A dilemma...what would you do?

[Tree House Academy]

Now...that's Court Order....that's not necessarily how a good parenting plan in a divorce should be, and one always hopes that the parents can somehow get over their own issues with the other parent and do what's best for the kids. Of course, if all parents could...well, there wouldn't be a need for family court would there? It does sound like OP and her ex have a healthy relationship when it comes to the child....otherwise this post would have had a very different tone. I applaud OP for wanting to do what's best for her son......but still contend that the child's safety has to come first.

 

I am the custodial parent unless ex-h moves close enough to have split custody (hasn't happened in 7 years...). I make all decisions except schooling, to which ex-h has a say. However, I pull my "are you paying the correct amount of child support card" and voila...we are homeschooling. :tongue_smilie:

 

For vacations, he has a set time he is to get ds, but we have never gone by those. He calls me at the first of the year and tells me all of the days he wants ds. I put them on the calendar and then fill in my plans. This has worked rather seemlessly for the last 7 years. We usually agree on most things...mostly because I have ds and ex-h really doesn't play much of a role in our lives at all save those few weeks a year when he sees ds.

 

However, ds is getting older and really starting to miss his dad. The only thing I hate is that ds goes to see dad so rarely that when he comes back, real life "sucks." It is like Disney World or a vacation every time he visits dad. :glare:

[fivetails]

About that Maryland law - it might state that it isn't "illegal" to leave a child over 8 alone, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to leave a child over 8 (and barely at that) alone ALL DAY for the WHOLE WEEK.

 

Someone could *easily* call Child Services if they witnessed a 9 year old boy being left alone ALL DAY during the week. In fact, most people that I know prolly would!

 

Heck, I wouldn't leave my TWELVE year old daughter alone for that long. And this is a responsible, older kid who has taken the Red Cross Babysitter's Course and everything.

[Tree House Academy]

Which is to encourage ExH to find a camp or activity for DS during the day.

 

I could definitely try this. The issue with ex-h is that he is LAZY. Unless live in gf found the daycamp, registered ds9, and took him there each day, it wouldn't happen.

 

An example...my ex was urinating blood shortly after we divorced. He called me and asked me (in another STATE) to find him a dr and make him an appointment. :001_huh:

 

We have a decent relationship and I write my own child support checks. He gives me a book of checks and I write them when I need them (this was a very good divorce...can you tell?). Well, when I run out of checks, I have to call the girlfriend to send me more. I can tell ex-h 500 times and he just.can't.seem.to.get.it.done.

[Tree House Academy]

About that Maryland law - it might state that it isn't "illegal" to leave a child over 8 alone, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to leave a child over 8 (and barely at that) alone ALL DAY for the WHOLE WEEK.

 

Someone could *easily* call Child Services if they witnessed a 9 year old boy being left alone ALL DAY during the week. In fact, most people that I know prolly would!

 

Heck, I wouldn't leave my TWELVE year old daughter alone for that long. And this is a responsible, older kid who has taken the Red Cross Babysitter's Course and everything.

 

As far as I know, the law does not state a time limit he can be left alone. Just an age limit. If CPS were called, there is nothing they could do. It is not against the law. I kinda wish it WERE. Then I would have that to make a case with for ex-h to consider. At this point, all I have is "I think it is a terrible idea and I don't want you to do it."

[fivetails]

As far as I know, the law does not state a time limit he can be left alone. Just an age limit. If CPS were called, there is nothing they could do. It is not against the law. I kinda wish it WERE. Then I would have that to make a case with for ex-h to consider. At this point, all I have is "I think it is a terrible idea and I don't want you to do it."

 

CPS *could* still act if it was shown that the "legal" activity was potentially dangerous to the child.... for instance, last year I called my old province's version of CPS and asked about the legal age for staying alone, babysitting, etc (inquiring because my daughter had taken the RCBC at the time, at 11.5, and I wanted to know the ins and outs)... and I was told - by a supervisor, as I wanted it straight from the horse's mouth, not just a worker - that there was no law. None. So, it would be LEGAL to leave a child of, say, eight or nine, alone at home. Not against the law. However, if they were called, they *would* investigate and if they found that the child in question was at risk, they could still intervene. They take it on a "case by case" situation, I was told.

 

Look at this - my ds10 could, LEGALLY, stay alone -- ie, in the province we're now in, there is still no age by law. However, if I left him alone at home and CPS were called, they would act immediately. His disabilities prevent him from being able to take care of himself. LEGALLY, I'd be allowed to do this.. in the eyes of CPS, it would be a totally different story. Make sense?

 

You have more than just that - you have "No, ex-h, He is not staying alone all week. Make childcare arrangements or we don't do the extra week." *smile* ... Ball's in his court. He makes the arrangements or kiddo comes home on Sunday night.

[Tammyla]

Well now after reading your posts, I'm getting the idea that your ex would love and expect you to plan and sort out all the details.:tongue_smilie: Am I right? This sounds important to your ds and man are you caught in the middle.

 

My mommy self wouldn't want to do this or be the one who said no...again. If there is a way you can make this work, you might do it or you might find comfort knowing many times mom gets to be the bad-guy because you love em.:grouphug: And one day they'll grow up and realize it and love you all the more for it.

[swellmomma]

Given the extra information you have posted, such as your ex-h not getting medical care etc when needed. I change my vote to a no on the extended visitation. Leave it at the one week, and ds then comes home. From the sounds of the extra information added in recent posts here, I would say ex-h has proven a lack in judgement and that would not be okay with me.

 

I totally agree with fivetails as well. She and I live in the same province. WHen CPS investigated me a couple months ago, one of the things they questioned me about was ds10 staying home for short little spurts (right now 5-10 minutes), while it is legal in this province, they were worried about his abilty to care for himself in those little spurts. They couldn't prove that 10 minutes on his one every other month or whatever was detrimental to him, but they still put it out to me that if I left him longer than that they would be back. He is nearly 11.

[ConnieB]

As far as I know, the law does not state a time limit he can be left alone. Just an age limit. If CPS were called, there is nothing they could do. It is not against the law. I kinda wish it WERE. Then I would have that to make a case with for ex-h to consider. At this point, all I have is "I think it is a terrible idea and I don't want you to do it."

 

 

Actually CPS can take action they deem necessary for the "wellbeing of the child" regardless of that child's age. Reality is that the older the child the more likely they won't find time to investigate just a "child alone" call without some other circumstance that puts the child in danger. Sad but true reality of their staff/resource issues.

 

 

I would suggest that you contact your original divorce attorney and ask him/her how the Court would handle such a situation. And if you haven't had any dealings with your attorney since the original divorce or don't want to, then contact any family law specialist for what is usually a free phone consultation. Your state may call them domestic law, or some other term, but basically what I'm recommending is someone who is not just a general attorney, but has extra experience/education in divorce/custody type issues and is certified by their State Bar as experts in that area of law. Because these are the lawyers that spend every day handling just this type of issues, and not only know the laws of TN inside and out, but they know the Judge's sitting on the bench making the orders in these cases....and yes, the Judge matters because it's all about interpretation of the law. When I practiced there were two Judges handling family law....one was very anti-husband if he wasn't fully involved with the kids and if I represented Dad who wasn't a big part of the kids life, I would find ways to get assigned to the other Judge. That was common practice....and since the Judge was assigned based on the last digit of the case number, our clerk would stand there and wait for someone else to file a case with an even number so we could have the odd numbered Judge. :D

 

But.....It sounds like you don't actually need a Judge to resolve this...sounds like if you say no, ex will comply. But it also sounds like knowing the law might make you feel better. You have to be comfortable with your decision as it sounds like you'll have to defend it to your son at least. So perhaps having a lawyer tell you that if your ex were to try to get such an order the Court wouldn't agree would help you in explaining your decision to your son. But ask yourself this......If the lawyer says the Court would make such an order, would that mean you would allow it? I would guess that your posting of the original question was more about confirming your feelings that it was a bad idea. And do you think that the Court has a better idea of what is best for your child than you do?

 

And now that you've given more insight into your ex's parenting skills/style....I think I'd be even less inclined to add another week and suggest day camp. He doesn't sound responsible enough to make this work well. As your son grows older and more mature this might be a do-able situation in the future, but not this year. I'd tell my child that it's something we'll discuss each year based on his showing responsibility while he's in your care. It gives him some incentive to work towards a goal.

 

I do have to say I can see the reasoning behind 3 weeks of vacation for son and 1 week with girlfriend. Guess I'd be happy to hear it wasn't 3 weeks for gf and 1 for son (I saw that more than your way). :glare: Is that really all that different from parents saying they're going on a date night every week and leaving the kids home with a sitter? It's not so much that your ex doesn't have time with the girlfriend, but doesn't have time alone without work interrupting. I have heard date night being described as "Parents need date night to reconnect without everyday life being in the way". Of course, can't say I understand the date night thing either.....haven't been on a date with my DH alone since the first kid was born. We get private time together but not with no kids in the house or us away from the house. But that's us. Your comment about the child coming home from Dad's like it was Disneyworld is also common....even when Dad doesn't spoil him rotten, it's being away and different rules, different choices....not unlike you and I coming home from a trip and feeling it was better than homelife. I used to tell parents to simply plan for the child to be a bit more defiant and have an adjustment time to get back to your home's rules again. In other words, don't plan to jump right back into your routine the first day home....ease into it, but making it clear that he's home from his vacation now and time to get back to regular routine.

 

And sheesh.....I know it's been a number of years since I've done child support caculations but if he's making 200k and you're making zero, $600 a month is way way way low. Even if the court were to find that you have chosen not to return to work and therefore assign you a "salary" for calculation purposes, that's still way too low. When you call that lawyer about the other issues, ask him to run the program showing what you could be getting. But only if you want to rock that boat....it could be depressing if you're not willing to take steps towards it.

[Tree House Academy]

I do have to say I can see the reasoning behind 3 weeks of vacation for son and 1 week with girlfriend. Guess I'd be happy to hear it wasn't 3 weeks for gf and 1 for son (I saw that more than your way). :glare: Is that really all that different from parents saying they're going on a date night every week and leaving the kids home with a sitter? It's not so much that your ex doesn't have time with the girlfriend, but doesn't have time alone without work interrupting. I have heard date night being described as "Parents need date night to reconnect without everyday life being in the way". Of course, can't say I understand the date night thing either.....haven't been on a date with my DH alone since the first kid was born. We get private time together but not with no kids in the house or us away from the house. But that's us.

 

I see your point, and if ex-h had ds any time in the year...or if we split custody, then sure. However, I raise ds 335 days a year. You would think ex-h could handle alone time with the dear girlfriend during those 335 days when he is kid free living as if he had no responsibility in the world to a child...at all. It just angers me to no end. Ds cries to see his dad, but dad could care less and barely gives him the 3 weeks a year.

 

And sheesh.....I know it's been a number of years since I've done child support caculations but if he's making 200k and you're making zero, $600 a month is way way way low. Even if the court were to find that you have chosen not to return to work and therefore assign you a "salary" for calculation purposes, that's still way too low. When you call that lawyer about the other issues, ask him to run the program showing what you could be getting. But only if you want to rock that boat....it could be depressing if you're not willing to take steps towards it.

 

What I would be getting is 15% $2500 a month. Trust me...I know the numbers. LOL

 

However, the money is not worth near as much to me as the leverage. That is sad to say, but it is true. I really believe that, without the "ace in the hole" being the threat on ex-h's precious money, I could not homeschool ds9. I don't need the money...

Edited May 16, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[ConnieB]

I see your point, and if ex-h had ds any time in the year...or if we split custody, then sure. However, I raise ds 335 days a year. You would think ex-h could handle alone time with the dear girlfriend during those 335 days when he is kid free living as if he had no responsibility in the world to a child...at all. It just angers me to no end. Ds cries to see his dad, but dad could care less and barely gives him the 3 weeks a year.

 

 

 

What I would be getting is 15% $2500 a month. Trust me...I know the numbers. LOL

 

However, the money is not worth near as much to me as the leverage. That is sad to say, but it is true. I really believe that, without the "ace in the hole" being the threat on ex-h's precious money, I could not homeschool ds9. I don't need the money...

 

Yes, I understand you have him 335 days and dad barely 30.....but do you really want that to change? Or is your anger really because DS wants time with his dad and dad doesn't care. I doubt it's the number of days...its the quality of those he does have and the lack of attention the other times. Sadly, this is not unique. The two most common complaints from ex-wives.....he's not paying his support or he's not spending enough time with the kids. All other issues are so far down the list that they don't count, lol. And in your case, I think you know that he's never going to be the dad your son wants (or deserves), so it's probably best to find ways to accept it as the anger isn't healthy. Helping DS accept it is harder, but if it's causing trauma in son's life might be worth pursuing counseling for him. Sounds like your ex is repeating the sins of his father.....you want to nip that trend so that your DS doesn't let his own hurt cause him to act that way someday.

 

Yep....I'd give up support completely if it meant being able to homeschool. Courts still aren't quite homeschool friendly so that's going to be a leverage of a lot of mom's for a while. And a lot of Dads know it....can't tell you how many folks I know where Dad was a big supporter of homeschool....until the divorce and it meant mom can't go to work to reduce his support obligation. Suddenly homeschool was never a good idea to him. :confused: I know one dad who was president of the support group, but the divorce apparently made him see that homeschool is evil, lol...or maybe it was that money is better. :ack2:

 

And...leverage is always good. :tongue_smilie:

 

Honestly....it sounds like you have your heart and your priorities in the right places....problem is that they're two different places. Your love for your son makes you want to "fix" the problem with his time with his dad....but the reality is that you can't fix it. It's going to take some miracle for Dad to suddenly become the responsible one and see that his son needs him and make the room for his son. It's totally different when the child is in the house with you all the time....you know your responsiblity and you accept it....but when you're away from the day to day it's easy to skirt the responsibility and maybe he's even saying "next year I'll have more time with him". It's one of the big downsides to divorce.....each parent is automatically going to have less time with the kids, even in a shared custody it's just not the same as being there day in and day out. You are losing 30 days a year of your son's life.....if things were different, I'm sure you wouldn't take off on a 30 day vacation away from him....but in effect you are away from him that long now. It's your reality and you have to make it work best with what you have to work with. Just be grateful that you and ex and gf don't go for each other's throat in every conversation! That is actually more common. :scared:

[Catwoman]

Rebecca, if I were you, I'd use my leverage and say no to the extra week. The more I read about your xh and his gf, the more concerned I am about even trying the day camp option. Honestly, this doesn't sound like the most responsible couple in the world. What if your (seemingly selfish) xh is running late and is an hour late to pick up your ds at camp? What if his gf (who your dh doesn't even think is bright enough to know how to make a doctor's appointment) forgets about your ds altogether?

 

If your xh really wants your ds there for another week, he can take another week of his vacation and spend it with him. I initially thought he only had a total of 2 weeks vacation, but since he only allots part of his vacation time to his son, well... tough cookies if he's too selfish to think of his son's needs before his own.

 

I feel badly for your son, but if he has ADHD issues, it's hard to predict how he will do at an unfamiliar day camp with kids he doesn't know -- and with potentially inexperienced counselors who may not know how to deal with him.

 

I wouldn't worry much about it if he were going to a camp near you, but this is out of state with an inexperienced dad and a clueless gf. Your xh seems to think your ds is "older" than he is (if he's willing to leave him at home alone all day,) and if ds has trouble at day camp, he might tell your ds to suck it up and deal with it, instead of being sympathetic about it. Your ds is still just a kid, and while your xh loves him in his own way, he doesn't "know" him.

 

These "home alone" or "day camp" or "unfamiliar babysitter" options seem ridiculous when your xh has more vacation time and is too selfish to use it to spend time with his son. If he won't take the week off, your ds returns home to you. And really, you're not saying your ds can't stay for the extra week -- you just want him to be with his dad. That's not unreasonable.

 

Good luck, Rebecca! :grouphug:

 

Cat

[Kari C in SC]

I didn't read the whole thread, so maybe this has been mentioned. Is there possibly a day camp he could attend for just that week during work hours. When my oldest was younger before we homeschooled, he went to summer day camp at our local rec center. He LOVED it there. Lots of fun activities and swimming. Just a thought.

[Garga]

Haven't read the responses, but I would say that xdh doesn't know much about kids. If he isn't around them much, then he has no idea how dependent they really are.

 

I don't know what suggestions others have given, but I wouldn't allow him to stay alone. People w/o kids (or who don't have responsibility to watch them) think that parents overreact in protecting their kids, but the reality is that they just don't understand that kids need to be protected.

[Tree House Academy]

Well...I called ex-h and left a message for him telling him that I did not feel comfortable about ds staying alone. He called back about 2 hours later and said, "Did you call this morning? What did you need?" I started to mention ds and staying alone and he said...and I quote here, "Oh, is that all you called about? I thought it was something IMPORTANT. I have to go." And he hung up.

 

Wow...what a responsible, grown-up type fella he is. :angry:

[Catwoman]

I started to mention ds and staying alone and he said...and I quote here, "Oh, is that all you called about? I thought it was something IMPORTANT. I have to go." And he hung up.

 

Wow...what a responsible, grown-up type fella he is. :angry:

 

I think your xh just solved your problem for you. If he doesn't think this is "something IMPORTANT," I think it pretty much tells you how careful he's going to be about finding suitable care for your ds while he and his gf are at work... what with it not being "something IMPORTANT" and all... :boxing_smiley:

 

If I were in your situation, I'd nix the extra week, and try to plan a fun surprise for your ds when he gets back home so he doesn't feel too upset about not having the extra week with his dad.

 

This is such a rotten thing for you, because you have to be the bad guy and your xh comes across to your ds as the injured party. :cursing:

 

Cat

[jamnkats]

It sounds like the time is very important to your son. Can you take everything else away from the situation and simply look at what is best for your son? If it would be a positive thing for him to spend another week with his dad and GF, I would simply look at the problem in that light. What would *I* have to do to make this happen for my child?

 

I would look at what my requirements would be and communicate them to the XH. I would offer to find the camp and/or care for the working hours but I would only do the legwork to accomplish this once my XH had agreed that your son was not to be left alone and had agreed to pay.

 

I would then tell your son that it was fine with me if he stayed an extra week and I would try to help that happen but that your XH/his dad had to agree to some caregiver situation and pay for it. Let your son badger his dad to get this going. :)

[TraceyS/FL]

Yep....I'd give up support completely if it meant being able to homeschool. Courts still aren't quite homeschool friendly so that's going to be a leverage of a lot of mom's for a while. And a lot of Dads know it....can't tell you how many folks I know where Dad was a big supporter of homeschool....until the divorce and it meant mom can't go to work to reduce his support obligation. Suddenly homeschool was never a good idea to him. :confused: I know one dad who was president of the support group, but the divorce apparently made him see that homeschool is evil, lol...or maybe it was that money is better. :ack2:

 

Oh you've met my STBXH?

 

BACK ON TRACK....

 

I'm at the - just tell the ex NO since it doesn't sound like he will do the camp and doesn't think it's important enough to talk about. HMPH.

Edited May 20, 2009 by TraceyS/FL

[Joanne]

As you know, I have custody and visitation challenges and so I have some experience in this area. I am also one of the more liberal moms of this board with regard to staying close/supervision.

 

9 is too young to stay alone for that many days and that many hours. I would fight/not allow it.

[Joanne]

I agree completely.

 

And if that's a problem, why doesn't he occasionally make the trip to visit your ds for a few days at a time?

 

I would never, ever leave my ds alone all day -- not even in my own home, let alone in a strange house in a strange neighborhood. You have no idea what the neighbors are like, whether or not the gf and your xh would get home in time in case of an emergency, and whether or not your ds would be scared to death being left alone all day long. And what if he hears a scary noise or thinks he smells smoke?

 

Sorry, but I wouldn't allow it under any circumstances. Realistically, your son will only have a few hours each day with his dad, anyway, because by the time he and his gf get home from work, it will be dinnertime, and from there, it's only a few more hours until bedtime.

 

I think your xh is being extremely irresponsible for even asking you to consider such an arrangement. If he wants to spend more time with your ds, tell him to take some extra time off work while your ds is at his place, or else he can wait until he has some days coming to him and plan to visit your ds at your home.

 

Cat

 

PS. I don't agree with the suggestions to hire childcare or have ds attend a day camp, because your xh would have no knowledge of these people, and I assume you're not in the habit of leaving your son alone with strangers for days at a time. I would be livid if my son were visiting a relative and they hired a sitter to watch him for the day while they went off to work. Who knows what kind of nut could be watching your son? Regarding the day camps, you would know nothing about the quality of supervision there, and your ds wouldn't know a soul. What if someone was mean to him? It's not like he could call you and you could run right over there and get him. (Of course, for the record, my ds doesn't stay with relatives or go to day camp, anyway...)

 

This is not practical or "real" information with regard to custody. He is the *parent* and has every right to hire childcare or arrange camp, even with strangers.

 

Regarding hours spent with Dad, millions of working parents "only" have after work hours and they are valuable to the parents and child.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think your xh just solved your problem for you. If he doesn't think this is "something IMPORTANT," I think it pretty much tells you how careful he's going to be about finding suitable care for your ds while he and his gf are at work... what with it not being "something IMPORTANT" and all... :boxing_smiley:

 

If I were in your situation, I'd nix the extra week, and try to plan a fun surprise for your ds when he gets back home so he doesn't feel too upset about not having the extra week with his dad.

 

This is such a rotten thing for you, because you have to be the bad guy and your xh comes across to your ds as the injured party. :cursing:

 

Cat

 

:iagree: xh told you what his priorities are. If this week was really important to him, he would be willing to bend over backwards to make you comfortable with it. It looks like he made the decision right there.

 

Like a pp mentioned, you cannot make xh be the dad your son wants him to be. The best you can do is be the soft place to land when your son experiences the disappointment of not having that relationship he desires. While you may desire to shield him from the realities of xh's selfishness, your efforts may backfire on you in the long run. I am not saying that you should use this as a chance to slam xh in front of ds (not that you would) but that eventually, your son will need to face the fact that he has a way-less-than-ideal father.

[SonshineLearner]

Hi Rebecca,

 

Money really isn't the issue, right? If you look in your divorce/custody, you may legally have to give back a certain percentage if your child is there for more than a certain time. In my case, if my daughter's dad files his time, he gets half. Now, of course, I just have to ask for a review, and he'd be paying more...probably.

 

Did you ask your son? My daughter loves flying and going to see her bio-Dad and little brother and sister... BUT 2 wks is her absolute maximum and she's been doing this for 7 years. She goes between 9 and 14 days...and she's ready to come home. After that, she says like she feels she's intruding on their space and time. This coming time, she'll be staying her longest at 16 days, including the 2 travel days.

 

I really think that 3 weeks is too long for a 10 year old who doesn't visit regularly. Just because I think he'll be missing you too much. If he makes $200,000 a year... He can afford to have him on another week.

 

Carrie:-)

[phathui5]

What part of Maryland are we talking about? There are a lot of good day camps here.

[Tree House Academy]

Hi Rebecca,

 

Money really isn't the issue, right? If you look in your divorce/custody, you may legally have to give back a certain percentage if your child is there for more than a certain time. In my case, if my daughter's dad files his time, he gets half. Now, of course, I just have to ask for a review, and he'd be paying more...probably.

 

Did you ask your son? My daughter loves flying and going to see her bio-Dad and little brother and sister... BUT 2 wks is her absolute maximum and she's been doing this for 7 years. She goes between 9 and 14 days...and she's ready to come home. After that, she says like she feels she's intruding on their space and time. This coming time, she'll be staying her longest at 16 days, including the 2 travel days.

 

I really think that 3 weeks is too long for a 10 year old who doesn't visit regularly. Just because I think he'll be missing you too much. If he makes $200,000 a year... He can afford to have him on another week.

 

Carrie:-)

 

LOL...nope, ex h makes so much that there is no way I would ever have to give money to HIM for ds. I claim ds on my taxes...and that is mostly because 30 days a year does not constitute "raising" a child!

 

He would only be staying 2 weeks total. Lord no, not 3!!! :ack2: I'd have a coronary!

[Tree House Academy]

The way this actually pans out is that *I* got the divorce, but ex-h was the one who walked out. When we divorced, I moved to GA from TN. He moved to NEW YORK. I moved back to TN just minutes from where we had lived before (okay...like 60 minutes, but still!) and ex proceeded to move to Massachusetts, and then to Maryland. Has he made an efffort to move CLOSER to my son in all that time?? Not at all. Has his salary gain caused him to come visit his son more on long weekends, etc. Nope. He is an "I want it, right now, my way" kind of man. Example: I was living in GA and was pregnant with ds5 at the time. I had gone into early labor and was given a shot to stop the contractions. ex-h called me and screamed at me for over an hour telling me I was a piece of sh*t because I wouldn't drive 2 hours and meet him with our son. He's not a bad person, persay...he is a "take care of #1" kind of person.

 

The last time my son came home from his dad's, he asked me to make him a PB&J. I told him to make it himself and he responded, "that's woman's work." I thought my dh was going to freak out! But ds9 got it from his dad...that is just how ex-h is. :(

 

Honestly, if I had it MY way, in a perfect world, I would ask for full custody of ds and have ex terminate his parental rights and my dh adopt ds9. That will NEVER happen...but in a perfect world....

[Catwoman]

This is not practical or "real" information with regard to custody. He is the *parent* and has every right to hire childcare or arrange camp, even with strangers.

 

From a legal standpoint, perhaps he does, but I wasn't talking about that. I was simply addressing what I feel are Rebecca's xh's weaknesses as a parent. I didn't say he didn't have the "right" to arrange for daycare; I was talking about his inexperience and unfamiliarity with that sort of thing, and that if I were in Rebecca's situation, I would be hesitant to allow the extra week. We're not talking about necessity here; this is an optional extra week of visitation, which Rebecca will apparently be able to nix if she chooses.

 

Regarding hours spent with Dad, millions of working parents "only" have after work hours and they are valuable to the parents and child.

 

Absolutely, and I think it's great when both parents spend as much time as possible with their dc! In this case, however, the "after work hours" aren't a necessity, as Rebecca's xh has more vacation time that he could spend with his son, but he prefers to go on vacation with his gf during that week. Instead, he wants to have his ds stay with him for an extra week, and stay in the house alone all day, while he and his gf are at work. Not much of a fun week for Rebecca's ds, and potentially dangerous as well if he's left alone in the house --and Rebecca's xh doesn't even think it's important enough to take a few minutes to discuss the matter with her.

 

Cat

[Tree House Academy]

In this case, however, the "after work hours" aren't a necessity, as Rebecca's xh has more vacation time that he could spend with his son, but he prefers to go on vacation with his gf during that week. Instead, he wants to have his ds stay with him for an extra week, and stay in the house alone all day, while he and his gf are at work. Not much of a fun week for Rebecca's ds, and potentially dangerous as well if he's left alone in the house --and Rebecca's xh doesn't even think it's important enough to take a few minutes to discuss the matter with her.

 

Cat

 

AMEN...my sentiments exactly! :iagree: