Lots of the microaggression examples I've seen are just plain rude or obnoxious. I guess that is the point. It's obvious for the things that everyone recognizes and agrees on. I'm guessing microaggresion was coined for those more subtle things that not obvious. So before, I didn't see "Where are you from?" as rude. But now I can see if you look different and are asked that four or five times a day, it makes you feel unwelcome (even if you are still in your home state.) It might give your kids a weird feeling that they don't belong (and to that parent it is a microaggresion even if I am well meaning.) It's obvious to me that "Where are you REALLY from?" is pretty rude, but to someone who is just trying to get at country of origin, it may seem an honest clarification (though still a microaggression as that is defined by the recipient.) And, of course, either of the above could be used intentionally to make someone feel unwelcome.

I still think it is the word itself that causes the problem (though it is a defined by its field of study so unlikely to change). Joanne says "doesn't earn you the right to evaluate microaggressions for the populations who do experience it." But I (and I think some others) think of aggression as being defined by intent. If I fall into you and knock you over, it's different than if I push you over. One is intentional. I would apologize for either case, but I might be a bit upset if someone suggested my falling over is "aggressive." Maybe "careless" or "clumsy," but "aggressive" would seem over-the-top. The suggestion that the person I knocked over gets to decide my intent seems wrong. And our word "aggressive" seems to involve intent. From Joanne's description the term microaggression does not involve intent. One commits a microaggression even if there is no intent. Microaggresion is defined strictly by how the person experiencing it perceives it. So we have the feel of a word we know, "aggression," but a new term that means the opposite.

Zignature has been good for my dogs. It's one of the less pricey of the expensive ones, but that may vary by location. Our independent seller runs sales on it regularly and every 10th bag is free.

Our dog is nearly 13 and losing sight in one eye. He's tentative on the stairs and sometimes when I toss him a treat he misses. That's about it. I think the only problem might be medical. Sometimes an actual lost or damaged eye may need ongoing medical care for the area. You might want advice from a vet on the specifics.

Ds applied to Oglethorpe and he just got an acceptance. It's sort of local for us, and the only LAC in the area that appealed to him. We been regulars at Georgia Shakespeare for years so the campus holds a fond place in our hearts, but I'm really not familiar with the culture. We didn't get a chance to officially tour before, but now that he's gotten his acceptance, we're going to take some more time to learn about something besides the theater program. My brother lives in the Brookhaven area and I would say it is a relatively safe area for part of a big city. Campus is definitely insular and safe, but it's tiny so I imagine the students venture out a good bit.

Ds got his first: Oglethorpe University. No word on aid or scholarships yet.

It feels that way. I feel like I have to accept the fact that the majority of Congress wants it this way (and I guess the majority of citizens, since they keep getting elected.) I think I lost hope when they decided that we couldn't even use federal funds to research possible solutions to gun violence (though I hear Dickey, at least, changed his mind.) I think the Onion's satire piece says it all...you can scroll down to see previous pieces, but it's the same old story: http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-says-only-nation-where-regularly-ha-51938

I support for a couple of reasons. First, equality, as in I think men and women should always be treated equivalently. Second, I am NOT in support of a draft at all and hoping that congress will think a little harder before calling for a draft if daughters are involved (since most of them are still sexist in addition to being idiots.) If we can't drum up enough volunteers, then I would seriously doubt the war is worth fighting.

This is so confusing and I can't imagine the ultimate interaction it leads to. I read above they worked it out in video, but I can't see this playing out peacefully over and over again. Let's say that someone like the open carry guy walks by a barber shop. Everyone in the barber shop knows the neighborhood playground is around the corner. Should they call the police...after all it's legal? Should they go out on the sidewalk and prevent him from passing (heroically preventing another tragedy like the ones we've seen recently)? Really, if the playground is a block or two away there's not time to call the police. Above it sounds like if people try to stop him, they are threatening and violating his rights. Do we have to actually sit and wait for him to start blowing away kids before we do anything. Prevention actually seems to be getting further away. (I think some people would have to imagine him Middle Eastern to imagine how terrifying I find it.) What if I'm eating breakfast at a restaurant and someone comes in heavily armed? Now I know to duck and run out the back door, but if that is the norm does everyone just sit there and wait to see if he is one of the crazies I know some of you live in rural areas where you know everyone, but in populated areas you don't. We've been able to recognize the bad guys because they come in loaded for bear. You call the police when someone is brandishing a weapon. Now will they say, "I'm sorry they have to shoot someone before we come," because open carry is legal? These people are potentially seconds from drawing and blowing everyone away. I think we are going to see lots more shootings and in stand-your-ground states, fewer arrests, because everyone is armed and people just say, "It looked like he was going for his gun!" Does every shooting become justified because everyone is just a draw away from killing everyone else? These are just early morning ponderings because I can't get that video out of my mind. I'm trying to see the world that everyone in support of this guy wants.

Wow, I think if I was an owner or customer of that business I would feel threatened by the man with the guns walking back and forth in front of my establishment, even if he never said a word. I simply can't imagine the cops would have been so calm if the races of the proprietor and gunman had been switched.

I've found this thread and others here about discrimination and diversity so interesting and helpful. Yes, I agree with Chelli that it is disheartening, because the list of "things not to say" gets longer as my memory gets shorter. I take it seriously because I'm always so careful to be kind and welcoming, and would just hate the thought that I was hurting people through ignorance. It's important to treat each other with respect, and much of my interaction is guided through things my mama taught me: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" So I am mindful of everything said here. I know micro-aggression is an official term, but words have power and it carries with it the implication that the comment is aggressive and intentionally offensive, as in the speaker is trying to put the listener "in his place." I wish there was another word for the unintentional comment that is hurtful. Maybe when correcting someone one could say "Just a warning, that comment might be mistaken for a micro-aggression" rather that "That IS a micro-aggression!" even if by definition the latter may be true. (I had some more thoughts, but have re-typed and deleted so much to get it right, they'll have to wait until I have more time.)

I know how you feel. I've learned lots about so much from these boards. Through conversations here, I've learned so much more about people and how different groups feel, but the take-away isn't always great. I'm pretty shy, but have always forced myself to outgoing and super friendly. Over the past couple of years of reading here, I've realized I've probably offended people left and right. Now I'm much more cautious (because I truly want to be kind), and I find that I just don't engage strangers as much as I used to. It's not really intentional, but I guess all of the knowledge is paralyzing.

I've never heard the term, but as I read I hear more and more terms and phrases that are offensive. I think many subcultures and regions have their thinly veiled insults and as the world grows smaller more words fall into the no-no category. Sometimes I feel it's best just to nod and smile. It's a shame that there is no way to distinguish between something meant as an insult and a shy awkward individual trying to be friendly. I did think of one that always felt wrong to me..."Where do you go to church?" In the playgroup/park era of my life, it was usually about the third question. As a non-churchgoer, it always felt like a weed-out so someone could knock me off the potential friend list early, but I guess in some cases it was just another shy awkward individual talking about the only thing she can think of.

Being involved in grief support groups, I know that it is the reason lots of people leave their religion. I agree that that platitude does not help at all. Having just gone through the anniversary of dd's death, I've definitely heard it lots through the years.

Happened to us, too. We decided to pass on the priority deadline because there was too much on his plate with DE. Thought I had checked everything. Didn't realize until the night before that a specific scholarship was linked to that deadline. (They helpfully called at 10pm.) Not time to do it all (3 essays, plus DE classes), so he had to let it go. :-(

It's definitely more me than ds! He's just going on with his busy life, now that he is taking a break from essay writing. I've checked again and it looks like the dates are 12/15, 12/30, 1/9, "by the end of the year," and "sometime between Jan. 8 and 20." I wish he'd gotten the rolling admissions in already so I could serve my time concurrently! I probably shouldn't blame it on waiting. I think I'm just nervous about the whole thing. This is a stressful part of homeschooling.* *and I have some complaints about this season of life corresponding with menopause, but I haven't yet found anywhere to lodge said complaint!

Ewww! Not an appropriate pre-breakfast thread! :lol:

It's at amazon for $78.50 this morning! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FLYWNYQ/ref=gbps_img_m-3_6482_21e409da?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=2304256482&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=384082011&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KWHTMRH7SA9MDXTMG61

I'm that person (with celiac) and I've been in just about every type of social dining experience in the 21 years since I've been gluten free. So I've been trying to think through what I'd like. Obligation is a strong word, and I wouldn't use it for much. I think hosts should allow allergic guests to bring their own food and not make them feel like an outcast. They should not make a big deal that they already have the menu planned and extra dishes will disturb the balance. Or if it is formal, and that big of a deal, let guests know so they can bring plates to be quietly switched with the meal, or maybe let the guests talk to the caterer and pay up to have a safe meal. Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I really want to be invisible at these things. I would never expect a host or other guests to make a meal suited for me. Yes, it is nice, but it is lots of work to do it right, and it becomes quite awkward when it is not. "I made the casserole with no flour, so you could eat it." "Looks good, what all's in it?" "Just the vegetables and cream of mushroom soup." It is just awful when someone uninformed goes to trouble to make something and you have to tell them you can't eat it. (Or in the first few years, you take them at their word and get violently ill!) Things that are nice: Call the guest ahead of time. Tell them what you can do: "I'm not comfortable cooking for allergies," "My nephew is allergic to X, I completely understand," "George has celiac and is bringing a couple of dishes, could you bring a couple, too?" "It's formal, so can you bring a plate for me to switch out in the kitchen and serve you?" If what you happen to be cooking might be acceptable, ask the guest for minor alterations...dressing or croutons on the side, X brand of mayo, GF crackers with the dip (or a separate bowl of dip),... Separate allergen-free dishes at a potluck, so that people don't switch out utensils and ruin what was a safe food. Don't be offended if someone just isn't comfortable eating food cooked in other kitchens and wants to eat only food from home. Don't be offended if they ask questions about the ingredients or preparation. What I do: I'm pretty comfortable cooking for different diets. I always send out an e-mail to ask what people can't eat (and how serious the allergy is.) I encourage them to let me know what the best way to handle things. I let them know what dishes I can likely adapt. I admit (to them) I'm very nervous about cooking for anaphylaxis...My kitchen has never been cleaner than the day I was asked to cook for a peanut allergic individual. At a big buffet thing, I always try to make sure there are at least two safe things each allergic person can eat. I always have recipes and labels available. I always welcome people to bring whatever they want just for themselves or to share. I set things up so that food can be segregated (if nothing else, because at a potluck people might be bringing gluten into my gluten-free kitchen.) I do not always make the whole menu fit everyone's allergies (anaphylaxis excepted), because sometimes I've found their family members appreciate things that they don't get at home, but I try for a balance so that everyone has yummy things. Another thing I've started doing is always having a wider selection than normal of plain food segregated, so people who aren't comfortable talking about food can pick plain things...I put my bananas out, I wash some apples and grapes, there are always bowls of raw veggies, sometimes I have cut melons, I always have cheese squares on a separate plate. Potlucks seem to always be full of mixed dishes which makes it hard for people to guess what they can eat. Back in the dark ages of celiac in the US, I survived off the plate of grapes or raw veggies at events.

Very interesting reading through the government forms, though there may need to be a reality check by them: At our age it is just over $30,000, I sure would love it if they would provide me with said annuity for that price. (I was reading for interest, as we just have one child and a decent income, our EFC is way above what we can afford, so we are only looking at merit aid or cheap state options.) Oh, and OP: Yes, I just agree with you college costs are simply crazy!

If only I could convince every local place to do that (car repair, doctors, dentists..) I was even subjected to FOX News in the jury pool waiting room. I was told there were no national news cases on the docket. We don't have TV on purpose. I took my elderly, anxious (on meds) relative to the doc this week, where we were stuck in a waiting room for 45 minutes with FOX. Needless to say, I've got a couple of weeks of repair work ahead of me.

Thanks, Sue! This is me :toetap05: For us one has a date of Jan 9, one "mid-January," and the others are late December. There are two rolling admission that he was going to apply to by now, but with all the EA deadlines and DE classes, he's burned out. He'll look at those after finals.

Big Hugs :grouphug: from GA for you! Hoping that they'll head home soon!

And I was just learning to use the iPhone! Can dh blame you when I backslide?

So ds applied a few places EA. One is competitive, but very attractive, and we won't know for 6 more weeks. He's busy with classes and other things, but I am already finding the wait very, very difficult. (Do we have a foot tapping smiley?) Just thought I'd start a thread for others in the same boat!