I don't have any real answers but we were involved in a variety of homeschool sports/private school that allowed homeschoolers to play when my boys were in high school. The one thing I would note is that while some things are legal in that no governing body has authority over homeschool sports...they can promote ill will that prevents the success of the program. For example, if players played for multiple homeschool organizations, while it might not violate any rule officially, it can get public school folks, others frustrated and upset and it can feel like cheating. Even if no one is actually "cheating" the feeling can lead to enough animosity that no one will agree to play the homeschool teams. We were involved a couple times where homeschool/private schools were doing things that, while legal, left a bad enough taste in the mouth of competitors that other schools refused to schedule and state sanctioned officals wouldn't officiate. So, I would just suggest that while there may not be anything legal governing homeschool sports in your area, avoiding the appearance of impropriety is also an issue. Even if you aren't outside any rules, just the appearance of being shady can make it so no one will play you. If the state sanctioning body, that has no authority over you, forbids their member schools from playing you and their officials from working your games, that is a bad thing, even if you haven't broken any actual rule. BTDT

I know all these precautions make sense and are well intentioned. I just think some of this would depend on the older person and their attitude or personality. If my mom was still alive I think we could have done some of this. But it is my father that is still with us. If we were to discuss whether or not he could use our bathroom or set him up in a chair across the room with gifts set up so no one needs to go nearby and set a timer telling him to leave. Well, it would be a fate worse than not visiting. I think if we treated my dad in this way the result could possibly be that he brought harm upon himself. I realize that is dramatic. But in my situation there is no way no how my father could handle being treated in this way. It would destroy him. Not saying we are going to climb up in his lap or share utensils with him- but our precautions are going to have to be far more subtle. This is all so hard. No good answers.

I think it would be reasonable to shut down contact for a limited amount of time. For instance if you have things coming up that you need to be well for (like we wouldn’t have allowed a visit when my dh was about to have surgery) or if you felt like things were getting really bad and you need to shut things down for a month to see it through or something like that. You have been allowing contact all this time so it wouldn’t be a year like it would be for people who shut it down in March and are waiting for things to improve. So while I wouldn’t deny ds visits with his girlfriend for a year I would for a month depending on circumstances. It’s hard with it over the holidays because obviously they are going to want to see each other. Also difficult if you are allowing some things and not others. My 22 yo Ds got Covid from a housemate. Ds and his roommates were careful but one had a job outside the home and he brought it into the house. All four got sick (they are ok now!). I think that living situation for young people is ripe for spread if anyone is going out at all and it really is unusual to have a house of young people that are all able to work remotely and choose to exercise caution consistently. This is so hard. I think people coming to different conclusions is reasonable.

My nearly 18 yo ds is in a long disance relationship (about a two hour drive). This has made it easier in that they don't see each other often except when they do make plans to see each other it is an all day thing. With how long this has dragged on I don't think it is fair to just say we will see her when it is over. When they have seen each other they have kind of talked through their contacts for the previous week or so. One time they did not get together as planned because half of the girlfriend's dance team was positive. I also have stressed that they are not to visit if there is so much as an inkling of illness. (I do understand that some people have constant allergies but that is not the case). I have said that if she comes to visit and is coughing or visibly ill at all that is going to be a trust breaker for me for the future. We also are careful after the gf has visited in that we do not visit with any of the older folks we occasionally do see until a week or so has passed. I do understand all the risk and holes in this plan but it is the best we can do right now. I'm not comfortable with telling ds he can never see his girlfriend of a year and half until this is over. It will have been over a year at that point. I'm not comfortable telling them they have to mask all the time or sit on different furniture. So this is a risk we take. Mental health of young people is important too. I'm not sure how I could just tell ds who is otherwise extremely responsible and cautious that he effectively has to end his relationship in the interest of public health. So we do our best. Also, the prospect of a local girlfriend who he would want to see frequently is a whole lot worse. So I'm going to roll with the long distance relationship for now.

So true! This was fairly stressful! In fact, so stressful I am still waiting to see it all officially official before I really celebrate! 🙂

I have often thought about my caboose dd being such an easy and delightful child. She is the only girl and just spreads sunshine and sparkles all over. LOL. But, as awful as it sounds, I have often thought about what it would have been like if she wasn't so easy and sweet. It sounds terrible but how would I have handled another difficult boy? Would I have had the patience or would I have been resentful? I'm not positive even though it is an awful thing to say. What if I had a child with special needs that demanded more energy and intervention? What if my caboose did not tell me everyday I am the most beautiful woman in the world? I find myself so thankful that she is so easy. Not sure how it would have gone otherwise. Or maybe she is easy because I am more mature and a better mom now? That could be too. We are experiencing something and it sounds so shallow but I'm going to say it anyway. My dh is 46 and just now really hitting his stride in his career. He is starting to make more serious money. It is such a relief after so many years of struggling with a house full of kids. Now he is starting to really make career moves and it is really really nice that there are no more braces to buy and two are out of college. We are turning the corner on things and seeing some fruit after 25 years of working so hard to get ahead. If we still had little kids and all the teen and college expenses ahead of us it probably wouldn't feel like he was even making more money. Now he is making more money and dh and I can finally use it for things for ourselves! Or we can help our adult children or give away more or whatever. It's just nice to have dh start making more money and have some freedom about what to do with it. Also- for a few years we had five vehicles on our insurance policy. Those kind of expenses are draining. I actually find them emotionally draining as well as financially. I am feeling some relief as the kids come off of those things and I'm glad there is a limit to the ones still needing to be added on. I think we all have different capabilites and circumstances. I used to think I could handle and would like even more than the four I have. But I really couldn't have.

Thank you! Not sure what is next for him but we’ll worry about that another day. The degree was a real obstacle for him and it is a relief he got it done.

Update- he took the final in the trouble class tonight and passed. He actually thinks he is getting a B-. So looks like I have another 2020 college graduate! 🙂

Most definitely. It is also an area where young marriage is a goal so dating in high school is about seeking a life partner and often there is dependence on the parents to continue supporting the couple. So it is a cultural disconnect for me. In my mind, a teenager buying expensive gifts and paying for all entertainment isn't really impressive because it is the parent's money. But I guess that is a good way of filtering out who would be good to join families with. ?? I'm a fish out of water. Nothing new! My kids have managed to figure it out and have long term healthy relationships in college and beyond.

I thought splitting fairly was common sense. Even something like a 70/30 split where the girl picks up the tab sometimes isn’t so annoying to me. But, what my boys ran into in high school was the expectation that a girl would ask to go to an expensive restaurant and boy would pick up the tab. This expectation came from the parents down. It basically made my boys undatable in high school because they could not keep up. They worked and had to pay for a lot of their own college and $80 dinners for teenagers just weren’t a thing we did. I’m glad to be past this stage. It is shortsighted because the qualities that made my boys unable to lavish money on girls are some of the things that make them really good adults. They were hard working, knew the value of money, how to be content with less expensive activities, etc. Eliminating them as possible partners was really short sighted. Lol. What is so impressive about a kid throwing money around? All that to say, I think it is totally unreasonable for a boy to pick up the tab all the time. Especially when it is a long term relationship. Why is my 17 yo paying for activities for another 17 year old for years? A first date, sure. But as things settle in there has to be a way for things to be more equitable. Where I live, however, that is not the prevailing thought. I have found that I am the outlier and I definitely don’t know the proper way things are done and letting a girl pay for anything ever is disrespectful. I don’t get it and am glad this stage is coming to an end for my family. So I definitely think there should be a way for things to be more even but sometimes cultural norms will decide that for you no matter what you think!

Oh yes, I didn’t mention my dd losing her big siblings to college. She was 8 when the first one left, ten when the second one left. She will be 13 in the fall when she effectively becomes an only. This has been very hard for her. I do get sad when I realize how little of her life she had the siblings around. 🙁 I have always homeschooled and never thought I would send one to school but it might come to that. She is getting lonely. We are going to try a two day a week cottage school next year and hope that is enough. Things just are different.

I actually agree that it can be good for some kids, particularly high achievers, to learn that the world keeps spinning when a C ends up on the transcript. And your dd is such a high achiever I don’t think this is going to really be a problem for her ever. But- I would give it an inquiry and see if there is anything that can be done, point out any discrepancies in the syllabus and that she clearly mastered the material. I wouldn’t go nuts about it and you can model to her that it isn’t the end of the world, etc and that there is a lesson to be learned. But that stupid C is going to follow her around when she applies to grad schools, some jobs, etc. I don’t think it will ever be a deal breaker for her so I wouldn’t lose a lot of sleep about it. But it will annoy her for many years, probably. My dh is a cc instructor and he gets the most ridiculous grading appeals every semester. Some of them he works with. This is less ridiculous than many he considers.

Quoting myself to add that in the last year or two (I am 46) I find myself thinking I will be ready to be a grandmother. A couple years ago I couldn’t see that at all but now I think I will be all in for all things baby. So, theoretically it isn’t that long until the possibility of babies cycles back around again. I’ve surprised myself thinking I am ready to enjoy that. I couldn’t handle my own though!

Teenagers and young adults can be very stressful. My kids haven’t even given me any major heartache or problems but car mishaps/relationship issues/academic struggles/job struggles/etc. can be ALOT. I just really had no idea what I was getting into when I had little kids. Little kids are hard and some things get easier...but some things get harder. 🙁 I will say my youngest (who is 12...with siblings 17, 20, and 22) is an absolute ray of sunshine and has brought levity through the hardest times. But...she gets less of me in some significant ways because there isn’t a lot left. I thank God for her every day but I don’t wish I had another one. Sorry to be negative. Health issues with aging and the older generation are a real thing too.

Yeah I am running into some of this too. I guess if they think we are demons it is easier to yell at us.

This is how I feel too. I have not told one person they should wear a mask. I have not shamed anyone or attempted to educate anybody. Yet, we get mocked, scolded, and in the case of my son in the grocery store, yelled at. Why doesn’t the respect go both ways?

Yes. The grading structure was probably put in place to help the students pass. I’ve seen this more in community college classes. However, it should not have resulted in a lowered grade for a student who knew the material. The professor should have substituted the test grade for the review or eliminated the requirement or some other method not to penalize someone who knew the material well enough to do well on the test. Very annoying. My limited experience with cc classes has been that if the student showed proficiency by the end of the class, the grade reflected that. My dh teaches a class that is required for many majors but difficult for most students. He does, for example, substitute the final exam grade for the midterm if the student learns the material by the final. I have seen other teachers willing to go with a final grade reflected in a final exam even if the student struggled early. So it is a shame this thinking doesn’t work in reverse for the student. Doing well on the final but penalized for missing the review is just backwards. Very annoying!

I agree with you! And not just because you told me to. I am pretty tolerant of varied opinions and approaches on this. If I wasn’t I would have no friends and be constantly frustrated. So, I’ll look out for myself and you do you. BUT- if you yell at a 17 yo grocery store cashier because he is wearing a mask (as required by his employer) you are a jerk. BUT- if you mock the customer honoring the wishes of a small business owner who requests masks, you are a jerk. JAWM too!

I just got one. I don't even know what kind it is except it is a low end model? It is whatever dh came home with that was part of a deal when he replaced my dead iphone 7 this past weekend. I never would have bought it for myself. I am fairly resistant to new technology. Mainly the cost because I don't imagine I could possibly need anything more than what I already have. Yet, once I get said new technology I generally like it. I haven't really begun to figure out the capabilites but I already like it. Mostly I don't feel so tied to my phone. I have young adults away from home and I have a 17 yo old out and about. I wouldn't let a text go unchecked for fear someone was in crisis. But now I can glance at my watch and see if it is anything important. For example, I was painting the walls in my kitchen the other day when my phone on the counter dinged that I had a text. Normally, I would be stopping to go check it within a few minutes. But I can glance at my wrist and see it is not an emergency. Same thing when driving. For me, it is helping me not be so dependent on my phone. I don't really get many emergency calls but I do feel "on call" for quite a few people that I don't want to leave hanging if they need me. So, it is helping me walk away from my phone which kind of had become a problem for me. I like glancing at it and seeing the temperature and I have used the calculator a few times already. I was watching a video on my phone the other day and I liked being able to read and respond to texts without disrupting the video. I never got used to the voice to text function on my phone but I am using it on the watch and it is pretty slick. Mostly I am going to follow this thread to see what else I should be using it for.

My son said he expects his employer to require it. He’s an accountant. I guess they want to be able to assure clients that whoever they are sending to their site is vaccinated? Not sure what messages they are sending to employees that signal this is coming. Maybe he is just speculating. My dh works in a large corporate office that has announced it is remote work until June at the earliest. I think they will not return until the pandemic is mostly over. I would expect them to strongly encourage it and offer on site vaccinations like they do for flu shots. They have a nurse on site and are big on promoting health and safety. I know so many anti vaxxers that I just assume there are exemptions and ways around anything so I am not sure how often “required” really means required. I do know that one state university is serious about requiring a full slate of vaccinations to live on campus. One ds has a homeschooled friend who had to get all his vaccinations when he was 20 yo to attend. He had lived a full life and fully participated in society without a vaccination until that point. He had even played a sport at community college. He was absolutely floored that vaccinations were required but he went ahead and did it so he could attend.(okay I’m sure they didn’t require every single vaccination available but he did have to get most of them)

The college my ds plans to attend in Fall 2021 announced months ago it would start requiring the flu shot and Covid when available. There was alot of pushback as we have a pretty significant anti vax population. But, in my personal experience, those folks don't generally attend the big state U. So I'm not sure if the people fussing the loudest are a population that likely attends that university anyway. I haven't heard of it lately and I'm not sure what exemptions will be allowed. My ds wouldn't let that stop him from attending so I think that will make the decision for him if it is required. We are regular with the flu shot anyway. So I do expect that ds to get vaccinated if available. I feel like most of the people in my family will be strongly encourgaged to get it, if not required. I think my 12 yo dd is the only one I really see not getting it until it has been around longer. For dh and me he risk of Covid feels bigger than the vaccie risk. My young guys wouldn't hesitate to take the vaccine, I don't think. They have always been vaxxers in homeschool groups when it wasn't popular and I nag them to get flu shots so they would probably not hesitate to get it if their employers wanted it. My dd I will wait on. More concerned about effects on a developing brain and body.

I agree even though I get frustrated. Where I live there is a pretty prevalent line of thought that people should not be testing unless they are in dire straits and people do not generally test their children. While I don’t agree, I am aware that my dh has been working from home since March with no plans to return until June. My kids are homeschooled and haven’t missed a beat academically. We don’t need to go much of anywhere. We have saved money during the pandemic due to not driving, dh not paying for parking and commuting etc. My dh actually got a promotion during this time. It stinks but we have been okay. But I do see this is not the scenario for everyone. There are a lot of large families here with two working parents. If a kid being exposed at school means the kid gets tested it means potentially four other kids in quarantine and two parents missing paychecks. And this cycle can repeat over and over everytime one of the six or more family members is possibly exposed? That is a lot to ask if no one is visibly ill. I can sit here and be indignant about people not testing their kids who are quarantined from school...but if that asymptomatic kid tests positive the parents are missing two weeks of work. It has been clear from the beginning of this thing that it is hitting the most vulnerable communities and people and honestly some people don’t have the margin or the luxury to take all the precautions others can sit back and say they should.

I would not worry about it (though I would be annoyed and I hope you get to the bottom of it). It seems your dd has applied to many schools that she is way above average for. My ds has, too, and I wouldn't worry if this was him. She is so strong this is not going to make a difference. Anyone that reads it will probably think "wow, I wonder what happened there?" and they would probably think it was something not your dd's fault. I know my first inclination would be that there was a reasonable explanation or a rogue professor. I would be prepared with an answer if someone asks but I don't think this is going to cause any damage. Most of my ds's schools, even though they do require a final transcript, say that admissions and scholarship decisions are made on the first six semesters of high school.

We got the same comment when we visited Tenn Tech with this ds. This is my third kid doing the college visit thing and the second kid to apply to Tenn Tech and we had never gotten that comment before. Then both schools within a couple months. Really made me wonder what kind of crazy transcripts they have been getting from homeschoolers.

Oh I agree. It is super laughable if you know how loose our umbrella school is. I definitely do an eyeroll that somehow our umbrella school sending the transcript verifies anything. I like our umbrella for what it does (which is record keeping and keeping us legal) but they don't verify anything. They have started verifying de grades with copies of an unofficial transcript from the college but I can call my classes whatever I want and give whatever grades I want. It really is not any different than a mom issued transcript as far as any kind of verification. So, odd that UAH considers it preferable. The admissions rep told us that they like Homelife because they can read the transcipts. But I can tell you that those have letter grades!