Do you think this is rude IRL? Do you think it's rude on FB?

[Murphy101]

Situations like this make me wonder if what I've been hearing about parents is true. That they are living vicariously through their children.

All of the other moms are FB friends with the hostess of the party, she posts pictures and...then what?

The other moms are offended on behalf of their children? Do they show the pictures to the children so the children are properly offended as well?

I think moms are far too sensitive about whether or not their children are included in everything.

 

Nope. I don't get that.

We agree that *everyone* can't be included in *everything*, but we're hurt when we are among those who can't do something?

 

Why can't we just say, "Wow. Looks like everyone had a great time. Wish her a happy birthday for us"?

 

:iagree: This is very much my attitude!!

 

And I have to say it's one of the reason I don't have much contact with my family anymore. I can't say anything without being deemed rubbing their face into something. It's almost like they only want to hear from me when I have something bad in my life happen or I have something specificly good that directly affects them in a positive way. It's sad that I have reached the conclusion that they are not capable of being happy for me and only really want me around to share misery.:(

 

 

It's something I'm sort of used to IRL... it seems like there is a group of people who never get invited to much of anything (unless it is a function where EVERYBODY is welcome) and we fit into it.

 

Me too. I have a big family and it's a rare function that accomodates all of us. Sucks, but that's the way it is.:grouphug:

 

nestof3, Now I am REALLY on edge, because you're implying it's my own fault? As far as I know I'm friendly and fun to be around... I surely hope that I am.

 

What really aggravates me is that there are a few people who seem to "flaunt" their busy social agenda "Really enjoyed our great time frolicking with the MOST WONDERFUL friends last night." When your family is never the one mentioned there, it sort of starts to make you have a complex.

 

:confused: Your jealousy is not their fault though. As far as I can tell that's what it boils down to.

 

Either there's a valid reason. Family size, different dynamics, maybe just whatever differences, not even something to find "fault" or that is "wrong".

 

Or you are jealous and it's keeping you from being happy for them.

 

Why can't someone say they had a great time with soandso?

 

Why do you perceive that as a reflection on you?:confused:

[SonshineLearner]

Yup!

[MeganW]

You have to be careful choosing to be offended, as you may not know the WHOLE story.

 

Case in point - my kids went to our church preschool last year, and made some great friends. We have been invited to most of that group's birthday parties their year even though my kids don't go to school with those children anymore. This year, my kids are in the public school's 4K class for kids with developmental issues. More than 80% of their current classmates are destitute. And by destitute I mean really truly destitute - the kind of families where the kids' only meals are what they get at school.

 

We didn't feel like we could have a birthday party for my kids with their current classmates, because it would be rubbing in the other kids' families that they can't afford to do the same. Even a very small, inexpensive affair would seem extravagant to them. So we decided not to have a birthday party. My sister (who lives 1 1/2 hours away), decided to host a party for family so at least the kids would have something. I was talking about the situation to a friend whose child was a classmate last year. She commented that she had a sibling who lived near my sister, and they would love to come to the party and they would go visit her sister afterward and stay there overnight. (We are close enough that it was totally acceptable for her to invite herself.) I posted a picture of my friend's child with my kids at the party. I found out through the grapevine later than a lot of people were insulted that they hadn't been invited after they had invited us to their parties. I think at this point I have *finally* explained the situation to everyone, but it shouldn't have been that way in the first place.

 

Another situation - we moved here about 2 years ago. About six months before that, a lady who was an active member of our church's young women's group was killed in a car wreck. The group was very close, and a number of them were devastated. They go out to dinner on her birthday every year to celebrate her life. I am not invited b/c I never knew her. But I see the pictures of everybody except me out at dinner at a "celebration of life". I could allow myself to get insulted, but it's not worth it. As it turns out, there is a reason, and I just didn't know it at the time.

Edited May 25, 2010 by MeganW

[Nestof3]

It's not a matter of fault. People just have the right to choose their friends. Life is full of obligations, and the people you choose to spend your free time with shouldn't be another one of them. There are countless people who do not choose to invite me to things. What I'm saying is, I just tend to look at it like this (and this is exactly what I tell my children as well): I first ask myself if there is a reason I would always be excluded. If I cannot think of one, I chalk it up to "well, they're the ones missing out on a great friend" and leave it at that.

 

I also know I don't want to have to be blunt about why I don't enjoy the company of certain people. I'm not referring to anyone I have met here on the board, but there is a lady I know who I don't enjoy being around, because no matter how many women are present, she always sort of takes over the entire conversation -- for an hour, seriously, and tells these really long, detailed stories about herself or her experiences. It's just not fun. But, she was part of a group of people that if you invited some of them to a get-together, you would have to invite her too -- because it was just the right thing to do. So, I just stopped inviting any of them. I just didn't want to spend the whole time with us staring at her and listening to her.

 

I don't ever want anyone to feel obligated to befriend me. I have tried to teach my kids to catch hints that a person is trying to pull away or that the person is not interested. When Aaron was young, he always asked this one boy to play with him, and he would say yes as long as there was no one else to play with. This boy never invited Aaron to play with him. I let him know, gently, that he should back off for a while and see if this boy initiated friendship with him. He didn't. I told him that there would be people who would appreciate the sort of friend Aaron could be -- keep looking.

 

I do the same thing. If I meet someone I would like to be friends with, I initiate. Then I step back and wait for reciprocation. I may try one more time. If I get no reciprocation, I back off. Friendships should not be obligatory.

 

With kids, there are so many different reasons why some kids are chosen as opposed to others. Sometimes it boils down to what the person's friends think of the other person. These things can get ridiculously shallow. I teach my boys about this. I also teach my boys that to have friends, one must be friendly. That doesn't guarantee things. But, in the end, I just tell them to be themselves, not let others convince them they should change their tastes just to please the crowd, and that if a person still doesn't want to befriend them, the other person is missing out on a great kid as a friend.

 

 

 

nestof3, Now I am REALLY on edge, because you're implying it's my own fault? As far as I know I'm friendly and fun to be around... I surely hope that I am.

 

Edited May 25, 2010 by nestof3

[Impish]

I don't get being offended, to be honest.

 

Maybe its cause I rarely go out, and turned down enough invites that folks don't bother to invite me anymore (good and bad, to be honest, but more a relief than anything).

 

I don't understand getting offended on my child's behalf either. Nobody is entitled to anything...including invites to parties, dinners, get togethers, etc.

 

If you're invited, great. If you're not, then fine...be glad that others had a good time doing whatever.

 

Being jealous about any of it is a waste of time and energy...something I'm in precious short supply of.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Here is another perspective:

 

I am a member of another homeschooling board that is rather closeknit. We have shared the joy of each other's births and the pain of each other's losses. When my brother died a member of that board WHO I HAD NEVER EVEN MET IRL came to my brother's funeral and pressed a cross that she had crocheted into my hand and told me, "I'll tell the girls that you did a great job". (I gave the eulogy) It wasn't until she left that I realized who she was. She also gave us a gift certificate for a hotel room and dinner and offered us the use of her home.

 

When members of that board get together they will post pics and the thread title is usually something like,"GUESS WHO I GOT TO MEET TODAY?!"

 

I recently invited a mom on this board to meet me at the zoo. It's not a slight against all other families here, nor is it a slight against all families on here who happen to live in the area.

[teachermom2834]

I agree about not being offended and that we control our own reactions to things.

 

Some of you seem as though it would never bother you, though, regardless the circumstances. What if someone you thought was one of your best friends did this? Are those of you that wouldn't offended really that thick skinned? It really wouldn't bother you if the child that you thought was your child's best friend had a party without them? It really wouldn't bother you if your best friend (you thought) posted about a party she hosted that you weren't invited to? I'm not talking about all those casual acquaintances and I do realize this would be a time for reflection on the relationship. But it really wouldn't hurt, at all?

 

I really want some of what you all have got. How do I get that rhino skin? Have you always been that way? I feel like I have gotten better and much less sensitive as I've gotten older but those things still can hurt my feelings. I wish they didn't.

 

I admit I get my feeling hurt on FB sometimes. I had a very close friend and we had a falling out. It was terrible. We are friends again but it is not the same. I still feel sad about that. And yes, reading about all her outings with her new best friend do hurt. How do I make that stop? I'm not mad at her for this but I can't help but feel a little sad when I read it. For that reason I make sure that I do not write anything that would make her feel the same way. I don't know if it would but I am careful about what I write about my "new friends". It just seems compassionate.

[Impish]

I agree about not being offended and that we control our own reactions to things.

 

Some of you seem as though it would never bother you, though, regardless the circumstances. What if someone you thought was one of your best friends did this? Are those of you that wouldn't offended really that thick skinned? It really wouldn't bother you if the child that you thought was your child's best friend had a party without them? It really wouldn't bother you if your best friend (you thought) posted about a party she hosted that you weren't invited to? I'm not talking about all those casual acquaintances and I do realize this would be a time for reflection on the relationship. But it really wouldn't hurt, at all?

No, because my best friend and I talk. I'd know the whys and what fors behind the decision...that's why we're best friends :D Plus, she knows that a party, with strange people, is likely to be at best uncomfortable, at worst physically painful for me.

 

As for the kids scenario, its the same person, so same answer applies. Other than that, I'd explain to my child that not everybody has room for everyone, that it might be family only, etc...and then arrange for birthday child to come for a play date, or go to the mall or something, give a gift and well wishes. It doesn't *have* to be a party to do that.

I really want some of what you all have got. How do I get that rhino skin? Have you always been that way? I feel like I have gotten better and much less sensitive as I've gotten older but those things still can hurt my feelings. I wish they didn't.

Developing RSD, coming from a toxic family helps. Teaches you that you only have so much rent free space in your head and heart, and to leave it to trivial toxicity isn't worth it. I have too many ppl lining up for what rent free space I've got (NPD MIL included) to worry about invites.

I admit I get my feeling hurt on FB sometimes. I had a very close friend and we had a falling out. It was terrible. We are friends again but it is not the same. I still feel sad about that. And yes, reading about all her outings with her new best friend do hurt. How do I make that stop? I'm not mad at her for this but I can't help but feel a little sad when I read it. For that reason I make sure that I do not write anything that would make her feel the same way. I don't know if it would but I am careful about what I write about my "new friends". It just seems compassionate.

Quit reading about the outings. It really is that simple. Quit facebook if need be.

 

I don't 'do' facebook much...just to reply to emails mainly. It seems like voyeurism to me.

[Crissy]

I really want some of what you all have got. How do I get that rhino skin? Have you always been that way? I feel like I have gotten better and much less sensitive as I've gotten older but those things still can hurt my feelings. I wish they didn't.

 

 

I don't think it's always about being thick-skinned.

I can't speak for everyone, but I take the position that I don't always know the whole story.

If my son isn't invited to his best friend's birthday party, but the rest of the 'group' is, I would assume the host had a good reason for choosing only specific people to invite.

I will choose to believe they didn't leave him out to hurt him. If I find out otherwise, I will probably feel badly for him (I can't say for sure, as that particular thing has never happened). Until then, however, I won't just assume someone was being rude or hurtful.

[Mom0012]

I think the OPs point is being missed even though she has restated it. It isn't about being invited to everything. It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it. I see her talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

Of course, there shouldn't be an expectation that everyone should be invited to everything, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

 

Lisa

[Crissy]

It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it.

 

Lisa

 

It's a matter of perspective.

You might see it as rudely flaunting and be offended and hurt.

Someone else will see it as a friend sharing a fun time and be happy for her.

[Hedgehogs4]

i think fb is a completely different animal and new rules apply. i don't think it's rude to post about a party etc, or to post photos of an event.

[Mom0012]

It's a matter of perspective.

You might see it as rudely flaunting and be offended and hurt.

Someone else will see it as a friend sharing a fun time and be happy for her.

 

I think that would be the rare perspective in the situation I described. I also suspect any book on etiquette would state otherwise.

 

Lisa

[Jenny in GA]

I think the OPs point is being missed even though she has restated it. It isn't about being invited to everything. It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it. I see her talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

Lisa

 

:iagree:

 

I was about to post the same thing. It seems like we are talking about at least two different things here.

 

**********************************

 

This has reminded me of yet another story. When I was about twelve, a girl my age lived down the street, but in a different school district, believe it or not, so we didn't see each other too often. We were friendly, but not close friends by any means.

 

One day she came to my house and asked if we could play. I hadn't seen her for a few weeks before then.

 

She spent almost the whole time that day talking about how her birthday party the day before -- what they did, what they ate, what gifts she got, etc. It was the funniest thing, really. She didn't even say anything like, "I would have liked to invite you, but ..." or "the party was just for kids in my class at school," or any kind of disclaimer.

 

It was more amusing than offensive, really.

 

Jenny

[Marie463]

I so agree that this hurts, but it can also be an opportunity to "define the relationship." Was this the first time that you felt and/or were left out of something with this group? If this has happened more than once, it may be an indication that you need to put your energies into a new group of friends. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should be rude to the original group of friends that have hurt you, but rather, just be guarded.

 

Case in point: there is a lady that lives a few streets away from me that I have known for years. I thought that we were pretty good friends, until one day we were at a party and talking with a small group of people. Introductions were being made to a newcomer and my "friend" introduced me by name and then introduced the other two ladies - X and Y - by name and added, "X and Y are the friends that I spend the most time with"...I was aghast and hurt. Following that party, I then noticed that she did, in fact, spend most of her time and energy with friends X and Y. It really "defined the relationship" for me. It hurt, but it also gave me the strength and determination to move on. Yes, I'm still "friends" with the original person, but I'm guarded around her until I feel more safe, know what I mean? The other thing that I have learned from that situation is that I need to be very careful speaking about my friendships, social gatherings, etc. around others ...if for no other reason than that I don't want others to feel hurt like I did.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Marie463

[Murphy101]

Here is another perspective:

 

I am a member of another homeschooling board that is rather closeknit. We have shared the joy of each other's births and the pain of each other's losses. When my brother died a member of that board WHO I HAD NEVER EVEN MET IRL came to my brother's funeral and pressed a cross that she had crocheted into my hand and told me, "I'll tell the girls that you did a great job". (I gave the eulogy) It wasn't until she left that I realized who she was. She also gave us a gift certificate for a hotel room and dinner and offered us the use of her home.

 

I remember that and tearing up about it. :grouphug:

 

When members of that board get together they will post pics and the thread title is usually something like,"GUESS WHO I GOT TO MEET TODAY?!"

 

I always read those! I think it sounds fun and it's interesting to read. Sure I wish I could do it too, but I don't begrudge them their fun.

 

I don't think it's always about being thick-skinned.

I can't speak for everyone, but I take the position that I don't always know the whole story.

 

 

This.

 

And I also remember that for everytime I've felt that way, I've made someone else feel that way. Probably obliviously.

 

If they are close enough for it to hurt, then we should be close enough for me to share my feelings. Maybe I did or said something I'm unaware of. Maybe there's something I don't know going on.

 

talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

I've had exactly that happen to me!

It was my clue to :auto: without them b/c they weren't the group for me any longer.

 

Hurt some bit indeed.:grouphug:

 

I'd be blunt and ask if I've done something amiss and either repair or move on. Because really those are the only two healthy productive options.

 

 

It's a matter of perspective.

You might see it as rudely flaunting and be offended and hurt.

Someone else will see it as a friend sharing a fun time and be happy for her.

 

Yep. That's what I decided. Them folks go be happy. Good for them. I'm determined to do the same.:)

[tex-mex]

i think fb is a completely different animal and new rules apply. i don't think it's rude to post about a party etc, or to post photos of an event.

 

Exactly. My original point. It is a whole new realm of interaction. I really don't get my feelings hurt when I don't get an invite. I love reading what others are up to and photos.

[Nestof3]

I didn't see anyone mentioning best friends. I saw mention of social circles which could mean you go to the same church, same homeschool group, live in the same neighborhood. In each situation, I would never want someone to invite me out of obligation.

 

I did have a friend of 25 years (we get together every now and then to catch up) post a photo of a girl's night out she had with friends. I remember thinking to myself, "wow -- that must have been fun. I remember thinking, "that would have been fun to have gone," but I honestly realized that she is closer to those ladies now that years have passed. I wasn't hurt. It allowed me to understand the level of our friendship more. She lives farther away from me now (different cities, but 20 minutes away without traffic). She has four children, two of whom are twins about a year old. I know she has been hectic. I thought about how much she probably needed that night out, and I felt glad that she has great friends in her life. Friendships can go through seasons. That's just the way it is.

 

Would I like a best friend? Sure. But, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy those I have in my life.

 

I agree about not being offended and that we control our own reactions to things.

 

Some of you seem as though it would never bother you, though, regardless the circumstances. What if someone you thought was one of your best friends did this? Are those of you that wouldn't offended really that thick skinned? It really wouldn't bother you if the child that you thought was your child's best friend had a party without them? It really wouldn't bother you if your best friend (you thought) posted about a party she hosted that you weren't invited to? I'm not talking about all those casual acquaintances and I do realize this would be a time for reflection on the relationship. But it really wouldn't hurt, at all?

 

I really want some of what you all have got. How do I get that rhino skin? Have you always been that way? I feel like I have gotten better and much less sensitive as I've gotten older but those things still can hurt my feelings. I wish they didn't.

 

I admit I get my feeling hurt on FB sometimes. I had a very close friend and we had a falling out. It was terrible. We are friends again but it is not the same. I still feel sad about that. And yes, reading about all her outings with her new best friend do hurt. How do I make that stop? I'm not mad at her for this but I can't help but feel a little sad when I read it. For that reason I make sure that I do not write anything that would make her feel the same way. I don't know if it would but I am careful about what I write about my "new friends". It just seems compassionate.

[HeidiKC]

I think the OPs point is being missed even though she has restated it. It isn't about being invited to everything. It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it. I see her talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

Of course, there shouldn't be an expectation that everyone should be invited to everything, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

 

Lisa

:iagree:

[Nestof3]

That's how I feel. It may be that a boy was told he could invite five friends, and he happened to enjoy the company of five boys more than one of mine. Then there's that whole, "If we invite Ben, we'd have to invite Nathan" thing. So, let's say that were not invited for one of those reasons.

 

That's life. I would just explain to my boys that he had to choose his closest friends, and we would talk about who they would invite if I told them they could only invite one or two friends. I try to get them to understand that they cannot assume the worst about people in this way and that they also have to accept where they fall in someone's friendship world. The whole point of the birthday party is to honor the person whose birthday it is. It is their choice how they choose to enjoy this.

 

I don't think it's always about being thick-skinned.

I can't speak for everyone, but I take the position that I don't always know the whole story.

If my son isn't invited to his best friend's birthday party, but the rest of the 'group' is, I would assume the host had a good reason for choosing only specific people to invite.

I will choose to believe they didn't leave him out to hurt him. If I find out otherwise, I will probably feel badly for him (I can't say for sure, as that particular thing has never happened). Until then, however, I won't just assume someone was being rude or hurtful.

[Nestof3]

I agree there shouldn't be flaunting about it when those not invited are not present. I do not see sharing on Facebook to be flaunting. It is public. I wouldn't normally know what my friend Kathy had for dinner last Thursday, but I might if I read her post on Facebook.

 

I think the OPs point is being missed even though she has restated it. It isn't about being invited to everything. It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it. I see her talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

Of course, there shouldn't be an expectation that everyone should be invited to everything, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

 

Lisa

[SnowWhite]

You'd have to read the posts to "get it", I think. I'm actually not offended, but I do admit to having hurt feelings once in a while. Maybe it's just a difference in personal style. I enjoy getting with friends, but it's not something I gush all over FB about.

[4kiddies]

Nope, doesn't bother me in the least. We are a family of six and I understand that we could overwhelm the situation sometimes.

 

In fact, this has happened to me recently where a bunch of mothers from dance got their daughters (only children or only children not in school) together and didn't invite us. Fine with me, I understand that to invite an additional four kids might seem overwhelming.

[smrtmama]

I was brought up that if you had a party composed of some people but not others in your broader social group then neither host nor guests were supposed to talk about the party in front of others in the larger group. So if you were on a sports team and had 4 out of 12 teammates over for a birthday dinner, none of you talked about it outside of the four of you. Do you think it's rude IRL to talk about a social gathering to people who might have been included but weren't?

 

On FB people post photos all the time of parties, etc. that they've had and everyone in their social group (I don't mean the FB "friends" network, but their IRL acquaintances who are FB friends) can see who did what with whom and what they weren't invited to. Do you think that is rude when it is done on FB?

 

I'm always a bit flabbergasted that people would do this. How do you feel about it?

 

ETA: I was asking more from the point of view of if you think it's rude to do it, not whether your personal feelings are hurt by it. Would you do it knowing some people's feelings are hurt by it even if there are others who don't care?

 

Yes, I think it's rude, and I either don't mention it on FB or I make a point of saying it was "family only."

[Mom0012]

I agree there shouldn't be flaunting about it when those not invited are not present. I do not see sharing on Facebook to be flaunting. It is public. I wouldn't normally know what my friend Kathy had for dinner last Thursday, but I might if I read her post on Facebook.

 

I'm addressing the question about IRL situations. I don't use Facebook so I don't know the rules there or how it works.

 

Lisa

[tex-mex]

I think the OPs point is being missed even though she has restated it. It isn't about being invited to everything. It's about being excluded when it's a group you belong to and then having people rudely flaunt it. I see her talking more about a situation where maybe there is a small playgroup with 5 families involved and a mom decides to only invite 4 of the families. Then she proceeds to discuss the party in front of the family who wasn't invited. How can that not be considered rude and hurtful?

 

Of course, there shouldn't be an expectation that everyone should be invited to everything, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

 

Lisa

 

But the whole point of FB is having an "open" book for everyone to read. Your life is out there for your friends to read about. This is where the OP and I disagree. I have family members do stuff without me -- and to be honest -- I am okay about it. I don't get offended or legalistic with ettiquette rules. If I do get offended, then I am guilty of being a legalist. See how easy it is to be offended? It is a virtual "book" -- if it were IRL -- then yes, the family members were being rude. Why should they edit their OWN FB pages to suit another family member who is prone to having their feelings hurt? (I realize this is blunt... my apologies.)

Edited May 26, 2010 by tex-mex

[jazzyfizzle]

I think people are rude in all sorts of ways on FB, but this is one of the biggest.

 

I really don't think that courtesy is taught anymore in general, though, as I have seen more and more of this IRL, too. QUOTE]

 

 

:iagree:

[Laurie4b]

But the whole point of FB is having an "open" book for everyone to read. Your life is out there for your friends to read about. This is where the OP and I disagree. I have family members do stuff without me -- and to be honest -- I am okay about it. I don't get offended or legalistic with ettiquette rules. If I do get offended, then I am guilty of being a legalist. See how easy it is to be offended? It is a virtual "book" -- if it were IRL -- then yes, the family members were being rude. Why should they edit their OWN FB pages to suit another family member who is prone to having their feelings hurt? (I realize this is blunt... my apologies.)

 

This has really gotten pretty comical and I'm learning a lot about how people filter posts. For whatever reason, the OP functioned as kind of a Rorschach blot.

 

The OP was not written asking if I or anyone else should be hurt or offending by a posting on Facebook. I happen to be a person who is not particularly social: I can live without social gatherings if I have time with my family and occasionally with close friends. I enjoy parties once I get there but am usually grumbling the whole time I'm getting ready about having to go. So I wasn't writing this about myself or having hurt feelings.

 

I was provoked to ask because of a posting I saw that I knew would be salt in the wounds of a friend. And I wasn't writing it from the point of view of people who have hurt feelings. I was writing it asking what people felt from the point of view of the person potentially causing the hurt feelings.

 

I was not asking from a legalistic point of view either, but curious about changing ettiquette as technology changes, and particularly curious if something done IRL public is considered rude why it wouldn't be if done in Facebook public. Ettiquette to me isn't about legalism or rules but about consideration of others.

 

Apparently, for quite a few people, the answer is, "If it wouldn't hurt me, there is nothing wrong with doing it. I know people can be hurt by that sort of thing but I judge that it is wrong for them to be hurt and in fact they deserve a dressing down if they are hurt."

[Laurie4b]

i think fb is a completely different animal and new rules apply. i don't think it's rude to post about a party etc, or to post photos of an event.

 

May I ask why it's different in virtual public on FB than it is in nonvirtual public? This is something I'm very curious about.

 

Would you talk in a mixed group of your friends about a party you had if that party had included some of the group present but not others?

 

If you wouldn't, why is FB different if the same people are there virtually?