Please just let me ramble...to ps or not for ds8?

[Sue G in PA]

You don't have to read this or comment or anything. I just need to write out my thoughts and rant and ramble and find some peace about this decision one way or another. DD12, ds11, ds9...all going back to ps and I feel "fine" about it. Two oldest can't wait to go back, ds9 has come along and is looking forward to making some new friends. Ds8? He has been adament about NOT doing school or going to school for months now. Finally, I got him to agree to give ps a try, that it might be fun, he might make some friends. So why am I KICKING myself for doing this? I just feel so strongly in my gut that sending him to ps is NOT going to solve our problems or his. Dh disagrees. He is concerned about me. Ds8 did fight me tooth and nail last year about doing schoolwork. Dh thinks he didn't learn nearly enough and that he is behind. I'm not so sure I like that word...it's the word the testing admin. used when she tested him at the ps. It bugs me that he is entering ps with the label "behind" or "slow" or "delayed". My gut tells me that this kid just hasn't been ready to do the "formal" school stuff like math drills and spelling lists and writing assignments. Has he learned? You bet! He KNOWS addition and subtraction and can do it when he has to...for real life stuff. He can read very well...and taught himself. He will read when he's not forced and for long periods of time. He will write when he has something interesting to write...or feels like being creative. He learns on the computer, learns from ed. tv programs or DVDs, he learns from being around a family that loves to read and learn, he learns at church and at Royal Rangers, he learns from being outside and around nature, etc. I know this sounds like "unschooling" and perhaps it is...perhaps it just "works" for this kid. Does that make sense? Perhaps this child needs a more flexible program, something that is more interest led or child led...unit studyesque. I've known children who simply were not ready for formalized learning stuff until they were much older. Am I making sense? Dh wants to give ps a try for him. He doesn't agree with me on this at all. He's much more brainwashed from working in the ps system than I am. I can understand some positives to waiting and to unschooling type programs...dh poo-poos it all saying it's an excuse to let children be lazy and not learn anything. Now I am stuck. I fear I will have to send him to school Tuesday, even though my instict is screaming NOOOOOOOO! Dh thinks we must now give it a try or risk screwing up ds8 and confusing him after getting him to agree to trying it out for a few weeks. I want to pull him now, do MFW Adventures or HOD Beyond (not sure which one, leaning toward Adventures) with him and ds6 as a tag-along (why? b/c he has always been interested in Amer. Hist ever since watching National Treasure). Taking our time, feeling our way and seeing what works and what doesn't. Letting ds8 take the lead in that we could stop at any time and go on any tangent he would like. He wants to learn about dinosaurs? Great! Lets do it. He wants to learn about trains? Super. Let do it! KWIM? Thanks for letting me ramble. I am just grieved about this. I really, really, don't want to send him to ps. But I feel that b/c of the horrendous year we (I) had last year that dh has lost all faith in my ability to teach him and his ability to be taught by me. I'm so hurt and so broken about this. Thanks for listening if you read this far. If not...simply thanks for letting me take up space on the board to pour out and sort out my thoughts.

 

Oh, then there is the fact that the school uses Sitton spelling, Everyday Math...both horrible programs (I have experience with EM and hate it...have just heard horrible things about Sitton). If I am going to have to afterschool these subjects anyway...why not just pull him now!?!

[sbgrace]

I just wanted you to know you were heard by me. I'm sorry you're facing such a hard decision.

[Kfamily]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you. To top it all off...ds8, if he had his way, wants to stay home and be homeschooled. He told me just now that he only agreed to "try" public school b/c he wanted me to be happy. :001_huh: We breifly talked about what he wanted to learn and how it would be important for him to do actual "work" this year...and not fight me every.single.day. But see...this is a kid who doesn't need drill after drill after drill to "get" something. He was just flipping through a math book and saying "oh yeah, 3+5=8 and 2+2=4...I know that already". He just hates doing those "drills". I am convinced that he "blew" the math test at the ps on purpose b/c he just didn't want to do it! When he wants to learn something...he will learn it and some. I'm just on the verge of tears here and dh simply doesn't understand.

[Impish]

I wish you and your children the best in all of this. It honestly boggles my mind when I hear of Dads that don't support homeschooling. I can't imagine having that sort of divisive issue in a marriage, how stressful and hurtful that must be.

 

I'm sorry :grouphug:

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

[kwg]

That sounds so hard. I am sorry....have you discussed with dh how long you all are going to try ps? Maybe that will help you and ds feel better? And, I don't know....maybe the experience at ps will help ds to *want* to do his work with you?

[AngieW in Texas]

Has your dh given a time-frame that he wants your ds to "try" ps for?

 

When my oldest requested a ps trial, it really wasn't a request. She threw an all-out flaming hissy-fit that we were ruining her life by hsing her. My dh really wanted all of our kids in ps anyway, so he insisted that I enroll her. But since she hadn't been at all pleasant about it, he said that she had to stay in for at least one semester before she could request to return to hs. She ended up staying for two years, 6th and 7th grades. She now refers to that time-period as her crazy time.

 

My youngest, OTOH, calmly came to me with a list of reasons why she ought to be allowed to try ps. She never once raised her voice or went off the deep end. She said that she'd never been but had always been curious about it. All she really knew about ps was what other people told her and what she saw on tv. She wanted to experience it for herself so she'd really know whether she'd prefer ps or hs. She asked if she could try it for just one week to see if she liked it. Since she was so reasonable about it, we agreed that she could do a 2-week trial. In order to leave ps, she had to tell us that she wanted to hs every day for a full week and she had to attend for at least 2 weeks even if she wanted to return to hs the very first day. She went for just two weeks and returned home much happier with hsing. She didn't fight me nearly as much about anything because she knew what ps was really like.

[Sue G in PA]

There is that, Angie...letting him see that the grass isn't always greener. Dh even said that a trial run of a few weeks/months (he was looking at a semester) wouldn't ruin ds8 for life. I just don't know what to do! School starts Tuesday! I only have 2 days to really decide!

[1bassoon]

Sue -

 

Is it even an option for ds8 to not go to ps? It doesn't sound like it from my reading of things, but I could be wrong.

 

I guess I don't have any advice on that, just :grouphug:

 

You need to take care of yourself, Sue. I've read lots of your posts from last year, and I know how tough things have been. Maybe this break will be good? (trying to say that tenderly) and that in another semester or another year, things will be better and you will be better able to meet his own unique needs?

 

Here's another :grouphug:, for good measure.

[teamturner]

Sue,

:grouphug:

I am acquainted with your situation from this past year. I know this is going to be a hard year for you with your older kids going to ps. I wonder if for your 8yo ds if a year in ps might help him in the long run. If he fought with you about doing school that can't be good for your relationship and would make homeschooling seriously difficult. Perhaps a year is ps will give him some perspective and allow him to see that "doing school" is what an 8 yo boy has to do whether at home or ps. If you're concerned about a poor curriculum in math and reading, work with him at home on those subjects. You'll be helping him with homework anyways so you will still be his teacher to some degree. ;)

 

My dc have always been homeschooled but on those days when they challenge me on some assignment or activity I wish they could experience ps so they could see that school is work and we all have to do it.

 

Praying for you,

Edited August 23, 2009 by Michelle in TX

[Lovedtodeath]

why not let your DH read this? He may not change his mind, but you can at least know that he really "heard" you.

[JFSinIL]

Give ps a 9 week trial - if it will not work you will have plenty of proof by then to show hubby. Have your home lesson plans, etc. ready to go, and be ready to show how your materials will work better with ds then what the school if doing (I am assuming ps will NOT work out for this kiddo). I have brought kids home from public school mid-year, and 3/4 of the year through - you do NOT have to commit to an entire year of ps.

 

Do note, though, to both hubby and ds - if, as you expect, ds will be coming back home to finish the year, he may well have to do some summer work with you to make up for time wasted at ps. Hey, maybe ds will see that has a challenge and actually do WELL at ps. Kids can surprise you.

[mchel210]

Im sorry you are dealing with this. My 3 bugged me at the start of last school year so much....that they convinced dad to let them give PS a trial. After the first day, my 7 yo decided she was done. BUT...since I had to buy supplies and uniforms, I told her she had to give it longer. She was so upset she got an ulcer. It took us so long to figure out what was going on. She was ok after a few weeks...but I guess she got nervous. She is that kind of kid.

 

Anyways, after a couple months....she loved school. She begged me to stay in. She got into the gifted class right away and had an awesome teacher. She is learning soooo much. Both my girls are still in school. They start again tomorrow. My younger keeps telling me she wants to be homeschooled...but she is doing great with all her friends in class. She really is happy and doing great. Both girls afterschool with me almost everyday. We use SL readers and Read alouds at night...and still do abeka math and sometimes la. It is easy to add one page a day. I skip around a bit to make sure they are still challenged.

 

My middle one got over it and cant wait to get back to school...

 

But...my 12 yo (now 13) only lasted 3 months in PS. It wasnt for him. The school was a mess, he wasnt learning a thing, and he had so many problems. I pulled him out on Christmas break and he is doing great at home. I know PS isnt always the best choice. My husband was fine with that choice. He really was against homechooling at first...then saw how good they all did...but he is happy the girls are doing good in school now...and my son is homeschooled...it has been a challenging year. He was the one who told me to pull my son back out of school. Believe it or not.

 

Now my son is thriving at home...and the girls are doing amazing in PS. They will stay there for now...who knows what will happen by Middle school. They may end up back home then.

Edited August 23, 2009 by mchel210

[Pamela H in Texas]

Sue, I hope you find peace with this.

 

Honestly, you are right. Some kids DO need more time. ALL kids have their own time tables and maybe your son's is not lined up with the schools. And boys often do better if they wait a little longer. AND I'm a supporter of less formal schooling early on and more hands on, multi-sensory, real life, natural, interest, etc learning for young children (under 8 or 10 years old).

 

Honestly, though? I also think your hubby is right. I think people DO use it as an excuse. I think it is much more often an excuse than a fact. You have posted all sorts of reasons why things may not be what they should in your homeschool. This is not a judgment of that. I think you TRIED. But maybe THIS kid needs firmer discipline and structure in order to get what he needs.

 

FWIW? I also was one of those parents who took the truth about young kids to the degree of making excuses. I had a bright but "different" (and very difficult!) kid. I believed in better late than early. And I took it too far. It was easier to believe it would all work out when this kid just would have done better with a structured program (we did have the discipline side down). What worked for US was similar to what y'all are doing. I was in a BAD situation myself and had ds join the public school virtual academy. I was extra worried about it because along with my ds being behind, they were insisting we put him in his age-based grade level though he wouldn't have even been there had he been in public school all along! Anyway, we had a few issues along the way but my son came a LONG way with a new level of structure and accountability. We have gone back to traditional homeschooling but he still has a similar structure and accountability set up. And he's blossoming.

 

PS may REALLY work out for your ds. It probably won't be perfect. There WILL be a few bumps along the way, even pretty bothersome ones. And I honestly don't think a grading period or two is enough to judge (though obviously, significant issues will require immediate action should that occur--as was the case when we tried public school when ds was 6).

 

I guess I would just think about the circumstances that led to this decision and continue along as y'all had planned. No option is perfect in this situation and I think it's reasonable to voice your concern but then follow through (as long as hubby remains firm--obviously if he also changes his mind, then y'all can rework your plan). And gain acceptance and then peace about it. Be realistic in your expectations but also know that this will probably work out okay or even better.

 

And then when your situation is appropriate, you can reevaluate, possibly bringing him back home.

 

BTW, I think you need to remain firm in front of ds. Firm and POSITIVE. No more wishy-washy about it in front of him now or later. This is the way it is until you change it. He needs to feel secure. This is another area I wish I had done better.

 

I hope some of this helps. I really do hope you find peace with this :)

Edited August 23, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[BabyBre]

Hi again, Sue. I'm pretty sure now that we are, in fact, the same person. We live parallel lives across the country.

 

My dh more or less insisted, too. I homeschooled against his wishes for four years, fighting bitterly every fall when they were once again not enrolling in ps. He works 24 hours on and 48 hours off, so much of his time off is spent at home during the day. His concern was that with the kids homeschooling during the day, he didn't get his decompression time. As hard as I tried to provide that for him with the kids home, I can see his arguement, but not to the point that I'd be willing to sacrifice their educations and that oportunity to strengthen our family. Now, he gets a completely empty house because I'm always at the school trying to make sure dc aren't indoctrinated by the evils of ps! :willy_nilly:

 

Ultimately, I got to choose between making dh happy or providing my dc and family with all the incredible benefits of homeschooling. I guess I chose peace (although our lives are far more hectic in ps). I haven't allowed myself to dwell on the regrets I have, only work harder to make the absolute best of a really crappy situation. Thank heavens dh is happy now for this sacrifice.

 

You're the only one who can decide what's right for your family. This decision was so hard for me because it was actually my decision. Every year the volcano would explode with dh shouting that I could go do whatever the h*ll I wanted, but of course the fight would resume again shortly thereafter. I finally realized that he will never mean that I can do what I want so long as it's exclusively homeschooling. This turned out to be a decision that's right for the peace and stability of our family because I'm the one who's better adaptable. I'll do the best with what I've got, but dh can't always make it work. It's just how it is here. I also knew that if dc went into ps, they would probably never come home again because dh would be so happy this way. Although, I'm still hopeful.

 

Seriously, pm me if you want to talk!

[momof2boys]

I know exactly where you are coming from with your 8 year old son. My now 17 year old senior was exactly the same way at that age. What we did was follow a Charlotte Mason type school. We did short lessons and gradually over the years we increasd the time. We studied the things in history tht he wanted to study. I bought Book of the Centuries and we kept a timeline(still do). We made lapbooks as he was interested. For science we did nature study. We made a nature study notebook and at least twice a week we did nature study. I bought Janice VanCleaves experiment books and we did experiments a couple of times a week. We also used Usborne books for reading about science and some of their experiment books. Queens homeschool has some books and study guides for doing CM type science and they are wonderful. A few years ago I did some of them with my youngest son. If my son had a topic in science he wanted to learn more about, we did it, until his heart was content. Every afternoon we would have read aloud time and I would read wonderful books to my boys and they learned so much from these books. We did so many more things but this is just a sampling. now as my sono is a senior this year we have done the more formal sciences in highschool our way. But he already knew so much about Biology,Chemistry,Physics jsut from the many years of doing science the way I mentioned above. FOr my son it would have been a monumental mistake to put him in public school. He would have been labeled slow and that would have stuck with him for the rest of his life. that was something I did not want nor my husband.

I hope this gives you some encouragement. My son is not slow he is actually highly intelligent. he just learns different that some.

HTH

Gloria

[Mandamom]

Sue, I hope you find peace with this.

 

Honestly, you are right. Some kids DO need more time. ALL kids have their own time tables and maybe your son's is not lined up with the schools. And boys often do better if they wait a little longer. AND I'm a supporter of less formal schooling early on and more hands on, multi-sensory, real life, natural, interest, etc learning for young children (under 8 or 10 years old).

 

Honestly, though? I also think your hubby is right. I think people DO use it as an excuse. I think it is much more often an excuse than a fact. You have posted all sorts of reasons why things may not be what they should in your homeschool. This is not a judgment of that. I think you TRIED. But maybe THIS kid needs firmer discipline and structure in order to get what he needs.

 

FWIW? I also was one of those parents who took the truth about young kids to the degree of making excuses. I had a bright but "different" (and very difficult!) kid. I believed in better late than early. And I took it too far. It was easier to believe it would all work out when this kid just would have done better with a structured program (we did have the discipline side down). What worked for US was similar to what y'all are doing. I was in a BAD situation myself and had ds join the public school virtual academy. I was extra worried about it because along with my ds being behind, they were insisting we put him in his age-based grade level though he wouldn't have even been there had he been in public school all along! Anyway, we had a few issues along the way but my son came a LONG way with a new level of structure and accountability. We have gone back to traditional homeschooling but he still has a similar structure and accountability set up. And he's blossoming.

 

PS may REALLY work out for your ds. It probably won't be perfect. There WILL be a few bumps along the way, even pretty bothersome ones. And I honestly don't think a grading period or two is enough to judge (though obviously, significant issues will require immediate action should that occur--as was the case when we tried public school when ds was 6).

 

I guess I would just think about the circumstances that led to this decision and continue along as y'all had planned. No option is perfect in this situation and I think it's reasonable to voice your concern but then follow through (as long as hubby remains firm--obviously if he also changes his mind, then y'all can rework your plan). And gain acceptance and then peace about it. Be realistic in your expectations but also know that this will probably work out okay or even better.

 

And then when your situation is appropriate, you can reevaluate, possibly bringing him back home.

 

BTW, I think you need to remain firm in front of ds. Firm and POSITIVE. No more wishy-washy about it in front of him now or later. This is the way it is until you change it. He needs to feel secure. This is another area I wish I had done better.

 

I hope some of this helps. I really do hope you find peace with this :)

 

I tried to say something very similar and ended up deleting what I wrote. I think this post is perfect.

 

I then tried to write more but it doesn't sound right.

 

I know this is really hard for you Sue. I'm thinking about you.

[BamaTanya]

I have been where you are. I was overwhelmed with 2 special needs kiddos + 3 typical ones the year dh decided we'd put them in school. I know he was trying to look out for all of us. I don't know what the best answer is for you and we're working out our best answer year by year. But, I know that MANY of my fears did not materialize. For our ds with an autism spectrum disorder -- well, we got stuck and had many doors we'd hoped for him closed in our faces. We wound up with only one choice: a ps with a bad reputation.

 

Know what? That ps still has a bad reputation and we're not considering it (yet) for our other dc. However, the teachers and administration were EXTREMELY accommodating of his special needs and our parental input. They took great care of him. He progressed SO much that year -- academically and socially -- in spite of the fact that his nana was on hospice and died and our family was devastated. It was a safe place. It was the right place. God took care of him.

 

I don't know what will happen for you. I pray your decision will be right and things will go smoothly. But if it's not, and if they don't, that will be OK, too. Your ds has parents who love him and can soften the blows, if that's what he needs. Or who can change direction if that seems to be the best next step.

 

:grouphug: I do understand your worry. I do want you to take care of yourself. Know I'm saying a prayer for you today.

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you...everyone for all these wonderfully encouraging replies. Your prayers are coveted and appreciated. I know I must take care of myself. However, I must also do what is best for ds8. I believe I have turned him against school by forcing him to do formal work too early. I know that many here don't agree with this but I truly believe that some children simply are not ready until age 8 or 9 to do formal work. I read another post on another board about the Moore's (I have read some of their stuff) and Better Late than Never. This is my son! He is very bright, but I fear with my pushing I have turned him off to learning. He used to be so curious, but my pushing him turned out that "light". He now equates learning with workbooks and drills and busywork. No wonder he fought me all the time. And to what end? This year, I just want the chance to turn that all around. I want his curiosity back, his "spark", his desire to learn. I want the chance to show him that learning doesn't have to be workbooks and textbooks. Does that make sense? As for me...I think if I lay off for a while, do some hands on stuff, make learning fun and engaging and tune out all the "voices" telling me what he should be doing, how he should be learning and at what level he should be at...then we will all be okay. My dh is coming around to this point of view. I have another day to pray, but my gut still tells me to keep him home.