mama2cntrykids Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 So, during my older son's baseball games, my 6 y/o ds plays with a boy (at the ball field) that he went to Kindergarten with last year. Well, everytime the boys play together my 6 y/o tells me that the other boy gathers cigarette butts off the ground and plays with them and makes stuff out of them. I personally find this very gross and have told me son not to play with them because they contain poisonous (sp?) chemicals. I told him that if the other boy plays with them again to just say he doesn't want to play with them because of the above reason and play something else. My 6 y/o told me he tried telling the other boy this today. The other boy told him that there's nothing wrong with playing with them. I keep repeating myself with what I told my ds to begin with about cigarette butts (and cigs in general). My ds really likes this boy and aside from these cig instances, the boy is a nice boy. I only know the mother through watching the ballgames but we set up a play date between the boys (at our house) next week. Anyway, my dh thinks I should mention the situation to her because he'd want to know if it was our kids playing with the butts. Would you say anything? If what?? I don't want to come off as a "tattle tale" but I also don't want my ds playing with a kid who frequently plays with cig butts (and sees nothing wrong with it). My ds has also mentioned that this same friend told him he once lit a butt in a bonfire and "smoked it". I just don't know what to think (or say). Am I over-reacting? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 What about just asking the boy right in front of her, "So what's the deal with you and cigarrette butts?" I would say it friendly and smiling, and see what he says. Then take the conversation from there. I would just ask him directly, and say well, I just heard you were playing with them, and I told my son I don't want him touching them 'cause they are nasty, etc. And then move on and have a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 This little boy doesn't sound like a very good playmate, if he's attracted to dirty trash and knows it's bad and "dangerous"--sounds like he likes the danger/forbidden element. That's pretty common, of course, but still, I'd keep my son away from him. And if the mom asks why your Johnny can't play, I'd tell her straight up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy at Home Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Honestly, I think you're overreacting. Yes, it's yucky playing with cigarette butts. But six year olds do lots of yucky things, lol. I know smoking is in society is demonized, and I understand why, being a non-smoker. But the fact is lots of people smoke (my husband included :glare:), and kids innocently think nothing of it. I've overheard my four year old "smoking" a straw before. Of course, I went through the talk about how smoking is very bad for you, and unfortunately even grown ups don't always do what they know they should . . . Anyway, yes, it's gross that he's touching things that used to be in someone's mouth, but I don't know that I'd necessarily draw any judgments about the kid or his family about that. Young kids are drawn to touching all sorts of things. Just reiterate to your child that you do not want him touching those dirty little things and call it a day :001_smile:. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Honestly, I think you're overreacting. Lisa Thank you for your honesty:001_smile:. I really appreciate it. I'm still mulling the situation on my end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'm with Momto5. Kids do things that are gross. You could substitute cigarette butts with ABC gum or old straws. Are you still are bothered? Still thinking of talking to the parents? Would you want to know if your 6yo was playing with ABC gum? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'm with Momto5. Kids do things that are gross. You could substitute cigarette butts with ABC gum or old straws. Are you still are bothered? Still thinking of talking to the parents? Would you want to know if your 6yo was playing with ABC gum? :lol: I've been witness to my ds playing with ABC gum, lol. We had a discussion right then why it was gross to play with gum that someone else had chewed and stuck under a public table. I see your point though. My son has Asperger's so these types of discussions are always interesting and sometimes they drag on for day after day, week after week.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I hate talking to other parents about their kids, so I would not do it. How about letting your child pack a ziploc of yarn, CLEAN straws, bottle caps, cardboard and other stuff like that to build with at ball games? If they were playing with butts, I'd walk over and tell them both myself, "Hey guys, don't play with that. It's dirty and could make you sick." I'd just keep repeating the same sentence if they did it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Honestly, I think you're overreacting. Yes, it's yucky playing with cigarette butts. But six year olds do lots of yucky things, lol. I know smoking is in society is demonized, and I understand why, being a non-smoker. But the fact is lots of people smoke (my husband included :glare:), and kids innocently think nothing of it. I've overheard my four year old "smoking" a straw before. Of course, I went through the talk about how smoking is very bad for you, and unfortunately even grown ups don't always do what they know they should . . . Anyway, yes, it's gross that he's touching things that used to be in someone's mouth, but I don't know that I'd necessarily draw any judgments about the kid or his family about that. Young kids are drawn to touching all sorts of things. Just reiterate to your child that you do not want him touching those dirty little things and call it a day :001_smile:. Lisa :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Would you want to know if your 6yo was playing with ABC gum? Never mind playing with it, my little brother used to pick up chewed wads of gum and put them in his OWN mouth. :001_huh: I remember him gettin' yelled at something awful for that :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Never mind playing with it, my little brother used to pick up chewed wads of gum and put them in his OWN mouth. :001_huh: I used to do the same thing. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'd probably mention it to her at the park, while it's occurring. Kids have been known to eat them, so I'd feel better for making sure she's aware. Whether he stops or continues wouldn't be a factor in whether I let my kids play with him. As others have said, little kids often do gross things! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Yes, it's gross, but if the only person who has said that to him is another child, how would he really know? If you can find a way to mention it casually to the other mom, ("Oh, btw, some of the kids were collecting old cigarette butts and playing with them... I encouraged them to do something else, but I thought you might want to know") without making it a Big Issue, then go for it. You'll learn a lot. If she says, "Oh, yeah, he does that. I just don't worry about it," maybe you won't get along so well with her in other aspects of discipline and hygiene. If she says, "Oh, yuck. I'd better go make sure he washes his hands," then you'll know that she's pretty much on the same page with you. I'm going to assume at this point that she doesn't know, and it has never occurred to her to warn him not to touch cigarette butts. Unless an adult he knows / trusts has told him that these are gross and should never be touched (for a variety of reasons), I can totally see why collecting them and making things out of them would make as much sense to many six year olds as collecting pine cones or some other more innocuous project... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinag Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I would not want my child having his mouth on something that someone else had put up to their mouth. Nasty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 So, during my older son's baseball games, my 6 y/o ds plays with a boy (at the ball field) that he went to Kindergarten with last year. Well, everytime the boys play together my 6 y/o tells me that the other boy gathers cigarette butts off the ground and plays with them and makes stuff out of them. I personally find this very gross and have told me son not to play with them because they contain poisonous (sp?) chemicals. I told him that if the other boy plays with them again to just say he doesn't want to play with them because of the above reason and play something else. My 6 y/o told me he tried telling the other boy this today. The other boy told him that there's nothing wrong with playing with them. I keep repeating myself with what I told my ds to begin with about cigarette butts (and cigs in general). My ds really likes this boy and aside from these cig instances, the boy is a nice boy. I only know the mother through watching the ballgames but we set up a play date between the boys (at our house) next week. Anyway, my dh thinks I should mention the situation to her because he'd want to know if it was our kids playing with the butts. Would you say anything? If what?? I don't want to come off as a "tattle tale" but I also don't want my ds playing with a kid who frequently plays with cig butts (and sees nothing wrong with it). My ds has also mentioned that this same friend told him he once lit a butt in a bonfire and "smoked it". I just don't know what to think (or say). Am I over-reacting? Yeah, I would mention it to the mom. The issue for me is not the chemicals...it is that the cigarette butts have been in God only knows whose mouth. Gross!!! My kids see a cigarette butt and immediately tell others around them, "ewww gross, people have had that in their MOUTH!" But yes, I would want to know. What I don't understand is how the mother doesn't know already? Is she not paying attention to this child and what he is doing at the ball field at all? Surely she knows! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiff in TX Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I would not want my child having his mouth on something that someone else had put up to their mouth. Nasty. :iagree: If she reacts to the situation the same way you do then she probably just didn't know. But if she seems okay with it, then you might want to start looking for new friends for you DS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alabasterflask Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I think if it were me I'd try to be in her presence when the children "went off to play" and say to my own son "don't pick up any trash". Or something like that - that seems like a natural caution for you to give. And then use the opportunity to mention it without accusing her of a lack of supervision (which it is, IMO, if he's six and has had the freedom to light anything at a bonfire). Like others have said, if he has a family member who smokes he probably thinks nothing of them in general - so where the disgusting nature of what they are bothers you and likewise your son, it's the germ element that would probably be a concern to his mom, and If it were me, I'd want to know. To add a layer of yuckiness to this discussion - I've occassionaly spotted used condoms on the playground or at the top of an otherwise pristine nature hike - that is what I think of every time I tell my boys NEVER to pick up trash. They can collect all the disgusting bugs and rocks and I do my best not to worry about where that stuff has been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.