38 married with three kids.

Yeah, she needs to decide. I was just saying what I actually would do knowing myself. I didn’t mean it’s what I thought she should do.

I also wouldn’t discount meds. You didn’t state how old she was when she started the ADHD meds—had her ADHD issues already effected her self-esteem? The younger one may be able to avoid that by the meds. I have seen this drugs/no drugs thing play out multiple times and the not medicating route always seems to turn into a character issue thing—if mom and dad and kid just tried harder or kept yo a special diet better or exercised more, etc….. Everyone ends up frustrated and discouraged especially the child. I have not seen medication lead to depression or what you are describing. OCD is the most likely culprit—not the ADHD meds.

That sounds awful. I wouldn’t tell him now because what difference would it make except to give more fuel to his fire. As for what I’d do when my mom died, I’d probably cross that bridge when I came to it. I probably wouldn’t exclude him bc of my mother’s wishes bc I think memorial services are for the living and their grieving process. So, I wouldn’t promise anything to mom. Knowing myself, I probably would ask brother to come.

It helps me to think of it not as getting my money back, but as supporting the elderly now.

You are getting great advice. I’d consider outsourcing the writing. I’ve used Lantern English with my kids. They up their writing game when they write for others. The benefit of Lantern is that you can do an 8 week class. Also, evaluate if there have been any consequences for them not completing their work. In my house, that might look like a loss of phone/gaming time. Your house might be different. The long term consequence of not passing is often too abstract for teens. Loss of luxury privileges is much more concrete.

I’m so sorry. I hate that your state is so district dependent. Our district was all bark and no bite but I had friends with problem superintendent.

Yeah, if he dies well on the tests, there’s no way he wouldn’t meet the threshold this year. Although I get not wanting to hand in test scores that you know are lower than they have to be!( the every other year testing for 4-8 means you can do 4,6 and 8 or 5 and 7–I know you aren’t choosing that option but just so you know. I did 5 and 7 with my oldest with no problem.)

Dh looked fir and finally got a new job last year at 52. It was way harder than it should have been based on his experience and gifts He went grey early and chose not to color his hair. I wonder if that was a mistake. Although he did end up somewhere perfect for him.

Well, he doesn’t have to do the standardized tests in your state until fifth grade, right? And only has to get higher than 33%. So, I think I would try it this spring if I were in your exact shoes. A side benefit is he may make friends and connections that you could rely on if you chose to go back to fewer classes.

Following up—he did keep his scholarship so that is a relief. He’s back and very very happy. Christmas break was so great—it’s like I had my old boy back—funny and kind. Covid and adolescence had really taken a toll on him and us so I am feeling a ton of relief.

I’d definitely toss it.

I walked a mile to school and a mile home. I walked several blocks to be a mothers helper. We had two recesses—one was 15 minutes of mandatory group game. We had PE twice a week. In the summers I swam swim team— 1 1/2 hour of laps and then 30 min of skill development.

That’s wonderful news!

I wondered about that. I’ll try it.

Anyone else beginning to plan? Here are my thoughts so far: Chemistry:Clover Valley. Dd wants to study Biology in college and I want her to have a solid outsourced class next year. So excited about this! Algebra 2: Teaching Textbooks and SAT prep English:Maybe a full year of Lantern English. She already does their writing classes, and I have lost my umph for discussions after years of leading her book clubs. ETA: I think we will alternate Lantern classes instead of doing the full year probably expository and persuasive writing and Intro to American lit and intro to British lit History: US History--I want something creative, visual and engaging. ETA: I think I’m designing my own with lots of movies, documentaries and field trips and a few good books Spanish: Continue with ULAT; hope co-op will continue the Spanish Conversation class ETA: no co-op conversation class but we’ll be fine Art: Probably Potter's school Drawing 1 or maybe 2-D design first semester--either continue or do Outschool second semester ETA: I think we settled on 2-D design first semester and drawing second semester Also spray paint art at co-op maybe a 1/2 credit elective--I'll wait to see what's at co-op ETA: co-op classes are going to work she’ll do a 1/2 credit of psychology and a half credit of Natural Medicine extra curriculars: definitely soccer at the high school. We are trying a theater group right now that might work long term; she's also trying track this spring so we will see. We are new to the area and are watching to see what pops up. She also is involved in church youth group. ETA: theater working out, so ECs will likely be soccer, theater and youth group. She would also love a job at some point. She did not do track this year but did Club soccer. I think she’s dropping that and will do track next spring. Co-op will have a STOMP group she’s trying and also debate. So next year looks full but I think it will be good. We moved states last summer and I’m so glad we don’t have to move and start over again!

We get mail for the past 3 families who lived in our house. Some of it is college, one is retirement junk mail. I just tried to "not at this address" some of it, but noticed in my informed delivery today that it is all coming back. sigh. I have no solutions, but now I understand why it's still coming.

So, her birth was not recorded until recently? Is that the reason it’s not on the birth certificate?

I’m sorry, Katie. (((Hug)))

Oh, my goodness, I find that so sad and so self-absorbed. It’s also not very understanding of community or even aware of how much they will need the next generation as they age.

We save up The Great British Baking Show and watch it together. They also watch other shows together. We have a puzzle out. They talk and joke. Their uncle game and we played games. We just kind of hung out. They went into town together and got coffee.

Oh, no! I’m so sorry

Yes. Among my 23 year old ds’s friends:he just paid off his school loans living frugally, two of his friends have just saved enough to buy houses, one moved jobs and to home to pay off his loan more quickly. Only one friend that I can think of is spinning her wheels and she has pretty severe ADHD. She is trying, her parents are supporting her and progress is being made. I see no laziness around me—lots of hustling to make things work and be responsible. I see this among the many millennials in our church—many are struggling under financial issues, but all I see is creativity and a ton of hustling and side jobs. Honestly, most of these families are working and hustling more than I ever did. I don’t think there are very many of these victim/woke/safe space slackers around. I think they get clicks and outrage.

I think those types have always been around. Certainly my 50 year old Sister in law fits the bill—even though she doesn’t post bikini pics. I think social media and the media hype it as a thing. While I do find the situation with the younger teens concerning in terms of how parents are dealing with emotions and boundaries, among the actual young adults I know, I don’t see this.

I think this is something we need to keep reminding our kids of. Remind them not in a kids these days way, but in a this is the way it works for most people way. They don’t. Necessarily know that. I lived in a big city HCOL area as a young adult. I happened to have grown up there, but didn’t live with my parents. In my early 20’s I had 2 roommates for several years until I moved into a tiny studio apartment. I did not own a car. I rarely went out to eat. That was how most of my friends were living. Dh and I did not buy a house until our 30’s. ( and that was not in the city I grew up in) Maybe bc I’m from a HCOL area I see this as normal. Dh and I could never ever afford to live where I grew up now. That makes me sad, but it’s reality and I need to live in reality. We have recently moved to a LCOL area and we love it here. Making it work may mean not living in your dream location or even a preferred location, but you need to accept that. The young need to hear us say and normalize that—not join the media refrain of how awful it is. Many of us Gen X era also graduated into a bad economy. We have also lived through downturns. We need to model acceptance of reality and contentment and courage.