My dad and/or mom may not be my bio parents...

[KidsHappen]

Do you have a link?

It has been YEARS since I studied it, but blue eyed people are bb and brown eyed can be BB or Bb.

You have to have at least one big B to have brown eyes. So - if 2 folks have bb where would the big B come from for brown eyes?

 

Blue eyes are recessive. If your mom has them and your dad has them - you get the small b from your mom, and a small b from dad and you are blue. If your parents are both bb - there is no B to make them brown.

 

I don't have the link for this but I have done quite a bit of research on it as well as my hubby has green eyes and I have blue eyes. Four of our children have blue eyes but two have brown eyes. It turns out that there are more genes involved in eye color than they originally thought and it is the play between all the different genes that determines eye color. It is still pretty rare for light eyed parents to have dark eyed children but it can happen. I am sure that if you did a search for blue eyed parents - brown eyed children you would turn up several hits.

[LisaKinVA]

Well, I just spent an hour on the phone with my mother.

 

My mom and I have had several open conversations about this issue. Based upon all of the information she has, my dad is really the only possibility... unless she got something wrong (like, didn't skip a period kind of thing). She would not have told my dad unless she was sure my dad WAS my dad, and she said it makes her very sad to think there is even a possibility she could have made a mistake like that.

 

She's afraid of doing a genetic test and finding out that I may not be her bio daughter... that she has a child out there she doesn't know. I did tell her that this wasn't something I could do "secretly." While I can test for parentage, it's really only accurate if at least one parent participates.

 

I let her know that God put me where I needed to be, regardless of biology, and that for me, nothing would really change. She would always be my mom, and my dad would always be my dad.

 

I told her about the health issues, all of the genetic differences, etc., and why knowing may change how a doctor looks at, or treats the heart and liver issues. What preventative care or tests they run, etc.

 

We also talked about the Chimera proposition... but I'm not sure how that could be looked into without being a part of some research study, because I'm certainly NOT going to spend thousands of dollars researching the genetic possibilities! $100-$400 is one thing... thousands??? Nope.

 

I will be meeting with my doctor in a couple of weeks, and see what she says, and we'll go from there.

 

Lisa

[Barb_]

Well, I just spent an hour on the phone with my mother.

 

My mom and I have had several open conversations about this issue. Based upon all of the information she has, my dad is really the only possibility... unless she got something wrong (like, didn't skip a period kind of thing). She would not have told my dad unless she was sure my dad WAS my dad, and she said it makes her very sad to think there is even a possibility she could have made a mistake like that.

 

She's afraid of doing a genetic test and finding out that I may not be her bio daughter... that she has a child out there she doesn't know. I did tell her that this wasn't something I could do "secretly." While I can test for parentage, it's really only accurate if at least one parent participates.

 

I let her know that God put me where I needed to be, regardless of biology, and that for me, nothing would really change. She would always be my mom, and my dad would always be my dad.

 

I told her about the health issues, all of the genetic differences, etc., and why knowing may change how a doctor looks at, or treats the heart and liver issues. What preventative care or tests they run, etc.

 

We also talked about the Chimera proposition... but I'm not sure how that could be looked into without being a part of some research study, because I'm certainly NOT going to spend thousands of dollars researching the genetic possibilities! $100-$400 is one thing... thousands??? Nope.

 

I will be meeting with my doctor in a couple of weeks, and see what she says, and we'll go from there.

 

Lisa

 

Thank you for the update, Lisa. I suspected as much re your mom's feelings. That is very much how I would feel given the same circumstances. She has put it away in her mind because there is nothing to be done about it, and until now there was no reason to pursue it. The whole thing is abstractly fascinating to me...I hope that doesn't offend since it has the potential to be personally traumatic. I do hope for your health's sake that you are able to get some answers. Please post on this thread when you talk to your doctor...I have it subscribed.

 

Barb

[mcconnellboys]

Can you just take hair from their hairbrushes without telling them? I mean, maybe you could find out without it having to be a big deal for them. If you find one of them is your biological parent and not the other, then perhaps you could go to just that one with your findings and ask them for info on the other bio parent...?

[newbie]

Well, I just spent an hour on the phone with my mother.

 

My mom and I have had several open conversations about this issue. Based upon all of the information she has, my dad is really the only possibility... unless she got something wrong (like, didn't skip a period kind of thing). She would not have told my dad unless she was sure my dad WAS my dad, and she said it makes her very sad to think there is even a possibility she could have made a mistake like that.

 

She's afraid of doing a genetic test and finding out that I may not be her bio daughter... that she has a child out there she doesn't know. I did tell her that this wasn't something I could do "secretly." While I can test for parentage, it's really only accurate if at least one parent participates.

 

I let her know that God put me where I needed to be, regardless of biology, and that for me, nothing would really change. She would always be my mom, and my dad would always be my dad.

 

I told her about the health issues, all of the genetic differences, etc., and why knowing may change how a doctor looks at, or treats the heart and liver issues. What preventative care or tests they run, etc.

 

We also talked about the Chimera proposition... but I'm not sure how that could be looked into without being a part of some research study, because I'm certainly NOT going to spend thousands of dollars researching the genetic possibilities! $100-$400 is one thing... thousands??? Nope.

 

I will be meeting with my doctor in a couple of weeks, and see what she says, and we'll go from there.

 

Lisa

 

Wow, so it looks like there may be a possibility. I pray everything runs smoothly and you get the answers you are looking for. Just for peace of mind.

 

God bless you on your journey.

[Catwoman]

I hope everything works out for you, Lisa. At least you were up-front with your mom, and that conversation is past you now, so that's a big step in the right direction.

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

[Margaret in GA]

Speaking of cans of worms: There's an episode of the radio program This American Life that tells a story of two girls in the same town who were accidentally switched in the hospital.

 

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1253

 

Not to give you anything else to worry about, of course . . .

 

Honestly, if it were me, I'd have to know. I don't think it would change anything big in my life (other than the medical stuff, which I do think is reason enough to pursue this), but I'd otherwise spend the rest of my life wondering.

 

As someone else said, I'm not good with uncertainty.

 

Yes! I heard that and was thinking about it when she said she'd met someone at church that felt the same way.

 

I would get to the bottom of it. If they truly love you unconditionally as parents, (and I've no doubt) they will forgive you.

 

Margaret

[Tami]

I would personally leave it alone. I think the heart and soul of a family has nothing to do with biology. In fact, information on parentage could be the death of an already difficult marriage (your mom and dad's). Somethings are better left in the past. I guess if you HAVE to know, I would keep the information to yourself.

[Barb_]

I would personally leave it alone. I think the heart and soul of a family has nothing to do with biology. In fact, information on parentage could be the death of an already difficult marriage (your mom and dad's). Somethings are better left in the past. I guess if you HAVE to know, I would keep the information to yourself.

 

I find it interesting (truly! and not in a sarcastic way :) ) that so many people believe parents would deserve more delicate handling in this situation. To me, the person whose identity is in question deserves to have all the information he or she desires in any situation. Parents make choices on behalf of children and sometimes those choices include secrecy (or in this case, possibly psychological denial). But when that child grows into adulthood and isn't satisfied with those choices, it seems to me that the parents should be prepared to deal with any delayed consequences.

 

I speak as a parent. My daughter was adopted by my husband and we chose not to keep it a family secret even though he was the only father she ever knew since infancy. Now we have to continue explaining the story every time one of our children is old enough to ask questions. It's uncomfortable, but dealing with it is the consequence of my life story. KWIM?

 

Barb

[Carrie12345]

I find it interesting (truly! and not in a sarcastic way :) ) that so many people believe parents would deserve more delicate handling in this situation. To me, the person whose identity is in question deserves to have all the information he or she desires in any situation. Parents make choices on behalf of children and sometimes those choices include secrecy (or in this case, possibly psychological denial). But when that child grows into adulthood and isn't satisfied with those choices, it seems to me that the parents should be prepared to deal with any delayed consequences.

 

 

 

I'm with you. I don't understand how a child (adult child or not) should be expected to suffer silently in order to save their parents the pain of facing truths. Especially if/when there were conscious decisions made by one or both parents.

[Melinda]

If you don't think your parents would be receptive to a straightforward DNA test, could you decide to do a DNA unit for HS and request hair samples from different family members to test as part of it? A little underhanded maybe, but it would get the job done and your parents would not ever have to know that you knew whether you are biologically related if you didn't want them to. I dunno, just a thought.

[stripe]

I'm with you. I don't understand how a child (adult child or not) should be expected to suffer silently in order to save their parents the pain of facing truths. Especially if/when there were conscious decisions made by one or both parents.

Aha -- I don't think the child should suffer silently to save their parents' having to face the truth. I think the adult child should consider whether more pain might be generated, if the truth is known. (Is there a lot of pain right now, or just vague questions?) In other words, ask yourself -- how much does the truth matter? and how does it matter?

 

For example, if the question is merely "who are my genetic parents?" for some urgent biological need, it is possible that that question could be answered without the "story" provided.

 

Sometimes parents are withholding the information because they are suffering silently and don't want their child to suffer. (Would you want to be told you were conceived as a result of rape? Or would knowing that your biological father died at 40 of a heart attack and with a family with the breast cancer gene suffice.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Um - is everybody reading the entire thread? Because the OP has already had a frank talk with her mom. Some of this late advice does not fit the current situation for the OP.

[Melinda]

Um - is everybody reading the entire thread? Because the OP has already had a frank talk with her mom. Some of this late advice does not fit the current situation for the OP.

 

Sorry, no I did not read all 7 pages. I read the OP and a few messages after that. OP: please feel free to ignore my response.

[Mandy in TN]

My grandmother was born in 1922. She has no birth certificate. Her parents married late and buried 5 babies (mostly still born) before her. There are no living siblings. There is a lack of family resemblance. She still wonders if they were actually her biological parents or if they adopted her. It bothers her enough that she still talks about it with fair regularity.

 

I would get to the bottom of this. You don't want to be sitting around in your late 80's still wondering. Since it sounds like your mom would prefers not to know, why don't you ask your little brother for help?

 

Mandy

[hi_itsgwen]

In regards to your health issues. I've been doing a lot of research and reading lately about digestive health and balance. It's possible that your health issues are linked to your unique digestive balance (aka 'gut flora'). Every person's gi tract is colonized (after they are born) by their environment: being handled by a parent, br*astmilk, even by playing in dirt.

 

There are many theories out there now (not recognized yet by the medical mainstream) that introducing antibiotics or other microbes into this delicate balance can cause 'bad' bacterias to take over and kill off necessary digestive flora. A healthy person is supposed to have hundreds of thousands of types of flora, which each make a unique protien called an enzyme. Each enzyme only 'unlocks' or breaks down one type of food chemical (i.e. type of fat, sugar, or protien). Since these simple nutrients become the building blocks of our bodies, there is the potential for a wide variety of neuralogical and physical issues arising from not being able to use the foods we ingest. For instance, the lining of nerve cells is made up of fats. If there are not enough fats in the diet, or if they are not able to be broken down in the intestines, a whole host of mental/neuralogical problems can result.

 

It could be possible that your teeth not forming, your unexplainable cholesterol, or your liver problems (I think the liver is a major player in creating enzymes) are all interlinked.

 

Have you ever heard of the cookbook "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon? Or the website of the Weston A. Price foundation? It's a very interesting take on nutrition/food/dental health, etc.

 

Just some thoughts.

[Mama Anna]

My father is the only born-alive child of older parents. He doesn't resemble them at all. The only thing that says he's probably legit is that he has a cousin who looks like he could be my father's brother. So we've always labeled him a throwback.

 

The funny part is that his genes, throwback as they are, are strong enough to make 2 of his four children look just about exactly like him, with strong resemblance in the other two. I'm one with a very close resemblance. My two dd both look very much like me, instead of my dh. So that means that my father's throwback genes are dominant enough to basically control three generations. I don't know too much about genetics, but I often think it's funny.

 

I hope you're able to figure some of this out. We've got adoption/parentage questions to deal with in dh's family and it can be interesting.

 

Mama Anna

[sarahli]

My mom and I have had several open conversations about this issue. Based upon all of the information she has, my dad is really the only possibility... unless she got something wrong (like, didn't skip a period kind of thing). She would not have told my dad unless she was sure my dad WAS my dad, and she said it makes her very sad to think there is even a possibility she could have made a mistake like that.

 

 

You mention that she said "possibility" twice, which means she is not certain. By the "unless she got something wrong" statement does that mean that she was seeing someone else before she met your father? If this is the case, of course it will be emotionally difficult for everyone involved. I'd talk to your Dr. again for more advice before speaking with your mom again. It's not a simple issue of just "letting things go" if your health and genetic history are of utmost importance (for you and your Dr. to decide).

I'd disregard the chimera option, for now. I heard once to start with the most obvious, and least expensive possibilities in medicine before investigating something rare.

I am curious what your half-brother's blood type is, and other siblings, as well.

[mommaduck]

You mention that she said "possibility" twice, which means she is not certain. By the "unless she got something wrong" statement does that mean that she was seeing someone else before she met your father? If this is the case, of course it will be emotionally difficult for everyone involved. I'd talk to your Dr. again for more advice before speaking with your mom again. It's not a simple issue of just "letting things go" if your health and genetic history are of utmost importance (for you and your Dr. to decide).

I'd disregard the chimera option, for now. I heard once to start with the most obvious, and least expensive possibilities in medicine before investigating something rare.

I am curious what your half-brother's blood type is, and other siblings, as well.

:iagree: There doubt in there somewhere. Your mother's response of asking you to "just drop this" also signifies that there is something there. If she truly had no doubt, she'd simply be trying to reassure you in every possible way that you are both of their's. And she wouldn't be scared of genetic testing.

[sunshine]

I probably watch too much TV. There is always the possibility, and though it is a stretch, your mom may be thinking there could have been a mix up in the hospital. It has happened several times and maybe that was what she meant by not wanting to know she has a child out there she doesn't know about. I think it is imperative for you to get the DNA testing. Or at least it would be for me. You are all grownup and although her generation is a part of the "ostrich syndrome generation" I would push it. but that is your decision and I am hoping for the best for you.

:grouphug: