Lack of Stick-to-itiveness

[TheApprentice]

My 12 yr old ds may be developing a bad habit. If it's too much effort, or takes to much time, he doesn't want to continue. Case in points: Saxophone for 2 years - quit; football for 3 years - quit; guitar for 1 year - quit, now he's been in the boy scouts for 1 1/2 years and he wants to, you guessed it, quit. My sister seems to think that kids these days don't want to continue with anything if some effort is involved. I guess I'm wondering if I need to be a little tougher and not allow him to quit. But then on the flip side, I want him to try new things knowing that it is up to him to continue.

 

How do you handle similar situations?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Has he said why he wants to quit? He may have tried them long enough to know that they are not his niche and want to try something new. It doesn't have to be because they take too much effort or time. Unless he said that it was? Or you have another reason to think that is why?

[Jana]

How old is your son?

 

If your son wanted to quit mid-season in a sport, that's one thing, but he has taken-up activities for two and three years at a time. I think playing football for 3 years gives a person a solid understanding if you like the game. He doesn't. I wouldn't define this as quitting so much as narrowing his interests.

 

 

He is a child, as long as he is pursuing interests and finding enjoyment in them, I don't see what the issue is. You can't fault him for not having something he is passionate about. A big part of growing-up is figuring out who you are and I think that's exactly what he's doing.

[fivetails]

He is a child, as long as he is pursuing interests and finding enjoyment in them, I don't see what the issue is. You can't fault him for not having something he is passionate about. He just hasn't found it yet. I think a big part of growing-up is figuring out who you are. I think that's what he's doing.

 

:iagree:

 

He's participated [i don't want to say "tried out" because a year or more is certainly beyond just "trying out" something new] in those activities for long enough to know that he doesn't want to pursue them any longer....

[lllll]

..

[OrganicAnn]

If he quit everything after a month, then that is lack of stick to it -ness.

 

For a kid, a year seems like an eternity.

 

What were you thinking proved stick-to-it-ness? Five years?

[Rosie_0801]

Is it really a problem? Most people can stick to things they want to stick to. People out in the workforce change jobs every few years, so making a kid stick to one hobby so they can learn to stick to one hobby doesn't seem worthwhile.

 

Rosie

[Peela]

I agree with the others and thats not what I would call not sticking with something. He gives it a fair go.

 

For us though, we consider Scouts to be a part of our kids' curriculum, and we didn't let ds quit when he wanted to, around age 12/13. He went through a rough time with a leader there- but it was partly him, partly her, and we felt it was character building that even though she was over the top with him, he learn how to handle it. A year later- he is thriving there and very glad he stayed.

 

We consider Scouts to be part of the kids' curriculum because of the way the kids learn to work in teams and together, take leadership positions, as well as do camps and volunteer work. Also, it covers sport and they learn how to sail! It is co-ed here in Australia too. It is our kids' main social outlet and teaches them many incidental skills. So...not optional until mid teens at least.

 

Ds did recorder for many years, and then piano for one year. He has now quit both. Sad..but he is old enough to have some say.

[LibraryLover]

I see late childhood and early adolescence as a time for dipping ones' toes into various areas of interest. To me, that all seems perfectly fine and 'normal' experimentation.

 

You know your child best. Are there other behaviors that are sending up red flags for you?

[momof2girls]

My 10yo developed that bad habit about 5 years ago. :lol:

[hillfarm]

I may be the grown up example of what you describe with your ds. I go in what my dh calls cycles. I will get a new passion and be very obsessed with it for a while. Then I eventually reach a point where the pleasure I am getting out of the activity no longer justifies the time/energy expenditure and I move on to something different. I am not that way with everything (just had my 26th wedding anniversary, been a Baptist for 30 years :D), but am often that way with hobbies, and sometimes careers.

 

The down side of this is that I rarely meet the highly touted "10,000 hours" now said to be required to become an expert. But I haven't noticed any negative repercussions regarding my ability to complete specific projects or finite tasks. Another negative is that I have to be careful to not mislead others into thinking that I am a new convert for life to whatever the cause. I am cautious to not go into things that would require a big layout of cash, and have always been able to double my investment on any startup equipment I have purchased when I eventually decide to leave that activity.

 

The up side is that I have been able to learn quite a bit about a number of things. I have also learned how to be able to come up to speed on whatever the topic fairly quickly. I have to watch that though, since I am often faced with the opportunity to get in over my head because I know how to make contact with experts, talk the talk, and understand the basics, so often get invited to participate at a higher level than my knowledge or skills merit.

 

Regarding your ds, I think as long as he completes a session/season, etc. and is careful not to leave others in the lurch, depending on him, then this is not a problem. I would be sure to help him see the benefits of long term focus also, so that he would understand the ramifications of changing activities frequently. Not that one is good and the other bad, they are just different and that knowledge could help him to make good choices in his future life. There are no prizes for martyrdom and sticking with something that is making you miserable or is a waste of time. In my book, it is great fun to immerse myself in something and then to be wise enough to know when to end it.

[OhM]

My 12 yr old ds may be developing a bad habit. If it's too much effort, or takes to much time, he doesn't want to continue. Case in points: Saxophone for 2 years - quit; football for 3 years - quit; guitar for 1 year - quit, now he's been in the boy scouts for 1 1/2 years and he wants to, you guessed it, quit. My sister seems to think that kids these days don't want to continue with anything if some effort is involved. I guess I'm wondering if I need to be a little tougher and not allow him to quit. But then on the flip side, I want him to try new things knowing that it is up to him to continue.

 

How do you handle similar situations?

 

(Well, I didn't handle the poorly done research paper that she just wants to be done with very well this morning...:glare:)

 

But in general, if I'm sensing that the reason is that they've come upon something challenging, I'll often say, "As soon as 'X' is completed, you may quit if you still want to." Once they find that they have to do the thing they were hoping to avoid, they settle in and have a good time, and usually want to continue.

 

I do let them quit activities if they've outgrown them, or sincerely made an effort and just aren't that interested. In a couple of cases, I've made the decision to quit because of the way things were run.

[Mejane]

Is it really a problem? Most people can stick to things they want to stick to. People out in the workforce change jobs every few years, so making a kid stick to one hobby so they can learn to stick to one hobby doesn't seem worthwhile.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree: I do this, and I'm 50 years old. I stick to what's important - marriage, kids, homeschooling... and let other things go.

[TheApprentice]

Thanks Hillfarm for a look into the future :001_huh:. That is my son. A strong passion for (whatever), and then burnout. I think that is what is going on here.

 

Thanks to all who responded :001_smile: