Moms of school aged twins or triplets can you help with something?

[lynn]

Do you have an if all can't go no one can go policy? (The girls are 10) My situation is this...Dd is good friends with a girl who has 2 sisters. She is acquainted with the other two but good friends with the one. She wants to invite her to do things. Is it rude to invite the best friend? I don't know mom well, don't want to offend her just not sure how to approach.

[Miss Tick]

I think this is totally family dependant, BUT I hate for people to feel like they have to invite both my twins ire all my kids. By 10 there should be some independence. I would just be clear who you are inviting.

 

"Dd would like to get together with Cindy outside of Basket-Weaving. Would Saturday morning work?"

[mathmarm]

This is extremely family dependent. I don't think it is rude to at least speak to the mom about it before you green-light your daughter to invite her friend.

 

I would role-play with your daughter how to extend the invitation and help her prepare in case the Besties sisters assume that they are invited too, or perhaps even worse want to come along, but your daughter isn't inviting them.

 

She needs to be able to politely make it clear that she's inviting Bestie only.

[OneStepAtATime]

Agree this is going to depend on the family.  Some are going to get offended or get upset on their other child's behalf because they end up left out.  Other families are not going to be bothered by it.  DD and DS have had a number of friends that were twins and two sets that were triplets.  For some, just having one over worked fine.  They had worked to foster independence in their twins/triplets and the twins were in separate classes at school so they had different friends.  In fact, in one set of twins, they were grateful for time away, since nearly everyone invited them to things as a matched set and they were at a stage where they needed some separation.  For others, the twins hated being separated so it was better to invite both.  Otherwise the one twin would be moping for the other twin.  

 

Maybe ask the mom?  If not, I would go ahead and invite the one girl.  It will probably be fine.

[Carrie12345]

I don't have multiples, but I have almost-Irish-twins who participate in many of the same group activities.  They have their own friends within those activities, and hang out with them as individuals.  

[Lecka]

No, not at all, but I have one boy and one girl.

 

Can you just ask the mom? She might tell you it is no big deal, or ask if she could be invited sometimes. You might ask if: if your daughter goes over there, should she know the expectation is either don't exclude the sister or else the sister can do her own thing as long as there is no rudeness.

 

I think if you have a larger party and you don't think the girl would have a bad time (with no particular friends there) I would say to invite then.

 

But really it is individual like many family things.

 

Another option is to have your daughter ask the girl and then -- don't take her totally at her word but have it in mind when you talk to the mom.

[Kassia]

My twins are grown now, but I would never expect someone to invite them both unless they were all good friends.  There were many times where only one was invited to a party or get-together and it was fine.  

[SKL]

My kids are both nearing 10yo.  So far they have done most things together, but they have different friends and interests.  I would not be opposed to letting one of them go at this age, even though it might hurt the other child's feelings.  When my kids were much younger, I did not allow it, but now they need to accept stuff like that.

[Okra]

They are different people.  If your dd is good friends with one, then I think it would be okay to invite the good friend.

[Tanaqui]

I would check with the mom - but really, I think at ten you're old enough to know if you were only invited as an obligation. That can be humiliating.