knit247 Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) Skimming some of the recent posts has been helpful, but I need to search for more and can't figure out a search term. Long story short, I suffer from Dysthymia (chronic depression) and am Dx ADHD-Inattentive, and I have allowed it to take over my life. My children are behind. I am behind. I barely keep a tidy house anymore (it's clean, just messy if that makes sense). I rarely get dressed and live in pjs unless I have to go out. I feel like I am swimming in mud and I can't get out... I am not so depressed that I can't function, praise God. I am on medication (Lexapro) and have recently started seeing a therapist who is using Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) with me. For the first time in my life I think it may help. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I think it just might be there. Anyhow, I remember reading awhile back a post from a mom who was not putting her children and homeschooling first. I remember that she got some pretty honest, tough-love-type responses. I need to read those today. I need to shake myself up a bit. I know that I am going to beat myself up even more, but I can't help it. If I were truly unable to get out of bed or function, that would be one thing. But I can. Maybe I can guilt myself into getting back on track? I don't know... :001_unsure: If you have anything bookmarked - would you mind sending it my way? Or mention a good search term to use. My mind is a blank today. Thanks so much! Edited January 15, 2010 by Laurie in Germany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I cant help you with previous threads...but what comes to my mind is, have you checked out Flylady yet? She can help you get off your butt and she does it in such a loving way- you realise you need to do it to love yourself first. It involves baby steps. Its not just about housework..it's a whole way to get your life organised and keep on top of things. What made me think of it was you saying you stay in pajamas all day. One of the first things Flylady does is get you to get dressed to shoes in the morning, because of what that does to your energy and attitude all day. It really works. It may be the tough love you are looking for. flylady.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 I cant help you with previous threads...but what comes to my mind is, have you checked out Flylady yet? She can help you get off your butt and she does it in such a loving way- you realise you need to do it to love yourself first. It involves baby steps. Its not just about housework..it's a whole way to get your life organised and keep on top of things. What made me think of it was you saying you stay in pajamas all day. One of the first things Flylady does is get you to get dressed to shoes in the morning, because of what that does to your energy and attitude all day. It really works. It may be the tough love you are looking for. flylady.net Thanks, Peela. I have looked at Flylady before but allowed myself to become overwhelmed (which I know is from not taking baby-steps). I have gained quite a bit of weight - I am about 65 lbs. over what I should be - and all my clothes are sooooo uncomfortable. I hate to get dressed unless absolutely necessary. Part of my problem is that my waist (when I am thin or not) is a full sz smaller than my hips. Pants gape open at the back and my underwear shows (TMI, probably)! I feel like a sausage... I am going to look into her again, though. I hear that she has a really good radio show online or podcast or something... you're right that I need to love myself first. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caribbean Queen Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Maybe you are healthy enough to do better now, but you aren't in the habit of getting a lot done at home. Maybe you need to read about getting into a routine with homeschooling. You know what book helped me to keep my house cleaner? Sidetracked Home Executives. It doesn't make you feel guilty, it helps you get organized. It can even help you to make time to get dressed every day. Its a funny lighthearted book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Get excited about homeschooling again? (I roll better with positive reinforcement). What excited you about it in the first place? Read a new book on it from the library, read some blogs where the moms are excited. Think about how much easier your life will be with a tidy house -how much more you'll accomplish and how much better about yourself you'll feel. Don't let these Dxs define you. You're bigger and better. Don't let them make you the tail, use the gifts you have to become the head, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 Maybe you are healthy enough to do better now, but you aren't in the habit of getting a lot done at home. Maybe you need to read about getting into a routine with homeschooling. You know what book helped me to keep my house cleaner? Sidetracked Home Executives. It doesn't make you feel guilty, it helps you get organized. It can even help you to make time to get dressed every day. Its a funny lighthearted book. Thanks! I just looked it up - our library lists it as lost, so I put it on my list at Amazon for the next time I order. It looks like a good, practical book! Don't let these Dxs define you. You're bigger and better. Don't let them make you the tail, use the gifts you have to become the head, you know? I like that - and needed that. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I can totally relate to your situation. When I don't take my herbs, I am just as you described, perhaps worse. But I went to a naturopath who prescribed a Chinese herbal preparation for me. I think the correct preparation varies from person to person, so if interested you would need to find someone who could recommend the proper one for you. I am taking bupleurum, which contains half a dozen or so different herbs. It is the difference between night and day for me. With the herbs, I can get up and go. I am not jittery or anxious, but just more energetic and focused. I have also added an inexpensive St. John's wort capsule. It also really helped me mentally. It is subtle though, not dramatic. I joke that it's not that I'm not depressed anymore, the St. John's makes it so I just don't care if I'm depressed or not! So I don't worry about it and can move on with my life.;) The down side is that I see in myself a pattern that I understand is common in people with mental disorders. When things are going well, I often find myself deciding to quit taking my herbs. Then I inevitably backslide and when it reaches a crisis, I get back on them and pick myself back up. There are definitely pharmaceutical products for depression and I know many have had good success with them. However, I am very leary of them, especially with those commercials on tv listing all the drastic side effects and mentioning that 2/3 of patients being treated pharmaceutically for their depression do not experience full control of the symptoms. For me, herbal treatment works great as long as I keep taking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 It's a blog post by someone who used to post here. I think we lost her when the boards changed to this format. It all begins with me. I am soooo with you on your struggles. In fact, you sound a lot like me (ADD, depression, messy house, wanting to lose weight - yep, that's me!). You are not alone in what you are going through. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffinmom Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Don't know if this would help, but...if you had something scheduled, such as a yoga or exercise class (something you are accountable to others for), in the morning (doesn't have to be uber-early!), would that help you structure a start to your day? I find that when I am out of the house at a decent time in the morning for just a short while, I have a new perspective when I come home...somehow I can get more done. It's like it pushes a reset button for me. Or maybe there's something else that could serve as your reset button? You pretty much have to incorporate something like that to keep yourself on track. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 How did you get things done before you were diagnosed? Since you've let this "take over my life" then it is time to take your life back. Make a schedule and start. Tweak the schedule until it works for you instead of you working for the schedule. I'll tell you why I get dressed with hair and make up most every day. I refuse to be a stereotypical SAHM. It allows me some small way to be different. Maybe you need to find a way to be different from all those other people with chronic depression. And, yes, you said it yourself. Baby steps is the way to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) I have looked at Flylady before but allowed myself to become overwhelmed (which I know is from not taking baby-steps). I have gained quite a bit of weight - I am about 65 lbs. over what I should be - and all my clothes are sooooo uncomfortable. I hate to get dressed unless absolutely necessary. Part of my problem is that my waist (when I am thin or not) is a full sz smaller than my hips. Pants gape open at the back and my underwear shows (TMI, probably)! I feel like a sausage... I am going to look into her again, though. I hear that she has a really good radio show online or podcast or something... you're right that I need to love myself first. Thanks! When you are ready, you will stop whining and do what needs to be done. Showering, getting dressed, and doing your hair and/or makeup is the first step. You will feel better with just this. If your clothes don't fit, go out and buy some that do. They make pants that don't gape in the back. I know because my pants used to always gape in the back but I've found various brands over the years that don't. The brands change depending on what size I am at the time. Lee at size 14 and lower. Lane Bryant at size 16 and above. It may take trying a lot of different brands, but they exist. If your underwear showing bothers you, buy smaller underwear or wear longer shirts that cover your waist line. Personal hygiene is the first step to loving yourself. Stop the excuses and do whatever it is you need to do to get dressed every day even if you don't get dressed until late in the day. Don't let yourself say, "Oh well, it's already 4pm. Might as well stay in pjs today." No! No! No! Get dressed, even if it is 4pm. ETA: Try to hear this is a gentle, loving, tough-love kind of way. Edited January 16, 2010 by joannqn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 all my clothes are sooooo uncomfortable. I hate to get dressed unless absolutely necessary. Part of my problem is that my waist (when I am thin or not) is a full sz smaller than my hips. Pants gape open at the back and my underwear shows (TMI, probably)! I feel like a sausage... Your shape is perfect...it's your clothes that need to change. Go to some op shops and buy some clothes to fit you as you are NOW, so that you can get dressed each day. You can be big and still look good in clothes. At least you can find something you feel comfortable and respectable in, that you could drive up to the shops in and not feel ashamed. Maybe you need a friend or your dh to give you some feedback, but it sounds like a good first step for you to just buy some clothes. You have a waist? Thats enviable to many of us! My dd15 was jsut showing me how her waist is getting smaller while her hips are getting bigger and I am thinking wow, she is beautifully curvy in a way I am not- I dont really have a waist. Its amazing what we can get envious about :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in TX Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Just a thought--fish oil has been shown to have a mild effect on depression, and it helps me kind of feel on an even keel--like I can cope :). I really have felt this effect. Maybe it's just getting a little extra healthy fats into you, IDK. I'm glad you're under a doctor's care. Please know that you will pass through this, and that light in the tunnel is real, honestly. I've been there. Take care, Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I see you live in Germany. We were stationed there when I was in Jr High/High School (Ansbach and Wurzburg). I remember my mom struggling with depression from loneliness, lack of choices at the PX for clothes (and that was when the dollar was good), and just not really connecting with anyone. Are you living on base? Do you have any activities for just YOU? Do you have any friends that can walk with you in the morning before school? Clothing wise, I feel for you. As a Teenager who hit puberty with a PX as her only clothing store, it sucked! Go shopping on the economy, get out with your kids, make it a field trip! If you don't like the way you look in pants, buy dresses. If the problem is isolation, join a Bible study/homeschool group/something. You have the opportunity to teach your children about a whole other culture! Get out and experience it! The Germans are very helpful and kind. As long as you're not a "rude American," they will be very gracious to you. I am so sorry you're struggling, but don't let this opportunity pass you by. You'll regret it! HTH! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osaubi Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I agree with joannqn! :iagree: Take things one thing at a time. Say to yourself I am going to get out of bed. Then do it. Next I will take a shower and get dressed. Make sure you take a shower and put on clothes at the very least. Then the next thing you would do, but say it to yourself first. Then do it. Make a routine, but don't put times on it. Just things that you want to accomplish every day. For example take a shower, get dressed, do 2 subjects of school. If you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit. If you fall off one day don't beat yourself up about it, just try again tomorrow. No one is perfect. If you want to lose weight then get off your butt and do something about it. There is no magic pill to loosing weight. Watching shows like What Not to Wear show you that you can look good at any size. The Biggest Loser gets me motivated to loose weight. Watch tv shows that will encourage you to do what it is you want to do. Make time for yourself on a daily basis even if it means everyone has quite time or has to go to bed earlier. Do something for yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, or have a bubble bath. You deserve it! Organizing from the Inside Out is a great book. She also has a CD and DVD for those that don't or can't find time to read her book. When I want to get into an organizing mood I just listen to her for awhile. I would recommend is getting a journal. Write down your angst, fears, and problems. Don't keep them inside. Write them down, and let them go. Sounds stupid, but it works. You also might want to write down the weather. If it rains for days and days, it wears me out and I send to be short with my family. My dh always says you will believe what you tell yourself. If you are only telling yourself negative things then that is what you will believe. If your kids are behind make a plan to get them back on track. Feel better knowing that you are working on a goal. Even if you don't feel like doing something do it anyway! HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 :grouphug: Winter in Germany is so dark and cold, I'm sure that's not helping. It's great in spring and summer and you'll be able to walk around more and do cool things, we loved our time in Germany. If the exchange rate isn't terrible, I would take a quick day trip to France and go buy a nice French outfit or two, the French have much better styles than the Germans. If the exchange rate is bad, you might be able to find something on sale or at a CORA (basically a French Target type store.) Do you have a homeschooling support group? We have military homeschooling friends in Stuttgart, I can put you in touch with them and their group if you would like, send me an e-mail, here's my contact info: http://www.thephonicspage.org/Other/contact.html It always takes a while to get settled, and it's even harder in a foreign country. We still have a few boxes we haven't gotten to and we moved in July. We move again this summer, so at this point the motivation is low for such things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Laurie, I second the FlyLady idea - I also feel overwhelmed by the site and hate her e-mails, but if you just take away a couple of ideas, that's something. I don't wear shoes in the house, but I would get dressed and put on make-up, which immediately made me feel more purposeful. I don't want to be too ridiculously practical here, but could you buy some new clothes and get them altered to fit you better? Or have them made for you? Feeling better about how I look always helps. I have recently become very disillusioned with looking like what I think of as a "sloppy stay-at-home-Mom in jeans", then bought a cheap colourful skirt, and I feel so much better whenever I wear it. Wish I had more suggestions, I am struggling myself at the moment with depression and motivation. Keep wishing I could get motivated enough to make an appointment to get anti-depressants again! I know I need them, but last time I took them the first couple of weeks were hell, and I just don't have the energy to go through that right now. Take care of yourself, Nikki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 My husband works 14 hours a day and goes for weeks without a day off... It is VERY EASY to get yourself in the exact same rut you are talking about. I feel like a chubby, depressed Lone Ranger myself - all alone with like 2,000 kids and they are all completely incapable of taking care of themselves without adult supervision... The dirty laundry is walking around the house by itself...and the unopened mail is overflowing off the kitchen counter... OK, having said that, here's what pulls me out of my "can't get dressed until noon, lonely, dishes are piled to the ceiling and have no reason to live" feeling... 1. You gotta get up early and start your day 2. Do a 30 minute workout - FIRST THING in the morning - do the 30 Day Shred - it's like 10 bucks and it's an awesome workout 3. Write out a schedule of *** you need to get done and when you're gonna do it for the day! :smash: 4. Drag the kids to their worktable EARLY - make a list of what assignments they need to do and tell them to do them on their own! (I did this yesterday with the 8 yro and she did everything on her list) 5. Two words- IPod!!! Turn that sucker on and listen to YOUR music for a couple of hours while you get the housework under control 6. Get OUT of your house - this is probably the root of the problem...you start staying home to save money...not want to spend gas money...don't feel like leaving after depression kicks in... Even if you just get out, get the kids in the car and go for a scenic drive (get some coffee), you're going to feel a lot better and more focused when you get home. Go somewhere every day until you start feeling better. There is nothing more depressing than sitting in your home, lonely, trying to save money by not leaving and everything in the house just goes to ^%&*. Men don't sit trapped all alone in their homes for weeks at a time with no one to talk to!!! :banghead: Like I said, I have 4 kids - 8 and under - and a husband I never see...it is so easy to become overwhelmed and lose your focus. I hope you feel better soon...try the 30 day shred...:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I cant help you with previous threads...but what comes to my mind is, have you checked out Flylady yet? She can help you get off your butt and she does it in such a loving way- you realise you need to do it to love yourself first. It involves baby steps. Its not just about housework..it's a whole way to get your life organised and keep on top of things. What made me think of it was you saying you stay in pajamas all day. One of the first things Flylady does is get you to get dressed to shoes in the morning, because of what that does to your energy and attitude all day. It really works. It may be the tough love you are looking for. flylady.net :iagree::iagree::iagree: I don't need to say anymore because this is exactly where I was going to send you. However, I will say a 'little' more. :D Here's your tough love part ;) : Schooling your children is not about YOU, whereas you putting your 'dysfunction' (for lack of a better word) before their education IS. As I often tell my children, and have recently had to tell myself, "Sometimes we HAVE to do what we do not want to do BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE." When I was in the Army, I did what needed to be done because it needed to be done. Believe me, I didn't always FEEL like doing it! On that note, don't think of EVERYTHING that needs to be done because you'll just get overwhelmed. Start with ONE thing. Work for 15 minutes on it, then do something else for 15 minutes, etc. Every 45 minutes, sit yourself down for 5-10min and take a break. HTH a little! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Laurie, You will feel so much better and be able to do more simply by getting up and getting dressed every day. I do know you can find pants that will fit you because there are many women with a shape as you describe, and they wear jeans all the time. If you'd like, you can start out with a couple of nice looking pants with a stretch waste, or even stretch jeans. Once you lose a little weight and are able to fit your older pants, you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER about yourself! I know many people love flylady, but I don't like her. At all. But I did put some permanent things into my daily life. I do make sure I'm dressed, hair done and make-up every day. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I do this. I also learned to do larger projects in smaller chunks. Do you have one room that's particularly cluttered? Just focus on it 10 minutes per day or 15 minutes per day. THAT'S IT. When the timer goes off, stop, no matter where you are. I think our dh's deserve to walk into a fairly clean home with clean, presentable kids and wife after working all day. I feel very strongly about that. When I had all the kids at home, about 15 minutes before dad walked through the door we would all go around the house picking up anything and everything (it didn't matter WHOSE stuff it was, it had to be put away! It was usually our homeschooling books/papers/projects) and have the home tidied up. I made sure the floors were vacuumed, and I dust 1 - 2 times per week. It's SO EASY to maintain, you just need to get to that place again. MAKE SURE your kids are assigned daily chores, it shouldn't all be on you! What also helped me was to assign certain chores for certain days. I knew which days I'd be doing laundry (ALL days back then)and such. I vacuum every day, dust Tues/Fri, clean bird cages Tue/Fri, wash floors Mon, etc. I'd tweak the schedule as I went along until it was right. I even had which day I watered the plants. Another thing I like to do for dh was to have dinner cooking so he could walk into the home with the aromas filling the air. I'd sometimes have a snack or cocktail waiting for him. I know some women will have issues with this, but this goes both ways. Dh usually serves me coffee in bed on the weekends and often times will serve me breakfast. He often times will bring me a treat home, and my favorite he does is sushi or steamers. Sometimes with a good bottle of wine. What I just started to do again this week was to make a To Do list for the day. What doesn't get finished today will be left for tomorrow's list. I use those narrow grocery lists for this. I also include phone calls to make. I highly suggest you spend the next three days working on getting the house in better order, and then incorporating times in your day to work on it in smaller chunks. Work on getting the downstairs or the main living areas in order. Schooling in a clean/organized environment TRULY helps. About the schooling: do YOU like the material? I have to like the material to be able to use it for my kids. We especially love our science, history and geography time together but we get English, Math and spelling out of the way first. As far as school goes, since you're behind I suggest you get everyone caught up on the basics and then add in the others. My girls are 3 years apart but we share history, science and geography. My youngest just listens with geography and will color maps for fun, but I do give her little things to do with science. Both girls are working on history notebooks and both are having fun. Make sure you've chosen curriculum that's not time intensive for now and that can be used with multiple kids. The first step is to just START. I do believe you'll be happy once you did and it will quickly become a pattern. Start small. Week one: get dressed, hair and make-up, and cover all the basic subjects in school. Spend 15 minutes on the "hot spots" in your home (the most used places) to start to get that back to normal. Then keep that area clean, and go on to the next room. IT's all about baby steps. I live in New England but I usually won't let the weather prevent me from taking walks. I LOVE to go for walks outside, it just cheers me! If you can't do that, turn on some GROOVY music and dance and get all goofy for 10 minutes, increasing from there. I will often times turn on our music from Mama Mia and dance and act all goofy and the girls follow behind me with their own moves. We'll sing into wooden spoons, etc. The goofiness, music AND exercise will cheer you. And your kids will have fun. And, And...... ;) :grouphug: If you need someone to hold you accountable, just ask. I don't know if you "know" someone better on the board here but if you're comfortable, I'd be happy to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outtamyshell Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Here are the links I have saved under "When You Need a Kick". I hope they help you as much as they help me! http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87571 http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3487 http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=98146&highlight=low+standards http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87392 http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/'>http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/2006/03/it-all-begins-with-me.html'>http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/2006/03/it-all-begins-with-me.html http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/2007/09/speaking-practically.html http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/2007/08/its-that-time-again.html http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9772&highlight=happened+classical+homeschoolers http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95286 http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74736 http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21336 http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffinmom Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 One more piece of advice: pick ONE thing to do differently. Just focus on that. It is amazing how changing just one thing in your life can turn your world around. It gets you out of your rut and opens up immense possibilities and energy for the rest of your concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 Thanks so much for all of the posts, ladies. To those who suggested I make a schedule and get up and dressed in the AM, you are right. We don't have a lot of daylight right now - although I have noticed it getting better since Christmas - and I don't set an alarm. I usually don't even wake until 9:00 AM! In the summer, I was usually up by 7:00 AM! I am going to start setting my alarm again and I will shower and get dressed. The example that I am setting for my DDs is not a good one. They actually ask me where we are going if I get dressed :001_unsure: That's not right. There are definitely pharmaceutical products for depression and I know many have had good success with them. However, I am very leary of them...For me, herbal treatment works great as long as I keep taking it. Thanks - I would much prefer to take something natural. In fact, here in Germany, St. John's Wort is the no. 1 prescribed antidepressant. My P-doc does not believe that SJW will help me, but I do. She is willing to let me try it, but wants me to be in a better place before weaning off the Lexapro. It's a blog post by someone who used to post here... It all begins with me. Wow - ty for that! When she wrote, Leading the family-centered learning project is my first and most important job -- except when I want to do something else. Make that mistake too many times, and it's really no wonder when the youngest dallies over a sheet she previously needed only thirty minutes to complete for three, four times longer than that; no wonder that they're feeling recalcitrant, unmotivated; no wonder our interactions are laced with discontent. I thought - that is me. I do that. Part of it is the ADD - I get the girls started on math, say, and instead of standing right there, ready to nudge them along, I get online and blog or Facebook or surf...wow. I need to stop doing that. ...if you had something scheduled, such as a yoga or exercise class (something you are accountable to others for), in the morning (doesn't have to be uber-early!), would that help you structure a start to your day? I find that when I am out of the house at a decent time in the morning for just a short while, I have a new perspective when I come home...somehow I can get more done. That probably would be helpful, but there is no childcare at the gyms on base. I wish there was - most places have that from what I understand. What I could do - and the girls would love - is if I would get up and we could all go for a short walk each morning. I see you live in Germany. We were stationed there...Are you living on base? Do you have any activities for just YOU? Do you have any friends that can walk with you in the morning before school? Clothing wise, I feel for you. As a Teenager who hit puberty with a PX as her only clothing store, it sucked! Go shopping on the economy, get out with your kids, make it a field trip! If you don't like the way you look in pants, buy dresses. If the problem is isolation, join a Bible study/homeschool group/something. You have the opportunity to teach your children about a whole other culture! Get out and experience it! The Germans are very helpful and kind. As long as you're not a "rude American," they will be very gracious to you. The PX does suck - royally. I don't usually go shopping out in town - I get very frustrated there as well. It seems that no Germans are overweight, LOL! The idea to buy dresses is great - that's all I used to wear. We do live out in town and are fortunate to have several American families here. We get together from time to time, and I am also friends with several homeschool moms. We were in a co-op last semester, but did not do it this semester, as I need to focus on getting us caught up. My dh always says you will believe what you tell yourself. If you are only telling yourself negative things then that is what you will believe.HTH Amen! I have been talking to myself negatively for my entire life. My therapist is teaching me how to take a nonjudgemental stance - once I "get it" I think it will really help. I think our dh's deserve to walk into a fairly clean home with clean, presentable kids and wife after working all day. I feel very strongly about that. What also helped me was to assign certain chores for certain days. Another thing I like to do for dh was to have dinner cooking so he could walk into the home with the aromas filling the air. I live in New England but I usually won't let the weather prevent me from taking walks. I LOVE to go for walks outside, it just cheers me! TY for your thoughtful post. The one thing I do do "right" is make an effort to have the foyer and living room straight when DH walks in. Like you, I believe that he deserves to walk into a tidy house - at least the part that he sees right away! I have also started making dinner again and try to have things that he likes (he's pretty picky ;) ). Of course, he'd probably like to see me in clothes instead of his pj pants and a big t-shirt! I need to work on that... As for walking, you are right. The Germans are out and about in every kind of weather. I am going to make an effort to get out every single day - the girls would love that! Here are the links I have saved under "When You Need a Kick". I hope they help you as much as they help me! Awesome - thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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