Do you feel like a homeschool outcast?

[Tracy]

I just respond with great confidence, as in "Are you kidding? There is no way ps would work for dd! Have you seen her read!" When you respond as if your choice to homeschool is the only reasonable option, most people feel obligated to agree with you.

[LisaDSB]

Deleted. Don't mind me...

Edited January 22, 2010 by LisaDSB

[Dinsfamily]

I have learned from many years of homeschooling, not to give any more info than required. If they ask why - Homeschooling fits our life style better. If they ask what grade - I give them the age related grade. If they ask what curriculum - I give them names of the books not the level.

 

It is just so much easier.

 

This is a lesson I've learned early. Mostly I've found that most people really don't care and if I try to answer they will often get defensive thinking that I'm slamming ps and their parenting (which is not at all the case.)

 

I decided to hs before I knew my dc were advanced (even before they were born) because of our faith and general parenting reasons. Now that the oldest two have academic giftings, it seems like a great fit for that too. However, it seems that no matter what my reason, someone could be offended by it It's like they hear, "you have to hs to be a good Christian or a good parent" or "your kids aren't smart so ps works just fine for them." None of that I believe. So...I don't say anything unless they are generally interested. I do have several friends that are interested and don't internalize my reasons as their failings.

 

We don't know enough IRL hs'ers to feel like outcasts. If you add us to the three other families I'm close with, you have a nice cross section of the variety of hsing. People on boards seem to be pretty accepting of dc being accelerated.

[kpupg]

Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?

 

Yes. You are not alone :grouphug:

 

My kids are teens now, and to summarize our experience, there are basically three camps of inquirers. There are people who are comfortable with their own lives and decisions who say something to the effect of "that's cool." There are the deeply invested public school teachers who immediately launch into an inquisition on testing. Then there are the ordinary folk who are not so comfortable with their own lives and decisions who fall into two camps -- the "I could never do that" whiney type and the "you think you're so smart" jealous type.

 

Best defense I have found is to make sure I'm confident in what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Nobody can take that away from me. It helps that I am an older mother (first living child at age 35) and am already into that middle-aged don't-give-a-c***-what-anyone-else-thinks phase. ;)

 

I would also echo those who say not to give out more information than is necessary for the situation. Most people aren't necessarily hostile to home schooling or advanced learners, but then again most people don't really want to know about it. Offering that information can be interpreted as intimidating or arrogant by the less confident. OTOH, if they are seriously interested in the topic, as BillyBoy says, be ready to talk :)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Karen

[MissKNG]

For me, I think I've gotten more "heat" on forums than ILR. But of course, no one knows how HSing came to be in this house. People just see a young kiddo working at a couple grades above age. I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

 

And if I mention workbooks, oh do I get it from people!!! Apparently having a workbook/seat work loving young child is NOT normal!!

 

I also knew I was going to home school before I was even married because the Lord clearly put that upon my heart. Home schooling actually showed me just how incrediably bright my dd is. What a blessing!!

[LittleIzumi]

I usually just say she's starting to read and would be bored out of her mind learning "the letter A" in a year. And that I hate NCLB :lol:. (No Child Let Ahead, really....) And then The Drama is looking to be possibly 2E and so some people think it's great that I already HS The Sponge because it would be hard to have The Drama in PS anyway with her issues. She would give them a run for their money :lol:, sensory seeking and stubborn as all get-out.

 

But I might take their ages out of my siggy, as the "don't school them or even try to unschool them now, just let them all play all day long at THAT age" comments are getting unsettling. They would go mad with boredom, and do on the days when I'm not actively schooling them, even though they do have "educational toys." :glare:

[StartingOver]

For me, I think I've gotten more "heat" on forums than ILR. But of course, no one knows how HSing came to be in this house. People just see a young kiddo working at a couple grades above age. I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

 

And if I mention workbooks, oh do I get it from people!!! Apparently having a workbook/seat work loving young child is NOT normal!!

 

I also knew I was going to home school before I was even married because the Lord clearly put that upon my heart. Home schooling actually showed me just how incrediably bright my dd is. What a blessing!!

 

:iagree:

 

In my home the children are pulling, I am just trying to keep up while kicking and screaming all the way.

 

I wish most folks wouldn't assume that we push our children, every child is different. Of my 5, two I assisted, two pulled me, and the last I think is going to pull even harder.

[StartingOver]

I usually just say she's starting to read and would be bored out of her mind learning "the letter A" in a year. And that I hate NCLB :lol:. (No Child Let Ahead, really....) And then The Drama is looking to be possibly 2E and so some people think it's great that I already HS The Sponge because it would be hard to have The Drama in PS anyway with her issues. She would give them a run for their money :lol:, sensory seeking and stubborn as all get-out.

 

But I might take their ages out of my siggy, as the "don't school them or even try to unschool them now, just let them all play all day long at THAT age" comments are getting unsettling. They would go mad with boredom, and do on the days when I'm not actively schooling them, even though they do have "educational toys." :glare:

 

Oh that is a good idea, heading to remove ages.

[patchfire]

I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

 

I did that a month or two ago. I realized I was going to have to start asking questions on the high school board to get answers, but with my kids' ages listed? Yeah, I wasn't likely to get good answers. I'm not going to hide their ages completely, but no reason to make it stand out.

[MissKNG]

 

In my home the children are pulling, I am just trying to keep up while kicking and screaming all the way.

 

 

 

I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

 

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week (her lead!) to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

Edited January 22, 2010 by MissKNG

[StartingOver]

I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

 

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

 

I understand totally. I read your blog. I lost it at one point, and was glad I found it again. My son has been through Sonlight P 3/4, P 4/5, everything WTM K, EB and Saxon K and still dragging me. I am getting ready to buy Core K and Core 1, and have collected most of WTM 1st. We are trying wider and deeper, but it is killing me LOL. There is hardly anyone I can talk to, although I am collecting some blogs so atleast I don't feel so alone.

 

It was easier my first time around, as I had kids of all stages.

[LittleIzumi]

I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

 

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

 

I tried slowing the Sponge down my using MFW K (at 4, since I pulled it from my siggy, lol), and she is soooooo bored by it. She just likes the fact that I get science books from the library and any excuse to do art. The rest--yaaaaawn/run away. Back to putting together my own K-3rd jumble of programs, lol. She is very excited.

[MissKNG]

I tried slowing the Sponge down my using MFW K (at 4, since I pulled it from my siggy, lol), and she is soooooo bored by it. She just likes the fact that I get science books from the library and any excuse to do art. The rest--yaaaaawn/run away. Back to putting together my own K-3rd jumble of programs, lol. She is very excited.

 

I couldn't take the 5 days a week anymore - that was HER LEAD!! I got the panicked "why??" when I told her that we are going down to 3 days a week for a bit! Had to breath a bit myself!!

[MissKNG]

I understand totally. I read your blog. I lost it at one point, and was glad I found it again. My son has been through Sonlight P 3/4, P 4/5, everything WTM K, EB and Saxon K and still dragging me. I am getting ready to buy Core K and Core 1, and have collected most of WTM 1st. We are trying wider and deeper, but it is killing me LOL. There is hardly anyone I can talk to, although I am collecting some blogs so atleast I don't feel so alone.

 

It was easier my first time around, as I had kids of all stages.

 

LOL! I check your blog too! I have most of our stuff for the fall bought and ready to go as well. I'm anxious to see how the math goes though!!

[StartingOver]

LOL! I check your blog too! I have most of our stuff for the fall bought and ready to go as well. I'm anxious to see how the math goes though!!

 

I have Saxon 1 & 2, Singapore 1 & 2, and just waiting to get my hands on TT 3 to check it out. Quince really enjoys the hands on, but he might like the computer too. And I might get to take a shower before dad gets home, if he does hehehe.

[LittleIzumi]

I couldn't take the 5 days a week anymore - that was HER LEAD!! I got the panicked "why??" when I told her that we are going down to 3 days a week for a bit! Had to breath a bit myself!!

 

"Are we going to do Silly Math??!!!!" (MUS) "Can I do ANOTHER experiment????!!!!" "I want to do my K workbook!" "A human BODY book???!!!" On and on and on and on :lol:

[StartingOver]

Ok if anyone on here has a blog that they are hiding.............. Please let me know. I have never found so many folks like us in one place before LOL

[LittleIzumi]

Ok if anyone on here has a blog that they are hiding.............. Please let me know. I have never found so many folks like us in one place before LOL

 

Hopefully once I stop working and dh starts school. Now I post on mine maybe once every six months--I'm too tired to string words together that coherently :lol:

[MissKNG]

"Are we going to do Silly Math??!!!!" (MUS) "Can I do ANOTHER experiment????!!!!" "I want to do my K workbook!" "A human BODY book???!!!" On and on and on and on :lol:

 

LOL! That all sounds familiar!!! :tongue_smilie:

[StartingOver]

I am not sure mine is always coherent, it does have lots of pictures and small posts. Sometimes I prewrite many posts....... so on days when I can't get to it, they just happen to be there LOL

[LittleIzumi]

LOL! That all sounds familiar!!! :tongue_smilie:

 

It's nice to be among friends :lol:

[IsabelC]

My answer is "We home school because there isn't any reason for us to send the kids to school at this time." School is an institution, and you need a reason to institutionalize a person. I don't need a reason to not institutionalize my children. To ask why my kids aren't in school is a bit lit asking why am I not in prison? Or in a mental hospital? Or an old age home?

[jonnia]

On the subject of the children dragging us along in their eagerness to learn, I used to worry that I was trying to cover too much material and do too many things in a day. My son would look up at me at the end of our day and ask, "What else, Mom? Let's do some more!"

 

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride!

[StartingOver]

On the subject of the children dragging us along in their eagerness to learn, I used to worry that I was trying to cover too much material and do too many things in a day. My son would look up at me at the end of our day and ask, "What else, Mom? Let's do some more!"

 

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride!

 

I learned these lessons, thankfully, many years ago with my now 18 year old. This second time around is so more relaxed !! I will follow his lead, no matter what anyone thinks. The ball is in his court.

 

Enjoy it while you can, they will be teens soon, and most likely it won't be as easy then. :001_smile:

[nicholsonhomeschool]

I definitely go with the less-is-more approach. My most reliable response is, "home schooling is the best match for our family." And if more detail is requested I say that I can meet my sons where the are and I cherish our time together. Honestly I work in the afternoons and often evenings, so I lean on that too. I got a lot of this kind of questioning when I decided not to send my sons to the school where I teach..

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I feel like an outcast for a number of reasons.

 

In our local homeschool group I am the only mom who also has an outside job.

My DS has Tourette Syndrome which means we have special issues. Most people assume we homeschool because of the TS. In reality we made the decision because of DS's advanced abilities.

I am only hsing one of my children, the other is in ps. The other families homeschool all of their children.

I started hsing in junior high (last year) and the majority of our homeschool group is families with children under 10 who have been hsing since preschool. For those families with older children, they also have been hsing since preschool or early elementary.

95% of our group are strong Christians and attend the same church and Christian mom's group. Although we are Christian, we are not active in a church at the moment.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

After reading the rest of the posts I am guilty of giving too much information about why we hs.

 

I know why I do, too - the Tourette Syndrome. It is difficult not to see and hear the TS and I don't want that to define DS so I usually state how smart DS is. Over compensation on the part of the mom.

 

(hanging my head in shame)

[StartingOver]

After reading the rest of the posts I am guilty of giving too much information about why we hs.

 

I know why I do, too - the Tourette Syndrome. It is difficult not to see and hear the TS and I don't want that to define DS so I usually state how smart DS is. Over compensation on the part of the mom.

 

(hanging my head in shame)

 

Hold your head high mom. You are doing the best for you son. I think all kids are bright, some just pull harder than others. I know my 18 year old would not have accomplished half of what he did, if I hadn't homeschooled.

 

:grouphug:

[Tracy]

My answer is "We home school because there isn't any reason for us to send the kids to school at this time." School is an institution, and you need a reason to institutionalize a person. I don't need a reason to not institutionalize my children. To ask why my kids aren't in school is a bit lit asking why am I not in prison? Or in a mental hospital? Or an old age home?

 

Love this. I think I will adopt it. ;)

[Truscifi]

I feel like an outcast for a number of reasons.

 

In our local homeschool group I am the only mom who also has an outside job.

My DS has Tourette Syndrome which means we have special issues. Most people assume we homeschool because of the TS. In reality we made the decision because of DS's advanced abilities.

I am only hsing one of my children, the other is in ps. The other families homeschool all of their children.

I started hsing in junior high (last year) and the majority of our homeschool group is families with children under 10 who have been hsing since preschool. For those families with older children, they also have been hsing since preschool or early elementary.

95% of our group are strong Christians and attend the same church and Christian mom's group. Although we are Christian, we are not active in a church at the moment.

 

I also have an outside job - one of 2 moms in our group that do. I have only one child, one of 3 moms in our group that do - and neither of those other moms is the one with a job. My ds is working multiple grade levels ahead, one of 2 children in our home school group doing so, and the only one at his age level. He participates in the gifted program at ps one day a week, the only child in our homeschool group to do so. And the big one - I am totally secular in all my curriculum choices and we are not a Christian family - the ONLY family in either homeschool group in our county, both of which are very conservative christian groups, that is not Christian.

 

We go on field trips and have done some coop classes, and ds gets along fine with the other kids, but I feel like an outcast. I have nothing to talk about with the majority of the other moms, and even the ones I can manage a real conversation with usually wind up trying to get me to visit their church or send ds to Sunday school at some point.

[Spock]

Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs.

 

While it is probably true that your K/1 age daughter is functioning at at 2nd-4th grade level (or more), what other parents hear when you say this is not "The school lessons are at the wrong level for my child" (what you are trying to say) but "My child is too smart for the school, unlike YOUR child" (which you don't mean--but it IS what people tend to think you mean).

 

Therefore, it works best to say something like "Homeschooling lets us learn at her pace, and not have to rush through something she wants to learn more about or spend too much time on something she already understands." It also works to say "She doesn't fit well in the grade level system of public school", or "She is a little ahead in some areas, and homeschooling lets us work at the level she is ready for."

 

My second child finished all 6 books of Miquon by Christmas of 1st grade, and was working on NEM 2 (Singapore 8th grade) by January of 5th grade. He could also read before he was potty trained (not potty trained until 3.5yo, but still surprised me). I still phrased this as "good at math" and "a little ahead in some areas" to avoid conflict/ accusations of bragging. (My oldest was farther ahead in reading/writing/ logic, but has always struggled in math. My younger 2 are ahead in some areas, but not as much as the first two were.)

[Dinsfamily]

He could also read before he was potty trained (not potty trained until 3.5yo, but still surprised me).

:lol: I have one of those so this made me laugh!

[LittleIzumi]

We go on field trips and have done some coop classes, and ds gets along fine with the other kids, but I feel like an outcast. I have nothing to talk about with the majority of the other moms, and even the ones I can manage a real conversation with usually wind up trying to get me to visit their church or send ds to Sunday school at some point.

 

I have a full-time job too. :)

[MaMa2005]

The one thing that really bothers me is when the homeschool coops start actting like public schools. For example my son is 3 years ahead in math but he coop will not let me put him at his academic level.

 

:iagree: I just joined a co-op. DS is 4 and working on mostly first and second grade material - especially in math. Due to his age, he is in the Pre-K class. Yesterday, he came home with a math counting book - counting from 1-5!!! DS has learned to hold his tongue until we are alone, but he was angry. By the time we got home, he had out his math book and was emphatically telling me that he had made a 96% on his math test (taken in the morning) and would I please look and see that the test had him doing addition with regrouping using numbers that were in the thousands. (Thanks for letting me get that vent out of the way!)

 

We do not brag about DS's giftedness. As others have said, it becomes apparent very quickly if you spend any time around DS. My usual answer is that it gives us the flexibility to travel around DH's schedule (HS teacher and college professor).

[LittleIzumi]

:iagree: I just joined a co-op. DS is 4 and working on mostly first and second grade material - especially in math. Due to his age, he is in the Pre-K class. Yesterday, he came home with a math counting book - counting from 1-5!!! DS has learned to hold his tongue until we are alone, but he was angry. By the time we got home, he had out his math book and was emphatically telling me that he had made a 96% on his math test (taken in the morning) and would I please look and see that the test had him doing addition with regrouping using numbers that were in the thousands. (Thanks for letting me get that vent out of the way!)

 

We do not brag about DS's giftedness. As others have said, it becomes apparent very quickly if you spend any time around DS. My usual answer is that it gives us the flexibility to travel around DH's schedule (HS teacher and college professor).

 

:lol: Wow. 1-5? Wow....

[MissKNG]

:lol: Wow. 1-5? Wow....

 

Um, yes, I was thinking the same thing!!! Is that normal in a PreK class??:001_huh:

[skaterbabs]

I just respond with great confidence, as in "Are you kidding? There is no way ps would work for dd! Have you seen her read!" When you respond as if your choice to homeschool is the only reasonable option, most people feel obligated to agree with you.

 

Yep. My boys are 2E - Both are autism spectrum. Our county doesn't have services for high-functioning children on the spectrum. Dot taught herself how to read at 3, AND has a late (Oct) birthday. She'd have been placed in Kindergarten, despite reading on a fourth grade level and being halfway through 1st grade math. She's VERY outgoing, and I could just imagine the phone calls I'd be getting on a daily basis. "Mrs. B, Dot won't stop talking in class and is refusing to do her work." "What is the work?" "A page of math problems adding one through five." "You do know she's been doing that since she was three, right?" :tongue_smilie:

 

Um, yes, I was thinking the same thing!!! Is that normal in a PreK class??:001_huh:

Yep. Normal in a K class too.

[Dinsfamily]

 

Yep. Normal in a K class too.

 

:iagree:They haven't covered much more than that in the ps school near our house.

[LittleIzumi]

 

Yep. Normal in a K class too.

 

Really?? Gah. I'd only been paying attention to the letter stuff--they'll learn uppercase letters in K, when dd also taught herself to read at three. Talk about bored.

[MissKNG]

:iagree:They haven't covered much more than that in the ps school near our house.

 

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

[Dinsfamily]

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

 

Ours has counting to 100 by the end of the year too (starting in week 20). I'm guessing that they are around week 18-19 since the second quarter recently ended. Then, they discuss addition and subtraction the last 7 weeks of the year according to the plan. The boy that I watch after school hasn't brought home anything with numbers bigger than 10 yet. He did learn how to use tally marks which was pretty cool (one of my ds's favorite topics), but he couldn't really count them (skip counting by 5s).

 

I'm going to talk to his mom (one of my best friends) about letting him do Miquon math with us. She'll love the idea, but I don't want to overschool him (IFYKWIM). I'm hoping Miquon will be more like fun math games for them, but I'm not sure what expect. He already listens in on about 1/4 of our read-alouds and plays phonogram games with us. He's a very bright boy and is really interested in what my ds is doing in school. He HATED books at the beginning of the year (his words) and was very resistant to listening in with us, but now he really looks forward to reading-time (after months of enticing him with science books and the Bible--his favorites).

[mum]

I was mulling this very thing over as I drove yesterday. I even get the negative responses from my extended family. I only say the minimum, but it is sad that most people feel so threatened by others' choices that they feel they have to attack them. And it would be so nice to have someone who genuinely would just like to hear our stories and rejoice with the victories and commiserate over the difficulties, without any rivalry. I say to all of you, WELL DONE, and many blessings for each day.

[skaterbabs]

Really?? Gah. I'd only been paying attention to the letter stuff--they'll learn uppercase letters in K, when dd also taught herself to read at three. Talk about bored.

 

Yep. That's why we didn't send Dot to K this year. She had missed the K cutoff for last year by less than 3 weeks, so she'd have been 6 in K, reading well and doing 1st grade math while her classmates were learning "a says 'ah'" and "1+1=2".

 

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

 

By the end of the year, most kindergartens are doing so, but that means at the beginning of the year they're still doing 1:1 correspondance.

 

Here are my state's math SOLs for K:

http://www.doe.virginia.gov/testing/sol/standards_docs/mathematics/k-8/stds_mathk.pdf

Edited February 2, 2010 by skaterbabs

[alecat]

I'd just say that we're gonna keep doing what we've been doing until we hit a brick wall. :-) We'll just keep learning with her till we can't.... and change the subjects. I try not to say my children are ahead or behind. They're just people learning and when I can't get them info fast enough, and I feel like a teacher with 20+ students can.... I'll give them back to a school.

Carrie:-)

 

I like that answer. It's very similar to that which I usually give, only I usually end my answer with "and when I can't feed my children enough information any more, then I'll pass them on."

.. I actually like your ending better. :)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I really don't care what they think I just find it interesting that being academically advanced makes others so uncomfortable.

 

I have three great kids. Two were tested for giftedness in order to resolve a dispute over appropriate materials (the school officials were trying to play a game of gotcha and prove that my kids weren't up to what I said they were using). Turned out that one was gifted and his younger brother was profoundly gifted.

 

But my youngest is a totally different kid who is on his own timeline. He is great at math, but was much slower to read and is not reading at the same level that his brothers did at the same age. Some of this is because he is his own person with his own schedule. Some of it is because we have moved a lot during his K-2 years and he has often gotten the short end of the stick.

 

So I've been in both the position of having kids who were working far above their peers and having the child who just isn't there yet. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel joyful for another child's success when it is a reminder that I have so much father to go with my youngest.

 

I imagine that if I had a child who was struggling with school across the board or who had learning issues, that it would be even more cringe inducing.

 

Sometimes you just have to know that what you say will not be appreciated in the spirt that you intend it. The reactions may have nothing to do with you at all, but may be a reflection of the other mom's struggle because her kids aren't there and in some cases will never have the love of learning and easy mastery of subjects that your kid has.

 

FWIW, I also stopped telling many people about the incredible travels that we'd had in Europe. It just seemed that it was coming off as boasting to talk about our trip to the Athens or Rome or Paris when these were so completely beyond their vision.

[kpupg]

It just seemed that it was coming off as boasting to talk about our trip to the Athens or Rome or Paris when these were so completely beyond their vision.

 

or their pocketbook

[dangermom]

Yeah, I gotta say, if I could afford to take my kids to Europe I'd be there. It really makes me pretty sad that I can't, and I try not to think about it too much. I'm glad you can, but it would hurt a little to hear very much about it.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

nm

[zaichiki]

Yeah, I gotta say, if I could afford to take my kids to Europe I'd be there. It really makes me pretty sad that I can't, and I try not to think about it too much. I'm glad you can, but it would hurt a little to hear very much about it.

 

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

[Dinsfamily]

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

 

I think you have a good point...