Speaking as a fellow engineer, can you involve him in this term resolution before the problem presents? Them a multi-prong approach.
Explain the tension = not enjoyable for you, pick one or two things like all toys picked up at the end of the day and dishes done, set that as goals.
Next prong - "could you please move the laundry?" Small, occasional, specific requests.
Lastly, plan some time apart? Trip to the library, grocery, hardware, car wash, etc. Don't feel you need to rush home, spend a few minutes on you.