We have some negativity issues going on and I'm not sure how to handle it. Here is some history- My dad just turned five. She has been a difficult toddler/preschooler. She has/had daily meltdownsa-they used to happen several times everyday and they would last anywhere from 20-60 minutes, but recently they've gotten less frequent and intense, usually one bigger one per day and a couple of smaller ones. She also had night terrors every night for almost two years. At first it was 2-4 times per night, then 1-2. We figured out how to help her through those, and she had her last one about six months ago. We had her evaluated by an OT for sensory issues. She is sensory seeking for vestibular, proprioceptive, and tactile and sensory avoiding for some auditory, olfactory, and touch.she eats fine. She toe walks. When we meet her sensory needs, this is better, but it is still a daily thing. We have her off all food dyes, and I noticed a huge huge difference after we stopped those. Here is my question. Before we started the sensory stuff, she was such a miserable child. Just always whining, crying, screaming, ect. Those things are much improved, but she is still so so negative! She will draw a picture, show it to me while simultaneously saying "I know you hate it." Or "I know it's terrible." She will got to gymnastics, coop, whatever, have fun during the class (I peek) but inevitably she hates it before we go in, and hates it when I ask how it was afterwards. If she does a cartwheel, as I'm saying how great it was, she will go on and on about how terrible it was. If we are going to the park, she says how boring it is. If we go to XYZ she goes on about how she just knows it will be awful. If I say the sky is blue, she says no, it's white and turquoise. If I say something is so yummy, she says its gross. If I slice her orange one way, she wants it the exact opposite, even though she had it the first way last time. She just has such a strong need to be negative or oppositional. Ironically, she isn't 'badly behaved'. That's not the right term, but I can't think of a better way to put it. She does cooperate as much as a five year old can. She is kind and sweet for the most part. If I say she isn't allowed to do something, she will probably get upset or angry, but she doesn't go and do it anyway. So it's not so much behavior as it is a negative mindset. How do I deal with that? I've started preemptively saying I want to hear one positive thing first, before any negative comments. Or when she says I'll think something she made/did is terrible, I stop and ask her if I've actually said that or not, and not to put words into my mouth. I've stopped asking about coop or gym class, I can clearly see her smiling and participating during class, so I know she's fine. I have never encountered another child, so young, and so negative. Could this be an indication of something else? If so, what would I be looking for/at? I don't even know where to start!

iPad?

We are screen free six days a week, with Saturday being a binge day. The kids have named it Saturday Screen Day lol. I hated fighting with them, setting timers, dealing with attitudes and behavior problems associated with screen time all week. We used to have a one hour per day screen time, but it usually ended in asking for five more minutes, getting upset or angry when the timer went off in the middle of a movie or game ect. So I told them they could sit in their rooms allllllll day Saturday and binge watch, but not on any other day. They loved the idea. I do secretly have a trick...See, Saturday is the day we plan 'fun stuff' with daddy, friends, outings, ect. Saturday morning starts off with one dd going to conditioning/open gym at gymnastics for 3 hours. She loves it. The older dd has archery practice Saturday morning for three hours at the park, so littlest dd goes along to get some play time with all the younger siblings of the archers. They both love that. We usually head out for a family lunch after morning activities. In the afternoon, we plan bike rides, BBQs with friends, rock climbing, ect. So in reality, they generally only watch for a couple of hours, but they don't complain-in their mind, Saturday is free day and they are happy enough with that. They haven't realized my secret planning of ALL THE FUN THINGS. 😉

Dd10-not sure Dd7-Gymnast/coach and animal rescuer Dd5-a Pegasus/unicorn, snowy owl, hummingbird, horse, or jaguar 😳

Well, my three kids can easily eat 24 in a week...we love them. You can freeze them with a bit of lemon in air tight baggies. Thaw for guacamole or to throw into chocolate smoothies/pudding.

Sounds like my dd5. 😊 She started at around 3. Multiple meltdowns everyday. And multiple night terrors at night. At first I thought it was our move, and then I chalked it up to sleep disturbances due to the night terrors. Those lasted almost 2 years. We have started OT for sensory issues and have eliminated all food dyes. We have lots and lots of daily sensory therapy. The change has been remarkable. She is still inflexible, stubborn, negative, and touchy, but is better able to calm herself down and talk through frustrations. At times I have/do suspect ASD, but what we are doing now is helping a lot, so I'm holding off on seeking a diagnosis. She is sensory seeking in vestibular, tactile, and proprioceptive and sensory avoiding/over sensitive in touch, smells, and auditory. It is exhausting to parent her. It is exhausting to provide the input she requires on a daily basis to function at her best. However, it is worlds better to be exhausted from doing therapy exercises with her in a positive way than from dealing with meltdowns everyday. Big hugs as you figure this out.

I am putting the brakes on this. I am not comfortable with the articles I am reading online. After googling hosting child ethics, I just can not go through with it. I am devastated and I know my kids will be as well, they were so looking forward to hosting. I am still holding out hope that some day my dh will be fully on board with adoption.

Thank you all for your replies. I'll admit, it was hard reading them, despite trying not to get my hopes up, well they are...my heart is already breaking for the children in orphanages. 💔 Yes, with this agency, there is a hosting fee of $3k. I assume that covers travel expenses and chaperone fees, and paperwork. The reason host families pay this is because the children in the program are not from middle class families, they are from orphanages, or 'boarding schools', which I know now are the same thing. They state they are NOT an adoption agency, however will try to obtain information on a particular child should the host family show an interest. As much as I'd love to adopt, my husband is not on board and we both need to be 100% sure to take that step. my main concerns are making sure this is completely ethical, and that the children do not come thinking this is a placement or possible placement. Just thinking a child would feel they were auditioning for us makes me sick. I want no part of that. 💔 My second (and just as important) concern is the safety of my own children. With regards to living with an institutionalized child and all that that entails and with 'someone' out there knowing where we live, with pictures of our home and children. That is really scary. Maybe it is an unfounded fear, but there it is. I know if we were to ever adopt, the agencies would know all the details of our life, but for now, I'm uncomfortable with it. I spent the evening crying, not only for this particular child, but for all the children in institutions. It's not fair. My heart is breaking and it feels like such a huge huge problem we can't even begin to scratch the surface of. I'm undecided about what to do at this point. I'm waiting for a call from the director and hoping that speaking with her will answer my questions and give me a clear picture of what their goals are. Problem is, I already have this child's picture and name and 💔💔💔 I really need prayers/thoughts that my heart lets my head make the rational decisions here.

A friend of a friend runs World Children Hosting. Yesterday, through some random coincidences, we got connected with this friend and are considering hosting a child from another country. I am so so excited about the possibility, and the rest of the family is too. We got some of the initial paperwork and as dh and I were looking it over, we were just floored at how easy this seems. Then the skeptic in us starts down the rabbit trail of 'man, with all the human trafficking/corruption, you'd think this would be harder???' I don't know what the norm is in these situations, so I have nothing to compare it to. Basically we fill out some paperwork, get a background check, and we can host a child in two months, for one month. I want to do this so much, it is such an amazing opportunity. i just want to make sure everything is legit. I've read one too many horror stories about corruption in adoption agencies...this is NOT an adoption, the child is not cleared to BE adopted. Some children are, some are from a boarding school for low income families. The children are NOT told they are coming here to be adopted, they are coming for an educational experience. Still, I can not imagine sending my child overseas to a completely unknown family for a month, no matter WHAT experience the agency promised...so I just wonder... To be perfectly fair, (1) This is a personal friend of one of MY best friends. I trust my friend 100%, and have no reason to distrust HER friend, who runs the organization. And (2) I have not spoken with the director yet. This all happened yesterday evening, we are not officially approved at all, we were just 'matched' as a host family, pending the paperwork. I will feel better when we speak on Monday, so it could be that my concerns and questions are unfounded and will be resolved by then. I know that some of you have adopted from out of the country, and I was hoping that perhaps some of you had done something like this and could reassure me? Tell me about your experiences, what type of paperwork you had to fill out, what the process was like? And if it was a positive experience, what sorts of things would be helpful for us to know to make the child feel more comfortable? What sorts of activities would you recommend? If the experience did not work out well, why? Thanks!

Another happy Costco wool socks family here. I wish they made kids sizes!!!

We are doing it! I was hoping to just paint it with finger paint, but apparently that isn't such a good idea...

We practice spelling words.

What wonderful, wise, and encouraging words to read tonight! Thank you so much for sharing, this has truly blessed me today. We have had a similar experience this year, I keep thinking about how it's all 'working' for the first time. And what has changed was not my kids, it was ME. Letting go of my ideas of how things *should* be, and actually looking at those precious, beautiful children right there in front of me and meeting them at the place where THEY can learn best. In some ways I had to change curriculums or expectations, in other ways I had to stop and really listen to what they were saying, and most of the time I just had to get over myself and get out of their way.

Costco brand is pretty good for the money. We get the grain free version for our dogs, and they are doing great on it.

I never took my hubby's surname. It was really that I just never got it done, not that I had any real reason. When we first got married, I worked full time, then we had kids, and I just never got around to it. Kids have his last name. It has never been an issue, except for having to remember what last name we put down on stuff like checking in at the church nursery. I automatically give them my last name, because usually I am doing the signing up, and if they can't find the kids listed under that, I just say that it may be under my husbands last name XYZ. No big deal.

I'm a Jewels mommy too. 😉 And your rattie! So cute! We used to have two, they were awesome. 💙ðŸ­

Cotton balls, cornstarch, and mushrooms all squeak to me and I can't stand them. Vomit. Oh my word. I can't even help my own children if they get the stomach bug. They know to get themselves to a toilet, flush, and wipe it down with Lysol wipes before they come get me. I feel like the worlds worst mom if they are sick. 😖 Roaches. Shudder. They are just...horrid. I know, rationally, that they don't actually DO anything, but I just can't handle them. When I first moved out of my parents house at 17, I once called my dad to come get rid of a roach in the bathroom. He lived 45 minutes away. 😳 Another time (same house), I was in the shower, and saw one in there with me. Lost my mind, grabbed a towel, and ran to the neighbors house. Soaking wet, soapy, and naked under my towel. My neighbor was a single man in his 30's. I begged him to come get the roach. 😳 Had to move shortly after that as I was mortified any time I saw him. I'm fine with most other insects, even capturing them and releasing them if I see them indoors. Roaches have to die. Perfume. There is an ingredient in certain perfumes that just makes me instantly nauseous. And I gag. See vomit fear above. I no longer go into the main area of church, I watch from the lobby. I can not go through large department stores if they have a perfume section, I have to go up the escalator to another floor and back down on the back side of the store. 😳 Dishes soaking in water. 😠Ugh. Just scrape and rinse them right away!!! Gross. Snotty babies. Ewww. Slurping drinks. Ugh. Chewing loudly. Swallowing saliva. Doesn't help that I have a family member that does this. Right next to me. 😠Paper straws. I get the whole environmental issues with plastic, but they squeak. And wet, mushy paper in your mouth??? Whhhyyyyy??????? Dentistry. No amount of money would ever convince me to deal with other people's teeth. Feet. Being a dancer and seeing way too many sweaty, blistered, bleeding, and calloused feet just ruined me. I'm really weird. And I definitely have sensory issues. 😳

I'd love this as well.

We have about 3 acres. It's wooded, with two shallow creeks. I let my kids (4-10) out there alone if they want. From my kitchen window I can see almost to the back edge of the property. They know not to cross the creek (it lines both sides of our property and meets at the back, conveniently forming a natural 'fence'). We live in a subdivision with great neighbors. I feel very safe here. Worst thing is snakes, but they know not to touch any of them and to move away if they see one.

K-private school I only remember crying for months every morning when my mom left me. First-private school Don't remember much. Moved states, switched to public school Second-I loved my teacher, school was fun and great Third grade-That if you bring in a clay project you had worked really hard on, intending to gift it to your teacher, she may get mad that it's on your desk and walk by and squish it up and throw it away. That some kids got paddled every single day. It's best to just shut up and sit still. School started to suck, and I began just learning by reading. Fourth grade-How to cheat on a test on the states and capitols. Much of my learning was reading books and getting lost in fictional worlds. Fifth grade-Some teachers shouldn't be teaching. How to hide a book inside a school book. That the library was awesome. Again, books. Sixth grade-Various pornographic terms. Apparently I was extraordinarily sheltered as I had no clue what any of that meant. Being smart makes you a dork, and being a dork means it's ok for others to ridicule you. How to change really fast in gym class. Seventh grade-That I could get out of class several times a week if I lied and said my dad was an alcoholic. We went to 'counseling' which was a group of kids basically talking and playing games. How to do homework in five minutes before the bell. Eighth grade-That girls can be really mean. How to make a letter code so we could pass notes in class and no one could decipher them. How to skip class and not get caught. Decided school was for the birds and put all my energy into dance class. High school was spent trying to get in and out without getting noticed. I wasn't preppy, or a druggie, or a cheerleader. I escaped more and more with books and dance class. Girls would try to fight you because...? I don't even know. Not doing what the popular girls said to do was social suicide. History sucks. It's never cool to like a teacher. If you are a teacher's assistant and get to collect roll call from other classrooms, you can sneak into an empty portable and make out. That everyone but you is having sex.

Does anyone have the link to the PDFs for these? I can not find them either on google or on the search feature here...thank you!

Langs fairy tales (during sensory play time with dd3, but usually everyone listens), Where the Mountain Meets the Moon (all the kids), Little House (dd2's bedtime story), and Eragon (dd1's bedtime story), various picture books (dd3's bedtime stories), Pippi Longstocking (audio in the car), Story of the World (together during school). I just finished reading The Neverending Story to dd1 at bedtime and it was fantastic.

Yes, I miss them terribly. I'm afraid the baby fever will never go away. 😣

Your gut instincts are right on. I wouldn't do it either.

My 10 year old dd believes dragons exist, scientists just haven't found them yet. 😉 Considering we find new species of life all the time, I'm inclined to think maybe she isn't so far off base here. She's been reading, drawing, and researching them for years as well. She is a happy, bright, well adjusted, social little girl who is acting her age. She's quite mature and 'grown up' in so many ways...I am more than happy to let her hold on to believing in fairy tales just a little longer.