JaniceO Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 My 11.5 year old DS crossed over to Boy Scouts this past March. I don't know many of the Boy Scout parents. I have no problem with him participating in the overnight activities, as long as my DH attends with him. I'm not too big on sending my son away with complete strangers, especially when they already forced my son to go to a church service one campout (not knowing our religious preference; 2 different services were offered) and we were right up the hill. I have also heard the conversations that take place among the boys and I'd like to keep my son innocent for just a little bit longer. So, with that said, they are having a whitewater rafting trip next month. I emailed that my son would like to attend and that his father would be attending with him. The Troopmaster emailed me back and said that fathers are not required to attend everything with their sons and he would encourage my son to attend even if his father can't be there. In the future, when he is a little older and/or we know the other parents a little better, I wouldn't have a problem sending him by himself. But I'm just not comfortable with it right now. How do I nicely let the Troopmaster know that I am aware that it is not a requirement, but I don't want to send my son with strangers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would give him a call and explain your concerns. Just word it something like, "He's new to this so we thought having Dad along as he transitions from Cubs to Scouts would help put him at ease and help him be ready to participate at a higher level." Chances are, the Scoutmaster will welcome your husband along. As a former scout and later adult leader, it was always nice to have an extra adult or two along beyond the required number to keep an eye on boys who try dumb stuff like throwing cans of mosquito repellent into the fire (yes, this happened), or lighting a fire under the corner of someone else's tent (yes, this too). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 "Well, from this end, father's *are* required for a bit longer." That would be embedded in a short, friendly email offering to help with details or thanking him for something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rita Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" :iagree: Rita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 This is not a big deal. In Cub Scouts parents were required so he is just letting you know the new policy. We were in the same situation and we honestly did not know that Dad didn't have to go. I wasn't insulted when I was told; I really think he is just passing along information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Your feelings right now are the same as all the other parents of just-crossed-over Scouts who don't know the new Troop well. It's a discussion better had in person than via e-mail. When your hubby gets back from the trip, you'll have a much better feel on how the Troop handles themselves and what the level of adult expertise is. I'm amazed actually that the new boys are invited to go whitewater rafting; here they'd have to have the Swimming merit badge, be 1st class and 13 plus Scoutmaster's call on maturity. Maybe the river here is a higher class though. Enjoy the adventure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 My son is 13 and his dad still needs to go with him to overnight functions including summer camp next week. Dh leaves Ds alone and helps other boys in the troop, but he is there if he is needed. I do not feel like it is over protective. I do let Ds go some places with other adults, but I am not comfortable with the leadership in our scout troop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Have your hubby become known as one of the reliable Dads who will attend all camping trips - maybe even get him an adult Scout shirt - just let him also help drive and supervise more than your son. He can become a valuable adult member of the Troop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I don't think you need to say anything. He said it wasn't required, he didn't say it was a bad idea (or not allowed). Maybe he just wanted to make sure you knew DH didn't HAVE to go in case you thought otherwise. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaniceO Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 Thank you. I really like Danestress's response. I think I'll use that. I already knew that parents weren't required to attend the activities. My husband was the Webelos II leader for my son, so we were pretty knowledgable on Boy Scouts before he crossed over. I have also had the same Troopmaster tell me this before and I kindly told him that DS would prefer to have DH there. My husband is as involved in Scouting as he can be. He holds many positions on the Cub Scout level (we have 2 younger boys still in Cubs) and does what he can for the Boy Scouts. He drove a group of boys up to an Abbey for an Eagle Scout project and ended up filling in as the electrician (they were rewiring the barn) because the one they had arranged for didn't show up. This isn't the first activity they have participated in. Like someone else said, I just don't trust this group of leaders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I have also had the same Troopmaster tell me this before and I kindly told him that DS would prefer to have DH there. Like someone else said, I just don't trust this group of leaders. I just had a couple of comments, though it looks as though you've already received confirmation from others here... Fwiw, I would *not* tell the troopmaster that ds prefers to have your dh there. Part of what a lot of folks find valuable about Scouting is that it fosters a bit more independent thinking and encourages the young men to develop the skills they need in order to function without constant supervision by their parents. That's why the age division is there between Webelo and full Boy Scout. Do I think having your dh along is overprotective? It's hard to tell without knowing your ds. Either way, I would couch this in terms of your dh's willingness to help the troop, not in terms of your ds not being ready to be without his mommy and daddy. I would never. say. a. word. about that part of it, because that can only serve the purpose of making it *appear* that you're overprotective, kwim? Being the volunteer who helps out with the troop will be seen as a positive. If dh has not had recent training, it will be seen as a good thing if he goes to train (for Scouts specifically, not Webelos) soon. As for not trusting the leadership...these are men who will be spending a *ton* of time with your ds, and are men whom (theoretically) you are allowing to teach your ds some really important values. That's sort of the entire basis for Scouting, and If you really don't trust them, or have any sort of bad feeling about them, you *must* seek a different troop, in my opinion. Either way, make sure you send them on that rafting trip with two waterproof disposable cameras, and swim trunks that have a velcro-close pocket to keep them in. Some of the best photos I've had have been the ones on the rafting trips, because most people don't have the forethought to get *waterproof* cameras that they can take with them. Depending on the river, they may or may not be able to take photos "on the fly", but even a before and immediately after shot will be precious later on. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth Conley Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" :iagree: The less you say, the less likely your words are to be misconstrued. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I really don't think you need to say anything. You've signed them both up to go. It's not prohibited. If your husband can't go, your son won't go. They can't force that. If they try to get pushy about it, then I would politely stand my ground and explain. But right now I think you've already indicated to them that your husband prefers to go on this trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I would just say that I know it's not a requirement, but dh wouldn't miss the opportunity to spend time and have fun with ds for anything! (said in a light-hearted tone). I wouldn't say anything about not letting him go with strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 My 11.5 year old DS crossed over to Boy Scouts this past March. I don't know many of the Boy Scout parents. I have no problem with him participating in the overnight activities, as long as my DH attends with him. I'm not too big on sending my son away with complete strangers, especially when they already forced my son to go to a church service one campout (not knowing our religious preference; 2 different services were offered) and we were right up the hill. I have also heard the conversations that take place among the boys and I'd like to keep my son innocent for just a little bit longer. So, with that said, they are having a whitewater rafting trip next month. I emailed that my son would like to attend and that his father would be attending with him. The Troopmaster emailed me back and said that fathers are not required to attend everything with their sons and he would encourage my son to attend even if his father can't be there. In the future, when he is a little older and/or we know the other parents a little better, I wouldn't have a problem sending him by himself. But I'm just not comfortable with it right now. How do I nicely let the Troopmaster know that I am aware that it is not a requirement, but I don't want to send my son with strangers? As a Boy Scout leader, I'd have no problem with most parents who wanted to come along (mom or dad) although I would also say that the style of camping on Boy Scouts is intended to be patrol centered, not family camping. I might expect that my son would be sharing a tent with other scouts and doing meal prep with his patrol. Some troops ask attending parents to pitch tents on the other side of the campsite or in the neighboring campsite. Some are happy to have the parents and scouts in one big group. I would encourage you and/or dh to become involved leaders, even if this is just putting in applications to be merit badge counselors, which is done at times arranged between counselor and scout, not necessarily at meetings. BTW, my very favorite site for boy scout FAQ is Ask Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I would not have a big conversation about this or make it a big deal. He wasn't forbidding dh to go--he was just extending you options. Simply say, "Thanks! Dh and ds are looking forward to it! They'll both be there on (insert date)--see you then!" :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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