I am sorry. That has to be so frustrating and complicated when it used to be so simple to travel between. I feel like that just a little here because we used to travel through Canada all the time, and now the border crossing had gotten complicated, messy, long delays, and random searching especially coming back into the US. It has greatly affected our travel plans when heading east. Hugs!

And the rubber really meets the road here because we don't have much sense of community. We just don't. The rugged individualistic delusion is so strong in this country. I think that this alone is a big contributor to the things that all our youth, well, ail all of us. It is a HARD bubble to burst.

Same. Very intensive. The fail out rate for paramedic school is high in our area - students just not academically prepared - and the pay is NOT remotely commensurate with the job responsibility. Average salary of $42,000 a year. So I would be cautious about recommending paramedic school as well as phlebotomy which also seems to have a high fail rate unless the student has excellent study skills. Large engine diesel mechanic is an AAS. It is a very good job in our agricultural state. Welding is also an AAS, and now requires two semesters of physics (trig based), plus metallurgy, and a few others more difficult courses. But the pay is fantastic if a person graduates the program. We have very, very little anymore that pays well, has health benefits, and is more of a career type trajectory. Electrical journeyman programs are very very picky, and of every 200 who get admitted, only about 12-13 of them will make it. It is quite an intense program, and though hands on, the coursework portion of it is difficult, requires a tremendous amount of study skill, and the licensing exam is not for the faint hearted. I think that if a student could catch on with a drywall and paint crew, they can make a decent living and these jobs just require apprenticeship in an informal way. However, there are very few contractors here who employ them full time with benefits. Plus, most folks start having rotary cuff problems in their shoulders by mid-forties, so something else needs to take its place. Something about the repetitive motion of painting and sanding causes it. The schools pay very well for custodial services if one can get the job. People here will do that for decades so often waiting for someone to retire in order to apply is common. However, it does come with good benefits if you can land the job. CNA and medical assisting comes to mind. The pay has gone up recently, and the hospital and nursing homes offer health insurance. Honestly, I think this stuff is going to be very state specific. Some non are free programs are still really academically intensive in states with heavy regulation of those industries. So much is not federally regulated so it is consistent nor is it reciprocal between states. One option, if the OP's state has a robust Department of Natural Resources, is to look at what is required to get in with them. Michigan has a marvelous DNR. They hire seasonal every year which is how a lot of folks get their start - April through October - but the pay is competitive, and if one does well, eventually full time is offered. Wonderful career, government bennies. They look for folks who have a passion for the outdoors, are physically fit for all the hiking, and have some base knowledge of the state's resources. Also, the postal service requires the VEA exam, and the fail rate is roughly 80%. There are online practice exams which can definitely help with preparation.

This particular church, at least, does not welcome people who wear masks. Dh's brother and wife attend a church that believes masks are the mark of the beast. 🙄 We could just not eat. We could just not attend the reception. But since there is an outdoor area, and most folks will probably choose to eat indoors with view of the bridal tables, I felt like outside without masks might be okay, and if anyone asks, we Michiganders are happily taking advantage of the southern sunshine after the long winter. It is just such a sticky wicket.

Jealous! 😁

This is how it was with Mark's dad. He expected there to be a relationship, and he expected it not only exclusively on his terms AND the sole responsibility of his kids to make it happen with 1400 miles between them, and all of them working full time jobs and raising little kids while he and mother in law were fully retired, flush with funds, and well enough to go anywhere. Of course we all fell down on that job because LIFE, and just getting sick and tired of being the ones with ALL the responsibility. So we decided to nope out of it after a few years and stick with phone calls. Mark's sibs did the same. Then they complained about not having relationships, never seeing the grandkids. Hmmmmm....whose fault was that? Relationships go both ways. But there are people who are self centered enough that they believe should never have to participate yet still reap the rewards. OP, I would be hurt too because of their excuse about flying and then this. It means flying is just a bogus excuse, and what they really meant was something else. You couod maybe rethink the cost of flying to them every year if there are better ways to spend that money like college savings for the kids, or taking the kids somewhere if it turns out that they just aren't all that into their adult kids or being grandparents. They may not be the kinds of grandparents who are wanting involvement. The reality is that some folks, once they got their own kids raised, they want to be 'off the clock" so to speak. That is okay too. I get that not everyone wants the same things. Grandparenting has been culturally seen as a command performance. However, it probably should not be seen that way. People choose to have children or not, but they get no say in the appearance of grandchildren in their golden years. The problem is that they lied about why they don't want to travel to you. People should be honest. The lying is flat out wrong! Also, and this could be a thing, there is a subset of Americans so egregiously misinformed about other countries, that they are not willing to travel to former Eastern European nations. My mom used to be one of these. My sister lives in France and was invited to a wedding in Bulgaria. Mom went bananas! Just odd her rocker. How could she go there? What a terrible place, a society place. Uhm. Mom! The wall came down a long time ago. People travel freely throughout the EU. It is no big deal. It is safe. Have a good time. Now she goes all over Europe with my sister. So being in Poland, one might want to explore if they have some idea that it isn't safe or too close to the Russia/Ukraine conflict or something. But again, lying instead of honesty is the real problem here. And if they have changed their minds about flying, then they should have been honest about that AND the ones to bring up what they said before.

I am a sad about that hole. It seems like a serious flaw if they haven't even been washed yet! But, brava to your dh for taking you to Spain!

This reminds of the time I was criticized heavily by a woman at church for allowing our sons, 11, 12.5, and 14 to go hiking on a popular trail on state land without an adult chaperone. The boys were experienced hikers. Knew the trail, had a compass, were only a couple miles from home, carried water and sandwiches, and had 12 mile walkie talkies with them, while Mark kept one near him as he did yardwork. So freaking low risk. On top of which it is also common to meet a DNR officer along the way, and the Michigan DNR are just as a whole, great people. I was just flabbergasted. We also had people go bananas over us taking the rocket team 8 years straight to Virginia for competition, and into D.C. every time to sight-see. During those years they learned to read city and metro maps, buy training tickets, hail taxis, etc. I think there are some folks in every generation who simply freak the hell out about allowing children to grow up. I don't think they define everyone in that generation as "helicopter parenting". I also think that there is a wide range of options for allowing kids to exercise independence, but it varies widely as parents choose the things they prioritize or emphasize. So some will decide to be hands off about one thing like homework while another supervises that but allows the kids free range of the neighborhood. In general, I do think many children and young adults spend too much time on screens (well aware of the irony that I am on a screen right now) and especially social media. So much social media is toxic, and contributes to immaturity and illogical thinking.

I hope the modeling is accurate. This would mean that if we attended the wedding and just distanced at the church, and then used the outside dining and bar, we have a really good chance of not getting covid and having to stay home and eat the expense of our eclipse trip the following weekend. We purchased and scheduled that trip four years ago. They just got engaged at Thanksgiving and announced the wedding date. Mark and I have no problem with them choosing that date...couples should do it when it is best for them. However, when Mark brought it up to his brother that we might not attend because of its proximity to that vacation which was pre-paid, now past the refundable deadline, and was pre approved vacation days from work, there was a LOT of angst. And of course the biggest issue was we promised "marmee pawpaw astronomy camp" to our 8 year old grandsons who has been counting the days until we come get him. Brother in law was NOT understanding. Our original plan was to hunker down for 2 weeks prior to vacation, mask religiously when going anywhere, just to keep covid, rsv, etc. at bay, with Dd and her family doing the same. It gets old being the responsible people in a sea of irresponsible relatives, some of whom have had covid multiple times and even have long term damage from it, but still think we are crazy for trying to avoid it.

I received these two books for Christmas. I like the premise which is not some ridiculous "you can be self reliant in your yard" kind of thing, but more "here is help for the production skills you would like to have as a hobby" type advice. The one book is especially community oriented, and cultivating relationships within your neighborhood through gardening, sharing produce, working with other like minded people on pollinator gardens, etc. So I am happily reading while I very impatiently wait for the end first week of March when I will start seeds indoors.

Capitalism. Business dictates public health policy. Money was lost when people were cautious. Corporations will not abide that again, and they have made that known to the powers that be. Profit before people always. They want us to accept this as our new "norm" so the peasants won't stay home from work when sick, won't take a break from shopping, won't demand changes to corporate policy that might cost the robber barons a few bucks to implement and maintain. Add to that the absolute mass, conspiracy theories "vaccines are tracking implants made from killing babies" and all manner of stupid that caught on, and now the general public is determined to not stop and THINK about the consequences of all this. Just put head in sand, keep playing like nothing is wrong.

I received a little suburban homesteading book from Mark. It isn't based on the idea of self reliance on some tiny piece of property like so many ridiculous books, but on the idea of community sustainability, and partnering with others in your community to create shared composting, shared veggies and fruits according to what each neighbor might like to grow or receive, different methods of growing in limited space, partnering with farmers and growers outside the neighborhood yet close enough in to really not just buy or trade formally, but to get to know one another. I am devouring it, but slowly so I can digest some of the information, especially the soil recommendations. I got a second, similar book from my bachelor sons who have a really nice independent bookstore near their apartment. They decided to do all of their shopping for Christmas with locally owned businesses. There is a Lego store, a fun candy store, a Michigan made store, etc. All of the gifts they gave were super thoughtful, and much appreciated. Mark bought me a replacement piece, the big torte plate, of King's Crown ruby thumbprint. I inherited my grandmother's huge collection of it, and managed to drop that torte plate a few years ago and broke it (wet hands). I was rather heartbroken. He found a replacement at an antique store. My mother in law also gave me the water pitcher - something grandma had never owned - and married son and dil bought some of the juice glasses for me, and also a set of the new, Ball pink/peach pint jars which I have wanted for displaying my dried peppers. I feel rather spoiled!

Gently, there is nothing positive that is going to come from continuing to try to rehab this relationship. She has some serious issues, and she is using you as a dumping ground for her frustration, anger, and insecurity about her life. She will continue to do this because any and all attempts you make to placate her or engage her are seen as openings to continue to use you as her personal punching bag. Also, you mentioned being very happily married, and she has a history of not good partners, rocky relationships. So there is probably some wistful jealousy wrapped up in all of this that she isn't processing and dealing with. I have gone through that before with someone who was going through a nasty time in her marriage, and just got so frustrated and upset because I wasn't in the same boat with her sharing all manner of anger about my husband. I had to let that person go. 40 years is a long time. But people change, people to through things that cause them to sometimes need to break off and start anew. Folks move on, for better or worse. Let her move on. Even if she contacts you in the future, please just let it go, do not take the bait. It is okay. Grieve. She may learn from this or not. If she does, then maybe she can form a new attachment to someone else and have a healthy friendship. Also, I don't know if you are a christian or not, so I will just throw this out there for you, and if it doesn't apply, you can ignore it. "Love keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor. 13 She is keeping a laundry list of perceived slights. That means she can't really be a friend. There isn't a loving, supportive friendship when one side does this.

Yup. Both dss that do not work remote are back to wearing masks at work today. One works very much alone for most of the day at the museum so he can take breaks from his mask, and the other does a lot of walking between buildings, and is rarely in the presence of a co-worker during those walks, so he also can remove his mask. They both are going to start eating in their cars at lunch which isn't necessarily enjoyable in Michigan winter, but they really don't want to be constantly catching covid, and neither one has any confidence in the latest round of vaccines though they still went and got them anyway. Dd is hunkering down for two months, grocery pick up, and play dates in the park or at the botanical gardens, no indoor socializing until March. She really wants a break during this season, and not just from covid but all the kid bugs going around. Mother in law isn't going anywhere except one outing to a quilt store with mask, and then nothing else for quite a while. She is slowing down so much. I am nervous about a family wedding at the end of March, but also worried about family relationships if we skip. This one will be really sticky to get out of. Mark thinks the church is huge, but not the invitee list so he thinks we wait until five minutes before the ceremony starts, zip in and sit in the back several pews behind the group, get out right away, and then since there is an outdoor dining and bar area at the reception, stay outside. We will see. His brother has had covid three times!

The scarves for the young adults were a big hit! So that was nice.

Love love love this!!

My young adults host their friends a lot, and their friends take turns as well. That inner circle likes to be together, and are very considerate of one another. All for one, and one for all! That seems to be the motto. So what is nice is we occasionally visit our bachelors, offer to cook for all of inner circle, and kind of make an evening of it. The home cooked mom/dad meal is so appreciated, and they all pitch in on the clean up. To be honest, of all the the people we have ever hosted, this group of young adults are the nicest, most enthusiastic, and most conscientious folks. They give me hope for the future. Someone mentioned cell phones. I do have to say that from 2015-2018, Mark had the most disrespectful, nasty manager ever. He expected his IT workers to be on call 24/7/365, and would yell and scream if they didn't answer every phone call, every work email, the second he sent it. It was exhausting. We still somehow managed to keep our 4H club and rocket team going, but honestly the infringement on the home of some members of management should actually be illegal on pain of such massive, monetary fines, that corporations fear keeping such managers around. Instead this horrible human got a huge promotion. Sick! I can imagine that anyone who works for these kinds of managers does not have a single cell of energy to put to socializing or planning anything. American work culture sucks for so very many people.

I love your ideas!

When you said, "What else can she do?" She was already thinking, "Hold my beer!"

Many hugs! I am so sorry.

LOL. I get that! I Mark was trying to help me get the feast out tonight, and 3 adult kids and their spouses/s.o. walked through the door, did a round of hugging, then crammed into the kitchen to hang out near us. Hey, I love being loved enough for them to want to be around us, but eventually the road block to the table became bad enough I finally had to gently ask them all to take the Glogg and Syllabub into the living room before I spilled something hot on someone. Then they all wanted to help! Love that tooo....but uhm...kids...just maybe get out of the space. That worked out fine. Before I could bus a single plate, they all jumped up and started putting food away and washing dishes. Sweet kids. But, PHEW, please do not congregate between me and the table!

Bandwidth is definitely an issue. As I said, people are spread fairly thin. But when it is, in our case, 80-0, and then when we had an emergency none of these people could be bothered to even pick up a phone or after providing food for 25, 80 times over, were uninterested in even helping to organize a meal, it hurt so much that there just was no point in resuming a social relationship with them. Done. I believe that it really is okay to take a break from hosting even if one does love a good dinner party. Just offer to meet for coffee or at a restaurant dutch. You can't have the long conversations or play games in these public forums, but that is fine. Let up on yourself and see what happens. Hopefully people were accepting your invitations from a place of true friendship, and will be happy with the arrangement, just glad to see you. If not, then at least you know and can make plans for how you want to handle things in the future.

Thanks everyone. I will try to get another photo tomorrow. Before I could do it, Mark had it moved and covered with a 5 gallon bucket. He loves it. But he tends to be my most ardent fan club member so one should not take his opinion seriously. 🤣

I would definitely be okay with a 2024 bingo card that does not appear to have been written by the Cards Against Humanity team!

I will try to take a picture in a few minutes. It is on a 3" thick, cherry wood slab. Very, very heavy. I need to move it to my island now that I have it cleared of all the cookie dough stuck to it. But, I am afraid to move it alone. Mark ran to the store, so I feel like I should wait for his help. Ya those roses! 😂😂😂 The brunekager cookies are cooling and waiting for me to put them away as well.