not happy....hubby is leaving

[Pamela H in Texas]

for Alabama.

 

Is it irresponsible for me to start planning on selling the house and everything in it NOW so we can join him ASAP? Even though it'll mean that we almost definitely will be moving a few times, at least, if we don't find an RV to buy and/or he doesn't get a permanent job?

 

I just don't want to be separated AGAIN. :(

[fmont6bu]

I don't know. I mean I totally get the sentiment and to me it wouldn't be a bad idea. How would your kids feel about it? (or am I just missing the j/k element).

[elegantlion]

I know I mentioned this last time he left for work, but dh and I were apart for 7 months while he worked. We knew it was a permanent move and would be joining him but we agreed never to do that again. It was too stressful, it was hard on ds, and hard on our marriage. If your last go round was too much, yes, I'd start packing to join him.

 

An RV might be a decent solution if he's not sure where he'll end up. If not a short term rental. However if this is a super-temporary job I might wait to head out until you knew where he might land.

 

Home is not always a location, home is with your family. :grouphug:

 

Escapees is an RV club that could help you with mail forwarding and permanent residence status. You could keep your Texas residency, great for homeschooling, if you were doing frequent moving for his job.

Edited May 1, 2010 by elegantlion

[Pamela H in Texas]

This job is supposed to be about one year. So assuming he doesn't hate it desperately, I assume he'll stay there unless he gets an incredible offer. There is another job coming up soon. It's a two yr job. It's in Texas but a good 3+ hours away from us. Though he could come on weekends he didn't have to work, we'd still be separated the rest of the time. Even with that, I'd prefer to move, I think.

 

I HATED when he did pipefitting before because we kept moving, but we also lived more simply and were together. If he has to do pipefitting to take care of us, I'd prefer to be together.

[....]

Get an RV and go together. Or sell your house. Heck, abandon the darn house. My husband and I were recently separated for 8 months and I was literally falling apart. I stood in the middle of our street one day and just cried and cried with my neighbors trying to help me. It is soooo not worth it. In the end, we couldn't even sell our stupid house and just leased it out. We couldn't even buy a house once we moved because we were all in shambles.

 

I say, "Get an RV! Go together!"

[fmont6bu]

My dad was in the marine corps growing up and from 7th to 11th grade we moved every year/ went to a new school every year. I actually thought it was a great experience and learned a lot about different parts of the country. I get "wander lust" every two or three years now. I don't think it's wrong to move to be with your DH. I actually see more right than wrong. My parents always said being a family unit was more important than staying with friends.

[Audrey]

Get an RV and go together. Or sell your house. Heck, abandon the darn house. My husband and I were recently separated for 8 months and I was literally falling apart. I stood in the middle of our street one day and just cried and cried with my neighbors trying to help me. It is soooo not worth it. In the end, we couldn't even sell our stupid house and just leased it out. We couldn't even buy a house once we moved because we were all in shambles.

 

I say, "Get an RV! Go together!"

 

 

Yes. This Pamela. I only had a little taste of the separation thing. Dh long hauled livestock for a while. He'd be gone for days. I couldn't stand it. I would not bode well with months of separation. Do what you have to do. RV living is a real adventure for many families. I would say, take the plunge if it keeps you all together!

[Sonshine]

I had a home school friend who took her kids and lived in a state park for the summer to be with her husband while he worked his temporary out of town job. They were of very limited financial means and this worked out great. I recently ran into her after not seeing her for around 15 years and she said that summer was a great time for them. Her kids were mostly little at that time and lots of boys, so they had a great time swimming and fishing.

 

She told me a funny story attached to this. They had a very old car. Their neighbor had a brand new fancy car. He told them this story several years later when they moving out of the neighborhood. He saw them leaving to drive over to the state park 1,000 miles way with all the many kids in their rattletrap of a car and worried it would break down on them. I think the husband had gone on ahead to his job, so he wasn't even along to help with a car breakdown. The neighbor took his car west on an equally long distance trip at the same time. His car broke down and he spent a week in a small town in the middle of nowhere waiting for parts. Her car did just fine.

 

The moral of the story is that God will take care of you. I admire you for working on keeping your family together. God will help you figure out what you are supposed to do.

[bookfiend]

Not irresponsible at all - just the opposite. You are being responsible to the correct priorities of marriage and family. My husband and I lived apart when we were 1st married for about 8 months, because we owned my "dream" house in a historic part of town. He decided to go back to school about 2 hours away and just came home for the weekends. It was so crazy because we had to maintain TWO households - everything was out of whack. We sold it all, lived on less than $11/hour, in the middle of nowhere, in a house that had no stove, and remember it all fondly.:D

 

Your children are old enough to make this a grand adventure. I say go for it!

[StartingOver]

I chased my ex all over the country with the kids in an RV. We loved it. When we got tired of the motion, we would run off and visit my mom in Texas for a bit. Then back on the road. Jobs for him lasted 8 weeks to 2 years. I was so glad we were homeschooling before it all started. Of course this was a few years back with my now older children. But I would do it again in a heart beat with these little ones if needed !

 

I can not stand being apart, families should stay together.

 

( We were set up to dry camp with a generator and decent size holding tanks. Part of the time we spent in WalMart parking lots when the jobs were short, or on the beach. I loved it because it was free !! )

[mycalling]

I'll add my vote for RV, too.

 

My husband did the same, flying out to NC for work from our home in CA for over a year and I just couldn't handle it anymore. We sold or gave away almost everything we owned and bought a 1970s RV and had just enough money for gas to get out here. No plan beyond him working. We planned to stay in a campground, but a great rental house dropped into our laps the day after we arrived! That was pregnant with 4 kids under 5...two teenagers will be a breeze!:tongue_smilie:

[Pamela H in Texas]

wow...could y'all talk to my mom who thinks I've lost my mind?

 

Hubby is going to camp out the first couple weeks, until he can't stand it any longer (he is working nights so when it gets REALLY hot, that is going to be an issue. Also, once kids are out of school and people are traveling, the noise may be problematic).

 

I wish we could do that much with him, but I really need to work and pay up the bills. My job will end the beginning of June (well, for the summer, at least). I wonder if I can get a job in podunk Alabama :)

 

Anyway, I don't think we can get the amount we owe for the house PLUS realtor's fees. But even if we didn't, it'd be better not to have to worry about it, I think. And if we can get bills down, it'd be that much sooner we could get an RV. A friend we were with this morning said she knew of a two bedroom 5th wheel with pull outs for only $14K. It was a FEMA trailor. Wish I had $14K to do that! They've lived in a 5th wheel for years (like raised their kids in them and now her youngest is 19!) and really made it sound do-able.

[Renee in NC]

I would not be separated from my dh again for anything, and for us it was only 2 months!

 

I would go and camp with him.

 

ETA: I want to clarify. Someone once told me that a way we could afford to live was to live in tents. I thought she was nuts (and still do!) HOWEVER, if I had to choose between being separated or living in a tent, I would figure out how I could live in a tent.

[newbie]

wow...could y'all talk to my mom who thinks I've lost my mind?

 

Hubby is going to camp out the first couple weeks, until he can't stand it any longer (he is working nights so when it gets REALLY hot, that is going to be an issue. Also, once kids are out of school and people are traveling, the noise may be problematic).

 

I wish we could do that much with him, but I really need to work and pay up the bills. My job will end the beginning of June (well, for the summer, at least). I wonder if I can get a job in podunk Alabama :)

 

Anyway, I don't think we can get the amount we owe for the house PLUS realtor's fees. But even if we didn't, it'd be better not to have to worry about it, I think. And if we can get bills down, it'd be that much sooner we could get an RV. A friend we were with this morning said she knew of a two bedroom 5th wheel with pull outs for only $14K. It was a FEMA trailor. Wish I had $14K to do that! They've lived in a 5th wheel for years (like raised their kids in them and now her youngest is 19!) and really made it sound do-able.

 

Trailers are expensive, RVs are worse. We have been looking for a month. Finally we sold my car and bought a 2010 Kalispell by Carson Trailer, it is 8x11 ft, but it sleeps four, has potty/shower, fridge micro sink. You can order one for 8100, we got ours for 9 b/c we got the extra bed, hence two beds. We got it today. Its itsy bitsy, but we can afford it , live in it and drive it across the US w/our truck, or a car that can tote 2500 lbs.

HTH

[FaithManor]

If you can't get what you owe on the house plus realtors fees, talk to a trusted realtor about managing your home as a rental property. In our area, there are many very nice families that have lost their homes to repossession because of being underwater on their mortgages. Once they find work again, their credit is ruined and they can't buy another house and many apartment complexes won't take them because part of their rental criteria is having a decent credit score. Maybe the realtor could find someone in that bought that is now employed who could lease the house for enough to pay the mortgage, insurance, and property tax. Repairs might be hard to come up with, but with the right family, these could be negotiable.

 

Also, if your property tax is high, DEMAND a reevaluation. Since property values have plummeted many families paying too much ptax for the actual worth of their property. If you can get the taxes lowered, that may help with your margins on rental price.

 

I vote for trying to hit the road with your hubby. You and the children need each other and his self-esteem will be better if he is still a part of his family's day to day life. It's hard on a man's image of himself as a father when he has to travel that much.

 

Faith

[Crimson Wife]

Moving is hard (we've had 7 places in 11 years of marriage) but being separated is even harder (did that 3 summers in a row when my oldest was a baby & toddler). I would've gone with DH those 3 times but we needed my salary & health insurance.

[unsinkable]

IIRC, Pamela is already on the road w/her family...

 

Things change quickly...

[Blessedfamily]

Yes. She's half-way across the country now.

[mycalling]

IIRC, Pamela is already on the road w/her family...

 

Things change quickly...

:thumbup: That is wonderful for her whole family!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Yep, we've been in Virginia for over 2 weeks now! We sold everything and the house is on the market.

 

Hubby was doing a little better mentally when we got here (I could tell the difference in his voice that first night after we were on the road!), but he seems bad again. At least we're here with him not worrying about him half the country away.

[PentecostalMom]

Hubby is going to camp out the first couple weeks, until he can't stand it any longer

 

Can you tell me where he is going, maybe via PM? We live in Alabama...maybe we can help? Just a thought. A few years ago, we, too lived in a fifth wheel. We followed dh for a job that was four months long and didn't know what we were doing after that! We left home with a raggedy pop-up camper, found a friendly individually owned campground and stayed there for a month or so in that pop-up. They had a tenant abandon an Airstream so we rented that for $85/week, then we upgraded to a fifth-wheel they had there for $100/week. We were poor as church mice, but it was on a river and some of our fondest hsing memories are there! I taught my ds how to fish, how to skin and clean a catfish, how to scale/clean/filet a bass, how to bait a hook, how to drop a cane pole in the water and how to cast a rod & reel. Dh taught him how to run a boat (we borrowed from the owners), how to tie knots, how to kill a snake...and so much more that I cannot recall.

 

I agree with everyone else...GO! My own MIL told me NOT to go with my dh. I went and I have never regretted it.

[myfatherslily]

I'm in central AL - let me know if I can help somehow, as well! I do NOT think you're crazy! :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks y'all.

 

AL didn't work out afterall (and neither did "camping out"). He came to VA but still had some mental issues over having to work THIS kind of job and being separated from us. Some people helped us (kids and me) be able to come sooner. We've been here almost 4 weeks now and it's GREAT! We miss home a little, but....And hubby is doing much better now, not perfect, but adjusting.

[myfatherslily]

Oh, yes, now I see the rest of the thread and the date! I read all the replies... but still managed to miss that it was an older thread and you were already somewhere else! Duh!:) Glad everything is going well!:)

[KristenS]

Sorry AL didn't work (it's a great state, minus the heat!) ... but glad you are all together again.