So many hs'ing friends going off to school. . .

[StephanieZ]

UGH!!

 

Three of our favorite hs families are sending their kids to school next year. All have been lifetime hs'ers. . . but as the kids are hitting highschool age, they are migrating to public school.

 

(Our state is a PITA for highschool in that they won't transfer any credits from homeschooling, so if you want a "regular" diploma, you virtually HAVE to start full time public schooling at 9th grade. . . So, that seems to push the issue and leads to many hs'ers starting ps full time in 9th grade.)

 

I am just so bummed.

 

I am trying to be supportive of the moms decisions. . . their kids, their struggles, their lives, their choices. . . I love these women, adore these kids, and respect their families so much. I think I am doing an OK job so far on this front.

 

Of course, this just pains me personally b/c these moms are good friends of mine and this change really will impact how much I can see them, and how I even communicate with them, as their needs will be changing so much and I will have to talk to them in that guarded way I already talk to my public-schooling-mom-friends.

 

I guess I just wanted to vent and also to ask if other people have run into this and if you have any tips on how to manage it . . . ease the pain for my dc. . . minimize the impact on my dc's enjoyment of our hs?

 

I DON'T want my dc to go to public school EVER. (Though I haven't said that in so many words to my kids or anyone else for that matter. I try to officially keep an open mind, but between you & I, it's not very open, lol.) PS is just not good enough for them. :tongue_smilie: Anyway, for numerous reasons, I don't want my dc to ever go to school until they are taking college level courses, and I feel just fine about educating them through high school. . .

 

But, I know it is going to be soooo sad for them next year when many of their very favorite pals are no longer available for homeschool ski club, book club, science days, etc. We live in a pretty small community and we've already met nearly all the hs'ers . . . and my kids have many lovely friends. . . And, yes, they have non-hs friends and non-hs activities in addition to our hs stuff. But, it's not like good pals are a dimeadozen and these losses of dear, long-term, see-frequently, like-minded friends will sting. OK, I know they aren't necessarily totally LOST, but I've seen what happens with scheduling, availability, and even interests/morals to kids who go FT to public school. . . and I know that these friendships are going to be seriously impacted.

 

Oh, I am just so sad!

 

Any encouragement or tips you can offer me would be greatly appreciated.

 

TIA

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: I've had this happen too. It helps me (but not my kids) to come here to talk to other hs moms in my same situation.

[GWOB]

:grouphug: I know. It stinks. In our small group, we have one family sending all their kids to the semi-local Catholic school. It really is a good school, and an option for us if we ever need it, but I will still miss them. I have another dear friend sending her oldest to an out-of-town public school for 8th grade. Again, it is a great school (<300 students k-12 with fabulous opportunities), but man am I going to miss that kid! This very dear friend was contemplating sending her ds to ps not this coming year but next. I heard about another local hsing family considering sending their dss to ps in a few years for the sports opportunities. Another family just moved 30 minutes away. Ack!

 

I've only homeschooled since Dec 2008, and I started as a sort of stop-gap thing. Now, I'm committed for the long haul. But, I need the support of others. My kids need those kids! We do have a few ladies with young ones who plan to hs, which will be great for my youngest, but my olders will liss their friends. I will miss those moms. It really, really stinks!

[Starr]

It's hard. In the teen years things start to change. It's hard to imagine in a few years they'll be on their own with mostly new friends....

[PollyOR]

:grouphug: My dd's only IRL friend gets to homeschool one more year. After that it will be public school or the community college. I don't know what we are going to do because when I way only friend I do mean only.

[Paintedlady]

I've been through it a couple times as well, although my kids aren't as old as yours. It stinks! I hope you find other friends to fill the gap. :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

Thank you so much for the hugs & encouragement.

 

It is some consolation to be reminded that we aren't alone, and that these losses are not unique to hs'ing. . . Hs'ing just seems to make it uniquely difficult to find new connections at this age. . . reminding me how important common-interest connections are becoming as the kids grow up. . .

 

Thanks again.

[LibraryLover]

Yes, we've experienced that. One of my own teens went to HS, and one reamins hs'd. Needs change, and many want to try this experience. Some come home again. Others do well and stay, and it's also a good experience. For the most part, our hsing friends have remained friends. High School was an experience they wanted to try, and their parents supported. Some of the most hardcore hsers/unschoolers I know now have kids in high school.

 

We have to trust that other families are making decisions that make sense for them. The good folks you know are not going to stop being the good folks you know, and they are not going to stop caring about their kids.

 

It's hard to loose friends. One of my teen dd's best hsing friend recently moved 800 miles away. That's been harder on her than her other good friends who went to High School. At least she still sees those friends-- the other is too far away. :(

 

ETA: Two of my closest hsing friends now have dc in high school (had never been to school). I see them all the time as we share certain hobbies....gardening, knitting and more. Few of my friends are my friends simply because they are hsers. Instead, I am attracted to certain types of folks and some end up being hsers. lol Of course, I have some friends with lovely families who never hs'd a day in their lives. lol I have always been careful not to pick friends only because we have one thing in common. In fact, I have very little in common with a great many hsers.

Edited May 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[StephanieZ]

In reading your responses, I am realizing that my local friends (we moved here 6 years ago) are nearly 100% based on our kids. . . Once upon a time, I had friendships based on common interests (hobbies, what are those?) . . . and still have dear friends who live far away . . . (thank goodness for email, travel, cheap long distance calls. . . )

 

But since our move 6 years ago, our life became consumed with dh's business. . . and I only could force myself to take time to make new, local, friends because of my commitment to find a social network for the kids' benefit. So, 100% of my local friends are the moms of kids who I sought out as friends for my dc. Time will tell which of these friendships have enough substance to continue on their own merit, or if the fizzle out over time. (One has already transitioned into a very nice grownup nonkidcentered friendship as her youngest dc entered high school last year. . . so this can give me hope.)

 

I guess this is a wake up call in that regard. Recognizing how much of my anxiety is about *me* and not my dc is already relieving some of my worries.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom!!

[SonshineLearner]

Which is why.. love CC (Classical Conversations) or not... Leigh Bortins... started her "kitchen table" discussions with teens... so her boys could have students to learn and grow with. I'd like to think that if we weren't doing CC, that I'd start something, too.

 

:)

[unsinkable]

My middle child (son) started at an all-boys Catholic high school this fall. It has been a rocky road (to say the least).

 

We had good friends who dropped us like a hot potato as soon as we started talking about sending him. It pains me still. I am still homeschooling my oldest and youngest but this family's son is my middle child's age.

 

I've called my friend, the mom, during the year to check in a few times and she never reciprocated. When my DS got really sick and again when my MIL died, I wanted her friendship but I felt like if she couldn't be bothered with us when things were fine, I didn't want any fake consolation.

 

We (I) too had many friendships based on our children and I was stupid enough to think they were based on friendship and that we just happened to meet thru XYZ activity.

 

My advice would be that there are some (like me) who would really still want to remain friends no matter what the schooling (or sports team or scouting) choice. They'll call you and reach out. Reach back.

Edited May 30, 2010 by unsinkable
because I can't @#%$@$@* type correctly

[Carrie12345]

:grouphug:

Two of our hs families have been talking about enrolling their older kids in public cyber charters, which means they won't be leaving our group, but it's still a shift in the group dynamic.

 

I don't think it's *bad, but I find their particular reasoning interesting- their kids are worried that their education isn't up to snuff. I give the kids credit for wanting to "fix" that, regardless of the method.

Even more interesting, one parent is quasi-anal retentive (no judgment - I admire that trait!) and the other is pretty laid back/child-directed (still no judgment - I admire that, too!), but both kids are still doubtful.

 

I don't anticipate that happening with my kids, but that's because I have SWB in my corner. ;)

[Luckymama]

Funny, I'm on the opposite side. We're leaving a school where I've had kids for 12 years. Most of my friends are through volunteering at school or through the kids' school-related activities. I'm the one having a hard time imagining not hanging out with those women on a regular basis. I expect our relationships will turn into a once-month-or-so event. I do have some very good friends left from the playgroup era(s) who I see monthly, even after many many years :)