All my young adults and their friends are doing great. I don’t see victimhood as a theme, either.

I’m not completely disagreeing with you. I actually do agree with you. I’m just suggesting that making her feel like she can’t call the police is not kind to her in the reality she is right now.

Residential placement does solve the problem of keeping the other people in the house safe particularly in a case where the parents are exhausted and depressed. I am constantly amazed at your energy and creativity in figuring things out for your family. Not everyone is in your place. Suggesting that your way is the only right/best way may only keep them stuck and in a place where there child doesn’t get the help he needs.

Yes, I agree with you. I have taught autistic children and used those tools (but also have scars on my arm from being attacked.) But right now she does not have the tools to de-escalate. I concerned about her right now this minute. I am pretty sure she did say he has hurt her.

Your plans are good ones. I am pretty sure people are recommending the police bc she is in actual danger from this child. While she’s getting the meds sorted, she needs to know she can do this. She does not have to be beat up bc she’s afraid of what the police will do to her child. She not getting hurt is as valid as her child not getting hurt. However her getting hurt is the actual thing happening; his getting hurt is theoretical. Telling her not to call only adds to her fear and guilt.

I agree with this, but I’ve also seen irl that the neurodivergent kids who had consequences had better outcome than the ones who didn’t even try bc i”they wouldn’t work” I know this isn’t what you are saying—to not even try. I think you are saying we can’t control whether they work. It’s just that they can work and children feel safer when they aren’t in control.

( let me know if you want me to delete more of this quote) Quarter Note, all that is so hard. I apologize if I didn’t come off as sympathetic. I was posting at night after a long drive. You are in a really really hard place. I absolutely believe it’s exhausting and frightening. All I really wanted to emphasize is that the screen issue isn’t the thing Is focus on. You seem to be asking if we know a way to get that under control without you getting hurt. I don’t think we can help with that. The school can’t either. I think you know that. I think you should be considering something like inpatient evaluation/med trials or intensive out patient therapy ( where they live at home but spend the day in therapy.) as exhausting as it is, I think you should call the school and find out what type of meeting you had—IEP? 504?

Quoting myself to add—one comment dd has made about our new area is that the kids here have all gone through the same rough or traumatic events ( Covid, divorce, s*xual abuse) and that many of them are dealing with anxiety on some level but that it was much less a defining part of their life. I think she was saying that they had struggles and were getting help for it, but were also able to focus on other aspects of their life. In our old area, the anxiety and hardships were the focus of everything. Please don’t think I’m minimizing anxiety. We have strong generationally anxiety on both sides of our family. Many of us are medicated and/or in or have been in counseling—more of us than not in our extended family. I am all about mental health care. I am just echoing what others have said that I think lack of boundaries around behavior and emotions is not leading to anything healthy or good.

I have a spread of kids, as well and have also seen what the two Busy mamas see. I was also a nanny and a teacher (of six year olds for ten years.) A few years ago I was shocked when kids at VBS or Sunday school would just look through me as though I had said nothing or would walk away from me—completely ignoring me. There was 0 sense that the adult in charge had any authority in their life. It wasn’t every child—but enough (mostly upper middle class children.) I have also taught autistic children and in integrated classrooms so I’m not talking about children who are neurodiverse. Interestingly, we just moved to a new state to a LCOL, much more economically depressed area. I agreed to teach Sunday school. Those children are delightful and much more like the ones I taught 20 years ago. They orient off the adult. Even the child who pushes the boundaries responds to my old tricks. No one looks through me or ignores me completely. my parenting did change over the years. In some ways I became more protective. For instance, in our old area, I did not let my younger dd go to her closest friend’s house for sleep overs bc her parents do not enforce boundaries and the boys do not have any sense of listening to adults or respecting boundaries. The Scout troop dd was involved with was also a mess. They spent a lot of time stopping meetings to talk through the feelings of a pair of twins who had had this type of parenting. Dd was sympathetic but ended up dropping Scouts. It’s exhausting and like watching a train wreck.

Yes.

This. There are time limits. They aren’t allowed to put off the IEP meeting.

Get a wi-fi router and turn off his internet access. He needs to turn in his computer to you at bedtime. If you are afraid of him and so he can do whatever he wants that is not a safe healthy dynamic. He is being abusive. Your dh needs to step in. He needs consequences. There is absolutely no reason for him to stop doing exactly what he wants right now. He 100% needs to give you access to the computer. In my house, I would confiscate the computer until that happens. If he then in violent, I would deal with that. By placating him you are avoiding the fact that he is violent when he doesn’t get what he wants and you are not teaching him another way. He needs counseling and you need counseling to figure out how to make your way through this. Your dh can do his work another way (porting from a cell phone?). Why isn’t he helping with this?

This is exactly how my post Thanksgiving Covid started. I had no respiring symptoms for 2-3 days just what you describe.

You put so much love and thought into making this visit special for your kids. I know kids don’t always give the kind of feedback we should get for all that work. But I guarantee that they will remember this Christmas and I’m sure they can feel your love. Great job! I’m sure you are exhausted after all the ups and down this fall.

Merry Christmas!🎄

Yeah? She didn’t try to give you the guitar? Or ice cream? Wow! Lame visit! 😂

Yes, I was remembering that 😂

Do you have a square on the Bingo card for that?

Rats! No posting from the bathroom this year? 😂 strength—you can make it through a hallmark movie—or two parts of different hallmark movies….

I’m so sorry. That is a really terrible year. I wish I could fix it for you. (((Hug)))

Love it!

Sorry. Teens can be so hard.

Have you done any of the practice tests for the SAT that are available? Doing those and then reviewing the answers is really important to improving. We found the Black book helpful fir studying for the SAT. However, the rest is changing in March 2024. It will be digital. It’s hard to know the best way to practice at this point but there are practice tests available for that through an app on the College Board website. Various test prep companies have prep books out but it’s too early to know which is best.

Excellent news!

It sounds like you and ds are making a lot of progress in your relationship. I’m so happy for you! Have fun with your kids ❤️