My MIL is hilarious with the Christmas presents. As in you have to laugh so you won't get stabby. No matter what I said I didn't want the kids to have, that is what she would get. If I said no toy guns that were realistic looking, my three girls would get toy weapons that could fool my SWAT BIL. If I said I wasn't a fan of Barbie then my girls would get a collection of Barbies and any clothes that would make Barbie look like a mini-hooker. She would stare at me with a smirk on her face while the kids were opening presents. I did figure out what was going on pretty quickly so one year I expressed my opinion that I didn't want a DVD player for the car because I would rather read-aloud to the kids during long car trips. That year the kids got a really nice portable DVD player and a collection of movies that I am pretty sure I made up some reason not to allow. That all ended once my last child (a boy) was born. My daughters no longer got actual presents. The year ds was two he got 11 presents from grandma and each daughter (4, 9 & 12) each got a chapstick from the gas station down the street and an antenna ball from Jack-in-the Box next door. She also tried to convince me that because she raised 3 sons and I had only had girls until that point that I should leave ds with her to raise. He was a nursing infant at the time. But she is nuts, so we ignore & move along. The PP whose mom buys oddities from her vacation, reminded me of the time my FIL & his new wife (not my MIL) gave all the grandkids souvenirs from their honeymoon to Mexico. The other grandkids received wood carvings, silver jewelry and woven blankets. My four children received four frog figures, one each, that were different parts of a mariachi band. But here's the thing; they were real frogs. Dead frogs, whose guts had been removed, then inflated, lacquered, dressed in clothes, had little instruments placed in their arms and their feet nailed to little wooden stands. My children were horrified. It was disgusting. My FIL thought they were so cool, and he thought the kids would be so excited. I wanted to toss them as soon as we got home, but Dh thought his dad would be offended so I insisted that he keep them in the garage, far away from me. Amber in SJ

I have the leakproof ones from Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XCTN712/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?th=1&psc=1 I wear them as a back up for tampons on heavy days and alone if I think I might be starting that day. They generally go into the laundry that gets washed once a week with no problem. Wash on cold & hang to dry as the heat of the dryer can damage the leak proof layer. This might be TMI, but there is a container that sits in my shower to catch warm-up water and if something really messy happens to the period panties that I don't want to put in the hamper, I put a little cold water in the container, and toss the undies in to soak. The next time I am in the bathroom I wring them out and toss them in the hamper. This has helped even the light colored ones remain stain free. They do come in beige (nude) for wearing under white items, or in pale pink. They all do have that light gray jersey lining. I also have the absorbent ones from Modibodi. These come in light, medium & heavy absorbency. I have worn these by themselves on regular days, but I am not quite brave enough for my heaviest days. They are comfortable and easy to wear but the extra layers in the crotch take forever to dry on the line. For what it's worth period underwear has kept my bed sheets from looking like the flag of Japan every month and for that I think they are totally worth the cost. Amber in SJ

After finishing high school, what about CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant?) The Red Cross offers classes that can be completed in 4- 8 weeks. With a CNA certificate she could work in hospitals, rehab facilities, hospice care, home health care situations or day care for the elderly. https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/cna-training Maybe look at cake decorating classes somewhere like Michael's. Possibly a class that speaks to her artistic side as well as the culinary side would work well as a motivator to finish high school on a strong note. Cake decorating can be a fun side job that she might develop into a business later if she is self motivated enough, but with her health concerns I wouldn't push self-employment. I think the focus should be on getting through high school first. I would check out the volunteer opportunities in your area to try to find something she loves. Good luck Amber in SJ

My daughter is in this type of program right now at our community college. Hers is a 2 year program (48 units of Health Care related classes and 6 units of other classes) Regarding math, she had to take a basic college level algebra class and a clinical class of medicine administration where she had to figure out dosages on the fly. Her billing & coding class requires memorization of an incredible amount of insurance codes. Her stack of flash cards is over 300 partway through the semester. Medical terminology is where the homeschooling latin has really paid off. :) Amber in SJ

I was thinking about this happy news today We are praying for the most calm and boring pregnancy possible :) followed by the smoothest delivery. You are almost there! Amber in SJ

Yahoo! What great news. I love to hear about forward movement for adult kids who have taken non traditional routes. Gives me hope for my own :) My own 21 yo struggler/ slogger loves the days she gets to wear her scrubs to her clinical tech classes. It makes her feel "official." We will hold our thumbs here that it is a great day. Amber in SJ

Because I am on here so sporadically I am just seeing this. I am sending all my good thoughts, prayers, positive energy your way for you to be surrounded by clear minded medical professionals, that you and your family will be have peace and that all will go well with the best results possible. For what it's worth, my grandma had a very similar diagnosis of a very small, slow growing tumor on one side in her early 50s. She had it removed and a small amount of radiation treatments and has had nothing reoccur. She is now 94 :) Amber in SJ

Here if you don't fit one of the check boxes there is a place to write in your explanation, but I have never heard of one of these getting approved. If they don't approve you will get a phone call/ letter telling you when to show up and then you can explain and see what the judge says. The last time I was called I had to go in, wait to be called to a courtroom and then I had to explain to the judge that I was homeschooling teens. Oddly enough as soon as I said "homeschool" they couldn't get me out of there fast enough. Amber in SJ

My ballerina started a few months before her 13th birthday. Her two older sisters, who were also athletic but didn't wear leotards in their sports, spent the first year in the thinnest pads possible before moving on to tampons. However, ballet girl started the day of a huge party at a water slide park with friends and she had dance class the next day. Her sisters & I explained tampons as an option, demo-ed one in a glass of water & gave her a box. It took her 4 failed attempts but once she figured it out, she never looked back. Sport tampons are often the best option for very active times, but they are not the most comfortable, so she only wears those at dance, and she makes sure she changes to a new one right before (sorry if this is TMI.) She does wear period panties as a back up when she is not wearing a leotard. Good luck, Momma. If you are very matter of fact about it taking some experimenting then she will be too. Amber in SJ

"Socialization? Bless your heart!" and walk away. Amber in SJ

We just had a soup dinner gathering for our women's group at church so I brought: Vegetarian Tortilla Soup (for my 15yo newly vegetarian dd who is also lactose intolerant & was afraid that every other vegetarian soup would be cream based) Chicken Meatball Minestrone that I made for myself as I am doing another Whole 30. I threw together chicken meatballs that I had made 2 weeks ago with on sale ground chicken, some veggies, a jar of compliant marinara sauce, a container of bone broth and seasonings. What really made it was the small container out of my freezer of pureed roasted sweet potatoes. It gave it a sweet taste to balance the acidic tomatoes and a velvety mouth feel. We had to make cards for each crock-pot with allergy info. Mine said gluten-free, dairy free, soy free, sugar free, egg free, shellfish free. I did list the almond meal I used in the meatballs. One sister read the card and said, "What's in it, then?" It was one of the few crockpots that was completely emptied! I might have to make some more for my lunches this week. Amber in SJ

Which is weird because Yuba City is about 40 miles from Sacramento, where there is an existing temple. And the roads are dangerous. That stretch of highway 99 is often regarded as the most dangerous in the state, if not the country! I wonder if it will be one of the small temples. Sacramento seems to be one of the medium size ones. I can't wait for Oakland to re-open. I will never complain about how difficult it is to find the time/ get there again. Just kidding. I won't complain for the first 6 months, I promise. :)

Rice Krispy treats. Doesn't need to be kept cold or hot, super easy to make, always gets eaten, can easily be made allergy friendly. Depending on the size of the crowd, I will bring along a pkg of pretty muffin tin liners (or mini ones) and cut the treats to fit, one in each, but don't take them out of the pan until you are ready to serve. When it is time, put one treat per liner and put them out on the table. Now they look fancy, are easy to grab and no one walks off with your serving utensil. If I have to make a hot dish I usually make white chicken chili (which isn't actually white, but I guess beige chicken chili doesn't sound as good) I start with a seasoning mix and dress it up or down. I have never brought any home. I add an extra can of beans to stretch & make sure it is mild enough. I usually bring along a bag of shredded cheese and a jar of pickled jalapenos for people to add to the top if they are so inclined. https://www.mccormick.com/spices-and-flavors/recipe-mixes/chili/white-chicken-chili-seasoning-mix Good luck! Amber in SJ

Know thy child! We had some concerns about our first dd's first real boyfriend at 17. He just wasn't very nice to her. He would say unkind things and then say he was just kidding. If he did it in front of me, I would call him on it. My dd & I didn't have an easy relationship at that point so I knew if I told her we didn't feel good about it, she would be married to him faster than I could blink. I am not even kidding. I know this because, one evening when he came to pick her up he urged her to hurry even though they were early for the movie because he was afraid the showing would sell out and she told him she had already bought the tickets on-line. And he said, "That's why I like you. You think ahead so I don't have to. It almost makes up for what you look like!" I could tell from her face she was devastated. He talked like that to her all the time. She is not a joking/ teasing person. I told him that was unkind and if it continued he wouldn't be welcome in our home. That night she tried to convince him to drive to Reno to get married, pretty much to spite me. Luckily, he didn't go for it. Her next boyfriend was openly gay. I didn't have a problem with the fact that he was gay, just the fact that he was dating my daughter while not finding her physically attractive because getting married to a girl was what his family expected. He was out to his family, but they still expected him to marry a girl. They even discussed getting married and he let her know that he was fine with getting married and having a family with her through artificial insemination or adoption, but he would never be interested in teA with her. He also expected to be able to have teA with men that he did find attractive even after they got married. When she told me I believe I said, "You are making this up to mess with me, right?" It was like a soap opera. She grew up so much over the next few years. We adore her husband. Amber in SJ

I have this problem with Amazon's new delivery service. It is random people in their own cars or very rarely a white van that says AMAZON. Not only have I received packages that aren't mine, but now my account will say "delivered," when it hasn't been. Several times I have ordered something that was time sensitive and it will say, "Guaranteed delivery by 8pm." I wait until 8pm and when it doesn't arrive look at my account, sure enough it says it has been delivered. When I get online to chat they tell me that sometimes the driver will check delivered for all the items he/she has picked up and they are sure the item will arrive within a day or two !?!?!?! ugh. You have my sympathy. Amber in SJ

These are 2 real conversations I have had with other moms. Adult human beings who tell me they think homeschooling is a bad idea because I can't possibly know all the things my kids need to learn at school. 1. Watching our kids at TKD Other Mom: Oh drat, I wanted to buy strawberries from the guy on the corner but I only have a $20. He wants $10 & he never has change. Me: I have a $10 and I need to go to the post office next door. Take my $10, I'll take your $20 to the post office & bring back a $10. Other Mom: Why would you bring me back $10? I only need $10 for strawberries. Me: Because you gave me a $20. Other Mom: Right, but I don't need a $20, I need a $10. Only one. I don't need 2 flats of strawberries. We went around and around, until I gave up and just took her $20 and gave her my $10 and went to the post office. When I got back I handed her the other $10 without a word. 2. Hanging out at the park Other Mom: I am supposed have the boys do a standing long jump for scouts tonight, but I didn't bring my measuring tape. Me: Well, how accurate do you need to be? Dollar bills are just over 6" long, I have one of those. Other Mom: How will that help? The measurement has to be in feet. Me: Well, you could use the dollar bill like a 6" long ruler....... you know, like two per foot. Other Mom: That would never work, I'd need like $6. Yet Another Mom at the Park: Well, I have a $5 so if Amber has $1 there's your $6 Me: What? Noooooooooo! Amber in SJ

Here's your commiseration: ((((((hugs)))))) Mine is also on its last legs and while it took me forever to be converted to Apple, now when I have to use the kids PCs it makes me want to scream. We sent both college age kids off to college with Macbooks. I have told Dh that he can get away with getting the kids cheap PCs, but I am not budging. Amber in SJ

We didn't send either teen driver to college with a car. We dropped them from our insurance. Our insurance agent told us they they would still be able to drive our cars on holidays or if they were home for the Summer. She told us that the vehicles are insured. They may be driven occasionally by other licensed drivers that are not on the policy without problem. You may loan your car to another licensed driver with the understanding that if they get into an accident in your car it will be your insurance that pays. This is true for where we live (California) and may be different in your state. When we figured out that dd was home to stay after two years away we put her back on the insurance. We have/ had Allstate. Amber in SJ

Just last week Dh & I attended an orientation for one of Dd's outside classes. While explaining the attendance policy the teacher said if the student drops below 75% they get an incomplete. One parent raised her hand to ask how many days the students had to attend. Another parent said, "Duh! She just said 75!" the teacher said, "Because there aren't 100 days in the semester, each day is worth more than 1% it's actually more like 1.5%" A third parent said, "so they have to attend 50 days, right? During this time I looked at the calendar & counted the days in the semester (68) found 75% (51) and just sat there. In their defense it is an early morning religion class so it was 6:15 am. Amber in SJ

I know nothing about guinea pigs but I had to click & comment because this is the best thread title of the day. And our online community is so great that you already got some answers :) Amber in SJ

This. This is what I was trying to say with those long-winded posts. This child was difficult from the get go. One particularly memorable incident was when she was 3 1/2 and Dh went on a 17 day work trip to Japan. My darling pre-schooler started to behave as if she were slowly losing her hearing. At first she just said, "What?" every time I spoke to her. Later she started "misunderstanding" what I was saying. Eventually, she barely responded to audible sounds at all. She never broke the illusion. I couldn't startle her with loud noises. I couldn't bribe her with whispered offers of treats. When I held the phone to her ear so she could hear Dh, she just shook her head and tears rolled down her cheeks. I took her to the doctor and she fooled him too. As soon as Dh got home, she was fine and said she could hear me the whole time. On the other hand she was amazingly, magically fun from 5-13. To the OP: There is light at the end of the tunnel on the hard days. As long as you hang in there, you can make it through even the most difficult adolescence. My child was truly dreadful to deal with and now she is the most loving and caring friend I could hope to have :) Amber in SJ

This is what I got from a lot of moms in my group. I would also say to my teens in a calm, adult voice. "Stop, I am going to give you the chance to say what you need to say in a way that is not hurtful to me." And my dd would take that as an opportunity to say something even more hurtful. Every. Single. Time. If I gave her a warning or tried to prepare her that the conversation we were about to have might not be to her liking, she would go into full on defense mode and usually decide to go for the preemptive strike and enact a verbal scorched earth policy before I could say anything more than, "I have something to talk to you about." When she was not in an emotionally volatile moment (and they were few and far between) we would talk about how to speak, discuss & disagree in ways that were respectful. We went to family therapy to try to gain the tools and a common language about how to deal with big emotions and hormones and stress. She was able to do those things with her outside teachers, her peers, her bosses and later her college roommates and now husband. I don't understand what you mean by "not happening." What are the consequences if your kids do those things? There were never consequences big enough that would make her stop slamming doors (even removing her door). She moved on to slamming kitchen cupboards until she had broken all the glass. One day she threw something through her bedroom window, so she had a room, that she shared with a sibling, with no door, a boarded up window and I had a kitchen full of cupboards with doors that had no glass or no doors at all. Beyond grounding, what would you have done to make sure this was "not happening?" We have a mom who joined our mom group in a step-mom situation after a friend died of cancer. She was also a mom who said she didn't allow anyone to speak to her that way because she had too much respect for herself. That type of behavior was "not happening." When the 13 yo dd was snarky & rude and refused to keep her hair tidy, this mom shaved the child's head while she was sleeping. When the younger son started acting out around 14yo she found a lovely boarding school in another state and sent them there. So maybe I should have come down harder when the door slamming started and shaved her head or sent her away but instead, I was not willing to go that far and was stuck with grounding. My dd did not care if she was grounded. I used to find that type of comment painful because the implication is that my daughter is horribly behaved because I didn't teach her to be respectful of me or others or that I didn't respect myself and that just wasn't the case. Amber in SJ

I don't like to be touched by strangers so I am not going to offer, pretty much ever. I don't like to be hugged or kissed by non-family people either. It is weird in my family of origin because they are huggers & cheek kissers amongst immediate family, and Dh's family is huggy & kissy with total strangers, like, a full body squeeze and rock back and forth and a kiss on the lips from the men & women the first time you meet them. I freaked out the first time I met them all. As for hand shaking when we go to church the Bishop (think pastor) will shake hands with everyone in the pew; husband, wife, kids, etc. I know it is coming & I take a deep breath and roll with it, but I will never be the initiator. Dh shakes hands & bro-hugs everyone he knows as a greeting. He has special handshakes with the scouts or the teens in our Sunday School class. They love it. So yes, I do notice there are those who do not stick their hand out to shake mine even if they have just shaken (shook?) hands with dh, but I think I am putting off a "No Thank You!" vibe. Amber in SJ

My first was an incredibly difficult teen. She was mean and snarly, and angry and vicious. She would say the most horrible things to me and refused to walk away from an argument. If I walked away she would stand outside my locked door and shout dreadful things. I have to say that in the beginning I did everything wrong and took it so personally and I had a difficult time walking away from an argument as well. I learned quickly though. She would do it in public and at home. There were no consequences that she cared enough about to curb her rudeness. For the record; no one spoke to her that way, I did not "teach" her that it was OK to be disrespectful to me and we always followed up on the consequences. She was an actual nightmare. She used to tell me things like when she moved out and had a family of her own she was going to tell her children that I was dead and they didn't have a grandma. That lovely comment came after I asked her if she needed help with her Spanish homework. Her grandma is bipolar with a slew of other mental illness diagnoses, and I feared we were seeing early signs of those things. My sister who is a therapist who works with children/ teens let me know that for the most part teens are not diagnosed with personality disorders/ mental illnesses because even normal adolescence can look similar to those illnesses. The family therapist we saw told us that teens are an like an optical illusion because they are starting to look like reasonable adults when in fact their rapid brain growth more closely resembles a toddler. The problem being a toddler has limited vocabulary and tantrums or melt-downs can be ignored. During that child's adolescence I called my own mom & apologized for 1983-1988 She is now 23 and calls/ texts/ DMs me a couple times a week, to tell me she loves me and she is so thankful I am her mom. The next one was the complete opposite. Everything was directed inward. She didn't lash out at me, she harmed herself. I struggled to help her as well and it was a deep source of pain & frustration for me. Now at 21 with a slew of serious health problems she lives with us and is working toward her educational & career goals with as much support as we can give her. I have a 15 & a 13 in the throes of adolescence right now. All of this to say, you will find your way, both of you will survive. When I was going through the terrible teens with the first one and other moms would say they love their teens because they could have more adult conversations or their teens were so much fun to be with it was so painful because I wanted that, and I wondered what I was doing wrong. It seemed like my presence in my teen's vicinity sent her into a frothing rage, even if I didn't say a word or interact with her at all. When other moms in social situations would see her lash out at me they would tell me that they would never "stand for" being treated that way by anyone. Some moms would tell me that their husband would tell their child "You do not treat my wife that way!" I was never down for the threats implied in these two statements. She had consequences. She would be grounded from activities or electronics or whatever. What else was I supposed to do? Slap her? Kick her out of the house onto the street? I cried because I felt like I was losing years of her life because she couldn't stand me. The best thing for me to realize was that it wasn't my fault. I was doing my best and that is all I could do. Hugs from me to you from the parenting hyper-difficult teens club. I don't have the answers, but you have my support. You can do it; you will get through it. Amber in SJ

It took us forever to settle on a boy name which is why it worked out that we had three girls first! Girl names that Dh vetoed: Sophie/ Sophia, Claire , Poppy, and Rosie I wanted Esme (for Granny Weatherwax) but was glad that Dh vetoed that one once Twilight came out. The last girl name we agreed on that didn't get used because our last baby was a boy: Katherine Grace The reason we couldn't agree on a boy name was Dh insisted on Wolfgang. Seriously. We have a weird, difficult to pronounce, two word last name. The genetic heritage my children were staring down includes short and skinny, cross-eyed, flat-footed, and buck toothed. I was not going to add Wolfgang to the list. Amber in SJ