Oh absolutely! Call it a training session on all the things you shouldn't do. Call it an ethics course. 😁😁😁

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that if our zany, local CC ever offered "Intro to Anthropology" with someone as classically hilarious as the great Betty White (sniff sniff, she was a wonderful lady), I would sign up in a heartbeat! If you don't know the reference go to season 2 Episode 1 on Netflix and watch! You won't regret it. 😂😂😂

Llama, I do agree you need to have advance directives, and all of your providers need to be informed that he does not have permission to make your medical decisions if you are incapacitated nor is entitled to any information about you, and for that matter, also for the kids in the event you are not able or close by to make decisions for them. This is serious, and scary. He could use that power as the legal husband to do terrible things. Doctors would not be able to stop him because he is the legal next of kin unless there are legal documents that expressly take that right away from him. Please protect yourself and your children in this regard if you already have not. Hopefully, your lawyer already thought of that and has those ducks in a nice, neat row.

You should write a new season of "Community"! 😂

Ouch!

All of these latest posts are just wonderful! You are all doing great! I, on the other hand, am going slowly. I am working on a functional quilt/blanket. It is made of long strips of all the leftover flannel from making the scarves at Christmas for the adult kids' stockings. So it random themed flannel striped together, and then a 2 yard piece of green check flannel I found in my stash with scrap light green flannel of a different pattern sewn down each side for a back. It is NOT great. It is just a throw around blanket for our bachelors. The last time we visited, it obvious to us that they didn't have enough blankets. They were keeping the heat low to save money, and bundling up in the apartment, sometimes even wearing their coats and wool socks around. They turned the heat up as soon as we showed up, but it made me think, "put the other projects aside and make some blankets". It is also a good way to use up these narrow scraps that probably wouldn't be used for anything else.

One thing that comes to kind for us when considering the kids' position is the fact that our really nice, middle class family home that we loved so much was purchased in 1990 and it cost 1.5 times Mark's salary, we only had to have 5% down, and the interest rate was 3% lower than the going rate at present. Dd and hubby cannot get a bank who will loan them on less than 10% down, and many want 15-20%, and a comparable house in an area whose COL is not considered "high" is 5 times son in law's salary. Sil salary is not 5 times, not even close, to Mark's salary at the time we bought our 1990 house. It is so discouraging for them. We bought the house they currently live on, and they are renting it at about slightly less than half the mortgage payment. If we need to sell it, we will make money on it. Due to Mark's income level and our credit rating, the interest rate is bizarrely low and we put 20% down so it has built equity quickly. We don't see our kids having the opportunity to do this for their own children unless something drastically changes in this country. My sister and brother in law in France paid a bundle for a very middle class no frills apartment 2 years ago. The payment was scary to my sister. However, with universal healthcare, public transportation which she uses so they only need one car, and other kinds of community services, it is very doable for them because they do not have the risk of other large bills. So the housing is very high, and yet, not a burden. Our bachelor sons pay $1300 a month for a not well maintained apartment because the company that owns the complex doesn't give a crap, and the city allows it. But that is what is affordable. Mark fixes something every single time we visit them. The rent includes water and garbage.

I totally get that, Llama. Letting him steal one more thing from you is beyond imagination. I do think behavioral modification could work. Set exceptionally deep boundaries on what he can and cannot say and ask for every phone call, and hang up the very second he crosses the line. Every time. Maybe if it happens often enough, he will get tired of being shut off and cool down. Then again, maybe not. Either way you and the kids do not have to listen to his triggering drivel, and abusive, manipulative accusations. Many hugs!!

Yes, do not go. It legitimate. You didn't an invite, so you rightfully assumed you were not invited. That said, I really do think your mom is probably manipulating things for a drama, and she probably plans on including you in that. I would be inclined, since you have not officially been invited, to put something on the calendar for the day. I recently went through this. My narcissistic sister in law manipulated niece to make sure we were not invited to her September wedding. Then, with one week to the big day, the dress needed emergency alterations and repairs (niece had lost some weight, and then a seam frayed out when she was trying it on), and my mom could not do that work without help due to her arthritis. Niece came to me with the gown, and I decided to be nice and help her out which was a BIG job and well worth $350 in alterations at a bridal store. She then invited me to the wedding in the same breath telling me that her mom was the one who pressured her to not invite us. I just nodded along, then said we had plans (which we did not), and told her the alterations were the wedding gift. She was grateful, sad that we weren't coming, but not angry or really upset. Sister in law went on to pick someone else to have a b$tch cakes melt down on at the reception. So very glad I was not there for that. I think it was for the best all around. My presence would have amped up silks behavior even worse because she would have been thwarted in her efforts to not have us there. I am sorry. It sucks!

Well, technically, if you don't get an official invitation for you and dh, you are not supposed to attend. Do you suppose your wicked, ridiculous mother filled niece's head with a lot of notions and now she doesn't want to see you? I would be inclined not to attend, but send a generous gift and loving notes regrets but dh and I already had a calendar booking for the wedding date, and no explanation. My reason for doing this would be because if your mom is targeting you or laying in wait to use the event to create drama, being there might make that drama even worse. It might be a kindness to not go there as a target for the crazy.

I should also state that our first mortgage was exclusively based on Mark's income. Even as a first year IT worker, he made profoundly more than I did as a seasoned professional musician and music teacher. It was a little demoralizing teaching band and choir full time in the PS, AND performing on the weekends, some of those performances being with good, regional orchestras, and still have that total income a lot less than he was making as an unseasoned, freshman IT guy. It has always been that way. I left the workforce with a sick kid just when my income had the potential to take off, and once you leave a performance career for more than a year or two, you are pretty much toast. It never recovered, and when I had my fine arts program director job from 2017-2021, my salary was about the same as it was back in 1988 when we married and I had my first music teacher school job.

I am in the same boat, same height. I decided 160 is okay. My doc and his nurse practitioner are determined that I should be 120. Sigh. The nurse practitioner admits she eats 2400 calories a day, and doesn't exercise, and maintains 130 on her 5'7" frame. No worries. I exercise hard and regularly, and have had to drop to 1100 calories a day in order to not gain weight. I am pretty certain I am going to have to fast for 30 days to lose weight because my body hates me. I barely have enough energy on 1100 calories to keep up the exercise routine. My face looks younger than I am at my current weight which is not down to 160 by any stretch. I feel like if I was insane enough and declared such a war on food that I got down to anything lower than 160, I will look 80 and am only 54. I just want to say you are my hero, Ottakee! You inspire me.

It would be a violation of Michigan law. Science must be taught at that level. If literacy is that savagely low, the school should be encouraging science teachers to read the text aloud, themselves, or other books on scientific topics, and then encourage learning through experience by lab projects which can be completed with oral guidance/directions from the teacher. The answer in a nation already experiencing ridiculous widespread inability to understand basic scientific principles is to NOT eliminate the subject and especially so at a time when kids could be really getting into it and enjoying it. I am just gobsmacked by some of the decisions pointy headed education administrators make!

I 100% agree with you, and it too reminds me of this Russian method which I have actually hears 2 state troopers here opine that they wish they could do that.

I was 21 and Mark was 24. We paid $20,000, tiny little fixer upper. We sold it two years later, and got a nicer home which we paid $56,000 for. It needed cosmetic work, but no substantial work. Loved that house nice long kitchen with lots of beautiful cherry cupboards and tons of countertop. Breakfast nook at the end of the kitchen. Huge screened in porch. Large living room with a fireplace that doubled as my music studio. And unfinished basement which we finished out that also had a fireplace. 3 small but very pracrice bedrooms, one bath though. We converted a space in the basement to a half bath just off the laundry area so we could just bead into that plumbing. Big yard, mature trees, on a cul de sac in a quiet neighborhood. We loved that house, and Dd was born during that time. We would have stayed forever IF his employment situation had not changed. He wad not laid off or fired, but the company downsized IT, and it left him with massive responsibility, unpaid egregious over time, and the the threat of no pay raises in the future. So he found a job across country, we sold (it went very quickly), rented a Budget truck, and moved. Sniff sniff....I loved that house!

That sounds rather unsettling. I hate the bad beasts when they come around the yard. Ugh!

Just checking in. I have been very busy, but I am exercising consistently 5 days a week. 30 minutes of cardio on the exercise bike set at medium grade difficulty, and 20 minutes of stretching and working with hand weights. I am doing my REI kayak conditioning exercises again. As usual, no weight loss. I am done worrying about that. If I ever dropped a pant size, I would fall over stunned! The goal now is just to try to increase strength, work that heart, and gain more flexibility. I need to work on sleep habits. I just am not resting well, waking up several times a night, and melatonin is not making a dent in the problem. In order to not get bored, I cue up a t.v. show to watch while riding the bike.

I do think the check in check out times are an issue especially for tent campers who have a lot of set up and tear down. It really eats into the time available to enjoy nature. But I don't see that changing because campgrounds would need a lot more staff in order to clean up between campers and make sure everything is in order. Michigan state parks are a 3 pm check in and a 1 pm check out. Many rangers want check out rolled back to 11 am, at the latest noon because they are struggling to be able to get ready for the next wave of check ins during the busiest part of the season. As is, if it takes 2 hours for set up (some folks do take a LOT of stuff camping, and unpacking the family vehicle is a lot like watching a car birth a department store), then it is supper time before you are ready to enjoy the day, and if you stay only one night, 10:30-11 am tearing down. If they roll that time back, campers who only stay one night are literally only having an evening to enjoy the park. My suggestion is always to stay a minimum of 3 nights so there is plenty of hiking and exploring time, and it is worth all the set up and tear down. If one is in need of a single night while traveling, take along a portable composting toilet, and disperse camp for free in National Forests and Grasslands, set up the bare minimum, do the hiking you want, and leave at your leisure since there are no check in and check out times, just clean up/pack in and pack it back out. It should be noted that if you disperse camp, there are some serious rules. You have to usr non toxic, biodegradable soaps such as Dr. Bronner's Castile soaps and shampoos, 7th generation, or super old time, baking soda. No use of mother nature as your potty within 200 ft of a water source. Make sure you bury it well. No campfires unless a ring is provided, and only park your vehicle on the specific maintained flat spot provided. Do not drive onto native grasses or further into the forest.

But it goes by variety. You are growing varieties who do not need a lot of chill hours which is why it works. Every hybrid has a threshold that has to be reached in order to have decent yield. You just happen to have low threshold trees which is good since you don't get much cold. Very likely you have what I call "mother nature's originals". Those original kinds of species adapt to changing conditions so much better than the hybrids. I have varieties that were specifically created for desirable criteria, but at the cost of also requiring very specific growing conditions which up until the past few years was almost assured every season. Now we are in a real pickle. It is a battle to get a honeycrisp hybrid specifically created for zones 3-5 to produce in any condition warmer than that. My zone was 4b when these trees were planted. It is 6a now. So I need to figure out what mother nature invented apple tree produces small, very crisp, both tart and sweet at the same time, apples. I might be able to grow Braeburns. Their sweet spot for production is zones 5-7 though they will produce small crops above and below that region. I need big crops. At this point, I have four adult kids and six honorary kids and three grandsons who would like, if I can manage it, a LOT of apples. Dd is zone 8 now, and really can't grow very well in the clay soil on the mountain in Alabama. Nasty soil. The others all live in apartments, and pay about $1 each per decent apple in their cities, and when I say decent, I mean heavily pesticide sprayed not always ripe apples of not particularly tasty varieties. I don't know anything though about Braeburns other than their taste and texture is similar to a honeycrisp. They might be a hybrid cultivar that is too picky to be practical as well.

I am so sorry. This is sooooooo sucky! Your ex seems incapable of adhering to even a simple boundary, and his sister and the priest are complicit. Sticking kids in the middle is unforgivable of them. I hope you do seek out a new religious community, and if anyone asks who your spouse is or where, just say that this is privileged information on a need to know basis and they do jot need to know. The nosy nellies may not like it, but they will learn to live with it. Many many virtual hugs from me to you and your children.

It is disgusting. We would love to sail and kayak on the Tennessee River going south of Huntsville, but are very concerned about coming into contact with the PFAS. When we bought the house, there were no warnings because the water supply came out of Arab, AL which had, at that time, been unaffected. Apparently it had now made it to Arab through seepage into Guntersville, Lake. If Alabama doesn't get off its A$$ and do something to force 3M to do more than the paltry $7 million to the water department in Decatur for PFA removal (an amount spread over 20 years so essentially WORTHLESS), they are going to have a health apocalypse. What was the state thinking when it settled for so little money for clean up? 😠

There are many varieties of northern fruits that are dependent on a chemical process triggered by experiencing so many hours of dormancy without frigid temps but also without warming and bring them out of dormancy. That temperature window is 33°-45°. They must receive a certain amount of hours after their leaves fall in autumn and they start dormancy and before they come out of dormancy in the spring in order to trigger the chemical reaction that allows them to set fruit. These varieties evolved over time for the specific climate conditions of the Great Lakes Region which is a fair bit different from the Plains States and other Midwestern ecosystems. So when these varieties do not receive this conditioning, they either do not set fruit or only fruit a little and the quality of what they do set is poor. This happened in 2002 and many cherry trees only produced 10 or so cherries per tree. It happened again in 2012, and was a total loss that year for any varieties that needed more than 1000 chill hours. Chill hours are counted 1:1 for every hour in dormancy in this temperature range, and then 1/2 hr is deducted from the total for every hour above 60°, and a less substantial amount for being above 45 but not as high as 60. During my childhood, Michigan experienced an average of 1400 chill hours every year. Even in the early 1990's, it was not on everyone's radar that this was going to change drastically in our lifetimes. I was not a gardening, farming enthusiast in the early 2000's, even during the teen years (this is a recent thing for me) so I wasn't following what was happening. Had I been following it, I might have chosen a different set of apple trees to plant, and a different variety of blueberries. That said, the climate change issues are for this particular year, exacerbated by El Nino which is just making things even more wonky.

Wow! Much green eyed jealousy from me!!! We have also figured out that the reason we are struggling with the young fruit trees and raspberry canes at the Alabama house is city water. No well on the mountain. So when there is a dry snap, they have been getting too much chlorinated water. Ugh. Mark is building a rain catchment system for the roof that will give DD 40 gallons of stored water. This is going to be vital because a recent water alert went out that the city water has tested off the charts high for benzene and a bunch of other crap...probably from the 3M plant in Decatur! 😠 No one is supposed to drink the water anymore. I don't see that changing anytime soon. We installed a 6 stage reverse osmosis filter for the house so Dd and family can actually safely drink water from the kitchen spigot. But, it can't filter enough to also water 9 fruit trees, and 4 raspberry canes plus 1 raised bed of salad greens. Aphids are a pain in the patoot. I don't know what do do about them other than a local gardener told me to always have marigolds planted in every bed around my vegetable plants. Apparently they give off and odor or substance that aphids do not like. I have no idea if this is true or not. But I love marigolds, the orange and burgundy ones especially, so I plant them in all my beds and keep them around the potted veggies. So far it has been okay. However, it could also be sheer, dumb luck! I think I attribute a lot of my success to DL. 😀

I suppose it depends on the campground. At Huron-Manistee National Forest you can reserve online or just drop money in the box when you arrive and pick a campsite. The volunteer camp hosts check the box everyday and then drive around in a golf cart kindly reminding folks of check out time. It is pretty laid back. They probably do have a park ranger they could call if they really needed to evict someone, but in my experience the people who are willing to camp without amenities are the ones who tend to be fairly conscientious and respectful.

Update on Michigan chill hours: we have managed to make it to 350ish hours. We need 850 before our apple trees come out of dormancy, and 1000 for the blueberry bushes. We have the potential of adding 87-96 hours this week due to a warm up which will put day time, and even some overnight temps, above freezing. This is not great. February usually stays cold enough all the time to not accumulate chill hours. March will probably accumulate quite a few, but 500-650 hours in a single month? It is hard to imagine that, and all of it prior to the trees/bushes coming out of dormancy. If weather predictions are for temps in the 45-50 range or 7.2-10C, any days in March, Mark and I have decided to run a sprinkler on the two trees, as well we as the blueberry bushes. Our well water is cold enough to keep the tree chilled, dropping the internal temp of the branches by 5 degrees. Thank goodness for a deep well. But if they do not have the chill hours by March 29 when we leave for a wedding out of state, it is going to be a very tricky thing since we will not be back until April 10. Of course a late freeze after budding - the thing that got our honey crisp tree last year - is also a potential issue. So we have decided we will leave the sprinkler hooked up, and pay a neighbor to watch the temperature predictions, and turn it on if the trees or bushes bud while we are gone since the running water will prevent frost developing on the buds. I am now researching what fruit trees would be best to plant in the future. I think that Climate Change issues are increasing faster than the State of Michigan thought they would, and we are well behind in planting more temperate fruiting varieties. Apart from watching this unfold, I have been using graph paper can and colored in pencils to tweak my garden plan. What are you up to? Are our southern hemisphere hive bees harvesting yummy things to eat?