages to me: it promotes rest and bonding. Neither of my children were excessively babied nor were they inappropriately immature or delayed in any way. They just enjoyed the cuddling and the milk tasted good. Actually, my positive experiences with nursing were huge influences on me when it came time to decide about homeschooling. I was continuing to nurse them because I wanted to be with them and I enjoyed them. That's the same reasons I homeschool.

 

when I glance at your avatar. :tongue_smilie:

[Oak Knoll Mom]

 

What is the benefit or downside of nursing past 2 years?

 

 

 

All of my boys nursed until they were almost three. My first nursed through my pregnancy with the second and then they tandem nursed for another year. Those are some sweet and precious memories. They used to hold hands while they nursed. It made mothering two kids under two a lot easier. If I was tired we'd all snuggle down in our big comfy chair and sleep and nurse.

 

My first weaned at some point...I don't really remember when because it was so natural. One day I realized he hadn't nursed for a while. My second continued to nurse on into my third pregnancy, but quit when my milk supply waned. As with the first one, I didn't really notice when he quit because it happened so naturally. (I was amazed, though, at how quickly he lost his latch. He got very sick several weeks after he weaned so I asked if he wanted to nurse. He couldn't latch on anymore. It was so sad.) Anyway, number three weaned about a month before he turned three. I was more involved in his weaning, though. He has always had a bad latch and I was just getting more and more uncomfortable.

 

So back to the benefits.:) When my friends would ask me "why?" I would just tell them "because I'm lazy." See, when my toddler would through a temper tantrum when we were at a friend's house, or a party, or somewhere that was overwhelming/tiring/out of the ordinary, I could just find a spot and nurse him and get his happy back or get him to sleep. If he was overtired because we kept him out too late at night I could pop him in the bed with us, hook him up and we'd all snooze. See, I'm much to lazy to do things the "proper" way. (ie schedules and such.)

 

(One odd thing I noticed, btw, is that all of my boys weaned and potty trained at the same time.)

[KristineIN]

I don't have a problem with extended nursing, I only nursed until 18 mos because my kids were back to back and I needed a break. I do however hate it when a toddler comes up and demands to nurse. We know a mother that is like that and her son comes up and practically lifts up her shirt to nurse, he's usually not hungry or tired, just knows that he can. That's when I don't care for it, I think if a child is over two then it should be done more discretely.

 

Kristine

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Your wording *seems like* you expect her to treat him like a 5 year old just because he's big. He's not five. He's two. There's no reason for him not to be nursing or even babied at times.

 

Exactly! My oldest was a *big* baby and toddler. People would get angry at him for acting his age because they wanted him to act his size. Please do remember that he is just two. Even though he's the same size as your five year old, you can't expect him to act like her.

 

Of course I don't know why you don't like to be around him...I'd just gently encourage you to see if your expectations of him are higher just because he's big. Sometimes I felt like people rolled their eyes at my son's immaturity before realizing that he was so much younger than he looked.

[Mrs Mungo]

Exactly! My oldest was a *big* baby and toddler. People would get angry at him for acting his age because they wanted him to act his size. Please do remember that he is just two. Even though he's the same size as your five year old, you can't expect him to act like her.

 

Of course I don't know why you don't like to be around him...I'd just gently encourage you to see if your expectations of him are higher just because he's big. Sometimes I felt like people rolled their eyes at my son's immaturity before realizing that he was so much younger than he looked.

 

Heh. I never experienced this. My kids are tiny. Girls 2 years younger than my middle daughter carried her around like a baby at times. I had a friend whose son was 2 months younger than my son but was bigger than my middle daughter who was 3 years older than he was. People had *much* higher expectations for her son than they did for my son. It can be frustrating on both sides of this coin. I hope I didn't come across as harsh, it's been a busy day and I had to get up way too early for a dr appt.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Heh. I never experienced this. My kids are tiny. Girls 2 years younger than my middle daughter carried her around like a baby at times. I had a friend whose son was 2 months younger than my son but was bigger than my middle daughter who was 3 years older than he was. People had *much* higher expectations for her son than they did for my son. It can be frustrating on both sides of this coin. I hope I didn't come across as harsh, it's been a busy day and I had to get up way too early for a dr appt.

 

Oh, I hope you didn't think I was disagreeing with you! I was trying to agree! It's hard having a 2 year old who acts like a 2 year old but looks like a 5 year old. (and I can only imagine that it would be the same for someone in the opposite position.)

[LadyAberlin]

I nursed my ds4 until a couple of weeks after his 2nd b-day. I weaned him because I was pregnant and I have a hard time gaining weight. I'm still nursing my 19 mo old. I plan on weaning at 2 because the drs want me to have a break due to health issues I have. I'm determined to nurse to two. They have found that the longer you nurse past 1 yr the less likely your child will have heart disease. Your milk changes after a yr and starts including something that helps the body process cholesterol better and apparently this even continues after the baby is weaned. The findings were on the news about a yr or two ago.

[Mrs Mungo]

Oh, I hope you didn't think I was disagreeing with you! I was trying to agree! It's hard having a 2 year old who acts like a 2 year old but looks like a 5 year old. (and I can only imagine that it would be the same for someone in the opposite position.)

 

No, I knew what you were saying. It was just when I re-read my post as quoted in your post it sounded more harsh than I intended.

[hsmamainva]

I strongly believe in child-led weaning and every child is different!

 

My 1st nursed until she was 2 1/2, my 2nd nursed until he was 2 1/2, my 3rd nursed until he was 3, and my youngest nursed until she was 4 1/2.

 

Nursing offers great immunity against illness, and a little known trivia tidbit -- the longer a woman nurses her children, the less likely she is to have breast cancer later in life.

 

I'm very grateful that my youngest nursed as long as she did. She has autism and I've received numerous comments about how affectionate she is -- and I attribute some of that to extended nursing. It kept her emotionally connected during that critical 'early intervention' time for her.

[Pamela H in Texas]

<<<<I do however hate it when a toddler comes up and demands to nurse. We know a mother that is like that and her son comes up and practically lifts up her shirt to nurse, he's usually not hungry or tired, just knows that he can.>>>>

 

I almost mentioned this in another post. I really can't stand that.

[Karen sn]

for me...I'm not looking for it to end anytime soon. Actually, the average weaning age around the world is approx. 4yo! We in American actually nurse our children for the shortest amt. of time, on average, than any other country. Probably b/c of the readily accessible and wide-range of formula on the market. Nursing has extraordinary benefits...even to a 2yo or older. I nursed my first through my preg. w/ #2 and nursed them BOTH until I got preg. w/ #3. Then dd (#1) stopped. I nursed #2 until #3 was born (#2 stopped on his own actually). My boys averaged a year before they were done (much to my dismay). Dd2 now nurses only 2-3x a day. She's actually quite comical...hums to herself as she nurses or tries to talk while nursing (it's fun to try and translate her "sounds" into real words!). AND, her nursing is beneficial to me right now as it releases oxytocin thus stimulating contractions (I'm a bit anxious to get labor started, can you tell? :D). She will often fall asleep while nursing at night and that helps a lot. She can fall asleep on her own though so I'm not worried about forming habits.

 

As to your comment to the woman...I'd just apologize and explain that you didn't mean it the way it sounded. You were just surprised. Many in your shoes would have been! BTW...I typically do NOT nurse my 2yo in public. I tell her she must wait until we are home. AND, we have discussed "sharing" when the baby comes, LOL! I don't think your comment was thoughtless or rude...you were just surprised. Perfectly normal reaction.

 

I thought world wide age for nursing was 5yo.

I'm with you - I love nursing.

I had to wean dd at 3yo because I was drained. She nursed in the morning and before bed, and when she got hurt.

I have also nursed 3 boys who belonged to close friends and my dd nursed once on my close friend - she was 2 and I think she just wanted to know she could.

 

The only problem I have with extended nursing is when the kids don't respect it. If dd wanted to nurse - that's what we did....there was no sucking on the boob for 5 seconds - running off - and back for another 5 seconds. There was no turning her head around to look at the outside world with my boob still in her mouth.

 

When we nursed - it was all we did. In the end it would last about 5 minutes - but it was serious nursing, not play time or that game of lift up mom's shirt for all the world to see just because you can while you run around playing with toys. I respected it and would only nurse if she did too.

 

LG Gone Wild - In answer to your question, extended nursing to me - means beyond a year (which seems to be a common weaning age around here) and usually to two or three years old - I have had friends nurse longer.

 

Also - did you mean that someone else other than the mom nurses the boy?

[Karen sn]

I nursed dd until she was 2 years, 8 months. Ds nursed until he was 2 years, 4 months.

 

The upside is health benefits for mother and child, and comfort for the child.

 

For us, there was no downside to it; I would do it again in a second. :)

 

In a strange way, extended nursing prepared me for homeschooling. I went against the norm, people thought I was odd, and I had to really believe in what I was doing to withstand the stress of doing something different.

 

What a preparation for homeschooling! Same song, second verse.

 

The third verse has turned out to be keeping our children with us in worship!

 

I like that you keep the kids with you in worship.

In the past I was a very regular temple goer. I love the rabbi we had. Amazing man, well educated, AND open minded.

Anyway - there is no other option but to keep your kid with you at this temple. Dd had just turned 5 at the time and sat quietly. All the old ladies loved her for it. They would come up to me and comment on her wonderful behaviour. She adored them right back with compliments on their shoes and earrings - she was so cute. After service we would eat and then she and I would assist the ladies with clean up in the kitchen....which really endeared her to them.

 

Soon we were coming an hour early to sit with the rabbi and elders and study the Torah. She was amazingly quiet and only spoke up once - and it was appropriate. When talking about sacrifices my dd chimed in that you should only kill an animal if you are going to eat it (he agreed with the exception of a sin offering).

 

Cramming all the kids of same age in a room together just isn't my style.

I wanted dd to be influenced by the old ladies and men at temple, not the spoiled, rude kids in this world.

[Karen sn]

I nursed my ds4 until a couple of weeks after his 2nd b-day. I weaned him because I was pregnant and I have a hard time gaining weight. I'm still nursing my 19 mo old. I plan on weaning at 2 because the drs want me to have a break due to health issues I have. I'm determined to nurse to two. They have found that the longer you nurse past 1 yr the less likely your child will have heart disease. Your milk changes after a yr and starts including something that helps the body process cholesterol better and apparently this even continues after the baby is weaned. The findings were on the news about a yr or two ago.

 

WOW. Thanks for sharing that. No wonder all these baby boomers are on statin drugs. They were born in an era that preached "bottle is best."

I love knowing this tidbit! I will definately pass this one along.

[Karen sn]

<<<<I do however hate it when a toddler comes up and demands to nurse. We know a mother that is like that and her son comes up and practically lifts up her shirt to nurse, he's usually not hungry or tired, just knows that he can.>>>>

 

I almost mentioned this in another post. I really can't stand that.

 

 

Same here! These kids were never taught to respect it.

It's still MY body and if you don't respect that - you get none.

My dd always respected it - we nursed seriously when we did do it. There was never any of that nurse for 5 seconds - run around - nurse for 5 seconds - repeat....

[Lizzie in Ma]

She was a bit older than 4 when she gave it up completely on her own.

The last year it was mostly at bedtime or when she was ill.

I loved it, I hated giving it up and I wish I had another little one to be nursing.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

but continuing the conversation.

 

In history class, our professor was explaining the historically huge population growth of China, and how at one time 15 children in a family were not unheard of. He contrasted that with the American Indians who practiced extended nursing and had fewer children because of it. Then he happened to pop up with the statement that he believed "if a child is old enough to ask for it, he is too old to get it."

 

I felt like standing up and giving a lecture myself at that point. He had just pointed out one of the benefits of extended nursing and then blasted it! I nursed 4 out of 5 of my children. The first one for 18 months. It was one of the sweetest times of my life. Once he sat up after nursing and said, "Good milk." I wouldn't have missed that for anything. He was weaned because one day he finished and demanded "more milk!" I handed him a cup. One of my other boys nursed to 2, the last to 2 1/2. I weaned them because I was begining to get feel exhausted.

 

I was always discreet and most people didn't even know I was still nursing after my kids were one. I think the deliberately public "devil may care" attitude of some women who are nursing older children can contribute to the negative public perception. There needs to be a balance.

[Ravin]

This article by Katherine Dettwyler, an anthropologist who has actually studied breastfeeding, should be informative. This one is good too: Why Nurse Toddlers And if I haven't bored you, check out the other cool articles on her website: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler.html

 

My 4.5 yo. Kindergartener is still nursing. She's down to about 2 times a day, since she nightweaned around 3 1/2. She'll nurse a bit first thing in the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon when she's tired (though doesn't usually fall asleep nursing any more--used to be the only way I could get her to sleep and the only way she'd sleep at all at night). She was sick a couple of weeks ago and nursed a lot right after--for several days she nursed frequently. She's seldom been ill, always bounces back from being sick, and until recently nursing her was the most effective way of calming her when she was upset or overtired, etc. I don't remember the last time we nursed in public, but we stopped doing so about the same time she nightweaned, around 3 1/2. I also have expected good manners about nursing since she was old enough to even remotely understand--she has to ask, she may not grab at my shirt, etc. And the last year or so I'm far more likely to tell her to wait if I'm in the middle of cooking or eating, etc.

[Joanne]

Defining statements about my life:

 

I nursed my kids until school age. I'd do it again.

 

I don't believe in "child led weaning" as I've seen it defined in the crunchy community.

 

"Extended nursing" (I dislike the term as it implies an unnatural imposition) does not suggest any kind of coddling or permissiveness.

 

Yet, I do observe and believe that EN is a place where boundarylessness, permissivenesss and babying can show up. And I *have* seen a greater percentage of what I think is permissiveness in the AP/crunchy community.

 

I've also observed that in the AP community, nursing is granted an immunity neckless in terms of scrutiny. It's almost a mantra that a child can't "nurse too much" and that "on demand" nursing should continue until the child weans themselves.

 

That's not my experience or belief. I believe some children need, demand and should have nursing limits imposed. In addition, I think all nursing children should honor courtesy and modesty rules for asking to nurse (as I would expect if they asked for a cup of juice or a turn on the computer or a hug).

[gandpsmommy]

I must say that I am so excited to see how many moms on this board are supportive of extended nursing! When I had dd, almost seven years ago, she was the first grandchild on my side of the family. And some of my relatives were shocked at how long I let her nurse. When she was still nursing after twelve months, they began to make comments. And when I was expecting ds (I got pregnant when dd was about 19 months), many people found it appropriate to advise me to wean her before ds was born or she would be jealous of the new baby every time he nursed. :confused: That kind of logic never made any sense to me. How would taking away from her the one comforting activity in the world that she loved the most and still craved emotionally, and giving it exclusively to her new little sibling at a crazy transitional time of her life *not* make her jealous.

 

So, I ignored them and continued giving dd what she needed. I nursed throughout my pregnancy and tandem nursed for seven months after ds was born. I didn't stop nursing dd until she was three, and dh and I felt she was ready.

 

Looking back, I think a lot of my mom and grandma's concerns were for my sanity and energy level. And they both parented during a time when nursing was seen as either an activity to be replaced with formula or something to be measured in terms of weeks and months, not years.

 

I nursed ds until he was almost 2.5 years.

 

When dc were infants I nursed them on cue, but when they were old enough to eat other foods and nursing was more about comfort than nutrition, I did try to be more discreet in public. But if my toddler clearly needed to nurse, I did nurse in public.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Exactly! My oldest was a *big* baby and toddler. People would get angry at him for acting his age because they wanted him to act his size. Please do remember that he is just two. Even though he's the same size as your five year old, you can't expect him to act like her.

 

Of course I don't know why you don't like to be around him...I'd just gently encourage you to see if your expectations of him are higher just because he's big. Sometimes I felt like people rolled their eyes at my son's immaturity before realizing that he was so much younger than he looked.

 

You know, I've done that before. It was quite a wakeup call. I expected a very tall 2 y/o to act her size -- and when I found out she was NOT a 4 y/o, I was dumbfounded. I really took stock on how I looked at kids at that point.

 

I think it very telling, LG, that you automatically said "... nurse a 5 y/o??" Somewhere maybe, in the back of your mind, the things you don't like about this kid are that you can't quite wrap your mind around the fact that he acts like a 2 y/o. Maybe?

 

I'm completely sympathetic with this, btw. Been there, thought that. But perhaps if you simply picture him as not much more than a baby -- and he is -- it won't bother you so much that he is being treated like one.

 

??

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

I felt like standing up and giving a lecture myself at that point. He had just pointed out one of the benefits of extended nursing and then blasted it!

 

Golly, I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say something. Doesn't sound like the class is conducive to discussion, though. Too bad. Those other students will take that statement into their lives as part of their education. Shame on him. What does he know about it, anyhow?

[LG Gone Wild]

 

LG Gone Wild - In answer to your question, extended nursing to me - means beyond a year (which seems to be a common weaning age around here) and usually to two or three years old - I have had friends nurse longer.

 

Also - did you mean that someone else other than the mom nurses the boy?

 

 

I think that is what you are asking, right. My neighbor's mother's husband's ex-wife nursed her own child until 3 as well.

[LG Gone Wild]

Exactly! My oldest was a *big* baby and toddler. People would get angry at him for acting his age because they wanted him to act his size. Please do remember that he is just two. Even though he's the same size as your five year old, you can't expect him to act like her.

 

Of course I don't know why you don't like to be around him...I'd just gently encourage you to see if your expectations of him are higher just because he's big. Sometimes I felt like people rolled their eyes at my son's immaturity before realizing that he was so much younger than he looked.

 

I quite get your predicament with a larger child. In fact, I sympathize because people might ask you if he is developmentally slow. You would have to tirelessly explain your child is fine, just large.

 

No, it is part and parcel with her mollycoddling. Because of her indulgence of him, he isn't pleasant to be around. That's why I dislike being around him. BTW, I have a 2 yo toddler too so I am quite used to toddler antics.

[LG Gone Wild]

You know, I've done that before. It was quite a wakeup call. I expected a very tall 2 y/o to act her size -- and when I found out she was NOT a 4 y/o, I was dumbfounded. I really took stock on how I looked at kids at that point.

 

I think it very telling, LG, that you automatically said "... nurse a 5 y/o??" Somewhere maybe, in the back of your mind, the things you don't like about this kid are that you can't quite wrap your mind around the fact that he acts like a 2 y/o. Maybe?

 

I'm completely sympathetic with this, btw. Been there, thought that. But perhaps if you simply picture him as not much more than a baby -- and he is -- it won't bother you so much that he is being treated like one.

 

??

 

that while what you said is quite easy to, that's not it for me. We have been in each other's company where mistaking his age is not an issue.

 

Something else was in mind, I disguised it with the reference to his size. I do have a toddler as well so it's not like I have forgotten the cuddling needs of kids.

[LG Gone Wild]

 

Yet, I do observe and believe that EN is a place where boundarylessness, permissivenesss and babying can show up. And I *have* seen a greater percentage of what I think is permissiveness in the AP/crunchy community.

 

 

Although it does seem odd to me to nurse beyond 2 years, it doesn't bother me that other people do it. I though EN was really between 1 - 2 years.

 

When my neighbor and her mum mentionned that they knew people who nursed up to 3years, it just got me thinking about nursing practices. I had just assumed (incorrectly) that my neighbor would wean him by now. From the way she answered, it was clear she intended to nurse for much longer. Like I said, it just got me thinking about it.

[Jenny in Atl]

For those of you who are religious. It is widely reported that Jesus and many others in the Bible were weaned at around the age of five. This is not a new "crunchie" "AP" thing. It's old, very old. I have seen permissive AP families and very stern AP families, same with families where there was no breastfeeding and nothing even close to Attachment Parenting going on. I think one can find stereotypes if they choose too in all kinds of families.

[Sandy in Indy]

DS has had some digestive issues lately. The new dr. was asking about his infancy, if I nursed, etc. When I told her we nursed till he was 3, her eyes about popped out! Sad that it's such a rare occurrence.

 

I'm a big proponent of extended nursing, but I do think that after the age of 2 or so, it's appropriate to put some limits on it. (Like no pulling up Mom's shirt in public~!) For the last several months, we were down to first thing in the am and last thing before bed...then just before bed...then we were done. I don't think, in fact I'm sure, that I would have interuppted a play date to nurse after the age of 1 or so.

 

As mentioned before, there is a connection between length of nursing and breast cancer (or the lack thereof). That wasn't my motivation, but it is a nice side benefit.

[fiddledeedee]

I'm glad to see so many posts about extended nursers. My little guy turned 2 recently, and he still loves to nurse. Like others, I try to keep him to naptime/bedtime or when he needs some comfort. My pediatrician tried VERY hard to get me to stop, and I tried to wean him, but then thought better of it and we resumed. With my daughter we had a lot of issues (long story) but she only nursed about 4 months. I guess with my son I thought he'd wean around 1, like the other kids I know. I don't think I'd even heard of people nursing for this long until I looked into more. My son is very tall for his age as well, but we keep to nursing at home, and I don't really talk about it anyway. My SIL I know thinks I'm weird to nurse so long, she has 4 kids 5 1/2 and under, and everytime she got pregnant, she'd wean immediately, and 2 of those kids were only about 8 months old at the time.

 

It's nice to see some support. My toddler is very affectionate and close to me. I think our nursing relationship has some part of that. Most nights as he nurses to sleep, he'll interrupt his nursing, sit up and give me a big hug and kiss. He's speech delayed, and it feels like he's thanking me every night to be able to continue nursing. :001_smile:

[Donna T.]

when I glance at your avatar. :tongue_smilie:

 

You're right. I need to ditch it. :lol:

 

EDITED to say:

I ditched it. Nothing like a little peer pressure to force a recovery. Actually, I was just.... ahem... you know, like playing around with the avatar, you know...??? OK - so you are not a fan. I'm ok with that, I really am.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

You're right. I need to ditch it. :lol:

 

I didn't want to say anything, but dang. I see Donna T, then I see *whiskers*. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but occasionally my mind just doesn't want to GO there.

[Donna T.]

I didn't want to say anything, but dang. I see Donna T, then I see *whiskers*. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but occasionally my mind just doesn't want to GO there.

 

Hey, listen up... you obviously are not a AI fan or you would be saying "dawg" instead of "dang".

 

You know, like, you know... as in "Dawg, Donna T. needs a make-over" or maybe "I'm just not loving your image Dawg. Let me see some of that radiance that I've come to expect from you. Let me see that aura, Dawg. Sorry, it's just ok for me, but I'm not loving it, Dawg."

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Hey, listen up... you obviously are not a AI fan or you would be saying "dawg" instead of "dang".

 

You know, like, you know... as in "Dawg, Donna T. needs a make-over" or maybe "I'm just not loving your image Dawg. Let me see some of that radiance that I've come to expect from you. Let me see that aura, Dawg. Sorry, it's just ok for me, but I'm not loving it, Dawg."

 

Yo, yo, dawg. Check it out. Change the avatar, my dawg. The whiskers just aren't doin' it for me, dude. It's not your best look, yo?

 

What do you think, Paula?

[Donna T.]

What do you think, Paula?

 

 

I think she is Donna T. She is showing us this beautiful range, this wonderful, glorious diversity. I... I... I can't even stay in my seat, she's just so Donna T. She's Donna T. and she's special. You're special, Donna T. You're the surprise that just gonna stride right on through this thing. I think the whiskers are just showing us your depth and your soul. I'm loving it. I really am.

 

Can someone pass the kool-aid? Please.