Desperately looking for spiritual encouragment from fellow Christians, please

[Janna]

Have you ever done anything because you were spiritually convicted to do so, but in doing so, you were completely going against all worldly grain? And because you were going against every worldly grain, it was extremely difficult because you have the "world" on all sides supporting the opposite decision and precious few, even among your Christian, spiritual friends, supporting your conviction? So that then you were left with only your conviction and your Bible verses and your prayers and even then you began to feel abandoned by God? Even though scripture says the opposite there is no comfort and there is no validation that you made the right decision, other than the fact that persecution is part of being a Christian and the road is narrow?

 

And because of all of that, you were stressed. There wasn't a "peace that passeth all understanding", but rather there was daily worrying and tears, even though scripture tells us that fear is not from the Lord? And on the other end is the "world" (and even other Christians)telling you to "do what's best for you and your family. This kind of stress isn't worth it" which would ultimately be to stop doing what we were convicted to do and therefore feeling like you didn't trust the God who you've trusted with your salvation?

 

And on top of that, where one would already have good reason to feel these things, you are pregnant and hormonal and the time for having the baby is drawing nearer and the panic and worry over this "conviction" is becoming more and more all-encompassing so that there is precious little peace in your soul? And if one has past experience with PPD and is wanting to avoid that as best as possible but is beginning to think that if this doesn't get taken care of soon, PPD is inevitable, what do you do?

 

And when you think about stopping your conviction, you have a sense of peace for a fleeting moment as you envision how your life would be so much easier, but replacing that peace is shame because of the inability to be held to the fire and a realization that you don't trust God the way you thought you did.

 

I am crying as I type this. I am feeling spiritually alone and becoming angry about it.

 

What does one DO? Prayer is on-going. It's constant. And it's constant with dh and I together, out-loud. Scripture reading is constant. Why is there no peace?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Janna, I'm praying for you. Yes, I have felt that way. And yes, it is lonely and it is a royal pain in the backside. But if you really feel that this is what God would have you to do, He is in your corner and He is cheering you on.

 

P.M. me if you want to have a more private talk about things. Hang in there!:grouphug:

[Joanne]

What does one DO? Prayer is on-going. It's constant. And it's constant with dh and I together, out-loud. Scripture reading is constant. Why is there no peace?

 

Janna, prayerfully choose someone outside your family to discuss the details with. Some you love and trust but who will (lovingly and respectfully) tell you the truth if your conviction is more obsession than Holy Spirit.

 

The answer to your question for me is a qualified "yes". Over 10 years ago, I challenged a commonly held belief of Christians. I began to see it as dogma rather than doctrine.

 

Now that I'm typing, there is another one I'd put in this category.

 

Also, I don't believe "peace" is an event any more than I believe grieving to be. Peace is sometimes a process. Not feeling peace at the moment does not mean it's not the right decision.

 

Most informed parents, for example, won't feel complete peace upon admistration of vaccines - or *not* doing vaccines. Yet they can be making the right decision.

 

{hugs} Your current life experience sounds very heavy, intense and oppressive. I'm praying this season is short.

[Mx5]

But I have had 5 babies, 6 pregnancies. I know that hormone fluctuations have wrought havoc with not only my emotions, but my sense of spiritual well-being.

 

My question for you is this. Is your husband in agreement with your conviction? If not, then you seriously need to re-evaluate whether the conviction is truly from the Holy Spirit or not. The bible says blessed is the person who is not condemned in that which he allows, right?

 

I look at the great conflict in the NT on whether or not it was OK to eat meat offered to idols as an example. I know my dh. If he saw someone along side the road in those days who was offering very cheap meat which had been used in idol worship, he'd grab it with thanks to the Lord and see it as His provision. On the other hand, I would have a very hard time using the animal to feed the family. That, to me, is where conviction comes in. You cannot trust your feelings or emotions. Your convictions need to be thoroughly thought-out, not just "sensed", and they need to have come as a result of much time spent in prayer, fasting (not when pregnant), and much study of the Word.

 

God gets to define sin.

 

Amy over at Humble Musings recently had a fantastic article on convictions families have regarding the number of children they wish to have. She, herself, is the mother of I think 6 kids. Her article can be found here:

 

Humble Musings: Thoughts on Contraception and the Quiver Full Movement

 

It's FULL of great wisdom and insight. I hope it helps you a bit.

 

Remember - NOW is not the time to make a life decision. Praying that the Holy Spirit will guide you. Read the verse below and take it to heart:

 

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

[Whisperlily]

Oh, Janna! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

I'm glad you didn't come outright and say what you're doing in faith. It makes it much easier to separate personal convictions when viewing the situation.

 

DH and I have stepped out in faith before, doing exactly what we knew we were called to do. It was stressful thinking about how to tell family and friends what we felt led to do, many didn't quite understand it.

 

But we had peace. We had peace among the tears, knowing what we were called to do was God's plan. We held to that peace and conviction when things seemed difficult. I'm sure we're talking about very different things, but when we stepped out in faith, we were blessed through the difficulties. Even when we were faced with results of our decision that we knew would come, we still knew that we were where we were supposed to be. We knew it was God's plan. As time went by we saw how our decision was affirmed (maybe not in the first months.)

 

Right now, the pregnancy hormones may be affecting your ability to see the big picture, but your worry about PPD is very real. Is there anyone who can come alongside you and help you after this baby is born? Any way you can have someone who supports you that you can talk to on a daily/many times daily basis? How did you deal with your PPD before? Is it an option to seek professional help with the depression if it creeps in?

 

Most importantly, have you *ever* felt peace about your decision? I know it's not the same for everyone, and sometimes you have to take a step where you "feel" you are called without having the total sense of peace, but usually if it really is God's Will, it comes. The sense of peace, even during the struggle and stress that your decision might create. God is never wrong, but sometimes we *can* be wrong in what we feel we're led to do.

 

Some times we're called to step out in faith in a given area *for a time.* There are many bends in our path. Maybe this is just a difficult time along the road you're supposed to be on, it's hard to say.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Feel free to send me a PM if there's any way I can help, or if you want to discuss things in a more private setting.

[stephanie]

Have you ever done anything because you were spiritually convicted to do so, but in doing so, you were completely going against all worldly grain? And because you were going against every worldly grain, it was extremely difficult because you have the "world" on all sides supporting the opposite decision and precious few, even among your Christian, spiritual friends, supporting your conviction? So that then you were left with only your conviction and your Bible verses and your prayers and even then you began to feel abandoned by God? Even though scripture says the opposite there is no comfort and there is no validation that you made the right decision, other than the fact that persecution is part of being a Christian and the road is narrow?

 

And because of all of that, you were stressed. There wasn't a "peace that passeth all understanding", but rather there was daily worrying and tears, even though scripture tells us that fear is not from the Lord? And on the other end is the "world" (and even other Christians)telling you to "do what's best for you and your family. This kind of stress isn't worth it" which would ultimately be to stop doing what we were convicted to do and therefore feeling like you didn't trust the God who you've trusted with your salvation?

 

And on top of that, where one would already have good reason to feel these things, you are pregnant and hormonal and the time for having the baby is drawing nearer and the panic and worry over this "conviction" is becoming more and more all-encompassing so that there is precious little peace in your soul? And if one has past experience with PPD and is wanting to avoid that as best as possible but is beginning to think that if this doesn't get taken care of soon, PPD is inevitable, what do you do?

 

And when you think about stopping your conviction, you have a sense of peace for a fleeting moment as you envision how your life would be so much easier, but replacing that peace is shame because of the inability to be held to the fire and a realization that you don't trust God the way you thought you did.

 

I am crying as I type this. I am feeling spiritually alone and becoming angry about it.

 

What does one DO? Prayer is on-going. It's constant. And it's constant with dh and I together, out-loud. Scripture reading is constant. Why is there no peace?

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I do know that our God's word does not return void.Remember that we are to live in this world, but not be of it. Please don't take any offense b/c I don't ever want to step on any toes, but are you and dh praying for God's will? I just know that in my own experience I get caught up in what I want instead of what God wants for me. I tend to try to tell Jesus what I need, and he knows already. A lot of times I've prayed about things that I was so sure I was hearing from Him about, but realized that it wasn't from Him, but my own will. I'm like you- I look for peace when I look for guidance through Christ, and if peace isn't there then I'm praying till I know. Pray for discernment in your situation and wisdom. I like to pray specifically asking The Lord for no peace in my spirit if it's not His will for me. I'm sure you know all of this already. I'm only offering you encouragement that when you are weak, He is strong! As for PPD, I've been there. I know when it's coming and I've learned to expect it and to not be alarmed by it. You can speak against it, but realize that it's can be a normal adjustment for your body. I was medicated, but that doesn't mean that's what you need. I was very depressed, and responded well to meds. I was taken off within a few months. Talk to dh and your Dr. about what you can do to alleviate. For me I think what helped the most was a supportive and loving dh who held me when I cried and reminded me that it was ok. Again, I'm so sorry for you . I wish I could give you a big hug, or come and pick you up and go have a coffee break and a good cry!:grouphug:

[JudoMom]

I will keep praying for you.

 

God is good. In all situations. He is faithful. He will not abandon you. The truth that has helped me in the hardest times when I had to depend fully on him, when things were out of my control, was to focus on the fact that even if the worst possible outcome (from my perspective) happened in the situation that God would still be good. If the worst happened, I would still feel sorrow and grief, but God would still be good. Being able to cling to that hope brought me through the toughest times.

 

I'm assuming I know the conviction you speak about, and it is outside of your control (but really, any conviction would be even if I've assumed wrong). The possibility of PPD is outside of your control. But it is not outside of God's control. You might end up in the worst possible predicament from your conviction and have PPD to boot. But God will still be good. I will pray that God will show you his goodness, his faithfulness, and that he will give you a place to rest in Him.

[*LC]

Janna,

 

Sometimes that peace doesn't come when we want it or when we think we need it. Sometimes we have to step out in faith to do what we feel is the right thing to do even if there isn't a peace.

 

I would suggest that you re-examine your decision/conviction one more time. Listen/look at what the other Christians are telling you to make sure God isn't speaking to you through them. Pray again for God to lead you into what you are to do. Set a deadline; it sounds like a quick deadline would be good in this case. Then make the decision about what it is you think God says you should do.

 

If that decision is the same as you have previously made, then it is time to have faith in God and yourself and follow through with the decision. Together you have made the decision; that is it. Do not worry/think about it any more. Every morning, turn it over to God and don't think about it anymore. If you still worry or hear from others that you should do differently, just ask God to be obvious if HE feels you have made a mistake.

 

When we were adopting our youngest child, we kept praying for God to let you know that we were doing the right thing and it is what He wanted us to do this. We never got that message, but we never felt that He was telling us no either. A lot of things led us to believe that God wanted us to go ahead even though God's voice wasn't as clear as it was with our first adoption. Continuing to wait wasn't an option, so we went ahead with the adoption. A few months after our son was home, we received the "sign" that yes he was meant to be our son. And, it was a strange "sign" that wouldn't have meant anything to any one else.

 

When we were struggling with this, a Casting Crowns song always seemed to come on the radio just when I need a gentle reminder that sometimes it is okay to step out in faith.

 

Here are the lines of the song. "But the waves are calling out my name And they laugh at me Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed The waves they keep on telling me Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!" "You'll never win! But the voice of truth tells me a different story The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

 

Praying that you receive peace sooner than later.

 

LC

[Harriet Vane]

I sent you a pm

[Laura K (NC)]

A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.

 

Whenever I'm feeling like God is saddling me with the "prophet" role, I try to remember this verse. I have to go back and discern if my compulsions are truly driven by God, or if my ego is behind them. I think it was very difficult on all the OT prophets... it was certainly difficult for Jesus and the early Church. Jesus warned us that it wasn't going to be easy, but He also told us that His yoke was easy and His burden light. It doesn't seem like it sometimes!

 

Keep praying, and make sure to take time to quiet your mind and listen. Patience is especially hard during pregnancy. God will work in His own time to give you peace. Keep relying on Him and have faith. You know, being pregnant, that you could never leave your own children. So remember Is. 49:15,

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

[Kelli in TN]

I can't really add to all the encouragement you have received. I just want you to know that yes, I too have been where you are. For me the peace came in pieces and snatches, mostly during my prayer time. The overall peace did not come until the decision and subsequent obedience had been fulfilled and the situation had come to fruition.

 

Praying for you now...

[Sandy in Indy]

Janna, you need one of these :grouphug:

 

I'm praying for you, your dh and family.

[Beth in Central TX]

Dear Janna--I read through your post earlier today and started to reply, but I couldn't come up with the right words to say. As I was preparing dinner, I heard the following verse on a local radio station and thought of you. I decided to share it as encouragement during your present struggle:

 

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

[Janna]

Thank you, Jean.

[Janna]

Janna, prayerfully choose someone outside your family to discuss the details with. Some you love and trust but who will (lovingly and respectfully) tell you the truth if your conviction is more obsession than Holy Spirit.

 

Peace is sometimes a process. Not feeling peace at the moment does not mean it's not the right decision.

 

hugs} Your current life experience sounds very heavy, intense and oppressive. I'm praying this season is short.

 

It's interesting that you mentioned talking with someone outside the family. For a few weeks now I have been thinking about talking with our associate pastor about this. He's the one who kinda started this process with a sermon to begin with. :) But to be honest, I've never talked with my pastor or associate pastor about "problems" before. Partly it would be due to pride, but also because it's just out of concern/respect for them - they are so inundated with people's problems and health issues etc...that mine just never seem significant enough. But seeing as though this one has me spiritually dry, I have thought often about talking to him. I will prayerfully consider it again.

 

"Not feeling peace at the moment doesn't mean it's not the right decision" is true also. But usually when I've been convicted about something in the past, there has been an inner, deep peace below the struggle, that what I'm doing is right, and therefore it gives me courage to continue. Maybe I'm being grown a little more and therefore it's in a different way, this one being one of them. I don't know. But thank you for saying that, because it's true.

 

Thanks also for the hugs and prayers that it's a short season. :)

[Janna]

But I have had 5 babies, 6 pregnancies. I know that hormone fluctuations have wrought havoc with not only my emotions, but my sense of spiritual well-being.

 

My question for you is this. Is your husband in agreement with your conviction? If not, then you seriously need to re-evaluate whether the conviction is truly from the Holy Spirit or not. The bible says blessed is the person who is not condemned in that which he allows, right?

 

I look at the great conflict in the NT on whether or not it was OK to eat meat offered to idols as an example. I know my dh. If he saw someone along side the road in those days who was offering very cheap meat which had been used in idol worship, he'd grab it with thanks to the Lord and see it as His provision. On the other hand, I would have a very hard time using the animal to feed the family. That, to me, is where conviction comes in. You cannot trust your feelings or emotions. Your convictions need to be thoroughly thought-out, not just "sensed", and they need to have come as a result of much time spent in prayer, fasting (not when pregnant), and much study of the Word.

 

God gets to define sin.

 

Amy over at Humble Musings recently had a fantastic article on convictions families have regarding the number of children they wish to have. She, herself, is the mother of I think 6 kids. Her article can be found here:

 

Humble Musings: Thoughts on Contraception and the Quiver Full Movement

 

It's FULL of great wisdom and insight. I hope it helps you a bit.

 

Remember - NOW is not the time to make a life decision. Praying that the Holy Spirit will guide you. Read the verse below and take it to heart:

 

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

 

Yes, my dh is on board with this. We were both convicted simultaneously and went immediately to the Lord in prayer over this together. It took us over a week of being in prayer, knowing what they right decision was, and then switching our prayer from one of "is this what you want us to do?" to "Give us the courage to do this, because quite frankly it sounds asinine."

 

This "struggle" has been going on since January, and for the most part, dh has been on a spiritual high since we made the decision to follow His direction. My dh's been very encouraging to me and a great sounding board, which is funny, because he's only recently become the true "spiritual head of the household". Before it was most definitely me. So it actually feels kinda weird that I'm full of all this doubt and he's so sure. But over the last week and a half, his tank is growing empty and we're both feeling very much like we're in a valley. We can't seem to be of any help to each other, though we continue to pray about this nightly together.

[HiddenJewel]

It's interesting that you mentioned talking with someone outside the family. For a few weeks now I have been thinking about talking with our associate pastor about this. He's the one who kinda started this process with a sermon to begin with. :) But to be honest, I've never talked with my pastor or associate pastor about "problems" before. Partly it would be due to pride, but also because it's just out of concern/respect for them - they are so inundated with people's problems and health issues etc...that mine just never seem significant enough. But seeing as though this one has me spiritually dry, I have thought often about talking to him. I will prayerfully consider it again.

 

"Not feeling peace at the moment doesn't mean it's not the right decision" is true also. But usually when I've been convicted about something in the past, there has been an inner, deep peace below the struggle, that what I'm doing is right, and therefore it gives me courage to continue. Maybe I'm being grown a little more and therefore it's in a different way, this one being one of them. I don't know. But thank you for saying that, because it's true.

 

Thanks also for the hugs and prayers that it's a short season. :)

 

If you do talk to someone about this, I would suggest that you and your dh go together.

[Aubrey]

Well...yeah, but it doesn't stay that way.

 

When it *is* that way, though, I find that my real struggle is with God's realness. Sure, He's fine when he'e *out there*--some vague deity, guiding us in being "good," perhaps.

 

But when it gets into the personal, into *my* life, then it's hard, partly because I find myself lacking faith, not in the conviction itself, but in him.

 

Because if HE'S real, whatever I'm being asked to do (so far) is small, insignificant. But when you follow things like that, you're risking *everything* on his being real, & I've found that I'm not used to that. I'm used to living my life in such a way that even if He's not real after all, it's all good.

 

I mean, so far I've had dc because I feel his leading, but also because I want them. I married dh out of obedience, but by golly, if you knew him, you'd want to marry him, too!;)

 

Otoh, sometimes he asks things that are hard. So far, though, when I've obeyed things that I didn't like on the surface (coming here to seminary), they've turned out good.

 

If you want a hug/sympathy/whatever, you've got it. If you want advice, I'd say try to keep your eyes on him. Seek his kingdom, & don't forget that that means peace. Follow him w joy as best you can. In Ps 45, David says he will rejoice because God commanded it, not because he feels like it.

 

Not that I do that, just that it's a good idea.;) I do know that if I *act* like I feel a certain way, generally I will.

 

And, good job. With whatever it is. I think a nice pat on the back can do wonders for the soul!:001_smile:

[Janna]

Oh, Janna! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

We had peace among the tears, knowing what we were called to do was God's plan. We held to that peace and conviction when things seemed difficult. I'm sure we're talking about very different things, but when we stepped out in faith, we were blessed through the difficulties. Even when we were faced with results of our decision that we knew would come, we still knew that we were where we were supposed to be. We knew it was God's plan. As time went by we saw how our decision was affirmed (maybe not in the first months.)

 

Usually this has been the case with me too. I've always had an inner peace before. When dh and I first made the decision to do this, we did have peace. But it last for only a short time. Now we're really being held to the fire and it's like He's asking us if we're serious about following him or not. This one is different. The peace left me. I know in my heart that HE hasn't, but it's hard nonetheless.

 

Right now, the pregnancy hormones may be affecting your ability to see the big picture, but your worry about PPD is very real. Is there anyone who can come alongside you and help you after this baby is born? Any way you can have someone who supports you that you can talk to on a daily/many times daily basis? How did you deal with your PPD before? Is it an option to seek professional help with the depression if it creeps in?

 

This is what I sometimes wonder, but I know that dh was convicted as well as me, and that what we're doing is Biblical. So I think I would be in the same situation pregnant or not. I have been praying for 8 months now about PPD, and it seems like since we found out we were pregnant, it's been one thing on top of another. I feel like my life these last 8 months have been so dramatic - it's driving me nuts. About asking for help, I have serious pride issues. I'm aware of it. It's easier to come here where I don't "know" you guys and don't have to "see" you later to tell things too, that I otherwise don't tell, except to my bff. My dh knows about the PPD (obviously) and we've talked about what we need to do. I would like to go without meds because they are very hard for me to wean off of (like a year and down to shavings for a very low dose anti-depressant) but will do it if I have to.

 

Most importantly, have you *ever* felt peace about your decision? I know it's not the same for everyone, and sometimes you have to take a step where you "feel" you are called without having the total sense of peace, but usually if it really is God's Will, it comes. The sense of peace, even during the struggle and stress that your decision might create. God is never wrong, but sometimes we *can* be wrong in what we feel we're led to do.

 

I think I've already answered this. ;)

 

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement.

[Janna]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I do know that our God's word does not return void.Remember that we are to live in this world, but not be of it. Please don't take any offense b/c I don't ever want to step on any toes, but are you and dh praying for God's will? I just know that in my own experience I get caught up in what I want instead of what God wants for me. I tend to try to tell Jesus what I need, and he knows already. A lot of times I've prayed about things that I was so sure I was hearing from Him about, but realized that it wasn't from Him, but my own will. I'm like you- I look for peace when I look for guidance through Christ, and if peace isn't there then I'm praying till I know. Pray for discernment in your situation and wisdom. I like to pray specifically asking The Lord for no peace in my spirit if it's not His will for me. I'm sure you know all of this already. I'm only offering you encouragement that when you are weak, He is strong! As for PPD, I've been there. I know when it's coming and I've learned to expect it and to not be alarmed by it. You can speak against it, but realize that it's can be a normal adjustment for your body. I was medicated, but that doesn't mean that's what you need. I was very depressed, and responded well to meds. I was taken off within a few months. Talk to dh and your Dr. about what you can do to alleviate. For me I think what helped the most was a supportive and loving dh who held me when I cried and reminded me that it was ok. Again, I'm so sorry for you . I wish I could give you a big hug, or come and pick you up and go have a coffee break and a good cry!:grouphug:

 

Thanks, Stephanie, for the hugs and the wishes for coffee (that alone, if I could drink the highly caffeinated stuff right now, would alleviate so much, LOL! Darn pregnancy! ;))

 

We have prayed, dh and I, about this being the Lord's will and prayers for wisdom and discernment are prayed multiple times a day. I think He's just growing us in a way he hasn't before, kwim?

 

Dh and the Dr. know about ppd. We just have to wait until after the birth to see what happens. Having a baby in the spring may very well help hugely, though.

 

Thanks again!

[Janna]

Thanks, C., for the continued prayers. I can't ask for more.

 

And yes, you should know the situation of which I speak. And you're absolutely right, and I keep telling myself that too (and dh and I tell each other) - that in all situations He is good. It is impossible for Him to be otherwise.

 

It's my expectations - how could He lead us down a path that could very well have the worst possible predicament because of our conviction AND still allow me to have PPD, you know? But I know that He has a plan. And I know that His receiving glory for it is all I want. But honestly, I know it's a very real possibility where things are headed and I just don't like being held to the fire, you know? We were held to the fire 4 years ago and while I have ample examples of how He saw us through (and I think on these things daily), it is still a very real, raw memory that I would like to avoid going through again, kwim? :)

 

I greatly covet your prayers. And as I've told you before, you and your family still have mine for J.

[Janna]

I can't imagine what you're thinking, Sandy. You must think I am full of so much drama, LOL! It's just been this last year - it's unbelievable. Usually things are quite uneventful!

 

Thanks for your prayers, yet again! :)

[Janna]

Beth, thank you so much. That makes me feel like it was directly from the Lord, you know?

 

Thanks so much for thinking of me and sharing that.

[Beth in Central TX]

Beth, thank you so much. That makes me feel like it was directly from the Lord, you know?

 

That's exactly what I thought too.

 

Blessings,

Beth

[Mamagistra]

(((Janna)))...I will pray for clarity and a peace that is evident. :001_smile:

[WTMCassandra]

Janna, if you and your husband reached this decision together through Scripture and prayer, and your husband still believes you are doing the right thing, if I were you I would just hold on for a while. You're expecting soon, and there's a real possibility of PPD, so those things together may be influencing your emotions. I think you should wait, if possible, to re-examine this conviction until you feel you are clear of PPD some time after the baby comes. Then see if you still do not have peace about the decision.

 

Sometimes when I have been in the maelstrom of something heavy like you seem to be describing, I have personally been too distraught to discern God's presence or his voice. However, invariably, when I have remembered to cry out for help, I can look back *afterwards* and see God's hand. But I don't always perceive it in the midst of the storm.

 

I'm going to PM you . . . but publicly, let me say that you are very brave to put this "out here." The system won't let me give you rep points because it says I need to spread it around, but I would rep you if I could.

 

I think it's the time of the storm to simply lash yourself to the mast and hold on until things clear.

 

Blessings,

[Dayle in Guatemala]

It's sometimes hard to do things that God is telling you when it isn't well-received by anyone. There are times, even now, that I will be attacked by despair, discouragement, and hopelessness by following what we KNOW God has said to dh and I.

 

Sometimes as we walk out in obedience what we know to be true, peace follows. It's good to know God's voice and not rely on our own feelings to make decisions.

 

How I personally can tell that you are hearing from God:

 

1. You and your dh are praying together and searching scripture.

2. You and your dh are in agreement.

3. You are battling. (Things of God don't come easy and Satan doesn't want us to follow His plan. He wants us to run when our feelings don't work the way we want them to.)

 

My dh says, "It's easier to steer a moving car than a parked car." Even if, right now, you are not totally lined up with God's will (and I'm not saying that you aren't!), you are moving in a direction with a heart to serve and honor Him. He WILL, He WILL, He WILL show you what you need to know. He doesn't hide His will from us when we diligently seek Him. The Bible promises us.

 

The Bible also says in Proverbs: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

 

You are trusting. You don't understand, but you are acknowledging Him. He will direct you. No matter what. Take heart, keep seeking, and trust that He will guide and direct you. Times like this make our roots go down deep so that with later testings and trials, we won't be uprooted from the truth we know so deep in our hearts.

 

I will be praying for you.

[Laura in VA]

You have received wonderful and wise words from everyone. I just want to let you know that you are in my prayers.

Praying for your peace and comfort.

[OnTheBrink]

Janna, just remember that feelings aren't reality. Meaning, feelings can't (or shouldn't) be a driving force in decision-making. What I'm trying to say is, if you believe God's word, if you're prayerfully searching scripture, if you've consulted godly counsel and your dh is in agreement with the conviction, ignore the emotions and don't count on feeling "peace" as confirmation that God or that you're doing the right thing. Emotions can be used by satan, they can be influenced by hormones (as you well know right now!) and can't be counted on.

 

Hang on to the Lord, trust in Him and test your convictions with scripture to ensure they're from the Lord and not from internal desire. Not that internal desire is necessarily wrong, as long as that desire is in alignment with scripture.

 

:grouphug: