If you are an extrovert...

[plain jane]

do you have a hard nurturing homeschooling (or nonhomeschooling :)) friendships because most of your friends are introverts? :001_huh:

 

I'm struggling with this. I'm an extrovert through and through and I've come to the realization that most, if not all, of my friends are introverted and would prefer to stay home and read or veg out rather than get together at a coffee shop or what-have-you. :( I used to take this personally but have matured enough to realize (and been told by my friends) that it simply comes down to differences in personality. I really enjoy getting out after a hard day and unwinding with a good friend and having a nice conversation. I feel so much more refreshed afterwards. My friends, however, prefer to stay home and have a bath, read a book, or they are simply stuck there putting kids to bed. I'm finding that I am really not getting so see my friends because most of them don't/won't leave their houses. :001_huh: We talk on the phone, but it's not the same (for me anyways ;)).

 

Anybody else in a similar situation? What has helped you deal with this? :bigear:

[Lovedtodeath]

Have you asked them if they mind you popping over? You can pop over on me anytime as long as you don't judge me for my filthy house (or get creeped out by it, lol).

[katemary63]

I relate. You are right. Everybody either can't or won't get together or seek out social time. I love chatting and would like to see my friends more. But to me it just seems like everyone is too busy. I don't really take it personally though. It's sad.

[LibraryLover]

I never want to go out at night, ever. I love to unwind at home. Thankfully, my hsing friends are all zonked at the end of the day, and we do most of our bonding with our children hovering about. (Library, knitting, playgroup, and we all recently went to DC together...that was insane. There were 18 of us. lol) And Face Book pms. lol

[rafiki]

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[rafiki]

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[plain jane]

The last place I want to be to "wind down" is a restraunt or coffee shop. However, I wouldn't hesitate to go for a walk, go over to their house, or have them over to mine. Perhaps that will satisfy both your needs?

 

We tend not to go to each-other's houses in the evening (or weekends even) since most of us have 4+ kids and it gets a bit chaotic if mom is still in the house, kwim? (they've admitted that to me, so it's not just me who feels that way ;)).

 

I hadn't thought about the walk suggestion- thanks, I'll see if they're interested in something like that.

 

I'm trying to be more understanding and realize that while I get a lot of energy from getting out, even after a long day, it's probably very draining for them. It's hard for me though, I'm getting lonely. :(

[LibraryLover]

We tend not to go to each-other's houses in the evening (or weekends even) since most of us have 4+ kids and it gets a bit chaotic if mom is still in the house, kwim? (they've admitted that to me, so it's not just me who feels that way ;)).

 

I hadn't thought about the walk suggestion- thanks, I'll see if they're interested in something like that.

 

I'm trying to be more understanding and realize that while I get a lot of energy from getting out, even after a long day, it's probably very draining for them. It's hard for me though, I'm getting lonely. :(

 

 

We get together during the day-- playgrounds are empty then, and lots of times we just sit outside at each others homes to knit or chat while the kids play. We barely see them and just have to offer some snacks. ;) Once or twice a week is plenty. We usually get together after 1.

[LauraGB]

 

One little pointer I can give you is that I will literally go anywhere and do anything, but you have to give me time to plan ahead. I can't handle being called and asked to meet somewhere in an hour.

 

:iagree: and I'm sorry you have ever felt that way, plain jane. I worry about this with my friends, too, sometimes.

 

We introverts just like things to be just so. All my friends are major extoverts. I, too, attract them (I think its the in-depth conversations we have, but I could be wrong). I love them, envy them even, but I am not capable of split-second doings - it throws me off.

[LibraryLover]

Oh yeah. I can't possibly be anywhere in less than an hour.

 

When I went away with my friends, I told everyone that I move slowly in the morning, very slowly. It was OK. They could go ahead without me. i was surprisingly not too slow, 11 kids running around by 6 am got me up and moving. :001_huh:

[hsmom3tn]

You know what is funny? I'm a major introvert, yet most of my friends are extroverted to a fault. I started wondering if I was some sort of extrovert magnet. I don't know what it is. Maybe it is because I let them control the situation? Maybe because I let them do all of the talking? I really don't know.

 

One little pointer I can give you is that I will literally go anywhere and do anything, but you have to give me time to plan ahead. I can't handle being called and asked to meet somewhere in an hour. If you tell me you want to meet me next week everyday, I'd probably say yes if you gave me at least a week to plan ahead. Of course after that you will need to give me a week off to recover. :lol:

 

:iagree: This sounds just like me. All of it. :D

[Daisy]

Call in the morning, so I can mentally prepare - LOL! It's just an introvert thing, we don't like surprises.

 

Haaaa! So completely me. NOT because it takes me all day to physically get ready but because it takes me all day to get mentally ready. ;-)

 

I'm surrounded by extroverts who want me to drop everything and head out to the park, the museum, the whatever at the drop of a hat. I want to see my friends but it really takes me a while to "get over" the break in my introvert routine.

 

I'm trying to be better about this, especially since my friends have pretty much stopped calling, unless they want me to watch their kids.

[caitlinsmom]

 

I'm trying to be more understanding and realize that while I get a lot of energy from getting out, even after a long day, it's probably very draining for them. It's hard for me though, I'm getting lonely. :(

 

This is where I am right now too. I don't have homeschooling friends IRL and few friends period. It seems to me that it is so much harder to make lasting true friendships as an adult because most people seem to need to work it into their schedual. Not me, pop in anytime, hang out at the drop of a hat, etc. I like the spontentaity (sp?) that I think comes with friendship. Sadly most around me don't or just don't have the time.

 

I find life as a mother and homeschooler more and more lonely as time goes by.

 

BTW, stop on over anytime you like. I'm up for some conversation any ole' time! :tongue_smilie:

[Daisy]

This is where I am right now too. I have no homeschooling friends IRL and few friends period. It seems to me that it is so much harder to make lasting true friendships as an adult because most people seem to need to work it into their schedual. Not me, pop in anytime, hang out at the drop of a hat, etc. I like the spontentaity (sp?) that I think comes with friendship. Sadly most around me don't or just don't have the time.

 

I find life as a mother and homeschooler more and more lonely as time goes by.

 

BTW, stop on over anytime you like. I'm up for some conversation any ole' time!

 

Honestly, I find it hard to know who is really like this and who is just saying it. I have friends who would say the above but then not REALLY want you to just pop in any old time. Something boldly written on the forehead such as, "I REALLY mean it," might be nice. LOL.

 

I'm sorry you are lonely. I do understand. We changed churches (after 12 years) and started homeschooling in the same year. I'm just now, four years later, feeling like I'm making a very few new friends. It is soo hard, but then I'm an introvert so I feel exhausted just from trying.

[plain jane]

BTW, stop on over anytime you like. I'm up for some conversation any ole' time! :tongue_smilie:

 

Sounds great!! :auto::auto: I'll leave right now... and see you in the morning. :confused::tongue_smilie::D:lol:

 

I like the spontentaity (sp?) that I think comes with friendship. Sadly most around me don't or just don't have the time.

 

I find life as a mother and homeschooler more and more lonely as time goes by.

 

Me too, but I'm okay with planning things in advance, if I know they're going to happen, and not get cancelled by sick kids and other mishaps of life. I agree with your last point- I find it gets harder to maintain friendships as kids age and moms are busy trying to keep up with all the work involved in schooling middle and high school.

 

A lot of people here posted that all their friends are extroverts- I need to seek these people out and borrow their friends! :lol:

[caitlinsmom]

Honestly, I find it hard to know who is really like this and who is just saying it. I have friends who would say the above but then not REALLY want you to just pop in any old time. Something boldly written on the forehead such as, "I REALLY mean it," might be nice. LOL.

 

 

 

I have to agree with you here. I had a friend who said to drop by anytime. LOL I did one day to drop off a few things I had. Everything about her face and body language said "Why in the world didnt you call!!!!" LOL I always call everyone before stopping by now because you just never know.

[caitlinsmom]

Sounds great!! :auto::auto: I'll leave right now... and see you in the morning. :confused::tongue_smilie::D:lol:

 

 

 

A lot of people here posted that all their friends are extroverts- I need to seek these people out and borrow their friends! :lol:

 

If you show up around breakfast you will be very happy and well fed! :lol:

 

I agree where do these extroverts live?? Sure isn't in my neck of the woods.

[Daisy]

I agree where do these extroverts live?? Sure isn't in my neck of the woods.

 

I have the ANSWER!!

 

Maybe the "extroverts" are posers. If this happens....

 

I had a friend who said to drop by anytime. LOL I did one day to drop off a few things I had. Everything about her face and body language said "Why in the world didnt you call!!!!" LOL I always call everyone before stopping by now because you just never know.

 

Maybe the issue is that introverts are trying to sound like extroverts but don't really mean it. What do you think??? Hmmmm, could be!! Introverts disguised as extroverts. LOL.

[caitlinsmom]

 

 

 

Maybe the issue is that introverts are trying to sound like extroverts but don't really mean it. What do you think??? Hmmmm, could be!! Introverts disguised as extroverts. LOL.

 

It's a conspiracy!!! And now it all makes sense.....hmmm I need to ponder this one. :)

[Sue G in PA]

Jane, sounds like we are kindred spirits. I am an extrovert and get energy from being around people. My dh...totally opposite. His idea of winding down is watching TV curled up on the couch and while that is nice sometimes...my idea of winding down is hanging out with a good friend, sipping a cup of decaf (if it is nighttime), sharing our hearts, laughing, crying, whatever. Jane...where do you live? You are certainly welcome here anytime...and I totally mean it! Nobody just "pops by" my house except my neighbor (and she's cool, but she usually comes to use my washer or dryer or "kidnap" my baby :)). We live 30 min. or more from most of my friends and they all hate driving 10 min. past their driveway. I have to go to them. And sometimes, I just don't want to. Come to me...hang out at MY house. Let ME fix the coffee and muffins or cookies or whatever. KWIM? I've been suffering from lack of connections lately...REAL connections and I've been praying God would send some women friends into my life with whom I can be 100% REAL, who will be 100% real with me and that we could connect on a heart level not just a "shared interest" or "head" level. Make sense? Jane...come on over! :D You know, perhaps we could do a "weekend retreat" if you are too far. My luck...you are in HI or CA or somewhere crazy like that ;)

[caitlinsmom]

Jane, sounds like we are kindred spirits. I am an extrovert and get energy from being around people. My dh...totally opposite. His idea of winding down is watching TV curled up on the couch and while that is nice sometimes...my idea of winding down is hanging out with a good friend, sipping a cup of decaf (if it is nighttime), sharing our hearts, laughing, crying, whatever. Jane...where do you live? You are certainly welcome here anytime...and I totally mean it! Nobody just "pops by" my house except my neighbor (and she's cool, but she usually comes to use my washer or dryer or "kidnap" my baby :)). We live 30 min. or more from most of my friends and they all hate driving 10 min. past their driveway. I have to go to them. And sometimes, I just don't want to. Come to me...hang out at MY house. Let ME fix the coffee and muffins or cookies or whatever. KWIM? I've been suffering from lack of connections lately...REAL connections and I've been praying God would send some women friends into my life with whom I can be 100% REAL, who will be 100% real with me and that we could connect on a heart level not just a "shared interest" or "head" level. Make sense? Jane...come on over! :D You know, perhaps we could do a "weekend retreat" if you are too far. My luck...you are in HI or CA or somewhere crazy like that ;)

 

Sue- This sounds just like me! I was part of a group of women who got together once a month to just laugh and have a good time. I really enjoyed it but after 2 years of only having surface connections (and still getting looks if I said something that was a little "weird" ie homeschooling) I finally gave my spot up in the group.

 

I want a real connection with other women and it seems so hard to find. Honestly at this point I have no idea how to even go about it. I am surprised at how many other moms seem to want to keep everything surface and not get "real".

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'm an extrovert, too. I ended up making friends with more people, not that I dropped the others (because, hey, I'm an extrovert!) but I made friends with people who have kids who are different ages than mine, parents of PS school kids, people I would see out walking, older people at church, people who don't have kids, people whose kids are grown, etc...

 

I truly sympathize... I thrive on contact with others the same way introverts thrive on solitude. I come home happy, feeling ready to make others happy, too. Maybe you need more friends? If you do church, maybe volunteer to do something with a group of people that you don't normally hang out with. I've made lots of friends with the over 70 crowd at our church.

[plain jane]

I want a real connection with other women and it seems so hard to find. Honestly at this point I have no idea how to even go about it. I am surprised at how many other moms seem to want to keep everything surface and not get "real".

 

Yep. I've encountered this too, but that would be a topic for a whole thread on its own. :tongue_smilie: I am very blessed to have some very close friends who are very honest, real, and we have a close friendship- but again- they're introverts. AND they never want to leave their house. They invite me to pop in all the time, but I'm a bit tired of being the one who has to do all the driving. I feel like I'm making all the effort, even though I know that isn't really the case. Back to the surface level relationships- I've simply had to walk away from those in my life. There's too many people to be friends with out there than to have to deal with those whose lives are always "perfect" :rolleyes: Come on! I'm human too! ;)

 

I'm an extrovert, too. I ended up making friends with more people, not that I dropped the others (because, hey, I'm an extrovert!) but I made friends with people who have kids who are different ages than mine, parents of PS school kids, people I would see out walking, older people at church, people who don't have kids, people whose kids are grown, etc...

 

I truly sympathize... I thrive on contact with others the same way introverts thrive on solitude. I come home happy, feeling ready to make others happy, too. Maybe you need more friends? If you do church, maybe volunteer to do something with a group of people that you don't normally hang out with. I've made lots of friends with the over 70 crowd at our church.

 

Yes, you've nailed it. I do need more friends. :) Problem is... I keep meeting introverts. :lol::lol: I must have some sort of sticker on my forehead or something. :tongue_smilie:

[rafiki]

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[Daisy]

Introverts make up a much smaller percentage of the population. It's also going to be rare for an introvert to be friends with another introvert, since chances are neither will be at the same public place at the same time or venture out of their comfort zone to talk small talk, which many introverts do not get. Introverts usually like to stand back and observe, then have deeper, reflective talk. And extroverts are happy to have someone to listen, so we don't need to talk at first - LOL!

 

I think I'm a magnet for extroverts because I am a listener and stink at small talk. I listen and listen and listen and listen. Maybe that is why I go home exhausted. LOL.

 

I think introverts want friends also. I just have had too many experiences with "The Leach". I want friends who don't need me so much.

[Nestof3]

My mom always had time for friends when I was growing up. True, they were friends who lived in the same neighborhood, typically, but still, she had friends. We were public schooled, so she obviously didn't have that demand either, and we didn't have outside activities.

 

But I agree. Homeschooling moms have much less time for friendship, and their (our) lives are much more child-centered -- perhaps even to a fault. I think it is important for children to know that they are so very important but that our lives do not revolve around them. Of course, they can see this because they see us doing other things as well -- reading, hobbies, exercise, spending time with hubby, etc.

 

I'm an introvert but really miss the real, deep friendships I had in college.

Edited November 16, 2009 by nestof3

[Denisemomof4]

I'm an extrovert and I don't have time to meet my friends at night. I'm too tired after schooling/cleaning/running around all day. Monday and Friday nights I'm never home. Tuesdays are my only day at home, and unfortunately I've been having to schedule appts. on that day and it really bothers me. Wed we have an afternoon co-op and Thu. an all day co-op. The girls and I see our friends there. We also meet every other Saturday with a large crowd of friends and all my friends are invited to that. Other than special weekend days away with friends, I don't have time during the school year.

 

I guess I'm getting old, but night time is for my boys, who are publicly schooled, and my husband. I can't WAIT to put my pj's on and relax with my family at the end of the day.

 

My friends are VERY important to me and I know they know that. We also know that we have more time for socializing when our school year is done. I used to spend more time with friends on the weekend but have been taking some time off to just :chillpill: because it's what I *NEED* for now. I just let our friends know (the girl's friends, most of whom I'm friends with the mothers) that we won't be scheduling play dates until January.

[nutmeg]

I used to take this personally but have matured enough to realize (and been told by my friends) that it simply comes down to differences in personality.

 

I'm still waiting for a friend of mine to come to this realization. She peppers me continually with concern over my mental well-being due to the fact that I chose to stay at home rather than have 4-hour coffee talks. Same with my kids: "Is your dd okay? She seems so quiet." blah blah I've tried to explain introvertedness (is that a word?) to her, but she doesn't see it.:confused:

[newlifemom]

I'm still waiting for a friend of mine to come to this realization. She peppers me continually with concern over my mental well-being due to the fact that I chose to stay at home rather than have 4-hour coffee talks. Same with my kids: "Is your dd okay? She seems so quiet." blah blah I've tried to explain introvertedness (is that a word?) to her, but she doesn't see it.:confused:

 

 

Completely OT but once my friend's mother made a comment about my then 5 yr dd, b/c she was sitting next to me at her granddaughter's b-day party. She kept going on and on about my dd being too shy and (possibly) unsocialized. It was all I could do to restrain myself from telling her that her granddaughter was a horrible hostess and since she knew all these other girls from school and we didn't that she should have gone out of her way to include my dd. :glare: Thankfully, we now live 3,000 miles away so I don't have to hear those remarks anymore. FTR, my socially awkward 6yr old dd has sung in a musical in front of 2,000 people and gives speeches weekly, plus has tons of friends, likes commotion and spontanaity etc. . . [read not an introvert]:tongue_smilie:

[Rosie_0801]

Anybody else in a similar situation? What has helped you deal with this? :bigear:

 

My mother's best friend used to rock up, send us and her kids out the back while she whipped up a curry in our kitchen. Then her and Mum would retire to the front step with champagne. Of course, if she came around in the mornings, they skipped the curry and went straight to the champagne :D

 

Rosie

[plain jane]

My mother's best friend used to rock up, send us and her kids out the back while she whipped up a curry in our kitchen. Then her and Mum would retire to the front step with champagne. Of course, if she came around in the mornings, they skipped the curry and went straight to the champagne :D

 

Rosie

 

:lol::lol:

[Tammy]

and I will go out on a limb here and say that most 'homeschoolers' are homebodies, LOL.

 

I have a great network of friends and go out regularly with them. I NEED that interaction.....and while I was once a homebody myself (I thought that is what I was supposed to do when my kids were little).....I wish I had these same friends then.

.

[JoyfulMama]

Jane, sounds like we are kindred spirits. I am an extrovert and get energy from being around people. My dh...totally opposite. His idea of winding down is watching TV curled up on the couch and while that is nice sometimes...my idea of winding down is hanging out with a good friend, sipping a cup of decaf (if it is nighttime), sharing our hearts, laughing, crying, whatever. Jane...where do you live? You are certainly welcome here anytime...and I totally mean it! Nobody just "pops by" my house except my neighbor (and she's cool, but she usually comes to use my washer or dryer or "kidnap" my baby :)). We live 30 min. or more from most of my friends and they all hate driving 10 min. past their driveway. I have to go to them. And sometimes, I just don't want to. Come to me...hang out at MY house. Let ME fix the coffee and muffins or cookies or whatever. KWIM? I've been suffering from lack of connections lately...REAL connections and I've been praying God would send some women friends into my life with whom I can be 100% REAL, who will be 100% real with me and that we could connect on a heart level not just a "shared interest" or "head" level. Make sense? Jane...come on over! :D You know, perhaps we could do a "weekend retreat" if you are too far. My luck...you are in HI or CA or somewhere crazy like that ;)

 

Sue.. I think I need to drive south to Delta... with kids in tow of course!:auto: