Is this being a mean mom?

[Only me]

When my kids were younger they loved playing outside even if no one else was out except for the three of them. Now that they are older this has changed. For the most part my son still likes to be outside but his older sisters don't always want to.

 

We follow my oldest daughter's school schedule and she has been on spring break for over 2 weeks. We went on vacation and when we came back the weather was pretty miserable. The weather has been better for the past few days and today the weather is absolutely beautiful so I want my kids to be outside. I also took my middle dd to the sleep specialist yesterday and she reiterated how important it is for kids to get lots of sunshine and fresh air.

 

My kids woke up late this morning because we are adjusting my middle dd's sleep patterns to help her with her insomnia. So of course I understand why they weren't all outside first thing this morning but I told them that I wanted them to be outside by 12:30, which I thought was reasonable. My oldest dd is upset with me because she feels that at 16 she should have a choice. For the most part I agree that if she gets her chores and school work done then she can usually do what she wants, especially on spring break. On the other hand, I really hate for them to be inside when it is so nice outside. I told them that they only have to stay out for an hour and then can come in and then go out later this afternoon. Lately they have been staying in all day. My younger two tend to play video games or watch their favorite baseball team on TV. My oldest enjoys sitting reading a book or going on the computer, etc. They haven't been going out until 4:00 because that is when the rest of the neighbor kids are home from school. I feel that if they wait until 4:00 they are wasting most of the day. I'm going outside to do yarkwork as soon as I finish posting this so I feel that I am setting a good example.

 

Am I being a mean mom?

[Danestress]

I do think it's a bit unusual to tell a 16 year old she has to be outside certain hours. However, I agree that it would be best for her if she were outside. Do both of your girls get good, vigorous, exercise? If they get that inside, then what they really need from outside is sunlight. I find that getting some time outside really helps my rather traumatic sleep life. So if they are already exercising HARD for an hour, I would suggest she just sit outside even if she's reading. Otherwise, I would start a walking program.

 

But for me, I think it's better with kids this age to tell them what they can't do than what they must do. I don't think it's at all mean to say, "No tv, computers, or video games on weekdays." Or whatever rule like that would work for you.

[Tammy]

and I wouldn't 'make' her go outside....but I go outside and sit in the sun a good bit....so I invite her to come out with me for company....and she usually always does.

 

So you have to be sneaky about it. Do YOU ever go outside? Maybe do some sort of yardwork....and get her to help you.

 

.

[Snickerdoodle]

Lead by example. Take them out for a walk around the neighborhood. You can catch up on the chitty chat with your older daughter.

[Jean in Newcastle]

For a 16 year old? I wouldn't require her to play outside. I would require her to do some of the yardwork. Or to hose off the lawn furniture. Or to take the dog for a walk. Or to show your younger ones how to plant some flowers. Or to wash the car. I might even pay her something for some of these jobs.

[Only me]

Well at least I got them outside for awhile. I did yard work for awhile and my son joined me. Since it was a bigger job than we thought we convinced the girls to help us for 20 minutes before we call came in for lunch.

 

I guess another problem is that if I don't "suggest" that older dd go outside then her younger sister doesn't feel that she should have to go outside either. It's such a fine line. I don't really feel right telling them that they have to be outside but I hate to see them waste a good day inside playing on the computer or watching TV. Of course I could tell them no TV or computers but then I feel like I'm being a mean mom again since this is spring break. Usually I feel that I am very lenient in this area.

 

I just know how much better I feel if I'm able to get outside for awhile and I can really see how it would benefit the kids. I can't always get outside as much as I would like to because of housework etc. but I would love it if all my work was done and I could just sit outside reading a book. I really wouldn't mind if my kids that. I just want them to get a little exercise and fresh air.

 

I don't think my oldest dd minds being outside but she doesn't like being told to go outside. Actually at this time in her life she doesn't like being told to do anything. Maybe I will try a different approach.

[Snickerdoodle]

SOme of my best memories are of my mother and I walking up and down the mountain for exercise when I was that age. I think it could be a great opportunity for you guys to really connect. Do you have a nice walking trail near where you live?

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

My son is going to be sixteen very soon . . . I just can't imagine "making" him "play outside." I wonder if there's a better way if you truly feel it's important for her to spend time outside. Forcing a 16 year old young adult to go outside against their will just seems like an awfully small hill to die on.

 

My son plays is on a sports team that has him outside fairly regularly, although not every day. On days when he's not practicing or having a game, I don't make him go outside, though, I just wouldn't ever think of it.

 

Of course that's just my own opinion. (YMMV and all that good stuff)

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

At 16, you wouldn't have found me anywhere near home on spring break. I can't say I have ever known any 16 year olds who go outside and play. Maybe go outside to lay out and get a tan, but that's about it.

 

For a 16 year old, if I wanted her to get more exercise, I would get her a gym membership. I agree it is not a good thing for a 16 year old to be at home inside all day. A 16 year old girl needs to be out with her friends having fun. Life is too short.

[Chris in VA]

Could you just limit computer and tv on spring break by saying No tv/computer until after dinner? Or, for every hour you are outside doing something, you can have 20 minutes of tv or computer?

Not for the 16 yo, tho.

And if the younger says, She (16yo) doesn't have to go outside, why should I? I'd say the old saw--Life isn't fair. When you are 16, you can stay in, too.

[JennifersLost]

I'm going to be the dissenting vote. I "make" my 16 year old go outside. Otherwise he simply wouldn't. I don't tell him he has to "play", but he'd better be outside if he wants to spend time on the computer later. I don't care if he hikes, rides a bike, gets a tan or whatever. He just can't spend all day indoors. Period.

 

And I don't feel like I need to buy him a gym membership or pay for organized sports, either. Yeah, it kinda sucks to be 16 and forced to be outdoors. It isn't nearly as fun as it was when you were a kid. But everyone needs exercise and sunshine and if at 16 you aren't figuring out how to program that into your day, you'd better be prepared to be booted outdoors unceremoniously.

 

Now if he started volunteering to garden, mow the lawn, etc., I'd get off his back....

[Nestof3]

I don't think I even wanted to "play" when I was 16. Being outside is beneficial, and I could see enjoying a cup of tea on the picnic table or on the park bench or even going for a walk with my mom or reading a magazine or book outside. But, I would not want anyone forcing me to do a specific thing with my free time.

 

I try to read to the boys when it's nice out (though it's been so rainy off and on here), and I do enjoy gardening, but I haven't gotten into the dirt yet this spring. When the mosquitoes come, I'm inside for the summer. :(

 

I was thinking the other day about taking a short walk each day with my boys. They are at the age where they love playing outside and riding their bikes in front of the house. I am tempted to school summer through spring and take the spring off instead. :) They hate the summers around here -- with the exception of going jetskiiing with Dad.

[Peela]

We are on autumn break and dd14 just spent all of the first couple of days on her computer talking to friends. No self regulation at all (I was hoping!). When dh and I insisted she come for a walk with us in the evening, she sulked and pouted and spoiled the walk for us. So I have made a rule that she has a limit of 2 hours electronics, and she MUST spend at least a half hour getting some decent exercise outside before she starts her electronics.

 

I have had to really talk to her about the importance of exercise. The electronics overstimulate her mind and everything else seems boring, especially walking, even though we live in a beautiful area. She chooses to ride her bike.

 

I think I would do the same when she is 16. Perhaps you could leave when during the day up to her, but make other things dependent on her spending time outside first, to motivate her to get it done earlier in the day. Truly, you are still her parent and exercise and time outside are important habits to cultivate in our children. There is a whole generation of kids growing up with "nature deficit".

[angieathome]

Your goal is not mean. Physical Education is a legitimate eucational and health need. But I think you are being too micro-managing about the "how and when" of accomplishing the goal for a 16 yr. old. I have exercise (physical activity) requirements for my 15 yr. old dd. She is required to take one sport or physical activity each quarter. (She has done ice skating, tennis, volleyball, dance, but overall isn't very athletic.) When it gets nice outside she bikes every day and does not do a formal activity. There is PE curriculum available that has educational info and exercise contracts, but a contract was a little too rigid for my particular taste. We did use that curriculum as a basis for how she put together her plan to meet physical education requirements.