My husband is an attorney, and he says, "what you call Facebook, I call evidence." People do a lot of dumb stuff via Facebook and texting.

My 14yo and 12yo have phones, and their texting is unbelievably boring. Like others said, texting is not where their action occurs. Their action happens on apps like Snapchat that don't keep messages or pictures. No way of checking that. I believe our best defense against bad things happening is to keep the channels of communication open with our teens. We do have Family Base with Verizon so we can see who they are calling and texting and when their activity happens. We can block contacts and stop their data. We receive notifications from Verizon when they are using their phones during night time hours, and we receive a weekly report of their top contacts. I also follow them and their friends on their social media accounts - Instagram, Facebook, etc - but I don't check their texts. I see enough of what they are doing online and we talk enough that I am confident I know what my kids are doing. With different kids I may have a different approach.

Can you unlink an account later? I wouldn't want to linky kids' email to mine forever. They will grow up and want it unlinked at some point.

This is exactly how I would handle such situations, and it has been a very effective approach for me.

I wonder this too, and it's one reason why I like our schools. Our parochial school where I have K, 3rd, 4th is K-8 and our public school is PK3-12 where I have 7th and 9th. I especially like the parochial model where all the kids mix at recess, lunch, etc. it's very familial.

I haven't experienced any of this in my kids' public school social circles at 12yo and 14yo, but kids like this wouldn't hang with my kids for very long. My public schooled kids would have no tolerance for this behavior.

We aren't homeschooling anymore, so I don't know what my kids would be like if we were. I do know that my public schooled kids are great kids as are their friends. I don't see any of the negative stereotypes mentioned in this thread within my kids' social groups. Here's the thing, though. I do see those negative stereotypes in kids in other social groups. Usually those other kids have families with different values than we have. My experience is that my kids are well-behaved, polite, kind, inclusive, etc no matter where they are schooled b/c of our family influence, and my kids would gravitate to kids like themselves regardless of schooling location.

My oldest will be a freshman in public high school this year too. I am wondering what you didn't like about the close high school? I ask because the thing I LOVE about our high school is that it is close. My dd goes in early many days, stays late, returns to the school at night for sporting events, etc. Her friends are close by since they go to the close school too. A school across town would have to be almost magical for me to commit driving there every day, sometimes twice a day. Then if your other kids go to the same school, I can guarantee they will be in activities in different schedules. Our high school isn't anything special, but they have plenty to offer the students, whether it's activities, sports, advanced classes, friends. I can't see not attending the close school unless it was dangerous. The physical proximity images a huge difference in our lives. BTW, public school has worked out well for us. I don't live everything about it, but I didn't live everything about homeschool either. My kids are thriving in their schools. I prefer to homeschool, but that has not been our things worked out for us.

Agree with this. My five public/private schooled kids have friends of varying ages, usually +/- 2 years. Their social circles definitely overlap, but they don't share friends. It's kinda like an inner circle and an outer circle. Each kid has a unique inner circle of their own. Each kid also has an outer circle, and these do overlap. Often inner circle friends from one kid overlap with outer circle friends from another kid. Sometimes there's no overlap too. My kids struggle without their unique inner circles. Those inner circles are very important for their self-confidence. When they try to share friends in inner circles, it doesn't work out for anyone.

Am I reading this correctly that your sons are only allowed to have friends from your congregation? That will probably be part of the problem here, especially if dss doesn't fit into whatever mold the congregation is. Like others have posted, I don't expect my kids to have the same group of friends. In fact, I encourage them to have different friends. They all need to have separate outlets. I have had step sibs, and you will fail miserably if expect they should be friends or act like brothers. Both of them will resent living under those expectations.

We are just getting our savings back to my minimum required balance after new siding, windows, porch, and roof last fall. Probably shouldn't have dug so deep into the savings, but the outside of our house looks amazing. This fall will be a new bathroom in the basement, gutting our main bathroom, and decorating the kids' bedrooms; I think I have enough saved for that already. Fall 2017 will be patio and landscaping. After that we have dreams of a new garage, converting our existing garage to living space, and kitchen remodel. Those probably won't happen with college sneaking up on us. We are just starting to save for college which I am so excited about. Otherwise, longer-term savings include retirement at 15% of income (non-negotiable) and replacement vehicle. Short-term savings include private school tuition for three kids, Christmas, vacations (small budget), etc. Hoping to add additional savings for more vacation and bigger home improvement projects, but dh will have to bring in more income for that to happen.

I'm coming late to this conversation, but it's certainly made me think. I'm the bread winner in our family. Dh was a SAHD when the first three years we had kids and then again for almost a year when my youngest was 2yo. I would have been OK with him staying home while the kids are in school if he had managed the home well while I worked. By well I mean in a way that I enjoyed and that made my life easier, including working to economize our spending. He worked hard at home, but not in a way that met my goals, so I pushed him back to work the second time he stayed home. Not sure if that was mean of me or not, but even though our home isn't managed well with two nearly FT incomes, we do have enough income to meet my financial goals. This is the best I'm going to get while I'm working. The value of him working surpasses the value of him home. If he did better domestically or with the kids, the equation could easily tip the other way. The first time he stayed home he did a great job on the home front, but I think five kids may have been too much for him. If my dh could earn enough to support our family at a lifestyle we would enjoy, we both would have me stay home. That's my dream......but unlikely to come true. So, I guess my thought is that having one spouse not work benefits the other spouse in some way, whether consciously or not. The benefit might be social standing, homemaking, etc.

For us, 7-8 years old, irregardless of gender. Tonight my almost 8yo dd biked and walked the 1-2 blocks between our house and park four times. Once with her 5yo brother, and the other three times by herself. We live in a small town with population of 1400. We only lock our doors when we are gone for days, but we usually lock our cars at night. Our front door doesn't latch very well, and I've come home to our front door standing wide open. It's annoying, but not an issue other than the heat/AC bill.

Thought I would come back and answer this question since my original post was quoted. Here's a typical school day schedule: 6:00 Start waking up. Dh makes breakfast while I get ready. Kids start waking up. 6:45 I take over morning routine while dh gets ready. Dishes and laundry are included here. 7:30 Everyone leaves. We either drop off kids or they bike/walk. 8:00 Parents at work 12:00 Lunch - run errands, eat lunch in peace, or work through 3:00 Kids out of school, they walk home. One of them (usually my 7yo or 14yo) gets 5yo from preschool or daycare. Older kids may have sports practices after school. 4:00/4:30 Dh home. He starts afternoon/evening routine which includes making dinner 5:30/6:00 I'm home. We eat dinner and clean-up (dishes) 6:30/7:00 Start homework or other evening activities 8:30 Start bedtime routine (includes more laundry) 9:00 Bedtime for kids 9:30 Bedtime for mom. Dh often works a little in the evening. Life with five kids is all about planning and coordination, whether you work or not. :) When I went back to work, we relocated for my new job. We purposefully chose to live within 20 minutes of work. We also purposefully chose to live within walking distance of the kids' schools. Our daycare (where youngest ds goes on Wednesdays during school hours) is down the block. Weekends are crazy with our sports schedules, but we get it all done. We would love to have me at home, but it's not our financial reality right now. I don't expect to be at home again since I want to pay for our kids' college education. Paying for college becomes more and more important to me the older the kids get.

We host a lot indoors as well. Yesterday my 14yo had a friends over to make crafts. She also hosts a New Year's Eve slumber party and an end of school year party. Since we have a great location only a couple short blocks from the school, her friends often come over between school and evening events. They are in and out over the summer as well. The boys are more difficult to host since their bodies are always in motion. We mostly host boys in the summer, and we have extra bikes of all sizes since they love to bike around town. We also have sports gear...basketball hoop with 3 basketballs, enough baseball gear for an entire team, footballs, bases, etc. We are a couple blocks from the baseball fields, but the boys usually prefer to hang in our yard. They can still hit in our yard with our 16" softballs since they don't go too far. I would love to have a batting cage, but I'm leery about how much yard space that would take. My 5yo loves nerf guns with his friends. The older two boys don't get out the guns anymore. They are all about sports.

I wouldn't have thought of outdoor ping pong!

Many people are underpaid given their skills, talents, and education. Many other people are underpaid given their contribution to society. Others are underpaid given the physical natures of their jobs. Unfortunately, making a living isn't just about having skill, talent, or contributing. It is all about figuring out what skills and talents employers value and are willing to pay for....and if you want to make a decent wage, you have to have skills and talents that employers are willing to pay high rates for. I have many talents that are not worth much to an employer but help my family immensely. I dearly wish I could get paid decently for maintaining a home because I love it and I'm darn good at it! I would go back to SAH in a heartbeat!!! In our family, my husband is an attorney. I have an four year accounting degree, and even after homeschooling for 8 years, I was able to walk back into a career making more than my husband. I will make 65%-70% of our income this year. My heart is at home, but our financial security requires me to work full-time. Some days I'm disappointed that I have in-demand skills. :(

Can we brainstorm for a minute on ways to make backyards enticing for teens? We have a very social house, and I am to the point where I need to add outside options for the teen years. I'm looking for anything which will draw the teens to our house....anything interesting, entertaining, relaxing....things that make our house a destination for gathering. I already realize that food is the #1 attraction. :) We are in town close to the kids' schools and we have a mix of boys and girls, so we often have groups of kids of varying ages passing through. As the kids get older, I expect the groups may start mixing across ages (which already happens with my younger four who still play, but the teens aren't playing anymore). I know my 14yo is ready to host groups of boys and girls. We will be putting in a patio this summer, and I expect a fire pit as well. Any suggestions on furniture? Yard games? Areas to relax - swings, type of seating, etc? My husband is not OK with a trampoline for liability reasons (he's an attorney), and our community swimming pool is two short blocks away so I don't want to use my yard space for a swimming pool. Thanks!

I don't post much anymore, but this thread mirrors my life in so many ways. We have five kids of similar ages. I work full-time, and dh nearly works full-time. We homeschooled until three years ago at which time I started working FT and dh worked PT. This year when our youngest was old enough for 4yo preschool, dh increased his working hours. Our only daycare expense is one school day per week - no afterschool, before school, holidays, or summers. We cover the other times with a combo of older kids babysitting, working from home when possible, and taking strategic vacation time. We may need to hire a teen to fill in the gaps around my older kids' camps this summer, but I don't expect that to be a big deal. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, chauffeuring, etc are all done by us - just like any other dual working family. It's just a different balancing act than homeschooling was. I see a lot of part-time, flexible opportunities in our small community. You just have to be patient while keeping your eyes open and your contacts current. I totally get why your husband would like you to get a job. I felt the exact same way with my husband. Once our youngest started preschool 4 days/week, I couldn't justify him not bringing in income, especially when we have some large financial goals (home improvements, college savings, etc). Having a SAHP is certainly a nice luxury, but all the household tasks can easily fit around a PT job. Also, we increased our income 50% this year with my husband's increased hours, and the extra jingle has been very nice for everyone.

We need Verizon out here in our rural area, and I find their prepaid plans to be fairly reasonably priced. We buy refurbished prepaid phones to keep the expense down, especially since we prefer iPhones and they are just so expensive.

I don't think we've ever been to a movie in a theater as a family. I believe movie theater prices over unreasonable, and it is impossible for me to find a movie that is worth the price and is appealing to our age range. We do send individuals or groups to the theater for big name movies, usually as social events with other friends. We eat out far too often, but not usually true sit down meals. We eat fast food or buffets since we appreciate the speed of fast food and the variety/quantity of buffets. Neither option is much cheaper for us than sit down meals since we don't economize on fast food but we would on sit down meals. We do eat out as a family 2-3 times/month, but we often eat out as subsets as well. Our average family eat out meal runs $70ish, and our eating out/entertainment budget is about $400-$450/month right now. This is definitely our most expensive time of year as we spend most weekends travelling for sports, and winter in MN is just tough for creating cheaper alternatives. I do try to fit in fun events and vacations as a family, but our sports schedule doesn't leave many free weekends. Just yesterday I was looking at trips to Mexico for us, but it's so hard to get away during the winter due to wrestling and dance team seasons. My oldest two are likely to both be on varsity next year, so that really seals the deal on any winter vacations. My 8th grader was on varsity dance team this year, and the commitment level is much higher for varsity. Then I started looking at a trip to San Francisco in May, and my dh's military duty schedule makes that a non-starter too. It's the age-old issue of having enough money to take vacations (two income household), but not enough time to take them. When we were homeschooling we had tons of time for vacations, but not enough money for more than a couple weekends trips/year.

Our strategy has been: Pay ourselves first. I have save at least 15% of my income in retirement accounts since I graduated college, and I have forced dh to follow suit. We took a year or two off during a period of planned low income, but we also added a partial military pension during that time period. Retirement is my #1 priority. Our income source is our #1 asset, so we protect it. Not only did we nurture higher paying careers, but we have made sure we are both employable at a rate that will support our family on one income and we have back-up plans for unemployment scenarios. Part of this strategy is realizing that relocating for employment is a likely scenario, and we have done it multiple times. Live below your means, always. Realize that "not retiring" isn't really an option. No one can truly work until they die, unless they die an early death. Also, jobs are harder to maintain and nearly impossible to get once you pass a certain age....which is often before retirement age. We keep fixed expenses low which means we have cash in the bank, low mortgage, low fixed payments, and we save for major expenses. We are in our mid-40s and our retirement is looking healthy, despite recent stock market performance. We will have a 25%-50% increase in income this year since we have some large purchases we want to make and we need to start saving for college. I plan on paying for at least 50% of the kids' college, but preferably 75%. We already have 20% "saved" via military GI bill benefits. I don't know what the future holds for us, but we have done everything we can to financially protect ourselves. Unfortunately this means we are both working right now, but this is what we need to do now to make the best future for our kids. We have one in public school, three in parochial school, and one in public school preschool. We all prefer homeschooling, but B&M school has been a very good option as well. Nothing is perfect, not even homeschooling. :)

I enjoy evenings and weekends we are home because that's when I get stuff done. Days that we are gone = no stuff done. I wonder how people get things done when they aren't home? I don't entertain my kids. Our time together is spent relaxing/having fun (games, reading, movies, biking, etc) or productive (laundry, cooking, yard work, etc). I enjoy just being with my kids, so I have always had them join me in whatever I am doing. My dh had a different approach, and he doesn't have the kids join him. I think they wear him out a lot and he has the "never get things done" feelings. I often think he would be happier if he adopts my approach.

I graduated valedictorian of a class of 42 from a town of 1500. My brother graduated as valedictorian a year after me from a slightly larger class. I loved attending a small school, but I was intelligent, athletic, and generally popular. I was able to join every club in school and play varsity sports. My brother struggled socially a little, but my parents had him skip a grade. Looking back now, my parents wouldn't make the same decision. He struggled with being the youngest and smallest pretty much his whole childhood, but he found like-minded friends in college. I didn't know of any alcohol or drug problems in our small town. When we stopped homeschooling, we looked for a small school environment for our kids, and we landed in a rural town of 1400. My middle three attend a parochial school with class sizes of 10-14 kids. My rising 8th grader has 41 kids in her public school class. Our schools are small, but they are mighty. Last school year our varsity teams brought home two state championships, and most of the other sports went to state. We have two-three sports/gender per season, but many of the sports are co-op with a school the same size. We wouldn't have to co-op if we offered fewer sports. This year my 8th grader will be on the varsity Dance Line team. I'm sure she wouldn't be dancing at this level in a larger school. In a larger school she might not even make the jr. high team much less varsity! My boys are being watched by the varsity coaches, and they are still pretty young. Our academics aren't where I want them to be, but I don't know that the school size is the reason. I just have high standards. Our school offers quite a few AP classes, and we have a 4yr university 15 miles away. I expect my rising 6th grader to be a FT college student his senior year of high school. Access to the university is one of the reasons we picked this town to live in. We moved here 1.5 years ago, and my kids have completed two school years in their schools. My oldest did not do well in the parochial school so we moved her to the public school last year, and the public school has been perfect for her. My rising 6th grader has struggled with one boy in his class, and we are closely monitoring his situation. He is likely to be at the public school for 7th grade. My younger two are doing really well at the parochial school, and my youngest will start Kinder there in 2016. I love living in a small community. My kids can pretty much come and go as they please, well except the 4yo. He has to have big sibs with him when he leaves our yard, but he does play outside by himself. Other kids constantly stop by looking for pick-up games at the park. My oldest four go to the local pool by themselves and meet up with their friends. All the kids from 1st-8th grades know my 4yo. Living in a small community has been a great environment to give my kids wings and freedom yet natural boundaries where everyone knows everyone. ETA: The community is very family friendly since most people are related and all the kids know their friends' siblings. My rising 3rd grader hangs with his older brother's friends, and no one thinks twice about it. 11yo boys knock on our door looking for either boy. My 13yo takes my 4yo to the pool and meets up with her friends who are taking their little sibs to the pool. My kids have recess together, eat lunch together, and pass each other in the hallways at school. They go on field trips together, sing the same choir songs, participate in the same school events. I love talking about our day at the dinner table, and the kids share the same stories and experiences despite being in different classrooms.

We make around $100k, and we paid $104k for our house with a 20% down payment. Our payment is about 11% of our monthly take-home. The house needs a lot of updating, but we like the location and the lot. While I would like a nicer house, I refuse to allow our housing to be a huge chunk of our budget. I want too many other things far more than a house (retirement, college savings, vacations, kid activities, etc).