Yes, I use a natural bristle brush. It makes my skin silky smooth and is supposed to be good for lymphatic circulation. I have done it on and off for years.

My alone time is so essential to my mental and emotional health that despite dh and ds in particular wanting me to be "on tap" al the time, I simple withdraw - either I jsut go for walks, or withdraw to my bedroom. I get my alone time in the early mornings rather than the evenings, but I get it then too. I trained my kids from a young age to let me be sometimes. I do not think a mother needs to be continually available- she has every right to take space. Even when homeschooling. Afternoon naps are another way I take space. Just do it. THey will get over their pain of feeling rejected and taking it personally. Its your life- do what you need to do to take care of yourself- so that then when you are with them you can be present and friendly rather than seething in resentment. GIve yourself permission to upset them and take care of yourself- because in the long run it is the best thing to do. ANd they will survive and forgive you and even recognise that you have needs too.

If you are reminding them 30 times, it means you are not following through the first time. If you want to train them, you have to see it as work to train them and realise it does pay off in the long run...but you have to follow through, not nag. (easier said than done when we are doing 10 things at once). How old are your kids? The way I have approached it is to create regular routines- and I had to do it for myself first. So when I get up there are certain things I do. And I have had a 7am get up time for the kids , and a routine of things that need doing before school started- chores, breakfast etc. I am sure it will be the same now they are no longer homeschooling and need to get off to classes by a certain time. I still have to remind my teens to do their chores- they will try and "forget" if they can...but a reminder is all they need nowadays, and most days they will do them without reminders. Some people have charts...for younger kids, they have pictures on them. But you do have to follow through yourself, and consistently get them to look at the charts till it is habitual. It takes about 3 weeks to form a habit, they say. I dont know if its true but I know the hardest part is always for ME to follow through, and be consistent in getting THEM to follow through...so that I dont fall back and resort to nagging. Once they realise there is no alternative- that mum is going to enforce the routines...there is a kind of surrender and things start to go more smoothly. I can recommend flylady.net for establishing healthy routines for the whole family.

I have one brother, 17 months younger than me. He lives on the other side of Australia- he has 6 kids. I adore him. We were playmates growing up, then lived apart after our parents separated in our teens. I think somehow that not living together in our mid to late teens, and the fact that their divorce was hard for us, actually made us close somehow. We are both nature lovers, and both alternative health practitioners (he is a chiropractor). However, even though I love him and I am sure he loves me, and we have an affinity, we do only see each other IRL every couple of years or so. We love visiting his big family, though. So much fun- an ordered kind of chaos.

What a long journey for you, Amber. You have been amazing and I am so glad it has got to this point for you..and your family. May your life return to some sort of normalcy.

I am home from picking up 4 new chickens! We have 3 isa browns already. I had such an adventure- the guy didnt turn up for an hour because he got caught in a traffic jam, so his parents showed me around the farm then fed me. It was fun! Chickens everywhere- all free range, all different types. Some chicks that had literally hatched a few hours before. One huge black and white hen with 15 chicks following her around! So I got 2 black Australorps, 11 weeks od, a pretty brown bantam cross and something else I don't know, also brownish. They are gorgeous and i was lucky enough that when I got home there were teenage guests who helped me cart feed, chickens and hay to the backyard and made the new chooks very welcome. So, thanks for the thread :001_smile:

We bind our breasts with synthetic fabric and metal (underwire bras), whether that is necessary for our size of breast or not. I am much more comfortable without a bra but dislike men looking at my chest rather than my eyes, at my age. Many women focus no pleasing their men in bed without really focusing on themselves enough to realise how much potential they have, so to speak.

You want to put *petrolatum* and *mineral oil* down there? Eewww. I would go with the coconut oil. So, so many factors going into brewing tea, and a lot are emotional/psychological . I am not myself so much into overcoming emotional factors with physical props, but YMMV, and it obivously works for many. My dh wouldnt come near me, either, after my 2nd child- when he knew for sure he didnt want any more, but also knew for sure he couldnt trust my "rhythm method" which had brought us 2 lovely kids. :lol::lol: I felt very rejected. I wont use hormonal based contraception- my system is already weird, and I dont want to use anything which might affect it even if the symptoms appear better- so I tried a cooper IUD. I hated how that thing made me feel, so that didn't last long. So dh went off for the snip, and although in his case there were rare complications (I just came across the phots we took of the aftermath- we took photos in case we decided to take the doctor to court....eeewwww) in the long run...it is such a relief not to have to worry about BC, ever. It is definitely a tea enhancer. However, be very clear you dont want any more kids. Other than that...for me the biggest turn on is really feeling connected through communication. When I feel heard, I open up. My dh and I both have fairly low libidos, but also, neither will be coerced into tea making unless 100% interested, which means, it doesn't thappen so often, but when it does, we are both 100% there for it. Dont presume there is something wrong with you just because you dont feel a lot- it is a chemistry between both of you and a partner needs to hav ea look to see how they can help, too, rather than making it your problem.

After my big freak out about using circular needles, and getting over that and then looking forward to using them, my dd16 told me that this flutter sleeve cardigan was the pattern that would look best on me- and it doesn't even use circular needles. I am finding it quite fast to knit which is very rewarding. A few more movies and I will be well on my way if not finished. Then, my next project WILL be a circular needle one.

I have 3 chooks and I have been considering getting more. I love them. After opening this thread, I decided to track down some more chickens and have now spent the last hour on the computer and phone. I am off this afternoon to go and pick up some more chickens. So, thanks for the inspiration.

Wow. I am not anywhere near that stressed and my libido is somewhere around "once a month is plenty". But dh is like that too so its ok. So.....perhaps you need some perspective? I am just wondering...what exactly is the problem? I mean...it's obvious you are stressed but thats not the issue you are bringing. Do you have an idea of how much you *should* be having tea? Because there *is* no correct amount that is right, you know. Is the problem that you want to keep up, that you want to want it more? That you want ot make dh happy? Its part of marriage to deal with it...but you have to be true to your reality, not your ideal. You are stressed, you are getting older, you might be getting hormonally thrown around...I agree it could be thyroid issues too. Take care of yourself. One of the things that happens past 40 is...you cant get away with not taking care of your own physical needs any more. You just cant. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can satisfy everyone else's needs. If you don't...you end up in bed with everyone taking care of you. So take care...your needs are important, look after yourself, get some bloodwork done, get your diet back on track, take a multi vitamin and don't put your husband first....he will be ok.

It makes my joints ache if I have several in a week. I can have one sometimes. I like it. Love the smell. Dh and dd16 are addicted to it and we have an expresso machine at home- not to mention they love to go to cafes (and it's a nice thing they share). But if I try to keep up, even drinking decaf, my joints start to ache after a few days. I just know it is not good for my system so I trust that. I drink 2 cups of low caffeine tea in the mornings and a coffee perhaps once a month.

Yes, that is pretty much what I was thinking. It's not that an 8yo is not capable. Its that they need the company and the guidance. No, not all, but probably most. Its lonely doing schoolwork at home on your own, at 8. The desire for your nagging is just wanting your company, your attention, your love and your guidance. My son at 8 wouldnt not have been capapble of even focusing that long or doing without me for long at all...my daughter at that age could handle a lot more independent time. In fact, she had to, because her brother needed me so much. But we would break up independent work with group work (read alouds, history, projects, hands on stuff) so that there were no long blocks of time where a child had to sit alone. Not until they were teens did they get solid blocks of independent time - and eventhen we did "together work" in the middle. I miss Ria on these boards. One thing she always used to say is that kids need teaching. They need to be taught, not to be left alone with their books. They do learn to learn independently, over time, but she used to literally teach even her teenagers (and she had 4 I think). She would sit with them and go over their lessons, making sure they understood, before sending them off to do the work. Her approach affected me a lot and made me much more patient with my needy son. I also remember coming to these boards many times asking when my son would be ready to work more independently, since even at 12 I often had to sit with him, and many times I was encouraged to be patient, and remember that I am homeschooling, and that I have the privelege of being able to help my son as much as he needs it.

We are refinancing right now (2 investment properties) and had it approved- hasnt gone through yet. (Australia though- not much help with companies) I talked to the broker about getting a shorter loan and he advised against it. He said, if you get a 30 year loan, you can always pay it off sooner by putting more money on it every month- as much as you like. However, if you get a 15year loan, or 20 year, or whatever...and you hit hard times...you will be stuck with higher repayments and would need to refinance again to bring them down- and who knows if you would be able to refinance if you are stuck in hard times? That made a lot of sense to me....so much sense that I wonder why people like Dave Ramsey actually encourage 15y mortgages. I suppose it is to encourage people to pay it off quickly, since most poeple dont have the discipline to pay off extra each month, but in these times, it doesnt seem so sensible to corner yourself into that spot. I am willing to be enlightened about it, though!

Since we dont have much choice over our personality or our conditioning, I would say it's just that we are all different. I am a risk taker and so is dh- probably why we were attracted to each other. But we choose to be pretty stable for our kids as they seem to thrive more on our stability than our wildness. We are already dreaming what we might do when they no are no longer living with us and are independent- not so far away now. I remember as a kid making a promise to myself not to live like I saw others living- just waiting for the next home improvement, the next small holiday, the next job promotion- I grew up literally wondering why people lived such small lives and why. I don't really know why- there probably isnt an answer- but I have lived my life differently- and for that, have very little to do with my family, although I love them.

Anything is possible, however people often don't succeed because they don't believe they can, rather than any lack of work ethic. Hard work doesn't mean anything if its not backed by intelligence, not done in the right frame of mind, if one comes form a poverty mentality. Hard work needs to be directed in teh right direction- digging ditaches realyl hard isnt going to to necessarily get one a middle class lifestyle (it may...but it isnt a given no matter how hard one works.) It's not that anyone can't succeed, its just that people who are brought up in poverty often have such deep conditioning that that is their lot in life, that because everyone around them lives at a certain level they will too. Thats why we have classes in society, and its not so easy to break out of them- but it is possible. People do. I am not so harsh on people that anyone can break out of poverty if only they work hard. I find that lacking empathy. If it were so easy there woudl be no poverty. The poor are not all slackers who do not work hard enough....the cycle of poverty is not easy to break out of. It takes a certian way of thinking, not necessarily hard work. and when you grow up surrounded by people who think a certain way, it takes a certain sort of inspiration to actually realise you can do it differently- and who is to say why one person finds their way and another just never does. And even then, most don't succeed. And in today's economic climate? I think its time poeple developed compassion for the poor and the disadvantaged rather than judging them. I personally find it strange that many Christians have such an intolerant attitude towards people who need welfare or people whose live's dont look pretty, even people who are drug addicts or caught in crime.....to me, it is not Christian to even think these people should just pull themselves out of it. Its not that easy. They need help and compassion and in the end, they may need that for the rest of thier lives. I prefer to live in a society that takes care of its weakest, poorest members.

That would drive me nuts too! Is he really craving the attention? Can you give him 100% focused attention for a while, fill up his love bucket, then tell him you need some space to yourself- and enforce that? Is he insecure or just really curious?

I have 37 of those items in my pantry already. Theres a few suggestions there I might take on but I am a food snob and am pretty fussy about what I buy- I have my own list. I had forgotten about anchovies though- I really like them and they can add a lot of flavour for such a tiny fish! I like them on a salad. I am not so much into pre-roasting spices. I like to grind them fresh then roast them in the pot before adding other ingredients. They lose their flavour too quickyl otherwise. The 3 oils I have and use are extra virgin olive oil, virgin coconut oil, and ghee. The vinegars I have are raw apple cider, balsamic, umeboshi plum, and plain white.

I am fairly bohemian so the styles of the last couple of summers here- peasant shirts, long maxi dresses, fitted tshirts, pretty stuff- suits me well. I also live in an alternative area where I can wear all sorts of things and get away with it. However what I have found is that really learning about my figure and what styles suit my bodytype, as well as colours that suit my skin and hair etc, has been much more beneficial than worrying about any current fashion. Once you know whether you look good in olive green- or pastel pink - or whether you look best with an emphasised waist and low neckline or something else....it opens up a whole new world of what fashion means on a personal level. Just because it looks good on the rack doesn't mean it will look good on everybody. I have a teenage daughter with a very similar bodytype to mine and she has an uncanny fashion sense while being totally unique. She has inspired me to explore what looks good on me, and I know I am a spring colour type (fresh, pure colours- often pastel- rather than olives and burnt or muddy colours)- and that I need to pull my waist in and show my figure with well fitted clothes, rather than cover it over with baggy clothes, which is what I did for most of my adult life. So now when I wander through fashion stores or even op shops, I have a set of filters I look through- colours and styles- and quite often I cant find anything that suits me- but when I do, I feel better about buying it. Its so much nicer to have a wardrobe of clothes that all look good on my figure, rather than some that do and some that dont and not quite consciously knowing why (since they all look so good on the models, after all).

Oh goody, I get to show off my latest organisational thing! I was reading a website yesterday that suggested "filing" tshirts in drawers- vertically- so that you can see them all and access them without messing up the whole drawer to get the one at the bottom. Well my drawers arent very high so I couldnt get the folded tshirts to quite file vertically, but this is such an improvement on what I had before- I can see all shirts at once and remove one easily without mussing up the rest. The first is my long sleeved tshirts, the 2nd is my short sleeved and singlets. The other thing I did yesterday (I was on a roll) was find the thousands of loose photographs I have collected over the years, mostly of the kids and the family, and put them on the floor in my office, and sort them into themes, and actually place some into a couple of empty albums I had (and the rest in neat piles in one drawer to deal with at a later time). I am no scrapbooker but ds15 was quite touched to see an album of photos of himself from birth onwards.

I can understand the concern, myself, because I have seen homeschooled kids who I feel could benefit from a more rounded education and exposure to other ways of thinking. I know many who I feel are over protected, and who are taught from quite a skewed or extreme perspective, but then we get that accusation too (the overprotection), so I guess it's all a matter of degree. I think its an issue worth considering, myself. I wanted to have a stronger than normal influence over my kids. I wanted to be the main influence on their most formative years. However I never wanted to cut them off from too much of normal society, or other people's way of life or values. I guess most of us just consider the issue common sense...but then, the people who are really "out there" and whacko consider that too, so it's hard to say! I know my kids do not agree with all dh and my values or beliefs and they do not take on our spiritual perspective either- certainly not hook line and sinker. But it is part of our vlaue system not to impress a religious belief system onto them but to help them find the truth that resonates for them. But I *can* understand people being concerned about it because as a homeschooler I have seen other homeschoolers who I would personally feel might be better off at school or in a broader environment- by a certain age at least. And i hate to say this but it is sometimes girls brought up with very religious mothers who are not particularly encouraged academically because the mother already has in mind the girl's future. I am sure most on these boards, and the majority of homeschoolers in general, would not have this as an issue, but its still worth self examining to see if we *really* want our kids to think for themsleves, even if they disagree with us, or dont agree with our religions, or our politics, or if just give lip service to that.

Thats interesting Sandra...I thought that Australia had a good agreement with New Zealand to reciprocate welfare payments. I am pretty sure they used to (back in the ol' days when I was on welfare).

In Australia our welfare system is very good. I am glad for it- having been a recipient myself in the past. It is humane to have decent welfare, and the "bludgers" are the minority. Over the years the system has been tightened up- its much harder to play the system than it used to be. But we don't have severe poverty- even those on welfare, or partial welfare can have a reasonable standard of living which is actually good for all of society. Single mothers in particular can live well and be good parents without having to go out and work full time. Even as a middle income family we receive a fortnightly family payment. I would be much more concerned about those wealthy bankers and CEOs, and military spending, than feeding amd clothing the unfortunate. It is to everyone's benefit that no one starve or be homeless.

I did worry- I think its natural to doubt ourselves when the whole society is against self empowerment- but there are so many precedents. My dd16 has got into college no problem. There are so many pathways. What's the worst that can happen? They might have a big gap somewhere- but they are still broadly educated, so they can learn to fill in that gap themselves or with a course. They dont get into the college they want- well, whats the difference between that and being at school? Not everyone is going to get into the top colleges. They can't get into college at all...unlikely, but aren't there alternative pathways there too? Community college?

Thermomix toaster expresso machine kettle spice rack plus small bottle of olive oil juicer water filter 2 wooden bread boards - one for each bench area where we prepare food