S/O How do you decide who gets their own room?

[happyhomemaker25]

I have five soon to be six children. When Miss Lily gets here we will have four girls and two boys. If I were to move into a larger house and there was room for one of the kids to have their own room how should I decide who gets it?

Here is my dilema, my 12yo and 8yo daughters are destroyers. My 9yo daughter is a neat and tidy child who takes care of her things. For the girls my inclination would be to give the room to the 9yo as a reward for taking care of her things. Leaving the destroyers to their own devices. Or would that be a slight to the oldest daughter?

Or would you give the boys their own room since that would mean two kids get a room of their own?

WWYD?

Purely hypothetical! Don't tell my kids! LOL

[BridgeTea]

I'd wait and see the new place. Then take the kids through and get their input. They may have a solution that surprises you. Mom and Dad get final say, though.

 

Slobs rooming with tidy kids never worked at our house, and bigger age gaps sometimes works better than close-in-age in the same room.

 

Lots of kids+plenty of rooms=many options. You'll find a combo that works!

 

My mom shared a room and bed with 3 sisters growing up in the 40's and 50's. As teens, the oldest 3 would come in together from a night at the bowling alley or sock hop, wake up the baby sister, and tell her to scoot down to the bottom bunk so they could get in bed. (It was not a bunk bed. That poor little one slept on the floor more than once!) See? Kids come up with their own solutions all the time. =)

[KidsHappen]

Well, so far we have been lucky enough for each child except the youngest to have their own room. Usually the youngest stays with us for quite a long time. For the last year before the 18 year old left the youngest had her room in the loft. It was open and had no closet but worked fine as she didn't need a lot of privacy at that age and we had an extra closet in our room that she used. When the 18 year old left then the youngest got her room.

 

If we had been in a position where any of the girls had had to share it would have been the youngest two sharing. I figure the older ones have been around longer and should have more privilages (such as their own room) plus they kept different hours and had their own tvs, computers and stereos that they sometimes used when the youngers should have been sleeping. Plus the youngers still played together a lot back then and frequently slept together anyhow.

 

My girls had their own rooms because it was a convience to me though. I wanted to be able to seperate them and for them to be responsible for their own stuff and space. It was just easier that way.

 

For the first time ever we have all rooms full and no room for visitors nor could we take in anyone if we needed to. We have never been in that position before and it worries me a little. Epsecially at this point where it really would not be practical or possible for any of them to bunk up any more. The bedrooms are all 9X10 and barely hold what is in the now. There would certainly not be room for anything else.

 

When I was growing up, I always got my own room because I was the only girl. I had three brothers and they always had to bunk up. Their room usually help a set of bunks, one twin and three chest of drawers. There was no room for anything else. They had toys but I be darned if I now where they kept them. They must have done a good job of putting them away because I rarely remember seeing them. My dds would die under s stuffie avalanche if they were all in one room. I am talking about hundreds of stuffies between them.

[mazakaal]

Can you put 2 of the girls together so you'll have pairs in each bedroom? Then the oldest wouldn't be slighted. Let the 9yo have her own room initially with the understanding that the baby would soon be going in with her.

 

We have a 3bed house now with all 3 boys sharing and dd has her own room. We're going to be moving in a few weeks into a 4 bed house. For us, it's best for the oldest to get his own room and leave the 11yo & 6yo together because of his personality. And it helps that he's the oldest. If I gave the 11yo his own room, I'm sure there'd be lots of resentment from the 13yo.

[Rhonda in TX]

You could set it up from the very beginning as something to be earned. You earn it by showing you know how to take care of things. It might be an incentive for your other girls.

[CalicoKat]

[

Slobs rooming with tidy kids never worked at our house, . =)

 

:iagree:

[MamaT]

When we moved into this house all 6 kids were still at home, 4 boys and 2 girls. There are 5 bedrooms. My solution was to put 2 kids in each room and turn the extra room into a library. I had shelves built all the way around the walls. I figure sharing a room (even a neato with a slob) is a lesson in patience and how to get along/share space with someone else (and I got a library).

[Miss Tick]

I agree with the previous poster - what about having everyone share and making the "extra" bedroom a library or toy room. It might also be useful for sleepover nights. Also, having the room unassigned would presumably make it easier down the road if someone needed/earned their own room.

[Denisemomof4]

I agree that the responsible, tidy person should be able to have her own room and enjoy her own space. I'd clearly explain this to your kids,

 

My youngest is not only a destroyer, but she is also a problem causer. She will try to awake people by simply singing or making noise, or she'll fake cough and sneeze over and over, or roll all around, knocking into the wall, until she's awaken everyone. Because we only have four bedrooms upstairs, she's no longer on the same floor as us. After 5 years, I've stopped trying and stopped the musical rooms. (she slept with us for a LONG time but I can't take it anymore as I NEED my sleep!) That was her choice. I have an alarm on her door so that she can't get out at night and destroy the house, because she also does that. She's under constant supervision every waking moment. She is adopted and had a horrible start in life, so I do try to be patient and understanding, HARD as it is.

 

The key thing is we've talked a LOT about the issue. And we're right on top of her and she really doesn't have the opportunity to destroy anything. If your kids are destroying their belongings, I wouldn't be bringing anything else into the house until they take care of what they have. We've had birthdays AND one Christmas where my dd got NOTHING aside from treats, clothing, a movie or two, etc. because we told her we would not buy her toys for her to destroy. She didn't like that, so it worked. ;)

[Liza Q]

Can you put 2 of the girls together so you'll have pairs in each bedroom? Then the oldest wouldn't be slighted. Let the 9yo have her own room initially with the understanding that the baby would soon be going in with her.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Here is another option. We have three bedrooms and three girls and one boy. When the boy, the youngest, was a baby we had him in the largest bedroom with two of the girls and the third had the smallest bedroom to herself. We switched off every six months till each girl had a turn having her own room. After that we put the two younger ones in that small room for several years. Now we have the three girls in the big room and the boy in the small one.

 

All that to say - you can give them each a turn at having their own room, and then have them share, two in a room, when the baby is bigger.

[Cinder]

Our situation was different--the baby got her own room. We only had 3 bedrooms and 3 kids but the older two were 7 and 10 years older and both boys, so they had to share. They whined that it wasn't fair since they were bigger but it was the obvious solution. And babies do need a safer space than olders. The funny thing is that after we moved into a larger house and each ds could have his own room they ended up rooming together again by choice. Now that they're older (12 and 15) they're ready to have their own spaces. We're actually moving them this weekend.

 

I had a friend who put the baby in with the younger boys. She had 2 dd's then 3 ds's and then a baby dd. She decided on that arrangement because the dd's went to school and the ds's were still home. So her groupings were for sleep patterns mostly.

 

 

Cinder

[Murphy101]

MOM GETS HER OWN ROOM FIRST!!!!

 

That's my vote.:D

 

Really my kids wouldn't get their own room. In fact, we do have an empty bedroom right now bc we decided to move 2 boys out of it and have 4 boys in the "game room" instead. Leaving the spare room as a music and project room for the older kids to do stuff they don't want little ones to mess with.

 

In our previous home, we had one dd at the time, so she briefly had her own room. You know what I heard on a daily basis? Tears bc she was the only one who had to sleep alone and had no one to talk to at night and how it was just awful that she was all alone.:)

[Garga]

Two in a room. 9yo will be with baby when baby's bigger.

 

Don't give the boys the extra rooms. That would just lend itself to some serious resentment from the girls.

[Matryoshka]

I agree with the previous poster - what about having everyone share and making the "extra" bedroom a library or toy room. It might also be useful for sleepover nights. Also, having the room unassigned would presumably make it easier down the road if someone needed/earned their own room.

 

:iagree: We have all 3 kids in one room and a second room as a dressing/play room. The older two are twins, so with two available rooms, giving one twin her own room and have the other share with her little sister seemed unfeasible, and having just the youngest have her own room also seemed strange. So they're all in together.

[bunnytracks]

Sounds like the room would only be a temporary thing anyway being there will be 6 children soon. I would give the room with the understanding that they automatically bunk with the baby when (s)he is old enough. When you explain this you may find out that no one wants that room ;).

[NancyNellen]

Personally, I would use the extra room as a playroom or a craft room. I think it is a very good thing for kids to share rooms. Even when we've had the room my kids have shared. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Danestress]

I am a sloppy introvert. I have worked to conquer my own sloppiness and do not believe in a "just shut the door, it's their room" approach, but actually require my children to tidy up at keep things at a basic level of clean (which is probably a lower level than a lot of you, lol).

 

But I personally don't think tidiness is a character trait that is "good" vs the "bad" trait of messy people. I suspect it's more a matter of brain wiring, and I would not penalize a messier child in such a dramatic way. I would work hard with the messier children by constantly monitoring them, which is a pain, and helping them organize.

 

I would either give that room to the oldest child or I would rotate. One advantage of rotating is that if you let each girl have her own room for six months at a stretch, you will be thoroughly cleaning both rooms every six months for the switch over, and you probably will allow less "stuff" to accumulate in their rooms. That's probably good for girls who need more help with organization.

 

Having shared a room with my sister, I absolutely longed with all my heart for my own bedroom growing up. I love my sister and we are close, but I actually had a hard time getting married because having a place of my own was such a pure joy for me that I was afraid to give it up. If I had a child who wanted her own space that badly, I would try to make that happen. If one of your daughters is like that, I might try to figure out a graceful way to give her the space she needs. Of course, if all of your daughters are like that (or even two of them!) you can't really do that.