FWIW, there are professional window washing services. If your house is big, especially if it has 2nd story windows that you can't readily clean from inside the house, then I'd suggest you hire a window washing company. Book them not too far before when your listing goes "live" so they are still sparkling. Be sure your screens get washed thoroughly, too, as that makes a big difference. I wouldn't bother to do any cleaning prior to hiring cleaners. They can/will clean it ALL, and you're probably wasting your time doing bits and pieces first. 1) Power washing company to wash your sidewalks, porch, decks, siding, etc. 2) Window washing company (AFTER the power washing guys) 3) Inside cleaners -- top to bottom. Make a LIST of all the items you want included, and just go over it with them before you agree to terms. 4) Landscaper/yard company to tidy up flower beds (mulch, weeds), etc. 5) You & your friend/family . . . just worry about getting out. Or cleaning up the random spots (shed? garage?) that the cleaners won't do

I went for the pet one, because we have lots of pets (4 cats, one small dog at the moment, but likely to get back to 2-3 dogs in coming months/years) and also all our women in the house have long hair, so I figured it'd be worthwhile. I did the basement (tile) this morning. And used the last bit of water/cleaner to touch up the laundry room and a couple adjacent rooms before putting it away. I. Love. This. Thing.

I can't find the thread I saw a week or so ago about the Bissell Crosswave floor cleaning device, but I need to say THANK YOU to those who recommended this magic thing. Mine arrived yesterday and OMG, I am in LOVE with this thing. My wood floors have never looked so good! It's amazing. It's divine. It's the Best. Thing. Ever. (FTR, I got the PetPro model because we have lots of pets.) So, THANK YOU to whoever it was who recommended it!

Well, I'd mainly say try to keep your priorities straight. Our first couple years of business ownership were the hardest, by far, on our marriage and our sanity of anything we've lived through. It's just SO MUCH stress and work. We emerged very strong, and it's all good, but to do that, we had to keep reminding ourselves of our priorities. (Our mantra was . . . 'as long as we have each other, our minds/educations, and our integrity, we'll be fine.' That helped me through many sleepless nights of worries about failure/bankruptcy and reassured us when we were making hard choices to maintain our integrity, even if that meant taking more financial risks (most competitors don't have integrity, lol). Besides that, one big adjustment is that "Cashflow is King" -- what that means is that even if the "big picture" is good, you MUST have adequate cash on hand every day . . . The easiest way to do that is to have a big "cushion" of cash somewhere. We didn't start out with that, lol. After some years, we learned better cash flow management. For us, one trick is to set aside X amount every month in a separate account (either an actual separate bank account or just a different line in your book keeping, whatever works for you). That "rainy day fund" is used for both expected (annual property taxes, annual IRA contributions, etc) as well as unexpected (equipment breakdown, leaky roof, etc) large expenses that aren't easy to "cash flow." We pay that "bill" to our slush fund every month, and it smooths out the bumps in both income and outflow. Our business model is relatively stable in income, but if your business will be erratic (large bills, few customers, very seasonal, etc), then cash flow management is even MORE important. A few random rules to live by: + Outsource payroll to a payroll service + Never give anyone outside of dh/you signing authority on any accounts + Carefully review every bill/invoice before paying it + Never mess with the IRS or other taxing authorities Oh, the other big adjustment for us was that as business owners/employers, we found that EVERYONE wanted to use us/take from us. We'd moved here to buy the business, so we didn't have any local "before" friends. We were working so many hours that we really had very little contact with people other than those who worked for us, sold stuff to us, or bought services/stuff from us. So, on a daily basis, 99% of our non-family interactions were stressful and, truly, "everyone" outside assumed we were rich and also they wanted a piece of that pie. It was MISERABLE. If you're staying in the same locale, hopefully this won't be as big an issue. That said, be wary, and be skeptical of any/all "relationships" related to your business. It took about a year for me to get comfortable with that dynamic. You just have to get harder, more skeptical, and more wary. Save your softness for home/family/personal life. *If you sign someone's paycheck, they can't be your friend.*

For my own bathroom, I essentially did tiled walls (didn't have enough room to spare for a real "surround" or "deck" that you could put stuff on beyond the actual footprint of the rectangular tub itself because I wanted a big tub and have a small bathroom), but I pulled the tub about 6 inches away from the long wall, allowing me to have a tub-length (6 ft) shelf there (out of the same granite I used for the countertop) a few inches higher than tub level . . . that is about 7 inches wide and the whole 6 ft length. Everything is tiled below that shelf and also for a couple feet above the shelf . . . but then there's a piece of marble trim and then regular wall above that. I did tile the walls on all sides around the tub up to about a total of 30 inches over tub height, so there's never any water that splashes on the regular painted walls. But, in my little bathroom, if I'd put tile ALL the way above the tub to the ceiling (it already goes to the ceiling in the shower, and also to about chest height on all the walls behind the toilet, etc), then it'd just look like a locker room because it'd be nearly all tile and glass/mirrors, and it'd just be overwhelming and feel too "cold" to me. I felt like I needed some "blank" walls to make it softer and have a more peaceful look. That long shelf is AWESOME for stashing pretty stuff (sea shells from trips, candles, pictures, etc) and could be used for practical stuff, too, if you needed the space (my small amount of tub-used practical stuff fits easily in the two corners of the tub material itself). I think subway tile is a nice classic look, but I would NOT want to be dealing with it on bathroom walls that actually got wet regularly, as the grout lines would kill me in maintenance. I went with a larger (10x20 inch or so) porcelain marble-look tile with grey grout, to minimize cleaning issues. (I also have a glass mosaic accent strip, and that same mosaic is what I used for the vanity backsplash, so it all ties together nicely.) (I used a grey subway tile for my kitchen backsplash, and that's great, but kitchens don't get mildew/mold like bathrooms do . . . plus, again, I used grey tile and grey grout, lol) I doubt your choice would impact a future sale, so long as you don't get anything too loud or too weird. I am *really* into my tub, and take a bath every night, and the deal breakers for me are a BIG DEEP NICE tub and some form of reachable storage -- some sort of shelf or "deck" that allows me to store a bowl of razors/foot stones/etc and space for at least 4-5 bottles of big soaps/shampoos. As long as you have those basics, I doubt what exact design you choose will matter to a buyer, so just do something YOU like and that looks reasonably nice.

1. When my brother and I and my kids were wanting a great site in Big Sur, we drove up the night before and slept on the roadside one night, so we could be in line at opening to get a site for the day. It's quite a PITA and nerve wracking, but worth it in certain special situations.

My kids, when teens and before, were very close to my mom . . . probably because SHE invested so much in their relationships. She took each one on one-on-one trips most years (every kid every year once she was retired, rotating kids when she was working FT). She also visited them at least about every 6 weeks their entire lives, even when we lived far away and that included flights with connections . . . and she was working FT. My dad died when they were tiny. The kids other grandparents (my inlaws) have close to zero relationship with them, as they invest no time or effort in having one. My college kids actually go out of their way to stop at the grandparents' house on their way to/from college regularly (2-4 times a year), and the grandparents are nice about it and eat dinner with them . . . but don't even bother to rearrange their routine (AT ALL) to see them more in the morning, etc. They're just not into family, very self-centered, so that's not surprising having known them forever. If my college kids didn't go out of their way to do this, they'd only see them every 3-5 years, when we invite them to a graduation/whatever, and they manage to take 24 hours out of their very busy (not) schedules to attend for as brief a time as they can get away with. Sooooo, my 2c. Teens-grandparent relationship is all on the grandparent. If they want it, they have to make it happen, which means TIME together doing enjoyable things. If major travel (my mom did Intergenerational Elderhostels -- now called RoadScholar trips -- for the vast majority of her 1-on-1 trips . . . and she rented beach houses for the entire family when we were poorer and she was richer . . . and then gladly came along on annual beach and other trips that we paid for when we were no longer poor and she was retired. In between, when we were all fairly financially comfortable . . . she would offer to pitch in towards a house rental and pay her own flight if needed . . . essentially, over 20 years or so, it went from Mom paying for the vast majority of group vacation expenses to my husband and I paying for it all . . . just evolved in proportion to our financial circumstances.) But, one way or another, she and our kids and my husband and I (plus or minus my brother at times) spent at least a week each year somewhere fun together. When Mom babysat the kids or was visiting, she always made it her top priority to do fun things with them. Whether it's a day trip to a local attraction/zoo/museum/aquarium/pool or baking cookies, etc, she did whatever she could think of. She also bought thoughtful gifts (in consultation with me). When Mom had dementia and could no longer travel solo safely, her then-teen grandkids acted as her companion/guardian on her OWN trips to visit my brother (her son) across the country many times, and one of our then-teens (our eldest) drove her to church and brunch every week (I don't do church if I can avoid it). . . etc. As young teens, they became loving caregivers to her, because of the example she set and the relationship she built. When I'm a grandma, I'll do everything in my power to emulate the example my mom set. She was THE BEST grandma (and mom).

Indeed, it was a different situation. Mom had a trust as well as a will and all documents were squared away. That said, there was still probate (*all* estates are probated IME), which the lawyer handled. I'm not saying it was the same situation, but just trying to share my experiences. Fine a lawyer. Ask about fees. See if it's worth your while to pursue the estate, or not. If it's worth your while, you'll need a lawyer. Every state has their own laws. In my situation, the attorney fees were NOT tied to the amount probated nor the value of the entire estate. They were essentially flat fees for handling the estate, and were modest. The value of the probated portion of the estate (the parts outside of her living trust) were certainly over 6 figures.

50 min each way is nothing. I commuted 90 min each way daily for 18 months for my first job out of college. I commuted 90 min each way weekly with THREE KIDS in tow (ages toddler to 7 when we started . . . did this for several years) for MUSIC LESSONS. Sometimes, we even went twice a week if there was a performance, etc. Go back to the DR that is 50 min away. Rearrange your schedule and prioritize getting there. Just do it. This DR may just be clueless. Or, he may be a predator. Either way, he's clearly NOT a good fit for YOU.

Indeed, if that happened, I'd call Dad, leave my door locked, and call the cops to report the situation and ask what I'm supposed to do. I would NOT be handing over a minor child to the "other" parent in this sort of situation w/o instructions to do so from the parent and/or the cops.

My total rough guess would be whole mouth extractions are indicated and would often be curative. (This is not a rare procedure, and the cats do JUST FINE w/o teeth.) I'd ask for a referral to a veterinary DENTIST (specialist, one who sees ONLY dental patients, will likely have to go to your nearest large city or vet school). The dentist will be able to accurately diagnose exactly what the problem is and offer proper treatment. Even though dentists are "expensive" for major dentistry, they likely won't be a LOT more than your regular vet, because the dentists can do it SO MUCH faster. So, a whole mouth extraction might be a 4-5 hour procedure for a great generalist vet, but a 1-2 hour procedure for a dentist. So, even if the dentist is making bank, they can make bank by charging you the same as your regular vet, since they can do it in less than half the time. Google up whole mouth extraction + cat. And stomatitis. Etc. Here's one random link: https://www.veterinarypracticenews.com/why-teeth-removal-is-best-when-your-patient-has-feline-stomatitis/

Wow, what a terrible situation. Would it work to say, "I can not be in the middle of your conflicts, and I won't be. If Dad makes arrangements for Billy to be at our house, I'm only going to be talking to Dad about it, and will only change plans if Dad asks me to. Likewise, if Mom makes arrangements . . . Unless law enforcement instruct me otherwise, I won't be giving Billy to the "other" parent without the dropping off parent's instruction. Billy has a cell phone. Please contact HIM if you want to, but please do not contact ME." Then, stop answering your phone/texts. If they leave a message, read/listen (within reason), but do NOT respond unless there is some emergency that requires a change of plans. You could wait an hour, then send a quick text back . . . 8PM text from Mom: "I hear Billy is at YOUR house! I'm home and could have him! I want to come pick him up right now!" 9PM text from you: "You need to deal directly with Billy or Joe (Billy's dad). As I've said, I won't be in the middle of these issues. Please don't call/text unless it is an emergency." Give Mom (and Dad) a handful of similar interactions to "learn" to respect your limits. If they don't learn, then block their numbers.

ps. Re how to find a good attorney. This is always a PITA. My favorite way is to get referrals from other attorneys or accountants. So, if you have ONE attorney in the region you can really trust (your brother in law, your best friend's ex-husband who was a good guy, etc.), then ask THEM for a referral to a trustworthy estate attorney. If you have to "fly blind", then at least talk to several, ask similar questions of each, and get a feel for them. This is truly the hardest part, IMHO.

Well, I handled my mother's estate, and the total cost was well under $2k, and her estate was much larger with many more aspects than what you're talking about. That said, Mom had very good legal documents (she was an attorney herself and updated the documents just a few years before her death, when she was diagnosed). We consulted extensively with the estate attorney we engaged (at least 6-10 conversations over the course of 6 months or so), as my brother and I were co-executors and there were some complications in settling the estate due to very high expenses in her last year of life and a lot of juggling of money to get those expenses paid for. The attorney handled every detail, including establishing several trust accounts necessitated by her will. Total bills were probably about $1000, but I don't recall exactly, and I didn't want to give you a low estimate since I'd not be surprised if our attorney charged us a *little* less than normal due to our prior relationship. (Our estate attorney is ALSO our family attorney for real estate and business matters, so we've known him for about 14 years. He is also a client of our own business (vet hospital), so there are ties there that certainly might have led him to bill us on the low end . . . but we're not a charity case, and I do NOT believe he charged us dramatically less than he'd have charged anyone else.) The vast majority of reputable attorneys will gladly offer a FREE initial consultation for about an hour before you are committed to a major investment. If you haven't done that yet, i'd find at least two, ideally three, reputable estate attorneys. Get all your paperwork organized. Write a 1-2 page clear summary of the events/needs/issues. Make the appointments. Hand off the summary document and any relevant legal documents. (Also organize and include and bring copies of an inventory of valuable possessions, address of real estate, death certificate, any/all deeds and other legal documents you can obtain.) The easier you can make it for the lawyer to do their job, the less money you'll spend. (It's all about billable hours.) Do this a couple times, and you'll have a much better idea of your situation and of the cost/benefits of hiring an attorney. Estates are common and routine. Get an attorney who knows their stuff, and your situation, although it sounds really complex to you and any other lay person (self included), and they should be able to take care of it with much less time and effort (and thus modest fees) than a lay person could. Besides, they won't screw it up, which a lay person nearly surely would.

A couple thoughts. You need to hire an estate attorney in the location where bio dad held property and died. It may be just $1000-2000 or so. Probably not HUGELY expensive. Get a good one. Period. It is unlikely you can legally withhold the property/inheritance from your son once he is 18. Talk to the attorney, but I highly doubt you can do it legally since there was no trust in place when his bio dad died. If I were you, I'd find the best estate attorney possible, and let them handle the rest. This is just not the sort of thing I'd want to try to do on my own, as the risks are waaaaayyyy too high. The right attorney will make you or break you. I'd *much* rather work 10 hr/wk at a low wage job for a few months to a year to pay the attorney fees than much around trying to do it myself. BOTTOM LINE: When you need an attorney . . . you need an attorney. Period.

This will sound nuts, but it was a miracle cure for me . . . D-Mannose supplements. I take one capsule daily, or two (before and after) if I'm getting lucky that night. (1/2 tsp in liquid also works great, but the capsules are handy for convenience. I keep both on hand.) If I get the least little worry that a UTI might be brewing, I take a dose every 2-3 hours or so for at least 24 hours, or until the symptoms are well gone or explode such that I do have to seek medical attention and get an ABX. I'll even get up during the night to take it. I went from having a UTI about every 4-6 weeks for over a year (and the lovely yeast infections post-antibiotics each time) to none at all for a couple years, then one when I slacked off on the D-Mannose about a year ago. It's changed my life. I use the NOW brand on Amazon. I would guess many brands are perfectly good, but that's a brand I trust, so that's what I use. From what I understand, it's incredibly safe. It's a simple sugar with such a low dose that it's even safe for diabetics. Apparently the sugar molecules selectively bind with bacteria in your bladder and wash those critters right out of you. If you mix the powder in liquid, be sure to consume it within a few minutes, or it can taste bitter. If you drink/eat it within a few minutes, it just tastes mildly sweet. I sure wish I'd discovered it during my grandma's or mother's lifetimes. They battled UTIs for decades, even being single and not sexually active. I hope/expect to be taking it for the rest of my life and sure hope it continues to be the miracle cure it has been thus far!

Sucks for me. They're pretty much the only class of antibiotics I can safely take due to various drug allergies. And, I have high b.p. Not good. Let's root for no more infections for me. Ever.

You do not have to do anything for your dad that you don't CHOOSE to do. You report that your dad was unkind to you and your kids. For years. And that he has two other kids who he is/was kinder to. You can block their numbers. You can visit your dad once a week if you like (or more or less) at your convenience. That'd be a nice thing to do. Bring a treat. Be kind for an hour or two. Then say "bye" and go back to your life. Food cravings are NOT an emergency. If there is a real dental emergency, that is up to the facility and your dad's legal guardian/representative to deal with. A failure to deal with it is abuse, and should be treated as such. IMHO, if there are "emergencies" more than once every so many months that the facility can't readily deal with (excepting a rare situation with, say, an illness/ailment that is temporary and can be resolved in a matter of weeks to a couple months, but may well involve several emergencies in short succession), then your dad is not in a reasonable facility for his needs. He may require a higher level of care. If your dad has money, then whoever is his financial designee/custodian/trustee/whatever must/should use that money to serve his needs. If you feel like your dad is being abused (including financial abuse -- which includes failing to spend his own money on needed/desired things to every reasonable extent), then you have the option of reporting the abuser to Adult Protective Services and/or hiring your own attorney to sue for guardianship/etc if you can afford to do that (expect 5 figures in attorney's fees, to start). If you feel he is being abused in these or other ways, I suggest you invest at least some modest sum in an initial consultation with an Elder Care Attorney to discover your options, even if you don't have the time/energy to invest in trying to take guardianship. If the facility has a social worker or similar administrator, you can sit down with them and ask about options. If you won't use an attorney, I might at least send a written letter (registered mail with proof of delivery) to your siblings, your dad, and your dad's attorney, primary doctor, residential facility admin . . . stating that . . . your dad has been contacting you, on average, five times per month with "emergencies" such as dental pain, food needs, etc . . . and that you are not available for these sorts of issues on a regular basis . . . and, according to your best understanding, Dad's legal representative is X, his attorney is Y, his primary doctor(s) are Z, his children are A, B, and me. (Include contact info for EVERYONE in your letter.) I'd suggest that "I do not have authorization to change Dad's care plan or arrange additional services to meet his needs. Dad's representatives should seek a more appropriate care plan and/or facility for Dad, since his needs are not able to be met in this situation." or something like that. Identify any needs/desires you know of that your Dad has that are not being met. If you are well aware of Dad's financial situation, you can include a reference to that . . . "I am aware that as of 2017, Dad had over $500,000 in his IRA as well as full ownership of his home, estimated value 400k. It seems to me, that given Dad's financial resources, he can/should be able to afford services to meet his needs and keep him comfortable." Mail it to everyone you can think of who might be in a position to intervene and/or influence things. You can give it a week or even a couple weeks (given the holidays) before blocking all their numbers . . . but I'd *seriously* consider blocking all the numbers you can and/or getting a new number and not giving it to anyone you don't trust not to abuse it. I *certainly* wouldn't be FaceTiming with anyone who wasn't nice to me and/or communicating in ANY way that wasn't absolutely imperative to get your Dad care he needs. Consider finding a paid local provider that *could* provide the care your Dad needs/desires. Get the number, make an initial call to confirm their availability to provide the needed services. Then, each time you get an "emergency" call, you can say, "Dad, I am not able to give you a ride to the dentist this week. But, PaidProviderOldFolksRUs can be hired to do this and I have their number. It's 555-555-1111." Repeat same to the facility, your siblings, etc. That would give you an easier "out."

Not at all unheard of. It's my family strategy, and we are a very small family. Back story -- when my Dad was 60, in 2000, he had a serious stroke and was hospitalized out of state (he was on a business trip). I left my 13 month old nursing baby as well as my 3 year old (neither of whom I'd ever been apart from) for 5 days at a time to care for Dad, rotating with my brother. He and I were *it.* Each of us had to travel many hundreds of miles and stay in a hotel (at great cost, at a time when we were both young and pretty poor.) Around Day 11, my brother was in the cafeteria . . . when Dad tried to get up, fell, and hit his head. He died from complications about a week later. He died BECAUSE he was left alone. Needless to say, I don't leave loved ones alone in hospital/rehab/wherever. Ever. When Mom had surgery (4 days in hospital) a few years later, I left all three little kids home with Dad and babysitters for a week. I was with her 24/7 in hospital and for a couple days at home. Period. JUST ME. I didn't leave her alone until she was safely settled in at home. (There was a mix up with her room assignment . . . and they tried to tell me when she was coming out of SX that she couldn't have the private room she'd pre-arranged . . . so I couldn't stay with her overnight. I looked them straight in the face, and clearly told them, "The only way I will leave her is if you have me physically removed. As soon as I am forced to leave, I'll call a lawyer. Try me." Repeated a few times to various staff members . . . Needless to say, John Hopkins found her a damn private room. When my 18 year old son broke his leg and had surgery last Spring . . . I was with him 24/7 in hospital for 36 hours. Slept (sort of) in a chair. My presence avoided SEVERAL serious medical errors, including me stopping a nurse from re-administering an antibiotic he'd already had an allergic RXN to during the surgery itself. I realized I am too old for that for more than 24 hr at a time very easily, so next time there is a situation like that, dh will take off work (600-3000/day cost to us, depending on whether we can find a vet to cover for him or we have to close for the day(s)) so he can take turns with me. Period. If I couldn't have family there -- we were too old or decrepit to be of use, or dh himself was in hospital and the adult kids not available/willing to assist -- I'd hire competent nurse/caregiver to be there 24/7 to "spell" me. Period. Also, FWIW, losing continence is a COMMON problem with elderly folks who get hospitalized/etc. My grandma lost her continence when hospitalized for colon cancer surgery around age 75. She never got it back, and not having your continence is a HUGE issue with elder care. So, that issue is HUGE and totally worth EVERY effort and every dollar to do all you can to avoid.

I think it's inappropriate, and I'm pretty darn open minded. I'd simply provide them each with a room of their own. Move their "stuff" and provide a bed. Ideally, since they are close, the rooms could be next door to each other, and the new room(s) could provide some comfy co-studying, co-hanging out space -- I.e., a couch area for reading, or a double desk study area . . . each room could have space for comfortable dual hanging out . . . without sharing a bed. If you must keep them together in the same room, I'd consider "loft" style beds, with the bed(s) up top and the underneath part being desk and/or couch/play area. Perhaps one "loft" style bed and one regular bed? But, really, I'd at least provide separate rooms if at all possible, even if they don't get used frequently. I do think it's inappropriate at that age to share a room and share a bed as well. I think each child *needs* ready access to private space on a daily basis. If for no other reason than allowing for healthy sexual development. FWIW, one of my best friends has this "issue" with two of her kids. What she did was GIVE them each their own rooms . . . but one of the rooms has bunk beds, so the other kid often sleeps in there (as does their youngest, lol), but each child has their own bed and officially also their own room.

Still here! Two flown to college, one 16 year old still homeschooling. Granny-schooling sounds divine! Enjoy!

1) You can't change other people. 2) I think it's awesome that there are at least several family members who are willing and able to share care taking duties. That's a really nice thing about a large family! My family is tiny, so in each generation, when these things come up, there's rarely been more than a couple folks to share duties. 3) People have issues; many times they don't share them. So, your negligent relative(s) may be in the midst of a marital, health, mental, addiction, or other issue in their own life or a close friend or family member that you don't know about. Or, they might have suffered some trauma or abuse that you don't know about that may even involve someone you love. Or, maybe a medical trauma that makes it exceptionally difficult for them to participate in care. I find it helpful to use my imagination to think of the many things that might be causing someone to behave in a way I'm not liking . . . and to recognize that many/most/all of those causes are none of my business and/or the related suffering might just be "freezing" someone's actions. So, if I care about someone (and even when I don't), I try to "assume the best" . . . and in this case, that means, assuming that BIL has a good reason for his behavior, and then moving on with my life. 4) If you want to involve BIL but not demand a specific task (care-giving/ side-sitting), and you think he's capable of participating in another way . . . Say, you know he's financially comfortable . . . You could ask, "If you don't want to take turns sitting with Grandma, would you be interested in paying for and/or arranging for a house keeper once a week for the next few weeks . . . or paying for meal delivery . . . or paying for a paid caregiver to sit by her side . . . " or whatever OTHER things might be helpful either directly to your loved one in need OR to the family members who are carrying most of the care giving efforts on their own. I.e., give an option that doesn't have the same emotional impact as sitting by her side . . . but could allow them to be meaningfully helpful. 5) Being a caregiver to a loved one in need is a blessing to YOU. No matter how hard it is right now, IME, you will be thankful (later if not now) to have been by your MIL's side and to have done your very best. You (and your dh) are setting a great example for your own kids. You will *miss her* when she's gone (assuming you really love her, which isn't of course always the case), even though who she is right now isn't quite the same woman you loved for many years. I found that when my mom passed away, I mourned who she was with her dementia, as I'd already been mourning my pre-dementia mom for several years. I had been too busy and overwhelmed to realize that my "new mom" was dear to me in an entirely new way. The child-like dependence and trust she placed in me along with my own duty and responsibility to her really got under my skin and into my heart, and I didn't realize that until she had passed away. (((hugs)))

I find that giving my teens a common enemy helps bond them to each other. . .

My opinion == teacher is an asshat and policy is inhumane and disrespectful. If my kid were ever told he wasn't allowed to use the bathroom, I'd be having a very real fit. I don't give a fig about the reasons for the policy. Sorry, restricting bathroom access is just not an option. Find another solution. So, I'd take the phone call with the teacher, express my expectations and hope for the best, and then pursue whatever other steps were needed. Meanwhile, I'd write a handwritten note that says, "My child, Joe Smith, SHALL have immediate access to the restroom whenever he desires. Please call ME at this number if you have any questions." And, I'd include my cell number. I'd handwrite it, and I'd write 4-5 of them and have my child have a stash of them, assuming he'd hand one over to the teacher on his way out of the classroom to the restroom . . . so might not get it back. I'd tell him to hand it to the teacher when he lets the teacher know he is going to leave to use the restroom (if in doubt), and to WALK RIGHT OUT (quietly and politely) to use the rest room when needed, whether or not the teacher "permits it", and I'd assure him that I'd take care of the fall out. Period. NO BODY tells my kid that he can't use a bathroom. Nobody. Ever. I'd make sure he has a cell phone, too, and that he can call me in one-touch with some sort of emergency call feature. Be sure to practice with your kid "letting the teacher know" vs "asking". "Mr. Jones, I will be right back. I'm going to the restroom." -- while he is walking out the door. NOT, "May I . . ."

Any "hollow" in Appalachia is pronounced "holler" Say it like "hollow", and we'll know you don't really know here. . . Likewise, we SPELL it "hollow" . . . spelling it "holler" just looks silly, lol.