Struggling to decide - Public or Homeschool again

[candleinaustin]

My daughter is in public 5th grade after having 3 years of homeschool and prior to that K-1st in the same ps.

 

She is requesting to be back at homeschool for next year. She says she has no friends in her class. Most of them don't even speak English and don't even speak with her, we're in Texas, FWIW.

 

The reason we homeschooled in the first place was due to an intense visitation schedule with her father who lived 3 hours away from us. That schedule is no longer in place as of Dec. last year.

 

She wanted to try public school because her friends here on the block mention how much they love it and she had an opportunity to have a traditional 5th grade experience with camp and friends and everything.

 

Well, she's been in school now since Aug. and she's making excellent grades, no trouble there. However, the friends she thought she would make haven't come forth and she has become less and less interested in continuing with public school. In fact, we're on Christmas break and she has asked several times if she could homeschool instead of going back. Stating the main thing is that she misses being with me and that the day feels like an eternity while she is gone.

 

To give a little history, I shared custody with my ex who does live 3 hours away and she and I did spend much time apart in the past. I am concerned we still have a lot of time to make up for.

 

I don't know how to make this decision whether or not to send her to ps again next year or come home again to hs. What should I use to make this determination? My husband is fortunately supportive no matter what, leaving the decision making to myself.

 

I am concerned about my abilities as a teacher. I wonder whether I will sell her short since I have no background in teaching, yet, I have her best interest at heart. I could outsource my shortcomings to a local co-op, so that's no problem. I guess I just need some feedback to anyone who cares to share.

 

Thanks so much - Michelle

Edited January 1, 2010 by candleinaustin

[Mesa]

You can be your daughters best teacher.

[Kissy]

Personally my son asked me to start homeschooling and that is why I started. I told him that he could try ps again if he wanted to. he is not interested at all. I also told him it would have to be for a whole year so I didnt' have to plan in the middle or buy curriculum unexpectedly. I do not have a teaching degree. My son is in 6th grade and doing very well at home. i don't think I could teach 30 students but I feel like I am very qualified to teach mine. Anything I don't know we learn together. I would say if she is asking to come home then I would let her. It sounds like in your heart that is the answer you already have, you are more looking for encouragement. you can teach your kids and if you feel this is best then go with your gut instinct. People always say Mama knows best. :)

[candleinaustin]

Thanks so much for sharing, especially at this hour on this day. I love this board.

[HappyCrazyMama]

You can be your daughters best teacher.

:iagree:

[5ray2006]

Hi, we live in Grand Prairie too!! :D

 

I say "go for it!" You will definitely be the best teacher she will ever have. :)

[Bird Girl]

I think that if it feels right to you, and she's asking to do it, then why not go for it! The curriculum that you listed in your sig looks both strong and strongly scripted, so it should put your mind at ease about your teaching ability; most of it is open and go, so you'll be doing well.

[MerryAtHope]

You can do it! Bring her home at semester if you're able, and let the healing start now. I agree, you've got a good list of curriculum in your signature. You don't have to be an expert to be a good teacher. Be a co-learner. Have you ever listened to Jay Wile's talk on teaching high school? He talks about a progression of how when kids are little they need more of a teacher--in the middle years that role switches more to that of a coach. By college, kids need to know how to learn independently--and if you've been working with them and modeling how to learn from books all along as a co-learner with them, they will be well-suited to the style of learning they need to do in college.

 

You can do this! And you love your daughter, and she obviously loves you. Let that relationship build up again. If you did nothing but read books to her all spring and spend time with her, I still think it would be time well spent. (((Hugs))) Merry :-)

[at the beach]

I would definitely bring her home now. You can learn with her, and if there are things you do not want to tackle, as you said, there's outsourcing. My dd 13 started an online Latin class this year, and it was a good choice. I realized that teaching Latin was going to take more from me than I could manage. She was ahead of me last year, so I knew it was time to outsource for my dd's sake. Outsourcing is a great way to handle some things, especially as kids get older. I really, really would not worry about not having ability to teach her. You've got fabulous curriculum choices in your sig line. So, I say, go for it, and enjoy spending more time with your dc in the New Year.

[Ellie]

Bring her home.

 

Most of us have no experience teaching, but we manage to figure it out, and by golly most of us do a pretty good job. :-)

 

Although you don't need anyone's permission to homeschool in Texas, you will want to officially withdraw your dd from her school; otherwise they'll think she's just truant, and that will be a problem. There's a letter on the Texas Home School Coaltion site that you can use (they recommend a letter rather than talking to people at the school in person, as sometimes school people get snarky or want hsers to do things that are not required by law).

[JudoMom]

If your dd is asking to spend more time with you, take it and homeschool her.

[AudreyTN]

If your dd is asking to spend more time with you, take it and homeschool her.

 

:iagree: No matter how hard we try, we will never get this time back! BUT no matter what advice you get, make sure it's what will be best for you and yours. :001_smile:

[angela&4boys]

Agreeing with the others. Bring her home... especially if she wants to be. :)

Edited January 1, 2010 by angela&4boys

[Laboroflove]

I've had many of the same thoughts. We're on year two homeschooling (5th adn 3rd grade daughters). I always thought there's no way I'd homeschool past 6th grade. Now I look at what my 11th and 9th are learning in all pre-AP classes in the local public school and I think, hmm that doesn't look too hard, especially with the many resources we have in Austin and the surrounding areas. My 5th grader knows she gets to make a choice each year - right now she's leaning towards homeschooling again next year. I think school can work either way given the right circumstances, but if you're willing and your daughter wishes to homeschool, then I can't imagine any regrets from pulling her. Best wishes to you regardless of your decision.

[bookmomma]

First of all, you don't have to be a "teacher" to teach. Many "teachers" cannot! There are SO many resources out there and so many great curriculum programs that spell it out for us, that anyone can do it. Say that once, "anyone can do it." It takes determination, endless hours of research and planning, and the ability to ask for help at times--even if it's just on this forum. This forum alone has a combined hundreds, perhaps thousands, of years of experience. So if you don't know what you're doing, chance are that some one else does!

 

As far as whether to do it or not. Your being here says you have an interest/desire to do it. Yes! By all means, she is asking you to do this. Listen to your child and take her home. The sooner, the better.

 

As far as friends for your daughter...find other homeschooling parents in your area and set up "play dates" or park days or field trips. They are an enormous help. Friends for the kids, friends and a support system for you. Join your local coop. Sign up for classes (if you can afford to) like gymnastics, art classes, or sports. Sign her up for girl scouts. All of these are excellent ways to make friends.

 

Good luck!

[jenn-]

It sounds like she was able to go back into PS without a "catch up" phase, so you are doing fine as a teacher. I think we all go through periods of self doubt, but you can do this. If my DD was asking to be pulled right now, I would do it. She is at the semester break, so now would be just as good as Summer break.

[SonshineLearner]

I'd send a nice letter to the teacher, burning no bridges:-), and tell her that you appreciate all the teaching she offered.... and then send in your withdraw letter. No need to go back... Order your stuff... or continue using what you have... .brew some coffee and make some hot chocolate... and get started home educating again:-)

You know you wanna:-) "Just Do It" :-)

 

Carrie

[lgm]

If you need some time, ask the school psych for help. It could be that your dd is in a class with a clique and she could be moved to a class with other children that are more open to diverse friendships.

[Chris in VA]

My dd went to 3rd grade last year and came home again this year. She didn't make friends, either, which was so surprising to me. She actually didn't want some of the girls as friends, beyond being in school with them. It sounds a lot like your dd's experience this year.

 

I brought her home, and I am not sure what to do next year, but this year is ok. I like the curricula you are going to use--as someone else mentioned, a lot is scripted, and that is a huge help.

 

I'd encourage you to get your ducks in a row, then bring her home. When that occurs is your decision, but I'd make sure you have peace in your heart about it and don't just do it on the fly.

 

We have such a small window of opportunity to influence and guide our children, before the peer group takes over (this applies to many kids, not every one, of course...). Go ahead and use the time God's given you.

[candleinaustin]

Well, her father is back in the picture again wanting regular visits with her down in Austin. Just yesterday I put a large retainer down for an attorney to transfer the jursdiction from Travis to Dallas and to lessen his visits and create child support, which he's never had to pay.

 

When I moved up here, in order to move, he said if I dropped $25+ arrearage and dropped future support that we wouldn't have to have a hearing and we could have the visitation schedule that I wanted and I also got the tax credit every year. I agreed. He said he's pay willingly if it wasn't document, he never has. That was in 2006. I moved here in late 2003, but was on temp. orders to be here in Dallas and the mediation didn't happen til 03.

 

From 03 to 07 visits were regular, but his behavior was unacceptable. Continually bashing me to Ari.

 

In 07 he made most visits, but gave up Spring Break.

 

In 08 he was homeless and had her for Summer for a couple weeks traveling, came up from Austin to Dallas to take her to lunch in October then had her in Houston with family at Christmas.

 

He's made no attempt in 2009 to contact her or make visits. In my opin ion, his parenting is forfeitted, but this is just not so, legally.

 

He showed up day after Christmas after a year of no contact demanding to take her for the weekend to a place with his new girlfriend here in Dallas, he's from Austin. I told him he could take her for the day, but bring her back at night. And he could pick her up the following day for another visit. This was what my daughter wanted, she didn't want to go with him and a complete stranger for a total weekend visiting with her local family, she's never even met. Well, he was disagreeable and called the cops. They asked if I refused to allow her to go and I said I did.

 

Next thing you know, I get a certified letter from him, not a lawyer, stating that he wants to take her this Friday, for the weekend down in Austin. She doesn't want to go.

 

I hired a lawyer to modify the current decree to restrict visits to a very minimal and hope that this conflict resolves very soon. It has been 10 years, her entire life, of conflict with this man whom I no longer consider to be her father. In 2008 he saw her 3 times in 2009 he saw her twice. He's been a drifter and has had her sleep in his car in 2007 and at state parks. UGH!!! This time, in courst, I am not going to have any mercy for him, I've had it with his black mail and intimidating statements. Even in the divorce, I gave him the house outright along with all other assets because he threatened to take her to Mexico and I'd never see her again. Now, I know he's a con artist, but I truly never knew before and was alone without support when I lived in Austin.

 

He's never paid child support. Blackmailed me to drop all support and arrearage in order that he would sign docs to allow me to move to Dallas where my family is. Now, he's hardly paid a dime to support her. Fortunately, we have a wonderful man in our lives whom I met 6 years ago after I moved up here. He takes very good care of both of us and father's Ariana as if she's his own, in addition to supporting the decision to homeschool when needed.

 

I feel as if her being in ps is a good record of the fact that I take good care of her. She gets almost all a's. Won the science fair for her grade and is moving on to district. I have few character witnesses to come to court for me and am wondering am I too busy taking care of my daughter to think of friendships and now that's coming back to bite me. I feel like I won't even need character witnesses as before, due to the fact that there's dr.'s records, no cavities, good grades, etc. etc. I am so stressed. Anyway, yes, I still want to homeschool her, but am looking toward this upcoming hearing.

 

I pray her father will back off. My thoughts are he was bluffing with his certified letter and that he really cannot afford to hire an attorney to press contempt charges for me denying his visits.

 

Sending love, Michelle

[candleinaustin]

LOL I know how to write...I just wanted to get it all out...I did not spell check, edit the above.

[candleinaustin]

I just needed to get it out

[elfgivas]

no worries. my oldest was 10 when she asked to see a lawyer so she wouldn't need to go to visit her birth father. so i got her a lawyer. that was the end of that. but its a lousy way to have to deal with it all. maybe he'll just drift on through???

 

editting to add that maybe the homeschooling request has something to do with her desire to be anchored firmly at your side? either way, if she wants to be homeschooled and you can do it, i'd go with it in a heartbeat...

 

so sorry you're having to deal with all of it.

Edited January 13, 2010 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[candleinaustin]

My dad let it out of the bag that I was at the atty's yesterday when I was late picking her up. I got home and she said. Who's our attorney mom? LOL GREAT.... Thanks so much for your kind words. I KNOW this will improve. I have made 2 major mistakes. 1 with the divorce and 1 with the modification, I've learned my lesson. No mercy.

[candleinaustin]

Just because she didn't want to go anymore the judge said ok? I'm not hearing that that's a justifiable reason down here.

[Caraway]

What about going through a charter? That would let you homeschool, but still have plenty of records of your good parenting.

 

If my kid asked me to homeschool I would!

[StephanieZ]

Given the current crisis with your xh, I would consider keeping her exactly where she is, in ps, for this school year. I just wouldn't want to be making a major change in her life (in the eyes of the judge) in the midst of all this b/c I think you are right that her success in ps will speak well for you in court. Also, the ps school calendar may work in your benefit. . . If you are hs'ing, you will have less ability to argue on why you MUST have her at home from Sun afternoon through Friday night every week, etc.

 

Do talk to her about the situation, and plan to make a decision (together) about next school year by summer. You could start planning together abt next year. . . Choose subjects/books, etc.

 

Talk to your lawyer abt the whole idea before even discussing it with your dd. . . Depending on the judge assigned (if they have a HX of being anti-hs. . .) lawyer might want you to keep mum abt your hs plans. . .and you can't LIE. . . and don't want dd in a pos'n where she might say sth she shouldn't. . .

 

If it weren't for the current crisis, I agree that bringing her home ASAP would be wonderful.

[candleinaustin]

Thanks so much Stephanie and others. I am trying to go down the trail in the most right way. Sometimes I just don't know if anyone really relates, but when I write on this board, I realize, I am not only not alone, but I'm at home. Thanks

[Chris in VA]

Just sending good thoughts and prayers to you.

I, too, would keep her in school for 5th grade. I totally relate when you say she doesn't have a lot of friends at school--my dd went last year (the first year she was ps'd) and, while people talked to her and she was fine, not one child ever invited her to a bday party or to their home, or any of the other things I sort of expected. Her main socialization now comes from church. I am going to try to reconnect with her old girl scout troop (a homeschooled group) b/c she misses it and I want at least one more outlet for her to find some nice girls.

 

Anyway, I think keeping your dd in school would, as a PP said, give great evidence of your care, and make you seem more "mainstream." It's sad to say, but sometimes homeschooling is seen as fringe-y, and you want to seem as normal as possible to that judge. I'd absolutely start planning for next year, but don't pull your girl's heart too much, or she will leave school mentally before the year is up. Could you possibly ask her teacher for a suggestion of who might be a good fit to invite over? (Or see at the park, or whatever) Just having one person she can count on as a friend in school might make her experience a little smoother.

 

Blessings to you

[Tracy]

Personally, I think that most parents can be a better teacher to their children than a certified teacher. My DH is a ps teacher, and after going to college and meeting his colleagues, he said there was no way those people were going to teach his kids. OTOH, if you are really concerned, in TX you can do the virtual school option so that your daughter can be home with you, and there will still be teachers involved if she needs help. But IMHO, barring some unusual circumstances, if your daughter is doing well in ps, she will only do better at home.