What to do about a messy eater?

[aggieamy]

I'm almost at my wit's end with my DSD. She's a very messy eater and after years of working on it I'm not sure it's getting much better. I don't want her to continue to be like this and not have good table manners. We have been working on it consistently but it doesn't seem to sink in to her. Examples are sitting in your chair - she's a very fidgetty person and would prefer to half sit/half stand for dinner. She doesn't want her asparagus touching her potatoes so she puts them on the table cloth. Once last week I looked over to see her eating mashed potatoes with her fingers. Ugh. She's tries eating with her fingers a lot, which at almost 6 years old I don't think she should be doing. When we tell her to use a spoon for something she'll still use her fingers to push her food onto her spoon and then eat. She also tries to put the fork or spoon into her mouth sideways, if that makes any sense, rather than the tip which ends up with food spilled down the front of her shirt.

 

She has nice handwriting which I don't think would happen if she had fine motor skill issues so I don't think that is the problem. My parents were very strict about having good table manner so this really bothers me. My DH has excellent manners too so I don't really know what the problem is but I find myself really getting upset with her over it. I also don't think that I'm expecting too much from her at this age because my niece eats with us a lot and her table manners are excellent other than needing to be reminded about saying 'please' and 'thank you'.

 

Any suggestions on teaching good table manners? I've tried gently correcting her when she does something wrong ("Use the fork to eat the potatoes with not your fingers, please"), I've praised her when she sits still without being asked, and DH and I try to model good table manners but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm really frustrated.

[mcconnellboys]

My older son is very much like this and has sensory processing problems. I tend to think this isn't carelessness or bad manners......

[Daisy]

Can you give her an extra plate or a divided plate for the foods she doesn't want touching?

 

I'd expect at least a certain level of neatness, but at five there is plenty of grace to be found in what each child can be expected to do.

 

By that age though, I expected my children to clean up their own messes. So if they are dropping food all over the floor because they won't sit neatly in their chair, then their chore can be sweeping the kitchen or wiping down the table and chairs, etc.

[aggieamy]

My older son is very much like this and has sensory processing problems. I tend to think this isn't carelessness or bad manners......

 

What do I do about this though? Do I just need to be resigned to the fact that she'll be eating mashed potatoes with her fingers when she's in college. :001_huh:

 

Can you give her an extra plate or a divided plate for the foods she doesn't want touching?

 

I'd expect at least a certain level of neatness, but at five there is plenty of grace to be found in what each child can be expected to do.

 

By that age though, I expected my children to clean up their own messes. So if they are dropping food all over the floor because they won't sit neatly in their chair, then their chore can be sweeping the kitchen or wiping down the table and chairs, etc.

 

That's a good idea because it would probably make her more aware that she was making a mess. I could even have her take the table cloth down to the washer if it's dirty - maybe it would get her thinking that she could ask for an extra plate. I'm not opposed the the extra plate it just never occured to me that certain foods couldn't touch.

Edited April 19, 2010 by aggieamy

[dirty ethel rackham]

I totally get the "foods not touching" thing. I can't stand to have my foods touching (at least foods that don't go together in my mind.) My dad used to yell at me for not eating that stripe of apple sauce that got gravy on it - he would say that it is going to the same place anyway - to which I replied "I don't have a tongue in my stomach."

 

What about practice sessions? At a non-stressful time (non-meal time), give her a small serving of mashed potatoes and have her practice. Make a game with a small rewards for each bite she can eat without using her fingers. Do a practice with soup - give her a white bib (or napkin) and see if she can eat it without getting it dirty. Make a lesson out of proper manners including spoofs of terrible manners. If she does have sensory issues or propioception issues, then I would work on those as well. My second son has dealt with these. With therapy, he has improved greatly.

[Stacia]

Is she using the regular sized silverware? If so, I'd get her a smaller (kid-sized) set. Maybe the regular pieces are just too large for her to handle comfortably?

 

I've found kid-sized sets at Ikea and also from Dansk. (When our kids were smaller, we were specifically looking for sets that included a knife, which many sets for kids don't.)

 

As an example, here are some I found on a quick google search:

http://www.flatwareoutlet.com/product/2084/9

http://www.flatwareoutlet.com/product/2083/9

 

Also, is she sitting comfortably at the table? Does her seat allow her to easily reach while her feet are on a flat surface? A Stokke chair is expensive, but very worth it (imo).

[Pretty in Pink]

I wouldn't make a huge deal about the general messiness (that word doesn't look right...hmmm) but I do nag my kids to keep their fingers out of their food. They seem to do better when the table is set with a fork and a [butter]knife, as they hold one in each hand and practice pushing the food onto the fork with the knife if needs be. Other than that I'd just have her wipe up the chair/table/floor after she is through eating.

[mgl]

We have a similar issue with my ds (6 yo). He is way messier when he eats than dd who is 4 or dd who is 2. I have yet to find something that works with him. As of now we just continue to remind him to use his fork and spoon, sit up, put his plate closer to him, ect. He also has to clean his mess up (except for the floor, usually the puppy gets there first, lol). He does tend to do a little better when we are out somewhere or we have guests over. I will be watching to see what suggestions you get. Good luck.

[Garga]

My son is 7 and we call him the cookie monster. When he eats, crumbs fly everywhere and he uses his fingers all the time. Food will sort of fall out of his mouth--just like the cookie monster. When he eats his weekly donut after church, he always picks the one with chocolate frosting and cream inside. His entire face gets covered with sticky donut bits.

 

My other son is 5 and eats like a human, not a cookie monster. I really don't know why one son is such a Messy Marvin, and the other is normal.

[kathkath]

I was just reading in a social skills curriculum to put a mirror in front of them when they eat, to help them be more aware.

[IsabelC]

My 6yo is a nightmare in this department. I am pretty sure it's not entirely mine and dh's fault, because dd aged 4 eats reasonably nicely and dd aged 1 makes a better job than her brother too. We're not that fussy either, we just would like each child to make an effort not to be too disgusting.

 

I am ashamed to say that today I had an adult tantrum with dh. He was eating curried egg wraps, OK I know that's not the easiest thing to eat tidily, but I turned around from talking to the girls to find that he had both hands, his face and his clothes absolutely covered with egg mixture, not to mention the floor, the table and his (upholstered) chair. I took him to the bathroom and threw water over him until he was clean asked him to get dressed in clean clothes, and then sat him down at the "baby table" (little plastic table and chair) to finish eating. Even then, he ate atrociously. He pushed a whole wap into his mouth chewing as he went, instead of taking bites.

 

I realize that my reaction was probably unhelpful, but I'm getting so fed up with it. He puts way too much into his mouth (eg he'll try to balance about half a cup of cereal on his spoon and eat it all at once), he shovels more more in while he's still eating the first lot, he talks with his mouth full, he waves his cutlery around (when he actually uses it). He doesn't have any small motor issues (I know this because he can do non food related tasks such as tying a knot, threading a needle or using a tiny screwdriver).

[texasmama]

Honestly, most of that sounds pretty age appropriate for a child that age. I would choose my battles (such as using a utensil for foods like mashed potatoes) and let most of the rest go. My 4 1/2 year old half stand and half sits, as well. She sits on her knees, etc. She's just not as tall as the rest of us at the big table. I would probably have her practice with a fork putting it in her mouth the correct way. Fear not, though, poor table manners at this tender age doesn't mean that she will have terrible table manners for a lifetime.

[Dobela]

Some of it is just agem but it could be something like poor body awareness. My son, who also had other sensory issues, was a messy eater until he started some OT that focused on body awareness. Without looking in a mirror he didn't know quite where his mouth was if he was trying to move his hand to his mouth. We would ask him where his foot was, and he could tell us at the end of his leg but he couldn't tell of his leg was on the ground or in the air without looking at it. Probably you can google ideas for working on this with her at home.

[sbgrace]

She's old enough to help with after dinner clean up.

 

I've got (fraternal) twins that age. One eats like a normal person and the other is a messy disaster. The messy guy has sensory issues (particularly body in space awareness stuff) and I think it has an awful lot to do with his eating "style" or lack of it in this case. I pick my battles. There are big issues in life and this really isn't anything close to one of them. I would try to put this in perspective. Letting this get to you that much has to be taking toll on dinner time peace and relaxation if not digestion. She'll get way better by college I'm certain!

Edited April 20, 2010 by sbgrace

[SonshineLearner]

We still use the plastic plates that have the divided spots. My 6 year old doesn't like food touching either. (As a matter of fact, neither do I!) Also, they have those "food pushers" that English... I believe... give to their children. I picked mine up at a flatware (silverware) store. You kinda "push" the food with one hand... onto the spoon or whatever....

 

:)

[lllll]

...

[The Girls' Mom]

Just keep reminding her, and have her clean up her own messes.

 

My DD13 has ALWAYS been a messy eater. She's not the most co-ordinated child, and my big issue was the clothes she'd ruin.

 

Anyway, at 13, it's finally starting to sink in. :tongue_smilie:Just this past year, I guess she finally grew into her body because she's eating MUCH better now.

[aggieamy]

Thank you so much for all the ideas. I really appreciate it! I'm going to show these ideas to DH and start on them.