Actually what I said was "genuine friends" and I stand by that. There's friends that are really just aquiantances. And then there are Friends. Lifelong people we can call and visit and always count on. And for most people, internet or not, those weren't made in high school. Those were made later. My kids are actually all social butterflies, much to my exhaustion, they aren't hidden away from the world all sad and friendless due to lack of a smartphone. Quite the opposite actually. Then don't. I easily grasp many if not most don't want to and I don't care. I've never said I do. That's why they have their children and I have mine. But for those who do want to monitor things more, I am allowed to say what I do and have found helpful. By all means, I have no illusions that I'm perfect or that anyone has or should do things my way for their kids. There's a lot of data in on brain development and the internet and electronics in general. Yes, everything affects brain development. And yet, I don't have lead paint on my walls and my kids have bike helmets and my 6 year old is in a car seat. Bc not everything is a healthy affect. If I saw your kids riding without a bike helmet, I wouldn't think anything of it and it's unlikely I'd comment. Because they aren't my kids. But if we were to have a discussion about bike safety, I'd say my kids wear helmets for well substantiated reasons. What I do is not a statement for or against what you do. Take it or leave it as you want.

In a discussion about porn and Internet I was scared to speculate. 🙈

I don’t know what SM means. I’m scared to google it. LOL I’m not worried about any particular thing on the Internet. For me. It’s about brain development and general safety precautions. I’m not at all chicken little. I love technology. Without it, I’d have to actually buy knitting pattern books. And go into stores to buy things like replacement laptop chargers. Or go from one dealership to the next to find a car. The horrors. No thanks.

The bottom line for me is that it does affect brain development. It just does. That’s not freaking out. It’s just acknowledging an established fact. Like car seats. Like handrails on stairs. Like bike helmets. Like lead paint. Many people poopooed on those who said we have got to start DOING things that protect those kids too. They accused parent advocates of freaking out. They pointed to children who hadn’t suffered problems. It’s not about raising kids to make wise decisions. That’s not even a fair statement. Those kids that supposedly made a bad decision? They were set up to make it. And those lucky ones who didn’t probably would make the same decision in those other kids situation. It’s about recognising a known threat to their healthy mental and emotional development and working to keep them safer and healthy. Cars are great. The ocean is amazing. But I’m not giving my kids free reign in either. Because many, if not most, just aren’t developmentally ready. And we have got to stop acting as though that is a character statement of the child or the parents. It isn’t. By all means I think parents should handle it how they see best. Parenting is humbling to us all and I think sharing is helpful but no guarantee. But this is not about character or involved parenting. Good smart kids with close relationships to their involved parents are suffering the ill-effects everyday. We need to set aside all our egos and ask why that’s happening and be willing to do what it takes to change that. That’s not hysteria anymore than talking about how to handle gun regulation is. These things are affecting millions of young people in brain altering and emotionally scarring ways.

What the hecken. I never insinuated any of that. And that’s not how I handle things either. I just said this is what I’ve done and it appears to have worked okay so far. But hey great way to close down discussion.

Yes. They don’t have access to any of that until 15. And no, it has not hampered their abilities later.

I don’t know. Parental involvement doesn’t seem to be enough for a whole lot of kids out there. It’s easy to say this stuff can’t happen to us because “parental involvement†but there’s many kids suffering despite their very involved parents. Kids make horrible mistakes and get in way over their heads quickly and even the ones that are very close to their parents still don’t go to their parents. This stuff isn’t happening bc all the parents aren’t involved.

None of my kids get any computer access or phone access until 15/16. None. When they start dual enrollment, I add another phone to my account. They can't put an app on it without coming to me to ask for the password. And I make it clear, it is my phone that I am letting them use. We discuss all the pitfalls out there and how it's not about their maturity, it's about learning how to swim with an awareness that there are sharks in the water. Yes, for many of my kids this meant they didn't make a lot of friends. For my oldest, he didn't really make genuine friends until he was out of high school. And really, I'm okay with that bc we did offer him lots of support and encouragement. And he has some great friends now. And honestly, most people aren't friends. They are aquaintances. Life long real friendships are often made later in life. But when I suggested getting a job and maybe not home schooling, my teens and twenty something kids were horrified I'd do that to their siblings. Like really mad and upset. So far, I'm 5 for 5 who think I handled the tech issue right and say they are grateful for it. It doesn't have to be complicated. It does require a bit more work on my part, but not much really.

I wasn’t being critical of you or your family. Sometimes a little blunt observation is helpful. 😉 Whatever the plan was before, it needs to change for now. And I understand that jittery antsy need to DO something. I’m sure there’s plenty you can manage safely and there’s no reason to think you are slacking because it’s not as much as usual. But the jobs need done so discuss how the family best wants to help get them done. They probably just aren’t thinking about it bc they’ve been blessed by your work to not have has to before now.

I’m befuddled by the issue that at least 2 other adult people live there and can’t clean up after themselves in the bathroom. Either hire it out or pitch a fit for them to do it. My toilets might not disintegrate if not cleaned for nearly a month, but I sure wouldn’t want to use them either. And it’s hard to squat over a nasty toilet with a bad back.

I agree with mom in AZ for the most part. When I said me and my close friends would discuss it, it’s likely be not in front of the kids in question and just be close friends talking about what’s going on in our lives. If we weren’t close or were taking pains not to hurt someone’s feelings? Yep. Like mominAZ said. Not a word mentioned.

Her friend not informing her and all the other moms acting weird about it makes me wonder if it’s bc they knew or at least felt they knew that the mom was going to be unreasonable about it and just didn’t want to deal with the drama. Or had no idea how to deal with it. (ETA: whether they should have felt that way, I don’t know, but I have had people act squirmy about whether they had to invite all my kids or all my boys or all my girls and they just didn’t know how approach me. ) The only part of this I think is off putting is how all the moms acted. This shouldn’t have been a big deal. Mom should have just said we are having a girls only party this year. What fun and blahblahblah. The end. And all the moms could have chit chatted about it and so on just like any of their other mom topics.

I don’t get it. It sounds like they wanted the equivalent of a “girls night†event for their daughter. And it’s possible that is what their daughter wanted as well. So they only invited girls and did princess girlie stuff. I don’t think that’s even slightly sexist. And if it is, I guess I’m okay with it. And you can pry my girlfriends’ coffee dates and ladies nights from my phone calendar grasping cold dead hand. I’m sorry your child is upset because he doesn’t understand that concept yet, but I wouldn’t make anything of it beyond a hug and kind age-appropriate explaination that lets him now it’s not bc there’s anything wrong with him or that they don’t like him.

I hand them their records: diploma, transcripts, birth certificates and more in a big envelop. I say congrats and we go enjoy 4th of July. I usually get a big margarita of joyous relief. Then I go home, go to bed, and wake up to prod, drag and love the next kid to the same point of exit from home academics.

I might never forgive that Mother for giving me wrinkles, but never taking away pimples. Oh. And psoriasis. I often call her a witch. Only I change a consonant. “Age gracefully†my left plump hind quarter.

I’d freaking dance for joy. Presuming it doesn’t start somewhere else like an upper lip or my chest. Bc I wouldn’t put anything against that mother of nature as I get older at this point.

Ha. I’ve graduated 4 now and still don’t talk about that. Maybe it takes 5? *Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, please let it be true! Amen!*

Crap like this is why I almost never read, much less buy, books about home schooling or parenting. I don’t even read very many blogs anymore. Just. Ugh. Why can’t we just own up to the fact that any real control we think we have over our kids is an illusion? It’s not all about us and our pride. I’ve learned a lot more from people who can be genuine about that than any of those people making money of pretending they are some kind of parenting guru.

It depends. On some things there’s clearly great improvement. Infant car seats and bike helmets and smoking for example. Others are iffy. For example, I have no problems letting my kids roam the neighborhood. Because they are in a group and not alone. It wasn’t the walking or biking distance that made most kids targets for bad stuff. I did it all the time by myself as a kid and that was a problem several times.

I’m not going to lie. I can have an awful potty mouth. But I still agree with you. When in a professional scenario, either be professional or shut the bleep up is my firm stance. And I’d say something whether my kid liked it or not. I’m not interested in my kid thinking that’s acceptable professional behavior. Especially for a volunteer situation. Dude. They are there VOLUNTEERING because they were interested. But we sure don’t have to spend our EXTRAcurriculars listening to a jerk blowhard belittleing and cussing us out. Life is too short for that crap even when we are being paid to endure it, so for sure to heck with putting up with it for free.

What’s the name of her books?

3 of mine where like that at that age. I did basicly the same thing, with as little emotional expression about doing it. It was rough at times but they did improve over time with a combination of me catching their cues and giving them coping strategies. I also upped arts and crafts and outdoor time.

I don’t usually mind making my own plans. But I’m put a fork in me D O N E and want as little stress as possible. I just want to show up and have my ride take me where I want to go and enjoy good food along the way and maybe a jacuzzi soak and fancy adult beverage and then a super comfy bed upon my return.

I’m just not interested in stressing over directions to locations and such. The entire reason I’m going is to avoid stress. And I don’t want to worry about dealing with road conditions or whatever. Especially as I don’t speak Spanish should the need arise. Plus it’s an added daily expense for something I might only need a couple times a day. And I don’t mind interacting with other people on shuttles.

I disagree. In all the cases I've heard the term prude actually used, the person being called prude was not doing or saying anything to other people. They were just wanting their own bodily opinion respected. In the examples I gave upthread, none of those people were shaming anyone else. They weren't saying other women shouldn't be okay getting checked for dialation more often, or telling someone to turn off their tv that's playing Game of thrones or saying other people can't have sex. For example, my comment if someone asks if I watch Game of Thrones is usually, "I tried watching the first episode and decided I'm not old enough to watch that."â˜ºï¸ I guess someone can say I'm shaming them if they do, but I think that's a rather far-fetched claim.