Dh and I are down with it and on tamiflu. It looks like two more kids are down this morning. I’m freaking out about the 15 month old getting it. This is horrible and I can’t imagine being so tiny and having it. I don’t think it’s hype at all. And I’d appreciate it if people stayed home if anyone in their household is sick as much as possible. Our dr sent tamiflu without us even going in. My pediatrician tho says he doesn’t like what he is seeing it do to his younger patients and doesn’t rx it. He is normally very pro these things, so I take it serious when he tells me that.

Now the options are available.... I still think all of the above pending child and life at the moment. But of pressed - elephant with some dolphin is likely my natural fallback. Everything other people might say about me suggesting other categories is mostly desperate over compensation to meet the needs of the child that don’t come naturally to me.

All of the above. Because each of my kids have different needs from me.

As far as realistically... smoke would have likely incapacitated them all. Their odds of survival went down the minute they opened their doors. And it’s a two story house. They’d survive the fall as long as they didn’t go head first. I’d have totally screamed at them all to jump or I’d have bloody well tossed them. Well worth the broken wrist or ankle vs burnt up or dead. But stranger survival stories exist so *shrug*.

I agree they are normal messed up. Let’s see, how could a man who grew up watching his mother get beat on and his baby brother who idolized him and followed him in war and die there ever end up with a desperate desire to protect and rescue and never disappoint his wife and kids, no matter how small the issue? Gee. I wonder. Kate drives people nuts (including me!) bc her disfunction is not as pretty and socially accepted as her siblings. If only she were to exercise or OCD her grief away no one would notice or care. Or if she hammed it up as a cover. Sure it’s a crutch. People hobbling about usually get crutches. It’s just not acceptable for a woman to have 150lbs of crutch or to be emotional about it. I think Kevin is WAY way the whinest of the three. I got married in 1993 and never had a phone in the bedroom of our previous homes. For that matter, we still do not have any phones upstairs. There’s one tv up there and that’s it as far as electronics of any kind.

Right. I’m sure Jack wouldn’t want any of them sad. Heck, he didn’t even want his girl sad about her dog. And I’m sure she knows that. (Well best as fictional people can know anything.) And yet, there she is, blaming herself anyways. Because grief doesn’t ask permission.

Be as critical as you want of Jack. I think people are missing the entire point of why the show is amazing. This is just a normal family living their extraordinarily ordinary lives. The people being so mean about grief got me off on a rant I deleted. Because tmi. Counseling? Are you kidding me? Like that’s just so easy and available. A good clinician therapist capable of doing EMDR is upwards of $150 for every 45 minutes. There’s a 2 month wait for one here. And it’s not covered by insurance (which we don’t have anyways) and it for sure wasn’t cheaper and more available a decade plus ago. And that isn’t even factoring being ready to handle the frustration and stress of finding a decent counselor and going through therapy. Some people just aren’t going to be ready for that when everyone else has already moved on without them. Who are these people claiming they know what dealt with grief looks like for everyone else and when people should have done it already? We are all broken people trying to hobble through life as best we can. Sorry if it isn’t pretty and tidy enough for those who think they are done and dealt better. Those posts blew me away. Don’t make the mistake of thinking Randal has dealt with grief better just because his grief is more pleasant for others to deal with. He is every bit as effed up as the others. Possibly more so in some ways. Jack isn’t the best ever because he was perfect, he obviously wasn’t. Jack is the best ever *to his wife and kids* bc he didn’t let his imperfections limit his devotion for them. I think Rebecca gets short changed too. Jack seems to eclipse her to everyone except Miguel and Jack.

Oh never mind. #teamjack

Which means a fat lot of nothing to the parent whose kid for whatever reason isn't one of the lucky few in such a school.

We have many family and friends who we set food aside for. But *I* do it if I’m hosting. No one is just wandering through my kitchen packing up bowls full of food for themselves of others later. We don’t usually have many leftovers. Some dessert maybe. But if I know someone is late or can’t be there, I plan to set some food aside before I even serve the food to everyone. We don’t even really have much by way of paper plates and ziplock bags or throw away plastic containers. Most of my leftovers go in glass dishes with sealed lids. I’d have to buy disposable plastic storage bowls and ziplocks and such if people expected to be able to pack up to go food. With people like my kids, no big deal, they bring the glass dish back the next day or next weekend. But someone I’d never met? Um. I’m not keen on never seeing my cook and storage ware again. Not sure how that works.

My husband hosts far more than I do. And even when I do it, it’s more both of us than just me. These days dh and the kids do at least as much cooking and hosting as I do and often more. And so do most of dh’s friends, other men. In fact, I’m of them owns a catering business, so hosting is literally his business. One of my sons at college and his roommate are always hosting so they can try new recipes. As my son says, “the way to the heart is through the stomach for college women too.†😉

Firstly, I was mainly addressing that many people in this thread seemed unable to comprehend there not being leftovers, and copious amounts of leftovers at that. Given the numbers of working poor and worse in this country, simple math would indicate there are millions of households struggling to put any Thanksgiving feast together, much less one that affords days of leftovers. And yet, they too have family and friends they invite to their tables as best they can. Secondly, he obviously wasn't forgotten because he got plate. All we know is the plate wasn't big enough to him and apparently the hostess, whoever it was, ran out of food. We don't know why any of that happened. So he can either bad mouth everyone about his crappy GF/host or ask straight up what happened and then go get a pizza. For all we know, his plate wasn't actually small, just not overflowing as he'd hoped. I don't think a pox on him, but I do think he is being petty.

Given the many people at the food bank hoping for a turkey, I can easily understand many people don’t have leftovers, and certainly not copious amounts of leftovers. They are mostly glad for a serving and doubly glad if they can manage to share their small portion with family and friends. So the GF didn’t set aside a big plate for him. He was invited to share with strangers and complained his plate wasn’t big enough. My first thought is some people can’t seem to grasp what giving thanks is supposed to mean.

I kinda dumped on another thread and deleted it. Suffice to say, the day we bury our dad, I will never willingly see or hear from my sister or her household ever again. It’s a relief to make that decision. Whatever blood we might share, she isn’t family and never has been. It’s sad but that’s reality. Good luck to them, but I’m done.

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It's normal for 2-5 year olds to be needy and mildly accidentally destructive. It's not normal for their adult parent to let them do that to a point they can't have a conversation with another adult. My little kids are welcome to come cozy up with me all they want. They are not welcome to repeatedly interrupt me just bc they want my undivided attention. Usually my needy little ones just silently observe or sit next to me or at my feet with a quiet toy. My kids might start to do something they shouldn't, say swing a toy telephone by it's cord. It's normal for that age, but it's also normally my job to be observant and tell them, NO! That's not okay. Someone could get ouchies or it could break. If I don't do that, it's understandable and reasonable and normal that another adult talking to me might get fed up with being interrupted or step in and tell the kid to quit being destructive. If the child doesn't stop, then it's understandable and acceptable for the other adult to take the toy, or get more authoritarian about stopping the unacceptable behavior. If the parent doesn't like that, then it's on them to deal with their child themselves or leave.

This. I keep the narcotics in a lock box that I and my Dh have the key for on our van keychain. While so far this hospice has been nothing but wonderful, I know of two where the liquid morphine was stolen by someone on the hospice staff. A complaint was filed for each and taken very very seriously and resolved pronto. But still I'd rather not need to file a complaint. And yeah, you just never know who might be having a drug problem you don't know about, family or otherwise. And I have a very mobile curious baby.

That’s a beautiful thing. 💕

I’d save explaining how the body is handled for when things are settled and I’d discuss it then in an effort to prepare them for what to expect. The unknown and anticipation can create far more fear.

I suggest getting the blue pads and the bedside commode. He may fight about if asked but quietly be grateful it’s there if it’s just matter of factly left in the room. Also, even if he turned down the home health aid (that’s who does the bathing and such) go ahead and schedule them to come out. That way he gets comfortable with it and they can discuss options with him. For example, he might be okay with entering the shower stall with a towel on his lower half and just letting them wash his hair. Or a sponge bath where he isn’t as nakedly exposed. But he might not be willing to admit that with you. As for cremation.... idk. I think it depends how it’s handled. We’ve been to funerals for the created and buried and entombed. My kids were a bit bothered (trauma would be a strong word) by the complete lack of any life celebration for their great grandpa. No memorial. No service. Nada. Just a quick prayer over a box in the ground and everyone went home. Cremation in itself wouldn’t bother them. But there should be some way to celebrate the life and grief the death of the loved one whose passed.

Ugh. I second or third getting as much legal paperwork done pronto. It would reduce a lot of vulture drama problems in dealing if Dad had listened and done this stuff over a year ago.

I’m in the same boat. My dad was discharged in another state, dh and my brother hopped in a truck the same day and brought him home to live with us (me) and have hospice. My advice. Call hospice TODAY. Call around to your local friends and church to ask for a hospice recommendation. Tell them your situation. They will set you up with everything you need. Including the home health aids, his hospital bed and anything else. His prescriptions are delivered here. They even bring soap for him. You name it. Mine is 24/7. If I call, they come. If we discover we need something, they bring. Last night he peed in the Tupperware bowl I set next to his bed for his dentures because he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. This morning they delivered a bedside commode. This afternoon he was coughing a lot, so they brought out a nebulizer and meds to ease him. They have been fabulous. A good hospice provider makes all the difference. NONE aid this has cost us anything. It’s all 100% covered by Medicaid.

Yeahhhh. I guess I *could* say to hell with my dad who literally just moved in last Friday to go in hospice. Many would even think he deserves it. But is that who I want to be? No. Not even if it means I have more money and sleep and less stress. My husband is unemployed. There isn't much I can do about it. He is working his butt off applying for jobs and doing interviews, but many of the interviews are saying up front that even if they hire him, they won't start employeement until after the new year. There's no escape or fix for this. A degree *might*. Eventually. But that's more money, time and stress too. And he doesn't even know what work schedule he might have to deal with. Or even if the job will be in this state. Everyone says I should go to work. Yeah. Sure. I'll get a minimum wage job, deduct the cost of a new wardrobe, childcare, and a expense of a second vehicle, put my dad in a nursing home he can't afford and the kids in schools where less than 23% of students are proficient in reading or math making it extra hard for them to have a decent start in adulthood, so I can bring home what? $50 a month after all that? Maybe? There are some things I just can't do much about. My self care is to not escape, but rather find acceptance to make the best of things I can and with the best attitude I can muster. The closest I go to what's described in that article is my knitting and crochet. Which I do half-joke all the time is cheaper than therapy or prison. Once a week I meet with my friends for coffee without the kids so we can catch up on our lives or vent about the things in our lives. We talk about our kids on the spectrum, the caring for our dying parents, our husband's work situations, our hobbies and general chit chat. Once a week I also meet my knit guild at a coffee shop, we joke it's communal yarn therapy. Oh and I'm active at church, but my kids are super active at church. And I think that's been a vital part of lives I wouldn't change. I am not ashamed to admit, while I know we desperately need Dh to be employed and it seems like all the jobs are out of the state we currently live in, leaving my little circle of supportive friends and groups makes me want to cry. I don't know what we'd do without each other. It's what makes all we are dealing with endurable, but it's taken decades of relationship building and networking to reach this comfort level. I'm not sure how to even begin to rebuild that. Reading that article, I think that's what's missing. Yes, obviously focus on what matters and stop doing all that crap that doesn't even matter to you or your family. But there's so many people alone in a crowd. So busy they seem to have never formed tighter attachments outside their household. And that is not just sad, I think it's a vital element in how well people can cope in a healthy manner.

Yes. It’s a common moronic practice that I suspect causes losses for both sides of the businesses. Because I usually end up not buying from either when they pull that. I’ve left my entire cart at check out over it. If I have to go home and order online and pick up the next day anyways, I might as well just leave all my purchases and go buy elsewhere.

When someone is dying - it's not about you. Loving them, being related to them, thinking they owe you, thinking it isn't fair - doesn't change that it isn't about you. The quicker you accept that, the easier things will be for everyone. Caring for others is not charity. It's an honor and a privledge. If you think it isn't, imagine the many people in the world who disperately want to take care of those they see going uncared for and can't. People who are abusive selfish jerks don't usually change with age. Old people do not miraculously become sweet little old men and women when they turn 70. They will likely become more of however they were right up to their death bed. Don't take it personal. It's not about you. That behavior from them probably never was about you.