I gotta laugh. I have a wonderful life long friend who in 7th grade we were sitting in my moms car waiting tobe taken to her house for a sleepover. I joke something like, "I'm being shipped away so they can have their Friday night get it on time." And she just totally is shocked and says, "OMG! Really? I thought people outgrew sex by their ages?!" My parents were in their 40s. Lol. Ever since we turned 40, I've been asking her if we've outgrown sex yet. Same friend... a few years ago came in the house at about 4am to bring me coffee and donuts and caught Dh and I making out in the kitchen before he left for work. She was horrified. Not about the location, but that we had did that stuff when there were kids at home! Um. Honey, there's always a kid home around here? I tease her mercilessly about sex because it's hilarious to see her turn five shades of red just at the mere hint of sexual topic. And yet, I wouldn't call her a prude at all. She's usually not offended. She just never lost that 7th grade blush and giggle reaction to seeing or discussing sex. It's just adorable. But I'm probably biased about her.

I’ve never seen prude used in any format other than ridiculing insult. For example, if I don’t let every nurse dr intern lackey due a dialation check when delivering at the hospital - they would laugh and say they would have thought all these kids would have gotten me over being prude. Or if I’m not okay watching programs like Game of Thrones, oh I must be prude with a snicker of derision. Or if a college guy isn’t interested in getting laid, there’s something wrong with him, he’s a prude. To me prude implies an unreasonable or immature or unhealthy attitude about having sex or exposing our bodies. But usually when I hear it, that’s not what it’s actually refering to.

No Spanish except a few epithets and catholic prayers. And no way do I want to drive down there. Lol

Did you use a travel agency? I’m getting frustrated bc I keep telling them what I want to do and they keep showing me packages nothing like I’m asking for. 😕

7 nights some time between dec 15 and January 13. Best places to stay? There’s a few things I know I want to do. Cloud forest zip line and waterfall rappelling into a cave and coffee plantation tour Scuba diving. Fabulous food. I usually go cheap and local fare for 2 meals, but I’d like one meal a day to be more gourmet cuisine.

You keep talking to me like I’m too stupid to know anything about guns. I’m not. I’m have CC even though I do not own guns anymore. Again. Not all rifles are as lethal as the AR-15 and there is a reason the AR-15 is so popular with mass shooters. We cannot ignore those factors and have a legitimate discussion about reasonable gun regulations. The discussion can be how to mitigate the lethalness. It can be about mitigating lethal ammo. It can be about many things. But ignoring that the specific AR-14 is a commonality for a reason and ridiculing people who bring up that valid line of argument just makes gun owners look either crazy or jerks and does nothing to work towards a solution.

What a jerk that guy is as he totally glosses over the issue of magazine and suggests it’s just black rifles people want to ban. Yes. There are guns equally lethal and we do need to address the issue of more lethal bullets. But there IS a reason the most common gun is an AR-15 and it’s jerks like him who ignore that who blacken the public perspective about gun owners.

It simply isn’t true that all rifles do that. Most rifles have more power than most pistols, but rifles do vary in amount of tissue damage they typically inflict. Because different rifles do deliver different levels of damage. The AR-15 does deliver a more powerful amount of damage than many other options available. There’s a reason it’s more popular than some kid practice rifle.

The only “benefit†of being beaten is there is hopefully evidence of the abuse. It’s a lot harder to prove in court that your husband was abusive bc he didn’t give you access to his finances. But as far as what can be easier to LIVE with? I stick to my claim that it’s a hell of a lot harder to live, literally, with a person who put you physically in danger. That’s just not a legit choice to stay in that situation anymore. I can file bankruptcy and I can live in a crappy slum and still have the choice to function in society. To leave. To raise me kids. To hide money. I have choices. Damned hard to make choices when you can’t see through an swollen eye or breathe without pain because of a kick to the ribs. Yes. I agree emotional trauma is real and awful and devastating. But I can make a choice to deal with it or change it or whatever. We don’t have the choice to just deal with a busted face or whatever. We can’t go to counseling for tips on how to live with or protect ourselves from that. We can’t legitimately decide to get a job or whatever to protect ourselves from that spouses behavior. We can’t make legit choices to live in a marriage where we are physically in danger. Well. Maybe others can. I can’t.

Where have I ever suggested beaten spouses should stay? Never. When have I ever suggested they shouldn’t get evidence to support their case in any type of court? Never. And yeah. I agree remarriage looks better in court and I think that’s more about the additional income it usually entails than the actual remarriage situation. And I don’t agree with that either. It’s juat another example of money influencing the courts imnsho.

I think lack of medical care is a huge stressor in many marriages. Which includes mental health care. Not on the deep end of the scale, but I’m so much better able to cope with life because of my thyroid and progesterone and trazadone. Without them? Ugh. It doesn’t change that things upset me, but my coping ability is sooo much better. Or my husband’s type 1 diabeties. Having the resources to manage that is huge. Mood swings, job stability and more are directly imapcted by it. It might not be as severe as some mental health issues, but those are very common things that impact people’s daily lives in major ways and often go untreated or terribly undertreated. Just for starters.

But there's more than a bit of truth there and the data support it. Generalizations are often generalizations for a reason. Namely because they tend to be more accurate than not most of the time. It doesn't mean there aren't exceptions. But well. Exceptions wouldn't be called exceptions if they were the usual outcome. It's a sad sucky reality, but that doesn't change the facts.

So says someone who I suspect hasn't taken a beating. Sexual and financial infidelity are absolutely traumatic, on that I completely agree. And for sure when it comes to the emotions, it can be worse. But there's no getting around that despite that, the betrayed can still walk and see straight. They have CHOICES. They can get a job, take care of their kids, have a social life and more. They are not living in daily terror for their or their kids physical safety - a situation that absolutely limits their ability to change the situation and there's few things worse than that in terms of what a person can endure in a marriage.

I'm well aware that physical abuse is common, but the data doesn't lie. Most divorces do not involve someone being beaten. That's just a fact. And I'll admit it's a sad fact simply bc it means too many people stay in marriage where they are beaten. And no, again the data says you are wrong. Most abused people who remarry end up being abused again, often because their POV on what constitutes abuse is broken, for lack of a better term. I know many who can't seem to break that cycle. It's damned hard to see a sister go from a husband who threw her out of a second story apt while pregnant and beat her kids (he got full custody when they divorced 10 years later btw) to a husband who "just gets a bit crazy when when he has tequila". I mean sure, he hasn't tossed her out of a windom, just put her in the hospital when he drove drunk and spent all their money on booze. But to her? He is amazing. Simply because he has never hit her. I fully support her divorcing both the dirt bags. And yes, that's a whole other ball game from a couple who just aren't happy together or are dealing with sexual or financial infidelity. I can CHOOSE to work through or around those situations, if my spouse is willing to let me, but there's no working through or around getting the crap beat out me or my kids.

Sure he could. And I’d manage as best I could. And I do give some effort to planning for what to do if I’m on my own. But he is not physically abusive, which is a whole other issue. Most people who get divorced aren’t getting beaten up. And death is different than divorce. One doesn’t choose death. Well, usually anyways. And that’s a whole other issue too. And the trauma on the children is not the same either. This discussion is about choices. Most of us are not being beaten or widowed. Those are a whole other ballgame. We have choices. And choosing to stay married the first time, statistically, is the better odds bet long term for the children. And really for the women too quite often. While I can understand why some might gamble against those odds, I wouldn’t and am not as optimistic about their chances of a slim win.

There’s facts and there’s optimism in the face of facts. Fact is the percentage of divorces in second marriages is significantly higher than first marriages, regardless of situation. Fact is, blended family situations are extremely difficult for children to cope with. Some might cope well, but many (most?) don’t. While I understand wanting to be optimistic about beating those odds, truth is, I’m not going to bank on being the minority that manage to do so. I’ll stay married because I think it’s the right and loving thing to do, for my kids and for myself. And I do not expect my husband to make me happy. That’s not his problem, it’s mine. I sincerely hope those more optimistic than me about divorce and or remarriage outcomes manage to beat the odds.

It’s expensive, but darn good stuff. I get that same feeling plus that gritty sand in the eyes irritation with all the mascaras. Except this one, which I lucked upon in a sample from a friend. Better Than Sex waterproof or non-waterproof from the Two-faced line of makeup. You can get it at Ulta. No problems. Even if I accidentally fall asleep with it on. I switched to waterproof bc I’ve been a hot crying mess the last 3 months. It holds up very very well without irritation.

I don’t care about averages. I want to know median. Median gives a far more accurate picture of things imnsho.

I understand how coffee outside of the house can get expensive. Those Starbucks frapps are $$. But drinking coffee at home?? That’s really inexpensive for me imo. $15 from Costco lasts a very long time. But now I have a son that works at Starbucks and my coffee is FREE. Heck, I give it away in gifts I get so much from him.

Yeah. I’m not giving up TP. There’s 13 of us. That’s a lot of crap to clean. No thanks. There’s so many other things I’d rather do with my life if at all possible. Same goes for my washer and dryer. My coffee too. If I ever can’t squeeze $5 for a month to make black coffee in my French press I don’t know what I’ll do in sure sure circumstances. That’s right up there with doing without TP for me. Just. Nope. Not happening. Not even going to contemplate that dystopia.

Not here. Is easily hit $5k within a couple months if I had to use a taxi. It’s $25-30 just to go 5miles. The only reason I have a second vehicle now is because I inherited my dad’s truck with 498000 miles on it this year. I’m not parting with that truck for any amount of money. The insurance addition to our policy was $20 a month. We spend about $30 a week in gas. Oil and misc monthly care is averages about $3k a year.

Dbl

I still want pictures. There’s got to be something purposeful for it!

I agree. Strongly. I think 48 is too young for that. This shouldn’t be making most 18 year olds literally sick under normal circumstances, which I think this is. And I’ll step away from the crowd and say I’d be exceptionally concerned about the dad issue too. Yeah. I get it. Dad was a grade A butt nugget to mom. But he is still dad. If the guy is an abusive dirt bag to son, then son needs to own that and just say it. But life is short and fragile and we don’t always have tomorrow. Years from now, he might feel very differently and not have this chance to travel or spend time with his father. I would tell him to give serious thought to that some day, he might regret this. There should be some kind of way to compromise on this that makes both mostly happy. I would encourage both sides towards that unless the dad is abuaive in some manner. And by encourage I mean, I’d mostly stay out of it and cheerfully and persistently insist they speak to each other about it instead of me.