My mother came to live with us for 18 mos. We had a decent relationship before she came (although I have always had issues with her choice-making) and we are no longer on speaking terms since she left. The good thing for her is that somehow (I have no idea how) she has been able to find an apartment for herself and is living independently. I don't know how she is affording to do that- but when necessity dictates, we find a way. Just tell your mother the next time she speaks about moving in with you that that will not be an option. Tell her that you are happy to help her find living arrangements and help her with her errands and appointments when necessary, but that you don't want to hurt your relationship with her or your relationship with your husband/family by living together in the same space. If you need to, and your husband is willing, you can also say that there is no way he would ever consent to it. Good cop, bad cop is not a bad thing in this situation. Meanwhile, hugs to you as you sort this out. But do sort it out, if for no other reason than to bring you peace of mind. I experienced mental unrest for several years before my mother lived with us thinking of all the potentialities of the situation, and a great deal more stress when she lived here. Trust me, you don't want to go that route.

Remember, when you do feel deprived, to look at the balances dropping in your debt load. That is a good, good feeling. And after the debt is gone, and you are saving money like a mad woman, spending a little on yourself feels so good.

I agree with the things Peela said- and making it happen will be a different process for each family, as we all have different priorities. The thing that has been key for me this year is not to add in all the little extras to our day. We cover a lot of ground each day, and our academics are rigorous, but I have decided that each class should fit neatly in its time frame and the assignments for the class should fit our lives. So I am opting even more this year for quality over quantity. If there is a paper due, I want to make sure it has a purpose; that it is done well and with focus, and the goal for that assignment is met. We don't do busy work around here anymore. The result is that we have more free time. Not tons of it, but more and better quality time. There is time for the activities the kids pursue and down time at home, too.

So sorry you had to experience such bitterness from someone who is supposed to love you. As a parent, it is hard to imagine how another parent can behave in the assorted hurtful and often even evil ways that parents manage to behave, isn't it? Your opportunity to have a healthy parent-child relationship is right there in front of you. Your son's empathy for you and his willingness to be there for you made me tear up. You've done a lot of things right. Try to relax and let go of the wrong things that were done to you. I would take the ten dollars- it wasn't from them, anyway; it was just something used as a legal tool... and put it toward something that will renew your spirit.

I actually teach by sitting with him during Teaching Company lectures and inserting commentary, or pausing the cd and having a brief discussion about what we just heard. In other subjects I might read material aloud from the text or other assigned reading, and we do the same kind of insertion of comments/discussion. Math is done independently and he corrects his own problems, but I correct/grade all quizzes and tests. I check in daily on how things are going. All extra work/assignments that must be written after class time are done independently but checked on that day. I think he could do everything on his own if I gave him a sheet to do it with, but that is just not comfortable to me, or to him. We like being with each other! He is completely capable of the work and he has witnessed and participated in negotiations about how to manage the time we have for the subjects we are studying. I think he would do well with that part of it, also. I think the biggest benefit of the way we learn is that he is able to hold his own in discussions of nearly any topic, because that is what we do all day long! In fact, he went to a 4H state Youth Summit this past weekend and said that he was able to present an argument so well during a group discussion (in a room full of strangers) that the group applauded, and adults were giving him praise at the end of the meeting about how well-spoken he was. All of this is to say that, while many people do not do it the way we do, not everyone does it the way you are describing, either. Moreover, I do think that it would be to your benefit to find a study partner to discuss things with, if your mom is unable to do this for you.

If you are wanting to be in the city and do things that are very "Atlanta," this looks like the ticket!

Don't do Yellow River Game Ranch if you don't like to see animals that are less than pristine and well-cared for. Stone Mountain is a great choice, however- lots of different kinds of things to do- the ropes course is my new favorite. If you don't want to go into the city and you have young kids, Cagle's Dairy is fun in the fall. It's about half an hour north of the city. Serenbe is a really pretty place and not in the thick of the city, either- think sort of rural, but it's still in Fulton County. I think the aquarium here is highly overrated. The zoo is fun, especially for younger kids, but it's probably a little tough to get to if you're afraid to drive around the city (which I can't say I blame you). Same for the High Museum- but for older kids. I can't say enough good things about the Silver Comet trail, if you come in the fall and have good weather. There are a lot of places you can get on it, but the one nearest me is really cool- the entrance off Concord Road- there is a covered bridge nearby and you can walk off the paved trail down into the woods in one spot and there are ruins of a Civil War textile mill down there by the creek. Very cool. You could bring a picnic lunch and make an afternoon of it. At the other end of the wilderness area there is a boardwalk and wetlands, which comes up to a pavilion with picnic tables and restrooms. But I'm pretty simple like that.

I enjoyed your humor immensely on this thread. And, for the record, I am one of those "from-scratch" cooks, but didn't grow up that way- my favorite meal growing up was Hamburger Helper! My mom also served Chicken a la King but it was in those little boil-in baggies- frozen. This was in the days before microwaves really got going. She cooked from scratch a good bit, but she also filled in the gaps with these little gems. We all have different priorities. Maybe someone who doesn't do a lot of from-scratch cooking does something spectacularly well that I could never hope to do. I just really enjoy cooking. For me, it has definitely been a process. When my kids were little I made Hamburger Helper sometimes, and we had Sloppy Joes and things like that, and maybe one meal out of 3 was from scratch. Pizza night meant take-out or frozen. Fast forward to now: we recently gave up one of my last strongholds of instant cooking: boxed macaroni and cheese (I used it for lunches sometimes) *but* I did just pick up a bag of frozen chicken nuggets yesterday. I cook from scratch about 6 meals out of 7. We don't eat much meat, and when we do it is chicken. Pizza night means I store homemade dough in the fridge for the week and top it with homemade sauce. All of this is to say, it takes a lot of changes for someone raised like I was to make it work, and if I didn't enjoy it *and take satisfaction in doing it*, there is no way I could do any of this sustainably. So we all do our best. Don't compare. :)

:bigear: My husband has a music degree and our experience is very similar to what others have said re: music as a career- however dh has never really *gone for it* either. I believe he is talented enough to do it, and he has had offers, but we have always opted for more stability. It is harder if you have a family to consider. He should definitely keep that in mind. My son is in exactly the same boat (loves music, unsure about direction) so I am interested in seeing all the responses.

But I really like Sophia's point of view on this. I might inform the other parents, but what I do to help my child to live within the boundaries would be completely separate from that. I would not be compromising with another family on how this should happen.

It works great for us! Also try the AHA that he sells on the site. It is a wonderful exfoliant and moisturizer.

Glad that things are so good, and that your dh is doing so well, considering what might have been.

I am in the sunroom off the kitchen smelling dinner cook- it's almost ready. Hubby is late-ish from work but that is absolutely normal... I never really know when he will get here, but dinner is on the late side so maybe we will eat together :) Ds is helping Dd through the hard levels of Zelda. :001_huh:

I am one of those who worry about everything. But they're fine. I guess if I am going to make a parenting mistake, this is the one I would most choose. We tell them all the time, "one day it will be your turn to make mistakes on your kids."

Kari, I think it's wonderful for you and your family that you are doing this. Try to relax and enjoy it, and let go of the fear surrounding it... you need this! I can comment on the cruise stops- We did a cruise last November and hit 3 of the same stops. Grand Cayman is wonderful for beach combing and just renting a couple of beach chairs and getting little drinks with umbrellas in them. Sigh. That was my favorite stop. And if you want the rum cakes you will certainly be able to find them- shops everywhere! I was not impressed with Cozumel- mostly the port is just tourist-trap shops, so a shore excursion at that port would probably be a good idea. However, we did the Mayan ruins in Belize, and it was fantastic. There was a shore excursion where we took a boat ride from the ship (tender- the ship could not dock) to another boat, rode in that boat up the river into the jungle, and then took a bus from there to the site of the ruins. We got to see the countryside and animals/vegetation we would never have otherwise seen. And the ruins were very exciting to see and to climb! You deserve to treat yourself and to get away for a while. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts.

Loved the file box idea.

that I hate to hear of anyone in this situation, that I think you can work it out, that I think it will take a lot of communicating and compromising from you, and that some of it you will need to work out in your own head- decide how you will manage your thinking on it and your behavior. If he is open to it, I believe therapy is a wonderful tool if you can get a good therapist. Many years ago, my dh and I went in for Imago therapy, which is a really great style which focuses on the relationship and how the partners' needs and desires fit together, and how each can help the other to achieve individual and mutual goals together. We went for about 6 mos., maybe a little more, and it was the single best thing we have ever done for our marriage. Did things improve immediately, by leaps and bounds? Well, no, but they did improve some, and over the 15 years since our relationship has gotten better and better. Also, you should know that marital satisfaction ratings are at their lowest when couples have kids under 5, and the more kids they have that age, the lower it is. That's just facts. So I recommend you try hard to love your husband and remember why you love him each day. While you are doing that, please take care of yourself- find time just for you in the week and little snippets in each day, and focus on your goals for being the best you can be for you and your kids, and your husband, too.

yes it is true. Don't submit anything to GA.

It gets easier every single day. I still think of her daily, but the emotional impact is wearing thinner, and I am no less glad than I was the day that she moved out that she is out of my home. I have no regrets. I did a lot for her benefit, and it is good to be done with misleading myself that I actually have a mother in the sense that I would like to have one, just because she was in my life.

You will get killed on the shipping. Or at least, that's how it used to be. They do not ship, as a rule, unless you pay for independent truck shipping yourself and it is very expensive.

It sounds like it doesn't really matter what anyone else is doing in their relationships with their parents, but what direction you need to go with yours. I believe, from the content of your posts, that your mother is mentally ill. Her behavior lies well beyond the bounds of what most would consider "normal," and she appears to have difficulty controlling her behavior, as well. You need to do whatever is necessary to create peace for yourself in this situation, and more importantly, you need to let go of any guilt that creating peace for yourself engenders. If supportive friends and/or family members aren't enough to help you to do this, I would suggest therapy. No one deserves to be treated the way your mother is treating you and your girls. You are not the bad guy here, no matter what she says. Edited to add: I am estranged from my (mentally ill) mother.

But if we can make it a summer conference seminar thing, that would be ideal.

I still read to my almost 16 yo son, and my 11 yo daughter. We read all history and literature together. It keeps me up to date on their reading, makes for better on-the-spot discussion, and helps me to clarify the tough points.

and the longer the cooking time at that low heat, the more the collagen in the meat will break up and you will have a more tender rack. My dh does them at 200, overnight. They fall apart.

I have my son here with me so he will answer your questions. He is 15 and has been homeschooled since K. "I personally love being home schooled. I would absolutely homeschool my future kids, rather than put them in the public school system. I very rarely feel lonely; but then, everyone does. I'm proud to be homeschooled because I think it prepares me for the "real world" better than anything the government could provide. This is because my education is tailored directly to me, and the classes aren't as mind-numbing as the classes in traditional learning facilities (I just completed a driver's education course at a local high school). It annoys me that public school kids have certain prejudices against home-schooled kids. For example, they set up stereotypes about us and the more stereotypes we don't fit, the more "normal" they say we are. To me, that is the worst thing about homeschooling: being made to feel like an exhibit. I say homeschooling allows us to develop our own personal quirks without fear of disrupting the system. I feel like I am slightly different from a lot of other kids my age. Many guys my age that I have interacted with have acted exactly the same as each other. They tend to notice and comment that I don't act that way. I think I've developed comfort in expressing my sense of humor more than other kids. I feel like I can judge for myself what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior, for myself or others. I have a sense of justice that differs from what other kids think is just. I think when kids are around their peers, they essentially create their own sense of justice subconsciously and then push that sense of justice onto newcomers. But I am free from that. One of the greatest things about home schooling is that I have not only been taught facts, but also how to analyze facts and draw conclusions. I have been taught to love learning as an activity. This has brought me to know small facts that are unknown to the general public. For example, the riddle of the Sphynx is Greek, not Egyptian; and the origins of the phrase "bless you" are religious, not scientific. All in all, I feel slightly "off" in social situations, not because I behave poorly socially, but because my peers judge me. However, over the years, I have gained experience in dealing with prejudices and this has made me a less prejudicial person overall. People usually see me as very bright, very knowledgeable, and occasionally a "know-it-all." I wouldn't trade being home schooled for the world." So, that is what my teen has to say about it. I don't guess I have ever heard so thorough a response from him on this topic before and I was pleasantly surprised by some of his answers. I want to add that during his response, I turned to him and said "it must be hard feeling like you have to buck a stereotype all the time." He replied, "Oh, I don't buck it, I embrace it. I am comfortable with who I am." That is just about the best thing, for me as a parent, about home schooling. If that is the *only* thing I can give my children through home schooling them, then it has been worth it. And, another side note: he gets on well with other kids, and recently a boy his age, whom he had just met the day before, spontaneously remarked "You are one of the nicest guys I have ever met."