Banning the cat from your child's room is a LOT less extreme than rehoming. What I'd do -- + ban the cat (and all pets) from your child's room. Install whatever automatic closing mechanism is needed to achieve this. Be 100% consistent. + remove all carpeting from the child's room, replace with hard flooring (wood/tile/whatever) + high quality HEPA filter in the room 24/7, well maintained + wash all fuzzies/washables frequently + wash all bedding at least weekly, more often if feasible + bathing and hair washing in the evenings before bed + see an allergist If you have carpeting in your house, I'd get rid of all the carpeting a long time before I'd get rid of my cat. (And, yes, I have asthma and cat and dog allergies . . .)

Geese, Louise. That mom was really wasting the time of the LEOs. Using the police as a parenting tool is lazy and disrespectful, IMHO. That's about what I'd expect from LEOs -- sounds like they were respectful and reasonable. They are overwhelmed with serious criminal problems, and from what I understand, the vast majority wouldn't pursue pot possession charges. I've heard directly from folks who work at a federal prison in my full-prohibition state. . . that even when the prison catches folks trying to smuggle in big bags of pot (like a quart size zip loc), when they call the state troopers and/or county sheriff, they won't bother to come to the prison to arrest/prosecute the smuggler. So, the prison has to just let them go. Truly, LEO is overwhelmed with meth/heroin/abuse/violence . . . and they're really not in the business of wasting their time and resources prosecuting what the vast majority of people (and LEOs) understand to be outdated and stupid laws. They're just waiting for the law to catch up with reality. So, yah, LEOs aren't generally going to waste their precious resources pursing possession charges.

No, that's not correct. The point of Target Retirement Date funds is that they automatically adjust your allocations (generally between bonds and stocks) to a more conservative age/stage-appropriate allocation as you get nearer retirement. This has nothing to do with lump sum vs investments-over-time. In fact, Target Date funds are a very reasonable way to invest in lump sums, and they are equally appropriate for either lump sum or over-time investing. Like any type of fund, Target Date funds are only as good as the specific fund. Some are scammy and high fee/high cost/low return. Others are excellent. If you choose the RIGHT target date retirement funds, you get the best of both world's -- low cost index funds along with invest-it-and-forget-it. There are great target date funds (and other "balanced" funds) that are simply a balance of low cost index funds. Personally, I'm a big fan of Vanguard's low cost index funds and their investor-owned model. (I strongly encourage any novice investor to stick with Vanguard's famous and excellent low cost index funds.) I use Vanguard's Target Date funds (VTTHX -- 2035 being my target year). https://investor.vanguard.com/mutual-funds/profile/VTTHX?WT.srch=1&cmpgn=PS:RE Similarly, for my non-retirement long term investing, where I used to use simply their classic SP500 Index Fund (which was all that was really available when I started using Vanguard 20 years ago), I now primarily use VASGX -- Vanguard's Life Strategy Growth fund. This is a 80/20 blend between stocks/bonds and is aimed for long term growth, and is appropriate for investors with tolerance for the variability of a stock-heavy fund. I use it for long term investments for kids/etc, that I don't expect to need anytime soon, so the purpose is simply to stash it for maximum long term growth. https://investor.vanguard.com/mutual-funds/profile/VASGX You could make up a similarly blended balance of Vanguard's various stock & bond index funds to achieve the same thing as you get with a Target Date or Life Strategy fund, saving a small but not insignificant amount of money over time. But, that would require regular (quarterly or so) adjustments and lots of futzing and puttering around with your funds. That's the very last thing I want to do -- I try to utterly ignore our long term investments, both for stress-reduction and accidental-screw-up-avoidance . . . So, to me, it's much better to pay the very little extra (perhaps a hundred bucks a year per 100,000 invested?) to stick it all in appropriate balanced Target Date or Life Strategy funds and forget about it.

ps. If I were you and wasn't willing/able to pay for good advice (which you really should do), I'd put your cash into a similar target retirement date fund. Be sure it's low-fee. (I like Vanguard's Index funds, and I use their target date funds for retirement and "life strategy funds" for other investing for the kids/etc. So, I'd probably stick that whole pile of cash into an after-tax investment account at Vanguard in an appropriate Target Date Retirement fund and be done with it. (There are slightly more complicated ways to do the same thing and maybe save a few dollars on taxes, but simplicity is worth a lot to me.)

If your advisor is advising an annuity, I'd get a new fee-only advisor. Period. So, no, annuities are generally a really bad idea in the vast majority of situations. Especially with special needs dependents. Because annuities essentially turn your cash lump sum into a pension -- that will only last as long as you live (or have much, much lower value at your death than if you'd invested it in some better vehicle). You're going to want your cash to last for your own life, and presumably help your special needs dependents when you pass away. I'd go to a FEE ONLY (no commissions!!) advisor and also an estate attorney that is savvy in these things before you do anything with your cash. NO NO NO on annuities for the vast majority of situations. Your situation might be one of those exceptions, but I wouldn't believe it until an estate attorney AND a fee-only financial planner have told you the same thing. As in, no body who is making a profit off your purchase . . .

Upright is a bazillion times handier. If you only have one, that's THE one to get, IMHO. They have wire shelves like an older/cheaper fridge. I think they're tall enough for turkeys and hams, but you could easily remove one wire shelf and make that one remaining shelf double high if you want to for tons of big hams/turkeys. I'd go look at models and measure them and see what you think. I have one of each, and I MUCH, MUCH prefer the upright.

I use a bazillion dish towels on a daily basis, so the damp rags go in the same basket with the pretty-dry dish towels under one of the sinks in the kitchen until the basket is full, then they all get washed together.

Love!!

Well, your employer is telling you what they expect. They expect some higher number of passing grades. If you want the job, sounds like your choice is to increase your pass rate. Grades are not moral things. They're just convenient markers of achievement. It's not WRONG to grade inflate. You haven't morally failed if you grade inflate, and apparently, your bosses want you to grade inflate. So, if you want the job, that's what you need to do. Just because you don't like it and prefer not to do it doesn't mean it's wrong to do it . . Personally, as a compromise, I'd probably keep it hard to get an A or B but make it (much) easier to manage a C. I'd also invest more time/effort into making it possible for folks to improve their grades with effort. Allow re-taking of exams. Allow extra credit. Promote study sessions. Offer study guides. Re-teach the basics. . . When I was a TA in grad school for my major professor who was really a smart cookie and tough grader . . . She was freaking out because so many of her 300 level (JR year) science majors couldn't do the basic math (unit conversion) to pass her exams . . . and she didn't have tenure yet . . . She did everything under the sun to teach those kids how to do this basic math . . . She had me give endless study sessions, tutorials, extra credit work sheets, re-taking exams, office hours . . . most kids didn't take her up on any of the offerings and her fail rate was still very high. After several similar semesters, she gave up on teaching them unit conversion, rewrote her exams to not require it, and moved on with her life. She got tenure. She likely wouldn't have if she'd kept up with her (rightful) expectations that science majors should be able to do fundamental arithmetic/algebra . . . That experience led me to make sure MY KIDS could do complex unit conversions easily by 7th grade, lol. If you don't want to do that sort of thing, then prepare to lose your job. You could get active in unionizing your workplace. That could be productive and might enable you to NOT grade inflate while still keeping your job. It'll also be a lot of work for no pay and might also help you lose your job, depending on how labor friendly your state is.

Absolutely NO lip on the shower. You'll regret it. You want it to be "roll in". Dementia/strokes/etc can really impact ability to move the feet in standard ways. "Shuffling" becomes common place. Just do it right and you'll be glad. Trust me. Put grab bars everywhere. There are cool ones that serve dual purposes, like a circular one that doubles as a TP holder. (I love that one so much. I'll put one in every bathroom I design/refurbish in the future.) Just browse images on google and/or search Amazon for ideas. Plan exact grab bar locations NOW and have extra studs/2 by 4s put in the appropriate places before wallboard. It's VERY easy and cheap to do if you do it before the wall board goes up. This will save you HUGE money and trouble. You have to attach grab bars to studs . . . For the floor, have radiant heat put in the floor between the poured concrete and the tile. Definitely do tile, but have it heated. Choose tile that is for FLOORS and so not slippery when wet. Leave plenty of open floor space for walker/wheelchair if needed, and for now, you can have a water proof "shower bench" (like in spas, wood, pretty). Mom's bathroom is something like 14 feet by 9 feet. You read that right, lol. It does have both a big tub AND a walk/roll in shower, but even w/o the tub, I wouldn't want it much smaller than subtracting the tub. With elder care, you OFTEN have two adults in there, along with a walker or wheelchair and mounds of supplies/equipment. Imagine a rolling oxygen tank, etc. I made the shower totally w/o barriers. The shower area is about 6 x 6 feet, no seams, just a gently sloping floor to a "linear drain" along a side wall. Adjacent to that is a lot of open floor space (in front of a large vanity). This allowed enough room for Mom + 2 helpers when needed. The entire floor in the bathroom is waterproof, fwiw. Install a high quality heating fan thingy in place of the normal ventilation fan. They're only about $300-400 and make a world of difference. Mom was VERY cold sensitive when she was ill, and that thing allowed me to get it 100+ degrees in a few minutes, so she could shower/bathe/etc in comfort. (I might have been sweating, but she was comfy!) This is CRITICAL, IMHO. Plan it now, and it'll only cost you a couple hundred bucks over a cheap standard fan. Wait until later, and you're looking at a lot extra, because they'll have to run a dedicated electric line (as the heater is a high watt electric thing.) You can put a timer switch in place of the standard wall switch, to prevent Mom from leaving the heater on for hours (very expensive compared to regular heat, especially if you're running the A/C, lol.) SINGLE lever faucets for all faucets. No knobs. No separate hot and cold handles. In the shower, I put in two shower heads. One was "normal". The other one is a handheld thing that goes up and down on a 30 inch (or so) vertical bar (that doubles as another grab bar). This allows the senior to "take a shower" like normal, but an aide/helper can use the handheld thing to assist. I ended up NOT making the sink wheelchair accessible, and that worked out fine for us, as Mom passed away w/o ever being in a wheelchair. But, know that if you do that, you'll have to re-do the vanity/sink if a wheelchair becomes necessary. Tons of storage and cabinet space in or nearby the bathroom. Depends, etc are VERY bulky, and medical equipment/supplies can become VAST rapidly. I made the door swing OUT instead of IN, to avoid the possibility of Mom falling against the door and blocking access to her w/o hurting her. Consider this, or at least consider designing the door in such a way that you can easily change it later if needed. Have an electric outlet installed as close to the toilet as your code allows. This will allow you to add a "bidet seat" to the toilet at some point if it becomes helpful. I actually bought one right before Mom had her final stroke, and returned it unopened after she passed away, so I can't tell personal experiences, other than to say that they could be VERY helpful with many elder care situations. Putting the outlet in now will only cost a few dollars, and would save many hundreds if you later need it. Research "ADA" bathrooms for ideas. Look at pictures.

Josephine ("Josie" or "Jo" -- nod to Jo March -- my favorite literary heroine) Abraham ("Bram" -- nod Lincoln) I tried to convince my husband on both names more than once, no dice, lol.

I'd sell the car for whatever I could get ($100 or $1000, whatever), and start fresh. Personally, I don't buy used cars. Did it once and regretted it sorely. But, if you have better luck than I do with used cars, go for it. ? For me, I'd rather buy a really cheap new car with a good warranty. Base model of something small and reliable. Finance it and move on with life. If kid has savings, he can pitch in. Otherwise, I'd finance the whole shebang (co-sign) and you make the payments (or half the payments or whatever seems affordable for your son) for the time he's in school, and then he can take over when he can afford to make the payments.

My LLMD (who works FT with his case load probably 90% Lyme patients) knows tons of people who have been cured -- IF it is caught during the acute phase (generally about 30-45 days from onset of symptoms, IIRC). Curing chronic Lyme, now that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Much, much rarer. This, IMHO, is exactly why it is critically important to treat Lyme aggressively and immediately. Because I knew people with chronic Lyme, I understood how critical it was to avoid that at all costs, which is why I went with the very aggressive treatment I did. Oh, also, re: probiotics. Yes -- CRITICAL for survival on these levels of ABX. Absolutely critical. I went on them from Day1 (June 2017) and swallowed a pile of them a couple hours ago, 10 months since finishing my last ABX doses last September. I was on about 10 capsules several times a day for months. High quality probiotics & prebiotics among other things. General rule of thumb is 1 month of probiotics for each week of antibiotics (in addition to taking them while you are actually ON the ABX), so that was a full year for me, as I was on the ABX for about 12 weeks. My year of post-ABX time will be up in September. ? I'm still taking them, but a bit more erratically than the first many months.

Was 21 days of Amoxicillin, 500mg 3x/day enough? It was started about 14 days after the bite. NO What would we watch for if the Lyme isn't completely gone? Or if there were co-infections? This is not a good approach. Don't wait and watch. If it is successfully treated, how long before being completely recovered? A few months, IME. (I got sick mid May 2017, in/out of ER/DR until finally diagnosed mid-June. Nuclear antibiotics for 3 months. My healing journey: Within a day of starting the first antibiotic (1 month from onset of flu like symptoms and 2 weeks from onset of head pain), most of the pain was gone. (I'd had Lyme meningitis, where the bacteria get into your spinal fluid and brain and cause swelling and incredible pain). Within a week, the pain was truly gone. At about week 4 of the drugs (8 weeks from onset of symptoms), I began having some new symptoms of knee pain. That pain came and went for months, not fully going away until about 3 months AFTER completing 3 months of antibiotics. (So about month 6-7 from onset of illness). My understanding is that that sort of joint pain can be inflammatory, so sometimes it just takes a while to heal even after the drugs are done and the bacteria is gone. Indeed, that's how it worked for me. About 4-5 months after completing the drugs (so about 7-8 months after onset of illness), my energy levels were back to pretty much normal. If I had to try to graph it, I'd say my energy levels, with 0 being can only get out of bed for less than 30 min/day total and can do no significant work and sleep 16+ hours per day every day . . . and 10 is "normal me" . . . I was probably at 0 for about 2-3 months from onset of illness ramped up to 3 around the time I was finishing the drugs. I was up to a 6 or so by 5 months, and at a 10 by about 8-9 months. I could not have worked, gone to school, cared for young kids, or done any significant work for a full 4-5 months. And surely could not have worked FT until at least 6 months. +++++ I STRONGLY urge you to find a "Lyme Literate Medical Doctor" and get better treatment. NOW. IME, it is an emergency, and I would take no chances. I had a somewhat similar case of VERY severe acute Lyme a year ago. By catching Lyme during the acute phase, you have a good chance of complete cure. That chance is immeasurably higher if you treat aggressively and for several months. If you don't cure it now, and it comes back, you're UP SHIT'S CREEK for years to lifetime of illness and treatment. There is no reliable CURE for chronic Lyme. So, to me, it's WELL worth the effort, cost, and risks of short term (3 months or so) of aggressive treatment for acute Lyme to drastically improve the odds of a complete cure. If there's even a 10% or even 1% chance of lifetime severe illness, isn't that worth the risks of 3 months of strong antibiotics? To me, it was, without any doubt. I took "nuclear level" antibiotics for 3 months. I was on 2-3 different antibiotics, all at VERY high doses, at the same time, for three months. DR would rotate antibiotics, so I'd take one regimen for a 2-3 weeks, then the next thing. Some meds were 7 days a week, others 5, etc. It was complex. The drugs were brutal. If my kid had Lyme, I'd absolutely spend any money and go to any trouble needed to make sure they received the best possible treatment immediately. IME, that treatment is NOT AVAILABLE in the traditional insurance-accepting system. You HAVE to go outside the system to get any adequate advice or treatment. I am CURED, and my life is now normal. Given what the alternative is . . . I would URGE you to get appropriate medical care. That's my advice. Take it or leave it. Your call.

It's very, very hard to chip. Mine are used very heavily, and my kids and guests help wash up frequently, and we have stone counters, etc. So far, I've seen one chip on the edge of one of the pots. I can't recall which one. I've had them all for anywhere from 3 to 20 years in heavy use. So, I'd say, NO, they don't chip easily. Pretty much the only thing that will chip that enamel is ANOTHER cast iron pot/lid smacking on it ridiculously hard, I'd guess. Or a hammer, etc. The round dutch oven in a big size (big enough for a pot roast or a big double batch of soup) is THE size to get if you get just one. My big purple dutch oven is used for pot roasts, soups, stews, chili, baking bread, and probably 20 other things I'm not thinking of. That's THE pot to get if you cook a lot, IMHO. I use it for everything I once used the big stainless steel pot for except boiling water/pasta/things like that. It makes roasts and stews WAY better, too. WAY. I think mine is probably 9 qt, but I'm not positive. It's PERFECT. The Perfect Pot. IMHO. They are heavy. That's a downside. Totally worth it, but if you had a disability that would be bothered by the weight, then that could be a problem.

May I suggest, gently . . . that the judging going on in this thread is really making my stomach hurt! Scarlett TITLED her thread "difficult to hold my tongue" -- clearly indicating that 1) she was biting her tongue and 2) knows that's the best thing to do. If someone came on here upset about their 17 year old vaping. Or their 18 year old having promiscuous unsafe sex. Or their 22 year old drinking and driving. Or ANY number of other self-destructive behavior among their adult (or close to adult) child, I'm guessing she'd be met with sympathy about how hard it is to love people who are making bad choices. And sympathy for . . . how hard it is to let go of responsibility for protecting our kids who we've devoted the better part of our hearts and lives to for decades. . . . and for how hard it is to let go of the personal pride we take in our kids' appearances and accomplishments Parenting is HARD, and, IME, much, much harder with adult kids. We have to learn, we have to grow, and we need support from the greater sisterhood of other mothers. Chill, guys. Be nice. Reread your comments and be nicer. Maybe go ahead and delete your mean ones. For reals. None of us are perfect moms. Stop beating Scarlett up for not being the "perfect" mom who never judges, never compares, never even MINDS watching her kid eat himself to death.

((((hugs)))) It is really, really, really hard loving a young adult who is making bad choices. I googled calories in milk . . . Looks like 1450 calories in a gallon of nonfat milk and 2380 in a gallon of full fat milk, so whatever version of low fat milk it is, it's got at least 1450 calories and maybe 2000 or so. Yoikes. I'd be pulling my hair out if I were you. I totally feel your pain. People do stupid stuff. I do stupid stuff all the time, and I'm sure my dh and even my kids have to bite their tongues regularly around me. I know the stupid stuff I do. I still do it. Telling me how stupid it is ain't gonna' change it. I might make better choices another day. Maybe not. By the time I stop doing one stupid thing, I'll likely pick up a new stupid thing. BUT . . . we looooove our kids and we want everything to be perfect for them, and we've spent the first decades of their lives protecting them from all that could harm them and helping them learn to make good choices. And then . . . we have to watch them do stupid, stupid, stupid things. It makes me craaaaaaazy. I think what's saving me from ruining my relationships with my young adult kids is being really, really, really busy. Really, really busy, lol. I just have to force myself, day after day, to STFU. (((((hugs))))) You don't have to buy more milk. You can buy some "fancy" "just for coffee" milk if you could convince him not to drink it. Maybe hide your coffee milk in a "carrot juice" bottle in the back of the fridge, lol. If you drink at all, have a glass of wine. Or two. And congratulate yourself for keeping your lips zipped. Adulting is hard. Parenting young adults is WAY harder. IME.

I have that same brasier, but in 5Q size and in light green, and it's my second favorite piece!! SO awesome for so many things! My very favorite piece is the big Dutch Oven (I will buy one for every child as a wedding shower gift, if not before, lol). I can't live without it, lol. I think it's Next up is the big skillet. Gotta' have a good skillet! I also love, love the little 2q pot with a lid that is also a skillet. That little lid is PERFECT for a few eggs. However, I don't know what they're called, and I think they've stopped making them AGAIN because I can't find it on their website. My mom had one when I was a kid, and when I went to try to buy one 15 years ago, they were not being manufactured, then they came back, I bought one (maybe 5 years ago), and maybe they're gone again. If you see one, buy it! They are THE BOMB! I'd say those 4 pieces are all fantastic and would be hard to live without. ? I have a bunch of others that I really like, too, but those are the top 4. (We do cook a lot.) I like so many colors, so I buy each piece in a different color. ? I love the greens and blues and purples and yellows. ? I admit I have an excessive amount of le Creuset, but it's been accumulated a piece at a time over the last 20 years. ? I LOVE that stuff and expect my kids to fight over it when I'm dead. When we built a new kitchen (dream kitchen), I had the cabinet maker build me a whole set of upper shelves just to put it up there because all the colors are so pretty. It makes me smile every day.

IME, it's one bundled fee for everything, but payment plans are usually offered. IME, private DRs cost about $6000 for routine braces (whole process). The dental school in our town (yay!) is about $4000, and offers a significant further discount for full payment up front in cash/check, so down to maybe $3500, although the last time we paid was several years ago, so you better round up all those figures by 500-1000. We are in an average to slightly above average cost of living town (based on national norms).

If it's for a woman with long hair, definitely 4 towels. (I have really long, thick hair and always have . . . and I go though a LOT of towels, especially if I'm running/exercising regularly.) For a guy, 2 towels is likely plenty.

If your dh's childhood memories are really good, then I'd do it because the home sounds perfect and you are clearly excited. I'd do it. I'm sentimental, and I like traditions, and I just think it'd be awesome. I've been tempted to buy an old house my dad lived in and rebuilt decades ago, and it's in the middle of nowhere, many hours away, in a dead economic area. Just sentiment, lol.

I do think there can be a connection, and it may be from the TREATMENTs for the Lyme or from the actual disease itself. My Lyme treatment included, among other things, 3 months of nuclear level antibiotics among other things (about double normal doses of 3 different antibiotics at the same time, rotating various ones). So, it was to be expected that my gut/body flora/fauna would be totally screwed up by that. I took massive doses of multitudes of probiotics and other supplements during and after the treatment to minimize risk of secondary problems. I'm just now 12 months from my Lyme diagnosis (13 months from coming down with it), and I'm still on the probiotics (at lower doses/intensity) because my understanding is that the recommendation is to stay on them for a month for each week of antibiotics, so that means about a year for me. Anyway, I'd assume your friend has already had that talk and is already on probiotics. But, since you asked, yes, I think her current symptoms may well be related to the Lyme or to the treatment of it. These sorts of severe long term effects from Lyme are why I was so willing to go through the dramatic treatment regime I did when I came down with acute Lyme last summer. The life-changing long term impacts are not rare, sadly.

On an important tangent . . . I am pleasantly surprised to see near unanimity here regarding the advisability of getting vaccinated to reduce the risk of whooping cough. And pleasantly surprised to see near unanimity for this widespread vaccination push in large part inspired by approximately 20 infant deaths per year. What startles me is that there are about 4000+ deaths per year in the US due to cervical cancer, and yet there's often such angst over the HPV vaccine which will largely prevent cervical cancer. https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cervical-cancer/about/key-statistics.html So, anyway, I just wanted to point out that the HPV vaccine saves lives. Lots of lives. And your child's life is just important when she's a 35 year old mother of two who develops cancer due to not having been vaccinated decades prior (due to a choice made by YOU as her parent) . . . as it is when they are a tiny adorable baby who develops whooping cough due to not being vaccinated (due to being too young). Either way, I think it's on us as parents to do all we reasonably can to protect our the health and life of our own kids as well as other innocents in the universe who come into contact with them. YAY for the miracle of vaccinations! ?

Just a thought . . . Do you have Uber or Lyft in your town? If so, I'd put the app on my 13 yo/s phone and have him call a ride to wherever you are when his game is over.

Yes, UTIs can present differently in elderly people and thus are often missed, much to the detriment of the patient. However, note that routine urine screens throughout pregnancy look for asymptomatic UTIs (among other things). Aysmptomatic UTIs are not restricted to elderly people, just more dangerous in elderly people. In elderly people, the ONLY symptom of a UTI is not infrequently mental deterioration that mimics dementia. So far as I know, that symptom is not seen in younger patients. My mom had many UTIs and we tested her routinely for them whenever her mental status changed at all. In fact, when she had her first major stroke, I thought she just had a UTI because previously, her UTIs had caused such severe symptoms. Her medical doctor also assumed it was a UTI. I had to argue (a lot, loudly, for hours) to get the CT scan that identified her massive stroke, because her doctor (an expert geriatrician who was the lead doctor at her department at our medical school) really believed Mom's symptoms were from a UTI. (I totally expected that, too, but wanted the CT scan to rule out a stroke . . . just in case.) Google it up for more details. It's a well documented and common phenomenon.