I cannot recall having seen a male child older than 6yo in the women's public restroom, so my assumption is that it doesn't happen very often. The only venue we frequently attend that doesn't have a line in the women's restroom is wrestling meets. This is also one of the few venues where I consistently see lines for the men's restroom. It's wonderfully freeing to not have to worry about lines.

My boys haven't run into issues of not having a stall available, but if they did, I am sure they would come tell me and we would figure out an alternate approach. This situation would be rare and easy to resolve - not a reason to have him automatically use the women's restroom. TMI, but my boys pull their pants down just far enough to get the job done. They have not needed to undress more than that in doing their business, and I guess I assumed that was the norm. If they did need help, that's one of the reasons their big brother is with them. Maybe I made it too simple in my head. When they were independently toiketing at home, I figured they were ready to be independent in public restrooms as well. Didn't seem to be an issue for us. Bowel movements did/do require additional planning, and still do into the teen years. Go figure.

Some of these questions seem so weird to me. All my kids were independently toileting by 4yo, and I never questioned how they could possibly use a public restroom....I mean they do it at home without me. For those who do wonder, though, all men's restroom includes stalls and urinals. If your sons don't want to use urinals (and mine don't), they can use a stall (just like at home). There's not much assisting needed for a little boy peeing, at least not my little boys. My little guys listen to their big brothers, and sometimes the brothers do have to assist with washing hands. They use sinks at home, so everyone is able to figure that out without my help too. If little brother doesn't was his hands, big brother tells me and I send them back in. Only takes a couple times before little brother gets with the program. If I felt a location was unsafe for my boys to use the men's restroom, I would think it was unsafe for the girls too. We don't live or travel in such environments, so this hasn't been a concern.

I can tell you what I did and continue to do. We spend most of our drive time in the Midwest. First, we never stop at rest stations. We all use the restroom when we stop for gas and food, which is every two or three hours. If a boy needs to use the toilet in-between scheduled stops, we usually pull over and he goes in the grass. We do make an extra stop for girls. Gas stations and fast food locations usually have one or two stall restrooms. My 9yo would take the 4yo to the restroom with him, and they would wait for the girls outside the restroom when they are done. If the 4yo was in a mood and I didn't think he would listen to his older brother, he would have to come with me. If I forced my 9yo ds to use the women's restroom (which they would be extremely upset about), they would not be going in a stall with me.

Agreed. Not only will it limit career choices but family choices as well, and student loan debt is forever. My dh is an attorney. We cash flowed his education. His classmates with debt this large are tied to stressful jobs for the salary. If his classmates have spouses with the same level of debt, they are really going to have life limitations.

Yes, this is true.

It makes more sense to save outside of a 401k than to not save at all. The two of you can save $11k annually in iras which is not chump change compounded over decades. I'm not sure what the 25% represents, but my company matches 3% of my annual salary which I believe is an average amount. My dh has never had a match.

Exactly. I was referring to file and suspend. Spousal SS is definitely still an option, but not the double dipping (his for now, yours for later).

I believe that was changed last year. My mom retired last year planning to draw my dad's 1/2 social security and transition to hers when she was older, but they eliminated that option the year she retired.

The more you write, the more I think you really need to step back and change your approach with your teen. You seem to be placing more importance on things than is warranted, and your comments come across as very controlling. I expect your teen will push back more and more if this is true. I don't consider straightening a desk a skill to be learned or even a necessary thing to do, and it's certainly not something I would spend any energy on. If my teen has a messy desk, that's his/her issue to deal with. When the messy desk becomes an issue for him/her, then it will be resolved. This is a perfect opportunity for natural consequences to happen and a perfect opportunity for me to step away. Straightening up isn't rocket science, and certainly doesn't need to be practiced. It's kinda like when people say preschool is beneficial so their kid can learn to stand in a line. Really? Standing in a line is a skill that needs special practice? If his desk truly needs to be clean for some reason (like it's in the middle of the family living room), then set the expectation that it will be clean at the end of every day or on Fridays or the 15th of the month. And define clean because "straightening just a little" is very difficult to judge. If it's not done according to the predetermined schedule and level, then consider consequences.....which for us would be not leaving the house until you have complied. I would not penalize this with more chores. If the desk is in his room or other non-public location, then let him decide if it should be cleaned, how much needs to be done, and when to clean it.

Fwiw, my experience has been that endurance/safety in water is developed just by being in water. My 15yo lifeguard didn't know any official strokes nor had she ever done laps until she took her certification class. She has spent a lot of time in the water, and she is in athletic shape from her sports (high school dance team and track). I don't know that your safety goal is only achieved through doing laps with specific strokes. I think just getting him more comfortable and stronger in water would get you to 90% of your goal. Once you get him there, he may be internally motivated to do the laps you so desire.

In London now, and I'm seeing Nike shoes everywhere. Sneakers are not just American anymore. I was asked what nationality I am today, so I guess we aren't obvious Americans. We aren't carrying or wearing any flags, but my dd did buy a shirt with a British flag on it. I'm thinking I shouldn't let her wear it until we get home? My ds has been wearing a hat that says London on it. Maybe I should not let him wear it? He's the only boy I've seen wearing a baseball hat, so I'm guessing that would signal American anyway?

I wouldn't categorize all those deductions together. 401k deductions are optional and are personal savings, the opposite of a tax. Social security is a tax, but it qualifies you for social security benefits. I don't live in CA, but I assume the SDI deduction also qualifies you for benefits.

I'm so sorry. That must feel terrible. I hope and pray your dd reaches out soon.

As a wrestling family, and I have to put a vote in for this sport. Small kids are at an advantage, it's team and individual, and meets the rough & tumble qualifications. My rising 8th grader one of the smallest boys in his class at 5'1" and 104lbs. He does very well in wrestling and baseball. Last year as a 7th grader he was pushing 100lbs and too small for varsity wrestling, so he was on the JV team. My little guy plays football as an offensive wingback which is a position for a small, quick player who runs the ball. He also plays middle linebacker on defense. Neither position has him frequently making tackles or being tackled - maybe only a couple plays out of every 10. The guys on the line are the ones constantly tackling, but my guy is far too small for those positions. IME, summer camps are skills camps, and won't involve tackling or pads.

My preference is to start driving around 6:00 or 7:00. Eat breakfast in the vehicle. One morning stop, lunch, afternoon stop, and done driving around 5:00. Dinner and swimming at a hotel. Enough time for me to recover from the drive and the kids to get tired from swimming. Normal bedtimes and finish the drive in the morning. Smooth and fun for us. Stops where you actually do something or see something make the trip fun. My kids still talk about a cave tour we took in one of our stops years ago.

My 9yo wouldn't wear those, and she immediately identified them as boy shorts. FWIW, 13yo and 10yo boys wouldn't wear them either. My 6yo might wear them, if the waste band is completely elastic.

Still, though - isn't it your dh's well-paying job that allows the other three in the family to hold that perspective? Your children might feel differently if they can't pay their bills, and you might have felt differently if you had gone on for years and years without your dh's income. The world does need artists and entertainers, but it needs people who can pay those artist and entertainers as well! This exactly. The half of a couple who is pursuing their passion at low income often does it while the other person isn't pursuing their dreams. This is our situation. I am our breadwinner because our family needs to earn a certain amount to sustain our lifestyle and eat. I can support our family of seven. My dh has made choices which limit his earning ability, and he cannot support our family. His choices limit my choices, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't get it. He doesn't see my continuing sacrifice. I feel very, very blessed that I have options. I can support my family, without dh. This gives all the choice in the world.

Getting kicked off Medicaid should be a qualifying event to have them added to a work plan at any time during the year.

No, it's not always applicable, but not working definitely doesn't provide salary increases or social security benefits. A career is about 40 years long. To count yourself out b/c of a few daycare years definitely hurts long term earnings. I was out of the workforce for eight years. I loved being home and homeschooling, but my time away definitely hurt my long term earning potential. I wouldn't make another choice, but I have to be realistic about the impact of my choices. I was making $80k + bonus when I left the workforce in 2004. I made $80k+ bonus when I rentered in 2013. Four years and only two raises later, I'm up to $85k+ bonus. I choose to not think where I would be if I had remained employed for those eight years.

If you start working during the daycare years despite not netting a lot, you gain valuable experience, raises, social security benefits, etc. over the years. By the end of the daycare years, you probably contribute a nice chunk to your household income.

Agreed. Most at my place of employment use daycare. I don't know anyone relying on family for FT care. We used PT care for my youngest combined with a flexible PT work schedule for dh. Now that all five are in school FT, my oldest watch the littles when they aren't in school. Dh still has a flexible schedule, but he doesn't have to flex as much as the kids get older.

nm

I work FT as the breadwinner, so I am definitely not watching the kids. We don't have any family within a two hour drive either. My kids are all in school FT, and my dh often works around their schedules. As a PT public defender, he makes about $30k/year, definitely not a salary we would live on.

My dh has a very flexible position as a PT public defender. He works mostly from home, except for his court hearings. He is also a military JAG which we find to be family friendly because the time commitment is mostly weekends. So, yes, some legal jobs are family friendly. I will say that his public defender pay rate is embarrassing, so the family friendly piece definitely comes at a price.