Being institutionalised- which most of us are one way or another from daycare to school to jobs in companies etc- means we are externally structured. Our lives are structured for us. We may have had to discipline ourselves to get up one time to get the bus, but the day, and week is generally divided into chunks. I think many people do have a hard time structuring their own lives if they no longer have external structure. I didn't have a clue how to structure my life in regards to keeping a home in order, or balancing my priorities, or giving my kids sufficient routine. Flylady was my saviour in that regard and I know I say it often here, but finding her really did change my life- and I no longer need that kind of structure, but I sure did for quite a while. Different personalites handle this issue differently. Many people, like me, dont want to be "imprisoned" by a routine, yet thrive on a flexible one. It can take time- years- to find a way of living that works and doesnt become too much "go with the flow" or isnt too structured as to make us want to rebel. When you see the value in healthy structure- a clean house, the homeschooling gets done, letters get written, you get enough sleep, bills get paid on time, savings are made- it becomes obvious that flying by the seat of your pants all the time is actually a more stressful way to live, even if one doesnt want to be anal or a super clean freak like MIL or whoever. But it can take years to understand what the problem actually is, and then implement enough structure to fix the problem. The link has been broken between parent and child, where all this stuff has been passed on down the generations. We have to virtually all work it out from scratch.

I completely understand also- I too was never one to get down and play Barbies with my kids and it was easy to get into a rut of saying no. However, all snuggling in my bed at night and reading "just one more chapter" of a fun book, was more my style. One thing my kids loved to do, which I loved to do as a child too, was make cubby houses in the loungeroom or under the dining room table, and have a picnic under there. Or, if there is a suitable tree in the garden, outside. A few old blankets, some pegs, and they can create a whole other world. You just supply some snacks and be patient when its time to pack it all up! I also loved to take my kids into the bush, or to a park, where I could sit and relax, or walk and look at the wildflowers, while they ran off and went wild. I agree with the others though- just say yes a little more often- but don't go overboard!

Good on you! Many people have "deformed" feet because of wearing shoes all the time. My step dd has amazingly squished and deformed feet from wearing tight shoes all her teens (for fashion). At the other extreme, many of us in Australia have wide feet from wearing no shoes much of our childhood. Maybe the more recent generation wear shoes more, but I encourage my kids to wear no shoes and to wear comfortable, good fitting shoes when they do wear shoes. I am obsessive about wearing comfortable shoes, no matter how they look, compared to fashionable ones. I don't own any heels at all. Feet are important! I don't wear bare feet as much as I used to...we have prickles on our lawn, not to mention doggy doo, and my feet skin has become soft (as a kid and teen I woudl bushwalk with bare feet and they became very tough!). But in summer, around the house, sure. Shoes should be the next best thing though and let your foot spread and relax. I need arch support too. I bought myself a pair of Earth Shoes last summer and that was all I wore all summer,and now I have some birk clogs for winter here.

Enjoy your kids and focus on building relationship, connection, more than worrying about how much work they are doing (or not doing). Build routines. Cleaning routines, afternoon rest routines, schooltime routines. The setting up of a routine is effort...but when it is done, it saves so much work because even if you are tired, overwhelmed, distracted...the routine is automatic. Routines are not prisons- they just give life structure, and kids love them. You can always take a break from routines- but come back to them. If you have built a routine to do school after breakfast until lunch....do what you can to guard that time most days. Read to them. Lots. Dont worry about a maths program. Pick one. Don't agonise. You can change your mind later.

When I was a child, I saw myself as the mother of a boy- exactly like my son. I got flashes of how I would mother him, how he would be with me. I was surprised when I had a girl first. I really expected a boy. When my boy came, everything felt right- like he was here! (and I am so glad for my beautiful girl who is 16 tomorrow!). When dh and I were first going out together, we had a fairly tumultous time and even though it was rough and unpredictable- not your normal love at first site, thats for sure...he said to me he knew I was going to have his children. He was 13 years older me and already had a child from a previous relationship. I was actually offended that he said it at the time- but it turned out true. I used to have a voice in my heart say "this is your destiny" over and over, when I was with him- I fought it! Then later when dd was a toddler, I enrolled in a creative art class once a week. One day I painted a picture of a small foetus- although at the time it just looked like a round egg like thing with beautiful colours. A few days or a weeks later- cant remember- I found out I was pregnant with ds. I hadnt known when I painted the picture.

I find sleep to be more important than a tidy house, personally. My quality of life, my joy and enthusiasm diminishes incredibly once my sleep hours go down. I am prone to depression when that happens. Sleep is vital. One thing I was told when I had babies, that I listened to...was to sleep when the baby sleeps- to catch up on rest- when the baby sleeps- not try to catch up on housework. I too love my alone time, and to read. Even with teenagers, I take time in the afternoons to rest and/or read. Have you read what Susan Wise Bauer has to say about taking a 2 hour break in the afternoons- where all kids are put in separate beds and have to sleep or read quietly while mum takes time out? It has been a saviour for many of us. Dark curtains can help kids with going to bed earlier.

Yes, I would focus on the reasons why you are homeschooling and making a change, rather than what you are leaving behind. Change is a part of life. No, I didn't feel sentimental about leaving the school system- or if I did I don't remember it. My kids went to a pretty good school and I still didn't like it. I felt so relieved to be letting go of institutionalising my children ...I felt so freed (although nervous and also frightened) at the idea of taking responsibility for my own kids. I have often said, the hardest part of homeschooling for me was making the decision. On the other side of that decision, it's been fine. My kids have many homeschooling group photos, many certificates, many Scout camp memories....much time over the years for friendships, activities, holidays....a lot of joyful and memorable times. I am sure school woudl have provided them with memorable times too...but they havent lacked them for not being at school.

Yes, absolutely- he is far more lenient and more likely to expose them to shows I consider innapropriate than the reverse, but sometimes the reverse does happen too. Sometimes I put my foot down and overall, I have slid in his direction. It's all about ds14 - not really an issue for dd16. All about violent shows usually- in the past, anyway. More often though it has been about violent computer games. I really wanted to hold back on that for longer. Nowadays ds himself notices when violent game affects his mood. We have still banned certian online interactive games, and dh and I agree on that. Ds has a tendency to get very addicted. The thing is around here, ds has his own TV in his own room- the kids and I have a TV in our living area/schoolroom. So I do have a lot of control. What I have noticed though is that the kids are moving towards watching shows that are more sexual in orientation, than violent. They love How I Met Your Mother which is PG15 here so they figure its perfectly acceptable- and in many ways it is - but in many ways it is about the sex lives of these young couples which...I find too much. Then theres Two Men and a Boy and ds14 keeps sneaking that on when I have banned it- I just find it innapropriate in that it is all about their sex lives, again, even though some episodes are PG15. However, dh feels it's all fine and wont support me in my objection. I am sure its not the end of the world at all...I just feel uncomfortable about some things and I don't always get my way- and other times, I do.

A kid with a verbal tendency can learn to deal with bullies verbally. A more "physical" kid who is frustrated by verbal taunting, might need to use his fists, I guess, but I am not convinced. I have encouraged my son to use his mouth- he uses it enough against his parents, may as well use it for some good! He is good at making friends, and he has also managed to lead them all against any bullies. There are ways...probably every kid needs to find his own power and strength to deal with them. My son had a lot of trouble in Scouts- not with the kids, although he was teased and taunted by son- but with the leaders. I wanted to protect him, and at one stage did stand up for him against all 4 leaders and asked them to back off. They didn't. They felt justified in singling him out for shaming and ostrecising him for various reasons which were ultimately very petty. I had a gut feeling to let him work it out. He did. He got all the kids on his side - to make himself feel better- and the leaders backed down and now treat him with respect! He earned it. I would say don't count problems before they occur. They might not. ANd if they do...dont underestimate your son's or your ability to deal with them then. I am not sure you can necessarily predict how to deal with such situations- they are all unique. If he needs some courage, a martial art can give an inner confidence.

I am using Math U See Pre Algebra with my ds14 and I wish we had changed earlier. The presentation on the page is important to him and it seems to be perfect- very plain, but not cluttered. There is a DVD but only for a short time once a week of 10 days- you watch a short piece then do the work in a workbook. It is mastery, with regular revision.

I used Ambleside year 7 last year- medieval- we loved it. There are a lot of warnings about using the later years too early. They are advanced. You don't read all the books- you pick and choose. The earlier highschool AO years are often used for later highschool years because of the level of the books to be read. The information on how to use the method is all on the Ambleside website. It is used similarly all the way through. It involves a lot of reading- and yes, literature and history make up a large part of it.

I used the Medieval lesson plans and I found them very useable without seeing the DVDs. I wouldnt have bought the Medieval lesson plans if I thought I needed to understand the whole system, but I had several people give me feedback that I wouldnt need them and I found I didnt. I found them quite self explanatory. But then, I am fairly confident about my ability to teach that level of writing, and have used many programs over the years. The program made plenty of sense to me and I just took it at face value. We enjoyed it.

I use holidays to declutter the house. I know it doesn't sound exciting, but it can be kind of addicting, and it helps things go more smoothly during term time. I try and catch up with girlfriends then, too. I don't attend to the kids much during holidays. I restrict screen time, and then just expect them to entertain themselves most of the time. Of course, we do some things together- in summer, the beach, in other seasons, trips to the markets and shopping places, visiting people. But mostly, they do their own thing and we connect up a couple of times a day- morning and evening- and share. Now that they are teens, they taught themselves to catch buses and ride their bikes long distance, to catch up with friends. We stay in touch but I often hardly see them. I have a life independent from my kids - I always did, but I have a lot more time on my hands nowadays.

Europe, for the educational value, for sure. However, I would also love to take them to Asia- India, Indonesia (well, we have been to Bali and may take them again), Thailand. That's easier from Australia of course, but still, we havent done it. I think visiting different cultures- very different cultures- is great for kids, and I love the spirituality of India and Thailand, and Bali.

9am to 9pm for me. Dh gives his clients permission to phone after 8am. Not that I like phone calls. Much. At all. I am starting a business and the phone is ringing. A lot. I take a deep breath and pick it up. Or I ask dd to field it for me and take a message.

Dh and I have different areas of financial responsibility. He does the big stuff, but I do all kids' stuff including extra curriculas and all personal things for myself. So, its up to me. We have health and life insurance, we live well, we rent but have 2 investment properties, and we love buying things 2nd hand (we adore a bargain!), which saves us a lot. Over the years, homeschooling has been my focus and obsession and spending a lot on extra curriculas has felt absolutely fine- even if I didnt have much left over for anything else. Our rental properties are our retirement fund- and we are not saving for the kids' college, although we have enough for dd16 to go to a type of college next year, for the year. After that, it will be let's see. So....we don't put money aside the way others might because we have a priority to focus on the kids in these years. The years rush past and they are teens already. It doesn't feel right to focus on us just yet- we are both happy to make sure they have everything they need. The thing is, the extra curriculas have dropped off in the last year, as we get more specific about what they want to do.

The only one who has quizzed my kids is my grandfather- their great grandfather- who was a school teacher. I dont know if they passed or not- I think he asked them a maths times table and a question about Helen Keller- fortunately my son had just read a book about her so could answer it! Not that it really matters whether he passed or not, but if it made grandad feel good and confident his grandkids were ok, Im ok. My family have incredible confidence in me for some reason and when they meet the kids every couple of years they are so taken with their friendly and outgoing personalities, they don't bother asking about academics at all. My stepmum- dad's wife- has actually encouraged her daughter to homeschool one of her daughters, who is being bullied at school, soley on the strength of how well my kids have supposedly turned out! I think you have to give them a bit of rope when its such a strange concept to many people- even now. But after a while- I would ask that it stop. I have heard many stories of sceptical relatives- including husbands- turning into strong supporters (including mine). Hang in there- the relatives do mean well usually, even if they are showing it unskillfully.

I used to be open and share...I was known to be the one to come to to ask about a curriculum because I had probably bought it and at least tried it :) Here in Australia one of our biggest problems is having to buy a program without having actually seen it, so many times i have brought a program to a homeschool group to show the ladies so they could actually see and touch it. I did notice others weren't necessarily so open about what they used, but I didn't really worry about it. I figured they were using the same thing year after year mostly- I found many people don't like to curriculum jump like I used to and would be happy with something like Saxon math or Seton catholic curricula or whatever, and weren't really interested in looking at anything else. I have one friend who used Saxon math and Rod and Staff and while I went from R&S to CW to a variety of other programs...she stayed with those two programs (and that definitely wouldn't have suited my kids). So...there was a limit to how much I could talk about all the new programs I was using over the years and I stopped talking about them with her. Overall...people are just themselves and I dont take such things personally. We homeschoolers are such a diverse bunch.

Our overall extra curricula fees are lower than they have ever been, simply because in the past, they tried a lot of things and were happy to do lots of things. Now, they are really clear about what they want to do and they have both let go of many things they have outgrown. Ds14 does Scouts (cheap) and gymnastics which is only $12 a recreational class. He was doing 2 instruments up till last year, plus soccer. The instruments have always been our most expensive cost. There were also various homeschooling classes and groups which we have now completely dropped out of. Dd16 does piano ($29 a half hour), Art class ($16 an hour and a half) Scouts and gymnastics ($12). For her Scouts has involved some expensive and long camps but it has always been worth it for the experiences she has had. Music has been our biggest expense but it's been worth it.

Poor kid. Have you given him some acidopholous to restore his healthy gut bacteria after taking antibiotics? Gut bacteria is very important for the immune system.

The private school I went to have instruments as an elective, so I did piano and theory within the school. When I went to a public school later, my mum drove me to piano and guitar lessons for a little while. My son has a great suburban stress situation and we wont move from here mainly because of it, for now. Every afternoon and weekend he plays with other boys out on the street. Another family has virtually adopted him and he frequently eats and is taken places with the family. It has meant he doesnt want to do as many extra curriculars as his sister who doesnt have local friends. I think the media has a lot to answer for. Yes, bad things happen, but parents are frequently terrified of letting their kids roam free in the neighbourhood or even play on the street. Could be more traffic too. In Australia, we grew up with cricket rather than baseball and you still see it sometimes- kids on the street, ducking out of the way when you drive toward them, closing back behind the car as they quickly put the stumps back and set up again. Electronic games have also taken a lot of kids to a "safer" indoors, off the streets. Times change, but they do have a way of swinging back.

I think she did well...and I would encourage her to trust her own intelligence in the future as well, rather than setting rules too rigidly. Rigid rules can cause people to do silly things in the name of following the rules. Teach her the danger of being a young woman walking alone on the streets, teach her to trust her own gut feelings, and to be intelligent. I wouldnt tell her she shoudl have done either- I would praise her for doing the thing she saw seemed best in the circusmtances.

My 14yo ds still needs me hovering and herding and getting him to refocus. My dd16 sits and just plod her way through- often rather slowly. Ds races, does badly, gets half of it wrong, shuts the book and puts it away so I dont notice for a day or two, then rushes onto the next subject and does the same! I think you have to work "with" them and their natures, keep your sense of humour, enjoy them for who and what they are, and beg borrow or steal bucket loads of patience from somewhere. Boys are fun! I started homeschooling my son at 7, and we would do a bit of bookwork, some reading on the couch, some learning to read (he couldnt read when he came home from school) and then we would get out of the house- walk to the shops for a chocolate, or go and kick a soccer ball in the park. Anything- he had to move. He's 14 now and does his work in another room so he can concentrate- but he will run in and out of the room where dd and I sit, talk to us, tell us very important things, and basically annoy and distract us, a dozen times a day.

We have a lot of marble tiles in our house- it was built by a master builder, apparently the head of our city's mafia in the 1970s! He loved marble- 3 marble bathrooms here and marble floors through half the house. It's cold. Not cosy- great for summer but not so good for winter. If I was to build a house though, I wouldn't use much carpet. I would rather have wooden floors and rugs. I think its probably healthier, and easier to clean.

Hi Lucy- we have the Western Australian one with the white cover with aussie animals on it. It is Victorian Cursive which seems to be the official W.A. writing style and the one my kids learned at school. I tried to get them to change over the years but they seem to revert to Victorian Cursive no matter what I do, so I gave up and accepted it eventually.