I wouldn't, but the ATI movement very well may blame the victim because she dressed immodestly. http://gawker.com/the-duggar-homeschool-programs-terrifying-advice-on-sex-1706406324

I've got a sort-of friend on Facebook who posts nearly daily asking for donations for her dd's schooling, which is a special school for talented youth that costs a mint and is nowhere near their home. It's becoming embarrassing, especially as she posts messages that are supposedly written by the dd but likely aren't. The whole tone is one of how special and amazing her dd is. I've sent a private email offering to take dd out on the weekend if she's homesick, as we are now nearby her dd's school, and would be willing to have the mom stay with us to visit her dd, but haven't heard back -- I think she just wants the attention on FB for dd and her situation, as well as cold hard cash. I also happen to know a bit of backstory on the family and am v cynical. It's too bad because I would be happy to donate for medical causes or to help people having a rough time -- I'd consider it a blessing to be allowed to help someone in need. Expensive schooling for special snowflakes? I've got my own kids' school fees to pay first.

Natural History Museum -- easy, it's kid-friendly so lots of bathrooms. Near South Ken Tube where there are Sbux etc. Big Ben -- there's a public restroom in the pedestrian underpass going from Westminster Tube across Whitehall. It costs 50 p. and I think you need exact change. There's also a restroom at the Methodist Central Hall but they like to reserve it for people visiting the cafe but I'm sure you can get around that. Westminster Abbey -- restroom at the Cellarium, the public restaurant inside off of Dean's Yard. They like to put up a sign that says for customers only but no one pays attention. Inside WAbbey there are restrooms out the back beyond Poet's Corner. If it's crowded, as it's likely to be, it may be difficult to get through the crowd to get there, so probably good to plan that one. British Library -- I think the best/easiest restroom here is the one on the ground floor, in the central part on your left if you go to the right as you come in (clearly marked). The main restroom has long lines but there's a handicapped restroom as well that's on the ground floor right before the stairs. I think there's another restroom in the family/kids area, down one floor to the right in the main hall. You can use that area if you're with kids (has lockers too). Tower of London -- pretty easy. There's Sbux outside on either side although not adjacent to the Tower. The Tower has quite a few restrooms though. Not entirely sure about Buckingham Palace etc -- I don't recall this area as particularly restroom-heavy and I do get a bit anxious in the parks because it can be more difficult to find restrooms. Might be good to do extra planning around anything in a park.

We live in London, and, before we lived here, travelled here every few weeks for about a year and a half. My youngest has bladder issues that mean we always need to know where the nearest bathroom is and how long it will take us to run there. If you are near tourist areas, that should be quite doable. We learned quickly where all the bathrooms were and where the Sbux, Nerro and Costas are. Heck, at this point, you could just text me or call me with your location and I could probably tell you where the closest bathroom is! I think if you plan out your days keeping restroom locations in mind you should be fine. As for the plane, try to time bathroom use for non-busy times or get a seat near the bathroom so you can get to it more easily and won't be blocked off by the foodcarts.

Praying

I thought it was weird too but I kept asking the tech if there was another way and she said this was the requirement (not in US) and the only way to get results sooner was to book in with one of the consultants at their clinic. It's a fancy private clinic in a country with universal health care, so if you want quick efficient care here you either have to get lucky or go private. The tech said you have to get results with a doctor there in case you panic or something with bad results. I explained I was already panicking! I did check the website and I remembered correctly that the clinic bills itself as being especially good with anxious patients, which they're clearly not, so after I see the consultant I will be letting them know I think their procedures could be adjusted.

Sorry but I have nowhere irl to vent this to so I will dump this into cyberspace. A few months ago I found a mysterious lump, didn't have the nerve to go get it checked (our gp practice is horrible and the alternatives are worse), finally the panic got to be too much so I arranged for a private mamm*gr@m at a clinic that supposedly is good with anxious patients. Got there this afternoon after a rotten day at work, had the scan by a not too reassuring or friendly tech, and was then told the results would go to my gp. I have never been able to get an appointment with my gp earlier than two or three weeks waiting time. There are ten doctors in the practice, several of whom have previously misdiagnosed me or my children. I was so upset. I finally got myself together to get checked out, paid out of pocket to avoid the horrible doctors, and now might need to wait three weeks to see someone who may not give me the right answer! I finally got the tech to say that I could make another appointment with a specialist there (I'll have to pay) but it was so awful. I'm scared to death. This on top of a rotten day at work. I started back to work recently and had to take a big step back professionally. I'm at a firm that is not nearly as good as places I've worked previously, my title is lower than what I had previously, and my boss (there's only one person I work for) micro-manages me and condescends to me. I know it's not just me, as HR have spoken to me about her and reassured me that they too have had a terrible time working for her, and that her secretary says the same thing. She's one of these people who tells you to do one thing, you do it, then she decides that she wanted you to do something else and blames you for not having done that. Someone who will say, if it's not clear, just ask me! But when you ask, she acts like you're an idiot for asking. I've been doing a pretty good job of managing her but I dropped the ball on that today and she was really annoyed because I failed to read her mind (although oddly enough the email she sent to the client was basically what I had sent her, with the exception of the fairly serious error she made in quoting the law). She's super nice and super super fake. I'm smarter than she is (not trying to brag it just is) and I suspect that she knows it, although I try not to let it show. I'm just trying to stick with the job until I can reasonably move on to something else but days like are tough. Sorry to vent. I really can't say too much to the dcs or my parents as they'll just worry. ********** Just a quick update (because I often wonder about posts, hmm, what happened next?) -- went back to the specialist today and all is well. The doctor was really good, did not talk down to me, did an ultrasound, sent me for another ultrasound with a radiologist to check out one thing, but everything is fine. So feeling much much better (if somewhat out of pocket at having paid privately for all of this!) I also decided that I will definitely start looking for another job as my boss, who does try very hard to be nice, is fundamentally a neurotic micromanager and that's not going to change. Fortunately my field is in demand right now, and the recruiter has already submitted my cv for two open positions. I'm feeling much better now that I've decided that I do not want to put up with this job for any longer than I have to. Thanks for the supportive posts, which were greatly appreciated!

So ... if anyone is interested, here's what happened. This the short version. C had figured out that I had been interviewing possible replacement teachers (since I had paid him in advance for 8 lessons I wanted to get my money's worth of lessons but not be stuck with a gap in teachers). He had sent a very nice email saying he could understand why I would be looking for other teachers in light of the unreliability but that he was committed to giving lessons to my son but would be happy to recommend other teachers if we wanted to go that route. This was after he had been super-negative to my son in a couple of lessons, being downright nasty about his playing and bringing in his boyfriend to be nasty with him (C: is this a pass? C2: no it's a fail). My 8 yo son was very stressed about the exam and the threat of failure. At this point I realized that the teaching had gone way downhill and was damaging DS's confidence. In response to the email, I sent a very gently-worded email saying that I realized C is very very busy and has a big concert abroad coming up, so I thought that it would be best to postpone future lessons until after the concert or until the fall when his schedule is calmer. We could then see what works out. I asked if he could recommend teachers as I would appreciate that. I got an incredibly nasty email in response. C was "offended" that I would consider not keeping him on as a teacher. He recommended other teachers but said they would be unlikely to take DS on because of his behaviour. It was unpleasant and unbelievably arrogant. So awful that I'm more confused than upset, as this is someone I considered a close friend. The backstory is that C had lied to a colleague, telling him he was sick in bed and couldn't rehearse (this was two hours after not showing up) but came to our place to give DS a lesson a couple of hours later. Colleague is a teacher of my other ds, we chatted to arrange a lesson for other ds, subject of piano etc came up, stories were compared and the discovery was made. Colleague spoke with C, called him out for lying and apparently got really angry (C has missed multiple rehearsals, keeps lying about the reasons). So I suspect that C is partly blaming me for ratting him out. I think C may have been drinking when he sent the email as he has been drinking a lot lately. So ... I've drafted a civilized but not particularly warm or kind email in response. I won't stoop to his level and be nasty, much as I want to. I will however stand up for myself. I'll sleep on it. But right now I'm really confused and upset as this is someone I really really liked and trusted. I hate it when stuff like this happens. I'm not sure what's going on, but a mutual friend and I think there may be some instability/bad influences behind the scenes. DS will not take the exam until the fall. The goal now is to restore his self-confidence and joy in playing piano. Once that is set, he can take an exam and have fun doing so. Argh.

When you're discussing with an acquaintance how tall for his age your (adopted) son is, and she asks, "Is his father tall?" and you say, "I have no idea what his father looks like." Oops.

Thanks all for the very helpful comments and viewpoints. This helps me clarify where I am in my own mind on this. To give a bit more background, C is a good friend, or has been, and last year went out of his way to help older DS and has been there for us on several occasions. We had this issue with missing lessons about six months ago, I talked to him about it, reduced the lesson load, changed the days of the lessons (basically went ad hoc), etc. It helped a bit as far as not missing lessons, but now it seems things are going off again. I think there may well be more going on (C's life is a soap opera, I kid you not) and will ask about it. I know he's been grumpy with DS8, because DS8 has been difficult. To be fair to DS8, though, he is 8, and he is also very confused by the missed lessons and never knowing what's going to happen (DS has issues with abandonment and people not been reliable (adopted)). I can either tell him he has a lesson and take the risk that he feels abandoned, or not tell him he has a lesson and take the risk that he's not mentally prepared to do a lesson. Posters are right that it's not good to switch right before an exam. This is the ABRSM Grade 5, which is very important in terms of getting music scholarships later on. DS is music scholarship to senior school caliber, and that may be his way in to a good school (single parent, have to work, xdh has no job, etc etc, so no more homeschooling for me). If I don't get DS more teaching, he will fail or (worse) scrape a poor pass. If I do get DS more teaching, he has a chance of doing well. I play but cannot do much more than say, hmm, that sounds weird, try it again. The other issue is that I've been counting on C writing DDs recommendations. He's getting to be quite well known, so recs from him would be brilliant. I don't want to rock that boat if possible. Thank you all. I see that this behaviour is unacceptable, and that I have a few ways to deal with it. I will give the suggestions some thought today and tomorrow and make a plan.

Thanks. This is what is holding me back a bit. I'm privy to a lot of info on the tutor's private life; we've had him and his partner over for dinner, etc etc. I've sent an email to our mutual friend to see if he knows what's up and my older ds is going to follow up. I know tutor has had some difficult stuff going on in his private life (illness, family members he's responsible for) so I've been putting up with a lot on the basis that tutor's life is difficult. But it's making my life super-difficult.

DCs have had the same piano teacher for three years. This year it's only DS8 taking lessons. Tutor is concert pianist, really brilliant, etc and I've always felt lucky to have him teaching dcs. He's also become what I would consider a good friend. In the last six months, he's become increasingly flaky about showing up for lessons. DS is apparently (according to several outside parties) very very talented musically, and is taking lessons twice a week. He's preparing to do an exam in July that is normally taken by children who are much older. Around six months ago tutor began not showing up for lessons. He would just not show. Rarely he would text me the night before or the day of to cancel. As I knew he was very busy, I tried to be understanding and flexible about rearranging. Things got worse. Weeks would go by with no lesson, tutor not showing up, impossible to reschedule. I told him we were switching to once a week. In other matters, I advanced him two months lesson fees because he needed funds for immigration lawyer stuff. Once a week worked sort of for a while, but DS still had no set time for a lesson. Now we're back to tutor not showing up or cancelling at the last minute. He didn't show for ds's Saturday lesson. Rescheduled to Sunday. Didn't show. Rescheduled to today (I told him I would cancel our plans for the morning so DS could have a lesson). He showed up, did not apologize for forgetting Sat and Sun, attitude seemed to be that he was doing us a favor by showing up at all. He made it very clear to DS that his scales were not good (gave him a "test" and told him he scored 25 per cent and that wasn't good). DS is supposed to have two lessons a week, plus two supervised practices with babysitters, who are students of tutor who are (as I'm finding out) not actually doing supervised practiced with DS. If DS were in fact getting all of this, there is no way he would mess up his scales. DS has been practicing scales and doing other practice as well. I'm super-stressed about all of this because he's been really good to my dcs in the past and I hate to switch teachers but I'm also upset at being treated like this (but there's part of me that also says I'm overreacting and it's my fault or ds's fault and we should put up with this). The whole situation has had me in tears several times over the last two days. So ... when do you say, enough is enough, this isn't working? Especially when it's someone you consider(ed) a friend? This isn't normal behaviour for a tutor, right? Most of them show up for scheduled lessons or not?

Having read most of the responses, I wanted to point out that, with certain types of people, asking them for help can make your life more difficult. If they know you need/want help with something, they can use that against you. I experienced that multiple times with my xdh. For example, dds used to have a Friday evening class that I needed to pick them up from. The 4yo was in bed by that time (it was 10 p.m.). I would ask xdh please to be home by 10 p.m. so I could go get the girls. While he agreed in principle, every single Friday evening he would leave me waiting until the last minute before he would show up or tell me he was running late. He had almost complete control over his work schedule, so no one was making him stay at the office -- he chose to so that he could mess with me. I have lots of examples like that, where my request to him (please help by cleaning up the kitchen after I've cooked) would be used against me (leaving the kitchen until past midnight, including leaving out the leftovers and making the house smell). I got to the point where I wouldn't ask for anything. I also wouldn't do anything for him, but that did still leave me with quite a lot to do. So while I think in principle it's a great idea to sit down and hash things out and make requests and divvy up the work -- when you're dealing with certain types of people it won't work.

Not in the U.S.! It's a league catering to expats. So we get the Pom bears AND the Krispy Kreme.

Trying to post a photo for Gil. The chips are very cute, I'll grant you that. Thanks for the different perspectives. I'm not losing any sleep over it but don't see how anyone thinks this is a good idea for sports. Birthday parties etc I get (DS is now bouncing off the walls because he is just home from a birthday party where he had all sorts of sweets, and I'm fine with that as long as he bounces off the walls in his own room). They practice for an hour then get filled with junk food and then are expected to play a game. I'll just bring a separate snack for DS. He has a dance class right after baseball, and needs good food to get him through a busy day.

DS8 plays baseball, and, as I think is usual, parents take it in turns to provide junk food snacks for the games. The kids practice for an hour, have snack, then play for an hour (coaches pitch, not very serious). Yesterday one mom brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts, bags of the really junky potato chips (the kind shaped like bears), fruit roll-ups and boxes of apple juice. A couple of weeks ago all they had were bags of junky potato chips. The healthiest snack has been choccy biscuits and granola bars and Capri Suns. Now I'm not too terribly anti-junk food and DS8 has generally really good eating habits, so I'm quite happy to give him sweets/chips every now and then because I know he'll beg for more broccoli and salad anyway, but is it me or is this snack choice just not a sensible one for a bunch of little kids playing sports? Or is this normal? Where we used to live parents would bring apples or other fruit. When I was a kid it was orange slices. For our snack we brought orange slices and rice-krispy treats, so not uber-healthful but not horrible either. Kids did eat the oranges too. These are American parents, though, so maybe it's a cultural thing that I've lost touch with? I think I"m going to have to bring our own snacks and try to get DS to eat these, without offending the snack-bringer. Yesterday DS had the doughnut, two bags of chips, etc, which he really didn't need because he was already being squirrelly and difficult to deal with. Anyone else have this experience?

DS8 has been listening to the complete Ramona collection (I think it's 5 books all together) almost every single night and during free time in the day for the last few months. I kid you not. He reads other books while he listens to them, or plays while listening. Right now he is building train tracks and listening. He has memorised chunks of the books and will recite along with the iPod. His siblings and I think it's time to try something new (before we all go crazy). The older three never cared for Ramona or the other books that DS8 likes to read (Roald Dahl and then some more Roald Dahl and then mostly non-fiction). I'm at a bit of a loss to suggest a new audiobook since his taste in books is so different to what I'm used to guiding. So, if your DCs like Ramona, or Roald Dahl, or Flat Stanley, what other author would you recommend? Maybe Robert McCloskey? I was thinking Carolyn Haywood but I cannot find any audiobooks, and I'd really like an audiobook to listen to instead of Ramona. Our nightly read-alouds have been Farmer Boy, Detectives in Togas, and, now, Little House on the Prairie. Those have all been big hits. Thanks for any suggestions!

I work because I like to work but I work the job I have because I have to. xDH doesn't pay that much child support and he's also just quit/lost his job, so child support will stop once his severance runs out. He's planning on going into business for himself, which is financially risky. I have no idea if child support will be coming in or not. I like working because I like being busy, but the "parttime" job I have now is 40+ hours in the office a week and is exhausting. If I didn't have to work, I would do something that allowed for a better balance.

In your place I would definitely be drinking juice. Grape juice. The kind that comes in a fancy bottle with a cork and is decanted into a glass with a stem. Seriously though I'm sorry people are being such goobers to you and I hope you feel better soon.

My boss is like that. Super sweet, super kindly-spoken. Until she snaps and then you get a snippy comment right in the middle of the stream of niceness. And then it's right back to sweetness and light (plastic light). It was making me really nervous and on edge because I felt like 90 per cent of the feedback I got from her was unreliable, and I had no idea if I was doing well or poorly. I found out later that I'm not the only one who finds her this way, so now I just let it roll right off me and don't take a word she says seriously.

I love the idea of GoFundMe as a way of enabling people to come together to help out someone they may not know well or at all. I have to say I don't like the ones that ask for money for expensive non-essentials that I wouldn't pay for for my own kids, but I ignore those. I did see one recently that really bugged me though because I thought people being asked to donate were being misled. It was for a summer program that the student had received scholarships for but needed more money. I looked up the program (was curious, I'd never heard of it but it was supposedly hugely prestigious) and saw that the total amount for the program was less than the amount being requested. It felt funny, like the asker was going to be making money from the request. And the people donating were donating a dollar or two at a time, people who clearly didn't have much to spare themselves.

Don't know if this will help, but the last time we moved I made a huge effort to see and do as much as possible in the city we were living before we left. I was tired and exhausted and didn't always feel like dragging the kids out to see things, but we did get out and made the most of our last summer there. Afterward I felt like we had made the most of our last months there, and somehow that helped with the move. I'm looking to move again soon -- I want desperately to leave here but am tied here bc of the kids for a few years. I've decided to do something similar again, make a sort of bucket list for this particular city and country, and get the kids involved in seeing everything and doing everything over the next year or two. I think that will help me feel better about staying for a while and also prepare for the next move. I wish you luck. It's a tough place to be emotionally.

When my dd was younger she signed her name and added a drawing of a flower. That was acceptable apparently.

A couple of weeks ago we went "mudlarking" on the banks of the Thames with a tour from London Walks. The guide was an archaeologist who spent quite a bit of time on the history of the Thames and the area where we were, then we went to the Thames at low tide and looked for artefacts. We found bits of Victorian pottery, as well as a roof tile the guide said was probably from around 1480. Others on the tour found cool stuff too. I thought it was going to be fun, but it exceeded my expectations. I generally recommend London Walks as they are interesting and not too pricey. Another fun activity is doing brass rubbings at St Martin in the Fields, makes a nice souvenir to take home. Tea at Fortnum's is fun, book in advance though.

Thanks all. I think I'll bite the bullet and get in touch with an OT. It sounds like it would not work to try some things at home, although I'm definitely trying the practiced stillness. As for the ballet teacher, ds is in an outreach program intended for children from disadvantaged backgrounds (somehow though most of the kids are not exactly disadvantaged!), run through a prestigious ballet company, where the lessons and the uniforms are free. He loves the Wednesday class, but the Sat class has this one teacher who is just a certain type. I've chatted with him a couple of times and I'm certain that if I mentioned issues, he'd label ds straightaway and from there on ds would be strongly disfavored.