Makeup for young teen girls ???

[Gwen in VA]

My older dd didn't wear makeup at all until she went to college, and even now she only wears it occasionally.

 

Fast forward to my younger daughter, who is MUCH more social and outgoing and "aware". She is 13 and wants to wear makeup -- tastefully done, but makeup nonetheless. (BTW, Aside from this issue, we have a very close relationship and she respects dh and my opinions on everything EXCEPT makeup!)

 

I am not a makeup wearer and would MUCH prefer that she doesn't start wearing makeup at 13, but she is waging a pretty serious campaign FOR makeup wearing. We lived in New England (which seems to have a lower percentage of makeup wearers) but moved 6 years ago to VA, where makeup seems very standard.

 

We have asked her to come up with a statement of WHY she wants to wear it, WHEN she wants to wear it, and a different statement on what the Bible has to say about beauty.

 

But the long and short of it is that she wants to wear it. We don't want her to wear it. I am wary of making a hard-and-fast rule about it, because my parents wouldn't let me wear NYLONS until I was 16, and my opinion of them went down considerably during my early teen years as a result. That rule was STUPID! So I would like some external opinions --

 

1) Do you let your dd wear makeup as a young teen (under 16)? If so, why? If not, why not? If so, are there any rules about it -- where it can be worn or how it can be worn?

 

2) Does wearing makeup make a "statement" of any kind that I should be aware of? (She's ready to date? She's worrying about men? etc.)

 

 

3) Do you think that tasteful makeup-wearing is no big deal, or do you think that it's worth making a parental stand on?

[G5052]

In some homeschool families here that I respect, it starts around 13. My daughter asked, and frankly I'll agree to foundation then if: (1) she needs it because of acne, etc. and (2) if she can apply it well. My mom let me wear foundation at 13 because of acne, and it did help my self esteem.

 

Full make-up though, I'm saying 16 now, but time will tell.

[amy g.]

My girls are not into make up. I can barely get them to take off their jeans and wear a dress, but if one of them wanted to wear makeup, I would absolutely allow it.

 

I'd buy them high quality light colors, and show them how to apply it well.

[hmschoolmom22]

I can't explain it but I'm not a fan of makeup on young girls...I agree about foundation if they have acne or some type of skin problem that bothers them...but if you're talking eye makeup, my answer would be no, it makes them look older or like they are trying too hard to grow up and/or look older than they are.

 

I think I was around 15 when I started wearing eye makeup(mascara and eyeliner)but before 15 I would wear lipgloss(never any color just the shiny stuff)...never had a need for foundation and I hated the way it felt on my skin as a teenager.

 

I think my questions to my daughter would be...why do you want to wear it? what statement do you want to make with it? do you think it's going to make you prettier? when do you want to wear it? do you have friends who wear it and you want to be like them?

 

Best of luck with this one - it's a tough one.

[mooooom]

She wears mascara, sometimes eyeliner and she has pale pink eye shadow - I don't think she wears this much - if she does, you can't tell. She also has lip gloss. All her friends were doing the same, I think she just wanted to be like everyone else. I think she looks lovely with it on or off. And it was a lot of fun to go out shopping and trying stuff on with her.

 

I went to college in the south and couldn't believe the nasty, thick pancakey makeup everyone wore pasted to their face in that heat. I don't think it is healthy, and it certainly isn't natural looking. Hopefully that is not what your dd has in mind.

 

I don't see it as having anything to do with boys, just as growing up, fitting in with her friends and trying out new looks for herself - figuring out her place in the world. I, personally, would NEVER argue with a teenager over hair, makeup, shaving, etc. Anything harmful, like piercings, is another story.

[Jen+4dc]

I grew up in a very conservative family. I couldn't even get my ears pierced until I was 16! However, I think this may be one of those "win the battle, lose the war" kinds of things. (My parents/siblings still have reprecussions from a few of those things). I think it would be better to find a middle ground, perhaps only to certain events or at certain times??

 

Whatever you decide to do, don't make it a control issue!! Honestly, most of my friends started wearing make up at 12 (and this was 20+ years ago!) They looked ridiculous with big red splotches on their cheeks and big blue splotches above their eyes over bright red lips. But, they wanted to be older, wanted to feel older. 13 is a hard age because you are transitioning. My 12 year-old hasn't asked yet, but when she does my plan is to encourage her to see how beautiful she is without it. If that doesn't work we'll choose the right times/situations where she can wear makeup. She needs to feel some control over her own life, KWIM? Especially if all her friends are doing it. That's obviously not an excuse for poor behavior, but you have to pick your battles. Makeup doesn't seem like a non-negotiable to me, whereas drinking and drugs are non-negotiables, KWIM?

 

Then, when my daughter does start wearing makeup I'll probably take her down to some dept. store that does free makeovers if you buy something. Then, she can have a professional helping her with what looks good on her skin tones and what doesn't. Makeup should accentuate your natural beauty, not change your appearance, imho. Of course, I'm going to look/ask around and pick a professional to teach her with the idea that less is more and respects that she's still a young teenager!;) I'd rather she learn to do it right while she's young than look like a street walker.

Just my 2 cents. HTH.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Jen+4dc

[calandalsmom]

At 13 I think make up is fine.

 

Id get something high quality and easy to use so it looks more natural. Also, Id get something for sensitive skin since she is young. The new mineral powder foundations seem lighter to me than the old gloopy cover girl stuff my friends and I dabbled with.

 

I think some pople really enjoy makeup and I dont think that is vain or non Biblical. Im not really into makeup myself but wish I did make it more of a priority.

 

Starting now and getting some good hints on how to apply it tastefully seems reasonable to me. Maybe you could make it a little mother daughter date and pick out some nice subtle colors together. Maybe buy yourself a lippy too just for fun.:D

[clementine]

We have that going on here too. Here's what we've done...

 

I let my dd wear this multi-colored face powder http://www.physiciansformula.com/en-us/productdetail/powder-palette-multi-colored-face-powder/02494.html it doesn't make her look like she has anything on and doesn't cover heavily like a foundation. It just evens out her tone & she feels like she's putting something on.

 

Then she can wear a light blush - again you can't really tell, but it just gives her cheeks a touch of pink. And lip gloss.

 

I'm okay with it, she doesn't look like she's trying to look 'made up', but it's fun for her to feel like she's taking that step toward growing up.

[momofkhm]

But they have heard since they were small that make-up is to enhance how you look - someone should look at you and say "you look very nice today, what's different?" Not "your make-up looks good."

 

Right now my oldest is the only who wears any. It's just foundation and eyeliner. She can wear lip gloss or lip stick, but I don't think she does.

 

My younger daughter is allowed to wear make-up at home but it must be washed off before we leave. She is allowed to wear lip gloss away from home and she does!

 

I guess I let them because I remember wanting to at that age. As long as they don't go overboard, I'm fine with it.

[AuntPol]

When I was 13, we all had hair wings from curling irons, blue or green eyeshadow and bonnie bell lipgloss. No one really wore blush, mascara, etc.

 

At 12, shiny lip gloss.

 

At 13-14, foundation if needed and it's not masky. Teach blending!!! I would instill sunscreen application at this time. Also lip gloss or pale lipstick.

 

15-16, eye make up and blush if done properly. I would allow mascara a bit earlier if child has pale lashes like mine lol. But the eye shadow and blush really looks hoochie on most young girls as they tend to do too much.

 

It really depends on:

How the make up is applied (tastefully to enhance or like a mask)

The colors used (barely there pink or peach lipstick is different than hooker red kwim)

Where is make up being worn (park, pool, sports practice and home don't need it, special occasions like a social, dance, etc)

[Danestress]

boys want to be manly and strong.

 

I think girls are considered a bit suspect for wanting to be beautiful. Maybe we have a lot of confusion as to what is beautiful vs. what is "s@xy." (and who can blame girls for getting confused about that - just turn on the tv!) When boys immitate their Dads by carrying around platic lawn mowers and power tools, we find it rather adorable. And as they become young men, we reward them for growing in physical power and manliness.

 

Carrying dolls is adorable for girls, but most girls decide pretty young that what adult women REALLY do is to try to look beautiful, and there are lots of reward for being beautiful, but also a lot of judgment if you cross a line into "tacky" or "too s@xy" and that line is different for each of us, so it's a difficult deal.

 

I feel sorry for girls. The images of what women do are either so unattractive when you are 13 (housework, shlepping children around) or so inappropriate (America's top model) that it must be a bit confusing for them. I guess I would hope that my daughter would be trying to model herself on a great female athlete or religious leader, writer, or politician. But they are bombarded with other things.

 

I don't have daughters and I have no idea if you should allow your daughter to wear makeup. I probably would let her wear a little if it's that important to her. But it seems rather obvious to me that the reason is because she wants to look better, older, and shinier than she naturally looks at 13. I don't think it would be a big deal to me in and of itself. I would be a big deal to me if I felt my daughter's views of adult womanhood were getting twisted into some unachievable s@xy idea. But probably she just wants to look pretty.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Danestress

[Tabrett]

My dd was allowed to wear make-up at 12. I bought her very neutral colors (browns, pinks, lavenders) and taught her how to put it on to look natural and not "made-up". She is 15 and wears make-up about half the time. Mostly when she is going to the movies or has to sing in concerts. I don't have any problem with make-up as long as it is natural looking and accents natural features. If her make-up is too heavy, I will ask her to go fix it. I have rarely had to do that.

I think the key is to teach you dd how make-up is to be applied and set a solid standard on how and how much she can wear. My dd is not allowed to wear blue eyeshadow, period! She has brown hair and medium skin tone and blue would look trashy. Now, if she was a pale blond with blue eyes, I would let her wear a pale blue eyeshadow. KWIM?

Teacher her how to put it on. Make a mom/daughter date and go shopping and buy the make-up you approve. Let her know that you don't mind her wearing make-up, but you have to approve her face on a daily basis until she has proved she can apply it correctly.

I don't think wearing make-up means anything. It is just a sign of growing up and becoming an adult. Some girls are just more "girly" than others. I would be more bothered if my dd never wanted to wear make-up or a skirt.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would allow a young teen to wear make up done tastefully AND with the rule that *I* decide what is tasteful.

I would encourage finding natural colors and doing as little as comfortable.

I would NOT say no completely. I would work together to find a comfortable compromise :)

 

This is what we did when my daughter was VERY young (younger than yours). She played with it a little and got it out of her system. She rarely wears any at 16 and when she does, there is no question of modesty.

 

ETA: btw, my parents did the same and though I had other problems as a teen, this was not one of them. I wore my make up tastefully.

Edited May 15, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[Kelly on the prairie]

I rarely post here on social stuff, but I thought I would add my two cents worth. This has come up with my soon to be thirteen year old.

 

When I was around fourteen (I was a serious tomboy up until then), my mom took me to have a makeover at Bergners. She chose a day when the store wasn't busy. The makeover artist was very informative and gave me all sorts of tips and time. My mom then purchased very good quality makeup for the first time. That memory stayed with me. Through the years, I have been complimented on the subtlety of my makeup job.

 

Flash forward to this time...I picked up some REALLY GOOD makeup books at the library that were especially geared toward teen girls. One was by Bobby Brown who really spoke to the many makeup pitfalls that teens quickly fall into when using makeup. There were great pictures of makeup mistakes, basic skin care, and tips for success. My daughter learned so much from that book.

 

I took her to Walgreens recently and let her pick out very light pink eye shadow with no sparkles, some light blush and lightly colored lip gloss. She tells me she will go back to sheer/no color for her lips when she gets back into braces because Bobby Brown says that is a big no no:001_smile:! Before she leaves the house she asks me if I can tell she is wearing makeup. So far, I haven't been able to and she feels she is doing an expert job because of that! In another year or so I will let her pick a couple colors. I am thinking of investing in the Bobby Brown book, so when she gets a little older, we can both go back to the book if we are in disagreement over her "look".

 

By the way, Bobby Brown also has a book out for older women that gives them tips on how to not look older and worn out before their time. I picked that up and got some great tips myself:001_smile:.

 

I always talk to my daughter about how makeup is to accentuate your assets and downplay your insecure areas. Beyond that, if anyone looks at you and sees color, you've gone off track. I don't know if this will help, but there it is.

[jak of in]

My dd started wearing makeup when she was 13. Her best friend started wearing it much earlier, and my dd made the decision to wait a little longer.

 

I was okay with her wearing it. We had a Mary Kay facial party for several of her friends. She learned how to apply makeup tastefully, and it was a fun thing for them to do together.

 

Also, one of the bigger issues is...I would make sure she is willing to clean her face regularly...not to go to bed with makeup on, even if she's tired.

 

Even now, my dd who is 16, doesn't wear much. She's very careful about keeping it looking natural and not overdone.

 

I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, but around 16 I did it anyway! My dad got so use to it that when I wouldn't wear it for some reason, he would comment that I looked like I didn't feel good! He didn't realize that it was the lack of makeup!

 

jak

[dirty ethel rackham]

I started wearing makeup when I was 13. I never asked permission, but would try to apply it so that no one would know I was wearing it. That was the thing - if you didn't notice the makeup, then it was OK. My older sister (who applied it with a trowel) always got in trouble for wearing makeup. I never did because I put lots of effort into being subtle. (Nothing subtle about older sister - still:)). I am a daily makeup wearer, but many of my friends don't notice it. If they see me without it, they ask if I am feeling well:).

[Gwen in VA]

Thanks for all the responses. we will be doing some serious thinking about this, but it is SO helpful to know others' opinions on this!

[Kathy in MD]

In some homeschool families here that I respect, it starts around 13. My daughter asked, and frankly I'll agree to foundation then if: (1) she needs it because of acne, etc. and (2) if she can apply it well. My mom let me wear foundation at 13 because of acne, and it did help my self esteem.

 

Full make-up though, I'm saying 16 now, but time will tell.

 

 

:D My ds keeps running off with my makeup to hide his acne, but he just uses it for spot coverage. And my wrinkle remover and skin toner! He swears it helps reduce his acne breakouts :lol:

[Alphabetika]

Consider who your dd is overall. Will wearing makeup change her in a negative direction? Would wearing makeup mean she's compromising a value that she holds dear?

 

My 15yo dd started wearing eye makeup when she was 14, with our permission. Overall, she is commmitted to modesty in dress and behavior and has high standards for herself which still include connection to and obedience to us as her parents. I say all of this to paint a picture of her values.

 

Before she started wearing it, we talked quite a bit about the wrong motivations for wearing makeup, which would be to draw attention to herself or to attract boys, neither of which she's interested in. She now wears eye makeup, isn't interested in lip gloss or lipstick, and can't seem to find foundation or blush that doesn't irritate her skin, so she's given up on that idea. It's just part of her morning routine.

 

I haven't seen her change her values or behavior as a result of wearing makeup, nor have I seen people of either gender or any age treat her differently because of it. She has a healthy attitude about it.

 

It took a bit of getting used to for me, as she is fair with light eyes and eyelashes, so at first she looked so different! I guess I could have imposed some sort of age limit about when she could start wearing makeup, but I honestly hadn't thought about it before, as she'd been uninterested. For me, because I consider who she is as a whole person (back to my original suggestion), it's not a hill to die on.

[Susan in TN]

I started wearing makeup when I was 13. I never asked permission, but would try to apply it so that no one would know I was wearing it. That was the thing - if you didn't notice the makeup, then it was OK.

 

I think this is a great tactic - and occassionally point out to your daughter pictures in magazines or on TV - notice how it doesn't look like they are wearing any makeup? That's the look to go for. Lots of blending. If you notice the makeup, then dd needs to go back and do more "blending".

 

If she has blemishes or wants to even out her skin tone a bit, I'd suggest getting some of the foundation/powder makeup combinations that you apply with a sponge (Covergirl has one). It is quick and easy to apply and will even out skin tone and provide some coverage without looking heavy or obvious.

[Janice in NJ]

My mother had lots of make-up rules. Her reasons didn't seem valid to me. She kept arguing that she didn't wear make-up. Huh? I liked my mom, but I didn't want to BE my mom! :001_smile:

 

I jumped the gun with my dd; I suggested it before she asked for it. She has watched me put on make-up since she was a little tot. She has watched me primp when I go out on a date with my husband; she KNOWS that he loves me because of who I am, but she has also watched me try to look my best despite that fact that I didn't NEED to. It's what I do; I try to look my best. Within reason. With balance. Within our financial means. Within, within, within. Lots of variables, but lots of things to think about and talk about as kids grow into the new "them." But I knew that she liked make-up and thought it was fun; that's the message that I've always tried to send her, "Sometimes it's just fun." So when she turned 13, I had her in the store one day and I said, "Hey! You want to get some makeup?" She was psyched even though she hadn't brought it up. AND because she hadn't begged for it, I was able to say things like, "Hmmm.... how about we just start with the basics. A nice foundation, some blush, and some lip glosses that you like." She wasn't pushing; I was offering.

 

She is 14 now. Hardly ever wears more than the lip gloss and has decided that she doesn't think eye make up looks good on young teens. She regularly hacks up her ankles in the shower with a razor though. I hug her and offer up my condolences. AND we have some good heart-to-hearts about beauty and reality and self-image and all that stuff.

 

I'm comfortable with my decision. Good luck finding your place of peace.

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

[fivetails]

dd12 is allowed to wear lipGLOSS (shine/sparkle, not colours that are more like lipSTICK) and she can paint her nails light colours if she wants. No eyeshadow or mascara or anything of that junk. I don't wear any of that either - tried a few times for Christmas parties @ dh's work and felt stupid with it on my face. Washed it off in the bathroom halfway through the night. If God wanted me to have purple eyelids, I'm rather sure He'd have given me purple eyelids. :tongue_smilie:

 

I dunno, I just don't like makeup. I think people look lovely with their natural faces - and I don't mean the natural face that took an hour to apply. ;)