Reduced ability to cope as the years pass?

[Laura Corin]

Is this what happens as you age? It's not that I have less energy than I had when I was younger. I just find that I cope less well, worry more, panic more easily. Isn't experience meant to make us more laid back?

 

We used to live overseas - we travelled constantly within Asia, lived in a foreign language, at one point had the family split between two cities a plane ride apart, coped with intercontinental trips with small children twice a year. A lot of the time I home educated out of the contents of a Rollaboard.

 

Now we are settled in something close to my home country, I live in my native tongue, we travel rarely and life is very settled. We've got some work going on in the house (converting an attic into living space) and the garden (thinning a patch of woodland for replanting, and planting a new windbreak), but compared to what I used to cope with, this is minor. So why am I up for hours every night worrying?

 

Laura (going out for a walk in the snow to clear my head)

[Stacie]

Recent loss (your MIL, IIFC?) can sometimes trigger anxiety issues. Could this be a contributing factor? Fresh air, exercise, and sunshine may help so enjoy your walk.

 

:grouphug:

[Susie in CA]

Winter? That's what does it to me.

[Another Lynn]

Laura,

I think it is natural to become more aware of how fragile life is as we grow older. Though not the same as your description, I used to work for one of the "Big 6" Int'l CPA firms in a large city, drive the Interstate to work everyday, park downtown, etc. I wonder, how did I do that? It sounds so stressful now. For myself, I also have a bad tendency as a Mom to think that I am responsible for all things - the smoothness of our days, the character of my children, their ability to spell and recite multiplication facts at the speed of light and getting them the perfect Christmas present when they change their wish list faster than they can answer 6X7. I think the little things stress me more than the big.

 

My current two coping strategies are 1) faith (i.e. Rom 8:28) and 2)Scarlett O'Hara - I'll think about it tomorrow. I think these are good because 1) I'm counting on my faith to continue growing and 2)I'm counting on my memory to continue to fade.

 

Obviously, I'm half serious and half kidding - but not at all to make light of how you are feeling! Do you think there could be hormonal changes effecting the way you feel? I know lack of sleep will just intensify the anxiety.

 

I'm sure others will be along to offer more experience. :grouphug:

[Jen in PA]

The more I have on my plate, the more together I am. I can't fixate on any one thing, so all of that worry and stress has to spread around, and nothing seems overwhelming, even when some of it probably should! When I get things down to what should be a much calmer state of affairs, I fall apart. Molehills turn into mountains, and I worry so much about the details. I never noticed this until friends in college pointed out that I always started some sort of big non-academic project at finals time -- I just needed things to bounce between to stay sane. Maybe the sudden transition to having so little to be stressed about is giving you the time to worry that you once lacked.

[Ferdie]

Maybe when you were so busy you didn't have time to worry since your mind was focused on the doing the next thing. Or maybe you cope better under stress?

 

I think you are going to learn to enjoy this new season of life. It might just take a little getting use to.

[Merry]

one of the things that keep me awake is the delayed reaction to the things in my past. I had done lots of dumb things without thinking too much about them and now that I am 51, I am mulling over them and thinking oh my gosh, what if this or that had turned out badly? This kind of thing can drive me crazy!

[OHGrandma]

You are 46, it could be the start of the 'change'. Hormone variations could cause this.

[lionfamily1999]

I agree with the pp. I have become much more aware of how fleeting time is and how easily things can go wrong (I believe the pp's post was more along the lines of how delicate life is, but I see these as closely related ideas). One thing I try to remind myself is (prepare for spelling monstrosity) kay serah serah, whatever will be will, (now join hands and sing with me) the future's not ours to see, (and unfortunate spelling again) kay serah serah!

 

:grouphug:

 

I have found, obviously, that singing loudly and terribly can make me feel better, even if it bothers the kids... and the dogs... and sometimes the neighbors :lol:

[Faithr]

I feel this way too! I keep thinking: this should be easier by now!!!!! I think as people age they get more like themselves, you know. If I had cranky tendencies when I was younger I just get more of the same as I get older! Also, I do think the change of life is putting a major stress on me.

 

My plan is to eat better, exercise more, laugh every day, and remind myself over and over again not to sweat the small stuff.

[LBC]

Although I'm not prone to worry and panic, I can relate to the "reduced ability to cope" as I age. I don't have any advice, but I have lots of sympathy. :grouphug:

 

Lori

[Laura Corin]

one of the things that keep me awake is the delayed reaction to the things in my past. I had done lots of dumb things without thinking too much about them and now that I am 51, I am mulling over them and thinking oh my gosh, what if this or that had turned out badly? This kind of thing can drive me crazy!

 

Are little details about the projects we are doing, particularly the woodland, for some reason.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

I think as people age they get more like themselves, you know. If I had cranky tendencies when I was younger I just get more of the same as I get older!

 

And I get more like my mother too. She's become very isolated and unable to cope with change.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

The more I have on my plate, the more together I am. I can't fixate on any one thing, so all of that worry and stress has to spread around, and nothing seems overwhelming, even when some of it probably should! When I get things down to what should be a much calmer state of affairs, I fall apart. Molehills turn into mountains, and I worry so much about the details.

 

It's entirely possible that this is what is going on. I hope not though, because I really want to learn to live more slowly.

 

Laura

[JudoMom]

Is this what happens as you age? It's not that I have less energy than I had when I was younger. I just find that I cope less well, worry more, panic more easily. Isn't experience meant to make us more laid back?

 

We used to live overseas - we travelled constantly within Asia, lived in a foreign language, at one point had the family split between two cities a plane ride apart, coped with intercontinental trips with small children twice a year. A lot of the time I home educated out of the contents of a Rollaboard.

 

Now we are settled in something close to my home country, I live in my native tongue, we travel rarely and life is very settled. We've got some work going on in the house (converting an attic into living space) and the garden (thinning a patch of woodland for replanting, and planting a new windbreak), but compared to what I used to cope with, this is minor. So why am I up for hours every night worrying?

 

Laura (going out for a walk in the snow to clear my head)

 

I'm only 34, but I worry more than I did when I was 24.

 

However, one thought I had was maybe it's your body trying to learn how to run on less adrenaline/stress? I notice that when I or my dh goes from running on super-stressful as our "normal" pace to running at an actual normal pace, we're both kind of like lost little puppies as we settle down. We usually run at a super-stressful speed for 4 months, then we get a month off, then we run for another 4 months, then we get 3 months off. I'd imagine if your body adapted to the stressful situations that you lived in for so long (even good things can be stressful), it could take it awhile to reset for the life you have now. This could result in you worrying about the details of things, I'd think.

 

I'm not sure if I made sense, but there you have it.

[Happy]

I've noticed this same tendency in myself. Years ago, I handled a thriving business, two kids, a traveling husband, a very sick mom (and her home business), church responsiblities, etc.etc. etc. We traveled and I was never afraid to drive anywhere.

 

Now I notice I don't seem to have as much stretch in my elastic as I used to. Life experience has taught me that things don't always go according to plan, so that's part of it. The biggest part is hormones. Big time. Changing hormones can give you a huge sense of impending doom about the smallest things.

 

Eat right, get lots of exercise, pray, mediatate, and focus on your blessings, and most of all....keep doing things that are hard. Keep growing, stretching, and learning.

[JennW in SoCal]

It very well could be the beginning salvos of "The Change". This has been so true for me over the last 3 -4 years (I'm now 49). Insomnia and "worry-wart-itis" kicked in just at the time when I was coping with aging and dying parents and teens in the throes of puberty. I just didn't feel like myself, that I had no control over myself anymore. Exercise helped, estrogen cream helped, but I finally waved a white flag and got a prescription for a low dose of prozac and it has made a big difference in my well being. A couple of my friends have found relief though acupuncture and yoga, but my older friends tell me it ultimately is just a matter of waiting it out. Menopause finally happens, the hormones settle down and you become yourself again.

 

Be kind to yourself in the meantime, and indulge in the joy of a good afternoon nap. When you find yourself fretting over little things in the wee hours of the morning, get up and do something instead. Read, browse the internet, eat breakfast, then go back to bed. The afternoon nap fixes everything!

[hornblower]

I'd think a large chunk of this can be attributed to the northern latitude living. While most people find it manifests as the blues, I think it can also manifest as anxiety.

SAD lights, vit d3, outdoor exercise are I think the biggies with tackling this.

 

Also, there's an Emmett Miller CD called Easing into Sleep which is very relaxing & helps you park those thoughts.

[Rebecca VA]

I feel much more vulnerable now than I did in my 20s and 30s. I marvel at what I used to be able to do effortlessly, thinking it was all fun.

 

And I really understand why people seem more cranky as they get older. Everything just becomes harder. Imagine yourself miserable with the flu, with everyone around you feeling perfectly normal (and expecting you to be as normal and energetic as they are). Wouldn't you just want to snap at them and say "leave me alone" or "wait -- I can't go at the pace you want me to." I think that's how old people feel most of the time. You can't go as fast, you can't see as well (especially close up), and everything requires more effort. It wears you out.

 

Are you snowed in now? My husband just got back from being in Geneva, Switzerland for three months. It was beginning to snow when his plane took off, and I think there's a lot of snow on the ground there now. I'm so thankful he made it home safely (just in time for our expected monster storm tomorrow).

[dirty ethel rackham]

Laura,

 

Since you recently posted about concerns about little sunlight, what you are describing could be a symptom of SAD. I find that I have more anxiety and less ability to cope during the winter months. I am using my light box more (2x's per day) and upping my Vit. D dosage these days. With my mom's death and the major adrenaline crash that came after and the shorter days have really played havoc with me.

[Amy loves Bud]

When I get things down to what should be a much calmer state of affairs, I fall apart. Molehills turn into mountains, and I worry so much about the details.

 

Yep. My mom raised 7 kids, traveling with my Air Force father, lived overseas, etc. etc. But when life settled down she couldn't cope as well. I remember her complaining about having two events in one week and how she was just so busy!

 

My MIL is the same way. Worked on Wall Street until her retirement six years ago, doing the NYC commute and all that. You would think having our family of five over for desserts next week wouldn't be such a big deal, but I swear she's called me 20 times with worries about it.

 

I think age is a coincidence. It's more about slowing down and having a hard time speeding back up, lol!

 

I never noticed this until friends in college pointed out that I always started some sort of big non-academic project at finals time -- I just needed things to bounce between to stay sane. Maybe the sudden transition to having so little to be stressed about is giving you the time to worry that you once lacked.

 

This is exactly what I do! If something big is going on, I usually add one or two big things to the mix just to settle myself and keep focus like I need it. Such a strange coping mechanism!

[Laura Corin]

Laura,

 

Since you recently posted about concerns about little sunlight, what you are describing could be a symptom of SAD. I find that I have more anxiety and less ability to cope during the winter months. I am using my light box more (2x's per day) and upping my Vit. D dosage these days. With my mom's death and the major adrenaline crash that came after and the shorter days have really played havoc with me.

 

I was actually asking about winters in northern latitudes in relation to my husband. I'm not quite sure why I didn't make that clear at the time. Winter doesn't make me feel gloomy, and the feeling of anxiety was already here in the summer (when we have only a few hours of darkness).

 

Thanks for the idea though.

 

Laura

[Jenny in Atl]

Maybe more down time has given you more time to ponder, thus worry. I know I get more worried and down the more I try to relax and take time off.

[swimmermom3]

Laura, no words of wisdom here, only :grouphug:

 

Oh, I could tell you how I misplaced my purse this morning for the first time in something like 30 years...drum roll, please...in a common area of my dd's high school.:tongue_smilie:

 

Fondly,

 

Lisa (who is doing battle with insomnia, anxiety, advancing senility, general crankiness, and the annoying inability to put together coherent sentences)