MommyInTraining Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 (edited) I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that as a problem? Edited February 26, 2009 by MommyInTraining typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that has a problem? I don't see that it's any bigger deal than a child who is almost 19 because of birthday cutoffs. You might get more feedback on the highschool boards from families who've actually gone through the college admissions process. I am a volunteer liason for the Naval Academy. I help students with their admissions packages and do interviews for the admissions office. I can't say that I've ever really noticed exactly how old one of the candidates is, unless they are already graduated from high school. Otherwise, so long as they have a good high school record and are within the age limits for the school (there is a min and max age for service academies), how they got on track back in elementary school really doesn't matter. Also, you may find that as the years progress you are able to move him along to work that is more closely in line with grade work for his age. You might find that after 5-6 years, this issue has faded away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I don't see that as a problem, but I will tell you that there probably will be a time of advancement, possibly significant. My ds was extremely behind all through elementary. Between blooming late and learning differences, we never believed he could catch up. Two years ago, he began making awesome, almost unbelievable, progress. And today, he is on the low average side of 8th grade ability, successfully using grade level and above materials. He turns 14 in April and is starting high school in the fall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxMama Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that has a problem? That's the problem with working and thinking in grade levels! My late blooming child is still going to graduate on "time".....actually early since I will graduate her on her birthday and if I'd sent her to PS she'd just be entering her senior year. It all evens out around the early teens IF you let them progress through these younger years at their own pace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest was "behind" from K-2, and is now "ahead" in the logic stage. When we get closer to that time, we'll decide when he'll graduate and go to college. We have friends who actually held back two of their boys primarily because of maturity and focus issues. They just didn't feel that they were ready at 18 to work full-time and/or go to college, so they did another year of high school. Both are very focused now, and one will graduate from college this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I agree with the other posters. Just relax and don't worry about "grade" levels. Go at their pace. The nice thing about HS is things don't have to line up. They can do "grade 5" math and "grade 3" science and "grade 9" reading if you want. Let them determine the pace. And let him graduate when he is ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Wise Bauer Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I couldn't agree more. Mine are (mostly) on track to graduate on schedule, but we're telling them to take a gap year before college, so they'll be a year older as freshmen. Makes an enormous difference in maturity. SWB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest was "behind" from K-2, and is now "ahead" in the logic stage. My youngest was also "behind" from K-2 (difficulties with phonics and spelling), but once she got going, she took off! She is now (8th grade) way "ahead" in those same skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I couldn't agree more. Mine are (mostly) on track to graduate on schedule, but we're telling them to take a gap year before college, so they'll be a year older as freshmen. Makes an enormous difference in maturity. SWB I always appreciate it when you share from personal experience, Susan, thank you. What do kids in general *do* when they have a gap year? And how does that work for college, do they apply, get accepted and then defer for a year? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I'd say do undergrad and take the gap year between undergrad and work/grad school. Undergrad doesn't take much maturity, but world travel does I think. Both are important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Wise Bauer Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I disagree, based on my experience of teaching college freshmen...it seems to me that the gap between 18 and 19 is the one where enormous maturing takes place. As far as applications--you can do it either way. I had intended for my oldest (a senior this year) to apply to colleges and then ask for deferred admission, but he is still so seriously undecided about where he wants to go and what he wants to do that we chose to wait instead (his application will look stronger next year anyway, since he'll have some travel under his belt--he's been a pretty sheltered home school kid). As far as what they do--our priorities are work and travel. Christopher will be working through the summer and fall to save up money, and then volunteering in a wildlife park in Australia. :001_smile: Yeah, I said "travel," not "go to the other side of the world," but he's absolutely gripped by the idea of going to Australia, and now seems like a good time for him to do it. SWB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest will turn 19yo about a month before he graduates. When I was debating holding him, he was in a traditional classroom, so I was actually going to be holding him back a grade. My cousin's husband is a lawyer and was held in first grade. He said that he was thankful that his parents held him back a grade. He went from feeling stupid to feeling capable. If he had continued to the next grade, he may have continued feeling inept and never would have considered law school. :001_smile: This conversation with him made me feel much more secure about holding my oldest. OTOH- your ds is homeschooled. I may would just report him as whatever grade his birthday indicates and wait until junior high to make a decision on holding him. HTH- Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest will be 19 when I graduate him, I am using this as a gap year and having him redo 5th grade next year to give him more time to mature and catch up academically before we hit junior high age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punkinelly Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I am so glad this topic has come up. I have a son who is bright, but got behind because I was not well for a few years (home schooled) , so he will be graduating from our home school at 19. I was worried that it would affect his chances of getting financial aid, but it does not, right? He is finishing his junior year right now and is 18. Also, this son had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, so I did not want him to graduate before having some time to explore career areas and get some studying in on those. He has gone back to an original idea of law enforcement, so he has a goal. He looked it up and sees that to get into the police academy, you have to be 22, so he wants to get a degree in criminal justice first and then apply. Is there a board here where I can get help about applying for financial aid, etc? We don't plan on getting loans, but need to apply for grants and scholarships, yes? I am so lost! Any guidance with that would be most appreciated! Ds will take the SAT this fall. Thanks so much for opening this thread! I have been so afraid that I was ruining my ds's life. LOL Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Is there a board here where I can get help about applying for financial aid, etc? We don't plan on getting loans, but need to apply for grants and scholarships, yes? I am so lost! Any guidance with that would be most appreciated! Ds will take the SAT this fall. Thanks so much for opening this thread! I have been so afraid that I was ruining my ds's life. LOL Mary Most colleges have a financial aid office that will help you find the different scholarships, grants, bursaries etc and help you fill out the paper work. SO once he has decided on a college he would like to attend I would make an appointment with that office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My DS is close to 13 now. I "promote" him to the next grade level on his birthdays. He will become a 7th grader this year, so he is already a year behind. Most kids his age in public schools are already 7th graders. He has severe LD's, and is behind in all academic areas. But I wouldn't worry about a 1st grader. Most likely, he will catch up along the way. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My son graduated at 18 from our homeschool but has taken the year to just work full time, decide what he wants to do, buy a car, and save for college. He needed to mature and that extra year really has helped him a lot in so many ways. I've had some "friends" look down upon him not going to college straight out of high school but he just was not ready for that. He's almost 19 now and finally has a little more focus and maturity. Worked great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 What do kids in general *do* when they have a gap year? Most people here take a gap year before going to university. As SWB said, it's usually for work and travel, though many people also spend the time doing volunteer work and/or missions trips. Sometimes the work is to raise money for uni. Sometimes it's so they can afford to travel for the last few months of the gap year. And sometimes it's for work experience in the field they are interested in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I disagree, based on my experience of teaching college freshmen...it seems to me that the gap between 18 and 19 is the one where enormous maturing takes place. SWB :iagree: I needed that gap for myself after high school and my parents said no. So I went one to college one semester, then quit and worked full time spring/summer to return the following fall. I also had a 17 yr old college roommate at one time. She was ready academically, but not mature enough to make smart decisions in regards to other things. She is the reason my kids will be graduating just before their 19th birthdays (summer babies!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest son was a very delayed reader. I reported his first year as preK, then we went from there. The year my books said he was in 7th grade he suddenly was ready to kick into gear and move on to 9th grade. He did well and graduated just days before his 18th birthday. He was sure he was ready to tackle college as all he wanted to do since he could remembver was be an Engineer like his Dad. Freshman year of college, he really was not ready to settle in and do the hard Math required of him. He has since taken a year off, worked full time and is finally getting ready to head back to college this summer or next fall. I soooo would not worry about what grade he is in at age 6 and 7, and when he might graduate. Lots and lots of kids graduate at age 19. There is so much growing up to do at 18 and 19 and 20. Let them take as much time as they need. College is a big committment and many are just not ready to do what it takes at 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that has a problem? My daughter went into public school in the middle of what should have been her sophomore year. The high school did not accept all of her credits so she ended up starting as a second semester freshman. She graduated less than a month before her 19th birthday. She was more mature and ready for college. Her older brother, my first born, was a pretty bright kid. So I decided to let him skip a grade in the earlier years of homeschooling. This put him on a track to graduate at 17. By the time I realized what a disaster this was going to be for this particular child, it was too late to fix it. He was not ready for college, lost his scholarship and lost his way in life for awhile. (He found his way and is in college now at the age of 23) I see my 13 year old is okay academically but is a slow to mature kind of guy. For that reason he will not be starting his high school work next year. He will take a gap year and start high school as a 15 year old instead of the typical 14 year old. He is fine with this and we feel a total peace about it. So, he will turn 16 during his freshman year, 17 during his sophomore year, 18 during his junior year, and 19 during his senior year. His birthday is in April, so he will be a fresh 19 year old when he graduates. Based on my experiences, I see no need to rush things along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I couldn't agree more. Mine are (mostly) on track to graduate on schedule, but we're telling them to take a gap year before college, so they'll be a year older as freshmen. Makes an enormous difference in maturity. SWB I wish this had been an option with our oldest, our poor pancake kid. Unfortunately the college would not hold his scholarship for a year, it was a limited time offer:lol:. So we put the boy in school knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was not ready and hoping and praying he would prove us wrong. Since my kids are most likely to go to state schools and will be completely dependent upon scholarships, which are apparently only available to recent high school graduates, we are trying to determine their maturity level and predict their growth before 9th grade. I just cannot see why the state schools put is in this position. But if I had a choice I would do it your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Is there a board here where I can get help about applying for financial aid, etc? We don't plan on getting loans, but need to apply for grants and scholarships, yes? I am so lost! Any guidance with that would be most appreciated! Ds will take the SAT this fall. Mary http://www.fastweb.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My oldest has a spring birthday and graduated on time but didn't want to go to college until he was 21. My middle one refused to learn any letters or numbers or even write his name in kindergarten (instead he taught himself to draw). The school was going to promote him to first grade, but I was afraid it wouldn't work and they were happy to have him repeat kindergarten. He has a summer birthday. I shouldn't have sent him, but I didn't know I had a choice. My youngest is also a summer birthday. We kept him home an extra year and sent him to kindergarten when he was 6. And... the year we kept him home he taught himself to read! So - we sent him to kindergarten just to get to know the children in town, but we homeschooled him after that. The upshot of all that is that I have two children who probably could go to college a year ahead of their official (late) grade level. I knew that about my youngest in kindergarten. BUT I didn't change the grade level. Emotionally, my children tend to be young (except that it looks like older sometimes because ps children are a bit different). Even if they academically can handle the work, I don't want them to go to college early. I think. I'm sort of waiting and seeing with the youngest. Fortunately, and this is the point of this longish post, I had enough experience parenting to know that it would be VERY HARD to undo something like a grade level. If, when my children go to be 17 and seniors and I didn't think they were ready, what was I supposed to do - say, "Sorry dear, but you lack maturity and we're going to hold you back a year now?" That might be a big relief to them (I would have loved someone to say that to me) but it might also be a big blow, untackful at best and at worst, a vote of no confidence from their parents. I suggest that you keep your grade level low. If at the end, you need to tell your child that he is advanced and can go to college early if he wants, then all is well. And if not, then nobody's feelings get bruised. It has also turned out to be useful that the school system had lower expectations of my children. That gives my children time to do things like travel and still be on-track academically in their eyes. HTH -Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I had enough experience parenting to know that it would be VERY HARD to undo something like a grade level. If, when my children go to be 17 and seniors and I didn't think they were ready, what was I supposed to do - say, "Sorry dear, but you lack maturity and we're going to hold you back a year now?" That might be a big relief to them (I would have loved someone to say that to me) but it might also be a big blow, untackful at best and at worst, a vote of no confidence from their parents. HTH -Nan That is exactly how it happened here. When I said "Hey, Son, how about we wait one year to graduate you so you can still qualify for a scholarship but you have an extra year before you go?" he answered with "I am NOT going to be one of those loser homeschool kids who takes 5 years to do 4 years of work." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Sigh. It is really hard to get through parenting teens without doing this from time to time. Even seemingly good things, like a child waiting until 18 to get their driver's license, is sort of a trap this way. At 16, it is easier to say, "No, you aren't ready to drive to the mountains to meet your brother and go skiing." Or you trust one child's friends (good, right?) so you let him do something and then when the second one comes along and says but you let the first one, you are stuck trying to find an excuse that does't require telling the second one that his friends aren't as competent drivers (or whatever). Ug. Sometimes, as a parent, you just can't win. -Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaeljenn Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well, my older 3 are in public school now, but we chose to hold back our kiddo's because of summer birthdays... which is very common in our area. So, my son will be 19 a few days before he graduates. This is their first year in school, and they are doing really, really well. I have noticed that the really young children are immature and struggle to keep up. I think it is a good thing for them to be older too... I love the idea of a gap year too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy in SoCal Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 What do you do about SATs (when to take them) if you do 5 yrs or are aren't sure if you might do 5th year? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 WE held ours back in 3rd grade (not homeschooled until high school), and he skewed older anyway b/c of Sept b-day, so he graduated when he was 19. We were able to graduate him in December instead of June, however, and he took a cc class and is working this second semester of what would have been his sr year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Every child is different and it is so hard to figure out what is best for each one of them. I have 3 DD who were/ are advanced academically AS WELL AS physically, emotionally, spiritually. They are just mature, mature girls and always have been. Other people see it and comment on all 3 of them all the time. They have all skipped a year in school, with the oldest 2 attending college at age 17 with no problems. They were ready to go. The youngest will probably do the same. My son, however, was a different story. He joined the marine reserves out of high school and did very well but after only a year, was given a medical discharge for health problems. He then started college and still was not ready maturity wise. He just turned 22 this month and is FINALLY ready to take his schooling seriously. I WISH I had delayed him in school (ps). I WISH we had just told him, "You're not ready, we can tell, get a job and work until you are." We wasted a lot of money on classes that he dropped or failed. He feels horrible about it and it has effected his self worth, he FEELS like a failure. But he IS ready now and is doing well. We are supporting him and encourageing him and are very proud of his progress. Second chances are a wonderful thing and everybody deserves at least one! But knowing what I know now, I think we should have not given him that first chance at the time in his life that we did. We should have used our intuition and been willing to go against the norm and delayed his entry into college. The fact that scholarships are often only available to those JUST graduating high school is a bummer and not very wise, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I'm amazed by those with kids in grammar school who are saying when their kid will graduate. How do you know your kid won't need more time, or less? Be flexible, and go with how your kid progresses. Don't make plans now for their graduation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I'm amazed by those with kids in grammar school who are saying when their kid will graduate. How do you know your kid won't need more time, or less? Be flexible, and go with how your kid progresses. Don't make plans now for their graduation. I think it is appropriate for parents of younger children to try and project how the decisions they are making now might affect their children later. I doubt that makes them inflexible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommyInTraining Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 (edited) Originally Posted by Nan in Mass I had enough experience parenting to know that it would be VERY HARD to undo something like a grade level. If, when my children go to be 17 and seniors and I didn't think they were ready, what was I supposed to do - say, "Sorry dear, but you lack maturity and we're going to hold you back a year now?" -Nan That is exactly how it happened here. When I said "Hey, Son, how about we wait one year to graduate you so you can still qualify for a scholarship but you have an extra year before you go?" ............................................................................I think it is appropriate for parents of younger children to try and project how the decisions they are making now might affect their children later. I doubt that makes them inflexible. :iagree: Based on the responses I have gotten I am glad that I have decided to do this for at least 2 of my children. I am able to work with them at their level, and not feel like they are being pushed through. Also, I agree about the maturity level and I certainly won't mind them being at home with me for an extra year :001_smile:. But, I am glad that I made the decision early to do this. I can already tell with my 10 year old it was getting to the point of, "Hey, is this the grade I am supposed to be in?" So, although she is in 4th this year, she will be doing a double year of 4th :D. Of course, my 7 yo is clueless about it. And that, I think, is why it is important for me to have made the distinction now. Instead of putting him in 2nd as a struggling reader, and then feeling behind in spelling, writing, etc., I now feel like I have time to work with him on those things. Whereas, if we would have gotten to 9th grade and I felt like he needed another year to work on some skills, then it could have turned into what Nan and Kelli mention above. Of course, as a homeschooler I realize we can advance as we wish, but at least he has that safety net there. If I were to wait until 9th grade, it would feel like a demotion, not so in 1st grade ;)! Edited February 28, 2009 by MommyInTraining Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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