Is this ADHD or discipline problem and what do I do?

[Lovedtodeath]

She is subtracting 9. She is sitting with her clipboard chewing on her toe saying "Toes are yummy." We establish that 18-9=9, I make her stop with the toe and use her pencil. I ask her to do the other problem, which is 9+?=18. She talks about America's Funniest Videos. I tell her I don't care about that right now, and that I don't believe her b/c they don't show p*nises on AFV. Write the answer. Do your work. She goes on about how they really did and I should believe her. I don't care. Do your work. She starts drawing on her paper. I use my army drill sarge voice. 9+what = 18? She gets up and puts on headphones. Sits back down and proceeds to start drawing a picture. I say in a raised, but not overally raised, like before... 9+what = 18? She says, "I can't hear you." We go through this at the beginning of her school day every time. If it is a discipline problem, I should send her to the corner. Well, then she wins, doesn't she? Now she is not doing her work for even longer.

 

If this is discipline then the rest of my life needs to stop so that I can handle this. I need to be getting ready to go to the grocery, nursing the toddler, sweeping the floor, etc. My life can't stop! I will stay with her and help her with her work, but she drags it on and on.

 

Okay, this is a bad post but just respond however you feel appropriate. Maybe the whole problem is my bad job of teaching math even.

[Danestress]

I would find 30 or40 minute periods during the day when I could give her undivided attention and just patiently redirect, redirect, redirect. I would get her in a place with as few distractions as possible, look together at what has to be accomplished, and keep her there until it IS accomplised. But I would start with an amount of work that could be done in ten minutes. She she spreads it to 40, that's okay. But if she's done in ten, she's done. Maybe one of these periods for math and one for language arts. That's it. At first. Gradually as she gets used to the idea that you ARE going to stay there and insist she finish, I would start increasing the amount of work.

 

But I guess that I think, yes. Your life can and should stop for periods of time during the day so that you can teach your child. But since she's only six, a couple of short periods a day is really all you have to find.

[kaylk in tx]

i have a toe chewer also... he usually doesn't claim that they're yummy but it doesn't stop him from chewing on them.

 

since you listed adhd in your siggy line, is this an official diagnosis or mommy-nosis? (i have one of each at my house, official by a dr and i just know this kid is) we have similar issues and i just turn into a broken record. remember that part of adhd is not being able to shut out those distractions, be they noises outside or thoughts that pop in their heads. i just keep redirecting and things are getting better! now that my officially diagnosed kid is 8, his ability to focus has increased tremendously from the time he was 6. six years old seemed to be the absolute worst! here i was trying to increase the academics and he just wasn't cooperating at all... thought i'd go bald that year from pulling my hair out.

 

so hang in there... my non-official mommy-nosis is that it's a combination of being 6 years old and the adhd.

[elise1mds]

Sounds like it's more ADHD to me, though there might be some discipline issues? Not sure since I don't know what her ADHD is like. My son has ADHD and auditory processing problems, and when he's not on his meds, it is like pulling teeth to get him to do anything short of playing video games or watching TV, and I can't yell at him because he completely shuts down and can't function at all. It's ridiculous how difficult it can be just to get one 6yo boy to brush his teeth in a timely manner! Is there any sort of relaxation routine that you can use with your daughter at the beginning of her school day? Deep breathing is very relaxing for my son and gets him to focus. Once he's focused once, it's easier to bring him back to a focused state, and we get a lot more accomplished. And if you do the breathing along with her, it might help you feel a bit less stressed about getting everything done? She could be feeding off of your emotions, too. My son certainly feeds off of mine. I don't know how good of a reader she is, but if she can read a simple list, maybe writing a 'daily list' of things she needs to do might help. That way she can cross them off when she gets done and feel a sense of accomplishment. I don't know. I'm certainly not an expert like a lot of moms on here. I hope you're able to find some balance because behavior like that drives me absolutely batty. Good luck!!!

 

:grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

I am fine with 10-40 minutes of undivided attention. She will take all of 40 minutes just complaining (and trying to make me angry?)even if she has undivided attention during nap time. Our total school time per day is usually one hour to an hour and a half.

 

It is a mommy-nosis. I do not have insurance and I myself have been misdiagnosed countless times by "those people with pieces of paper that make you think they should know what they are doing". If we had an official diagnosis, which DH is against, we would not get medication, as we are both against that.

Edited February 19, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Parrothead]

The, "I can't here you," sounds more like a discipline problem rather than a ADHD thing. Especially if it is done in a taunting voice.

 

Is it just math that she looses control? What part of the day is this? Is it the beginning of your school day or is it at the end? If it is at the end then she is through whether you want to be or not. That is an immaturity thing not necessarily an ADHD thing.

 

I you are doing Alpha and Beta this year you may be pushing too hard. I don't know when you school year ends, but 60 lessons in 52 weeks is a lot.

 

It might be better to break up your day into several different school sessions. Math in the morning then LA after lunch then reading before or after supper.

[Lovedtodeath]

The, "I can't here you," sounds more like a discipline problem rather than a ADHD thing. Especially if it is done in a taunting voice.

 

Is it just math that she looses control? What part of the day is this? Is it the beginning of your school day or is it at the end? If it is at the end then she is through whether you want to be or not. That is an immaturity thing not necessarily an ADHD thing.

 

I you are doing Alpha and Beta this year you may be pushing too hard. I don't know when you school year ends, but 60 lessons in 52 weeks is a lot.

 

It might be better to break up your day into several different school sessions. Math in the morning then LA after lunch then reading before or after supper.

Oddly, not in a taunting voice. I don't care what school year it is. We are almost done with Alpha and will start Beta next, but we aren't trying to finish it with a specific time frame. It is always the beginning of the day. Once we get through about half of a lesson it gets better. She has no trouble at all focusing on LA because she loves it.

 

She did not drink her breakfast smoothie this morning (I just found it), so I think we know the problem for this particularly bad start.

 

Thanks for trying to help. Most of the "take it easy, she is young" advice is what I am already doing. Really.

[Danestress]

Obviously ADD manifests itself in different ways with different children, but it certainly sounds like it could be part of the problem.

 

I don't know what to say then, other than trying really hard not to take things personally. She might be trying to make you mad, but she also might not. While some people with ADD seem to really seek conflict, it's probably better not to give it to them. It sounds like you are keeping lessons short, making sure she eats well, and TRYING to be patient (not easy!) So my guess is that you are doing the best you can. Does she like incentives? Like "We will read from your book together just as soon as we get these 6 problems done?"

[Parrothead]

Oddly, not in a taunting voice. I don't care what school year it is. We are almost done with Alpha and will start Beta next, but we aren't trying to finish it with a specific time frame. It is always the beginning of the day. Once we get through about half of a lesson it gets better. She has no trouble at all focusing on LA because she loves it.

 

She did not drink her breakfast smoothie this morning (I just found it), so I think we know the problem for this particularly bad start.

 

Thanks for trying to help. Most of the "take it easy, she is young" advice is what I am already doing. Really.

Sorry, I didn't understand about the math. I didn't know how you were working it.

[ElizabethB]

I would try getting a Flashmaster.

 

My daughter used to do the same kind of thing. She was like this for math, but very focused for the rest of her studies, especially anything LA related.

 

The Flashmaster helps her focus and makes math facts more enjoyable. Now that we've been using it for 2 months, it's gotten even better. It helped a bit at the beginning, and it's great now. She likes getting 100%, and will turn the thing on and off and keep doing her alloted time until she gets 100%. She doesn't realize I'm pleased with all the extra practice she's getting in in her alloted 2 minute (now cut down to 75 second) practice time. We had 2 minutes for addition, now we do 75 seconds of addition and 75 seconds of subtraction. We're at a beginning level for subtraction.

 

When we were focusing on math facts during our switch-over from MUS to Singapore math, we just did Flashmaster and oral math drill. Once I established the ones she needed to work on, I would drill her a bit at home for a few minutes, then for a few minutes whenever we were driving somewhere. Facts that she couldn't answer quickly, I'd just have her repeat to me 3 times. "9 + 9 = 18, 9 + 9 = 18, 9 + 9 = 18."

 

You might also want to try a Singapore IP book to see if it's a better fit, it's been a good switch for us.

 

She also did better when she was younger with a 10 minute break between every subject. Now that she's almost 7, we do 2 subjects, then a recess, then the last 2 subjects for the day. However, if the math is draining for her that day, she needs an additional break after math.

Edited February 19, 2009 by ElizabethB

[myfunnybunch]

She is subtracting 9. She is sitting with her clipboard chewing on her toe saying "Toes are yummy." We establish that 18-9=9, I make her stop with the toe and use her pencil.

 

Anything after this (meaning the tv talk, the drawing, etc.) is where I would stop, put her in a quiet place away from you with her book and let her know when she's focused or she's finished the problem, you can give her your attention. I do this with my ds in a kind and loving way--"Honey, I can see you're not focusing right now. Why don't you take your math book to the steps until you're ready." Eventually my ds gets bored and asks for help/redirection or he gets bored and does the problem. It took a little time to teach this routine, but now he gets it and re-focuses fairly easily (and of course age helps too!). It also gives you the opportunity to go about your day, checking in with her every so often, until she's focused. Which not only helps you get things done, but keeps your frustration level lower (if you're anything like me that "C'mon already! I've got to do xy AND z!" feeling mounts quickly!), which will help her focus.

 

You might be able to head off getting to this point by trying to address some of the problems before they become problems. Examples of what I mean (from my own distractable guy):

 

Distraction in the middle of a math problem: My ds gets most distracted in math when the math facts don't just pop into his head. We made a list of solving strategies and I gave him a ruler (for a number line) and some math blocks, showed him the counting bears and taught him to count on his fingers. Then I told him that he's now got several immediately available solving strategies if he can't remember a fact. When he gets stuck, "Choose a solving strategy" prompts him to take the step he needs to take to find the answer.

 

Transitioning: Another strategy that has helped all of my children in general at the beginning of the morning is a warm-up activity. If your dd struggles to find her attention and is able to focus after several minutes of distraction, some very simple, fun, engaging activities might help her to transition to school-focus. My ds gets a glazed look sometimes that tells me that he literally cannot process the language I'm using. With all of my kids, easing them into school time has been incredibly helpful, and it has made it more fun and motivating.

 

Noise: I'd find out if she's seeking the headphones to block out general noise. Instead of allowing them to become a distraction, you could try giving her soothing music, and allow her to listen to them once you're done speaking while she's working. It's worth a try to see if it helps her block out external noise. Or headphone/music can be a reward for finishing. Either way, if you've got boundaries about when and how she can use them, they become less of an issue during work time.

 

Back to my own guys and math. I hope you find something that helps. :)

 

Cat

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Transitioning: Another strategy that has helped all of my children in general at the beginning of the morning is a warm-up activity. If your dd struggles to find her attention and is able to focus after several minutes of distraction, some very simple, fun, engaging activities might help her to transition to school-focus. My ds gets a glazed look sometimes that tells me that he literally cannot process the language I'm using. With all of my kids, easing them into school time has been incredibly helpful, and it has made it more fun and motivating.

Thank you! Could you go into more detail with this? Before I read this reply, I actually figured out that transitioning is hard for her, no matter what it is I am asking. Our schedule has been off b/c DS has been sick, and I was trying to move it up even earlier today in order to get some groceries. Bad idea! Stupid Mom!

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Sorry, I didn't understand about the math. I didn't know how you were working it.

I was in no way offended, :grouphug:just realized that I needed to explain! I value your input. I hope it came across okay.

[Lovedtodeath]

remember that part of adhd is not being able to shut out those distractions, be they noises outside or thoughts that pop in their heads. i just keep redirecting and things are getting better! now that my officially diagnosed kid is 8, his ability to focus has increased tremendously from the time he was 6. six years old seemed to be the absolute worst! here i was trying to increase the academics and he just wasn't cooperating at all... thought i'd go bald that year from pulling my hair out.

 

Thank you. The thing is that pointing to each problem and saying it out loud for her used to help, but now it just makes her mad, so I am having to find new strategies.

[Parrothead]

I was in no way offended, :grouphug:just realized that I needed to explain! I value your input. I hope it came across okay.

Yeah, it was okay.

 

I'm glad you explained. Before you did I thought you were smooshing what is basically 2 years of math into one school year. That would overwhelm anyone. I might have told you that my toes taste good by February if I had to do two years of math like that. :lol:

[Lovedtodeath]

Yeah, it was okay.

 

I'm glad you explained. Before you did I thought you were smooshing what is basically 2 years of math into one school year. That would overwhelm anyone. I might have told you that my toes taste good by February if I had to do two years of math like that. :lol:

 

LOL!!! But I am trying every strategy I can. Dr. Demme says to try doing several lessons yourself, modeling for the chid without asking them to do the work first, so I am going to slow it down and try that too. It is so hard to know what to do because she tries to act like she is a genious and doesn't want me to teach her at all. She wants to figure it out herself. But, maybe now she needs it to slow down. Deep breath!

Edited February 19, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Lovedtodeath]

You know, I think that I go in cycles of forgetting everything and doing it all wrong.

[The Governess]

Do you have a swing at home? My dd2 has some sensory integration issues and I have been *amazed* at the difference in her concentration/ability to focus after she has been in the swing for 15 minutes. It's like night and day.

 

It sounds like a combination of discipline and distractedness issues to me...but probably addressing the distractedness first will make the discipline much easier or eliminate the bad behavior altogether (I know, wishful thinking :D, but you never know).

[myfunnybunch]

Thank you! Could you go into more detail with this? Before I read this reply, I actually figured out that transitioning is hard for her, no matter what it is I am asking.

 

Transition ideas

 

Movement: If there's any way that your dd can get a good hard 10-15 minutes of exercise right before she does her math, it might help her focus. Even in the middle of a lesson, if my ds is struggling to focus, I send him to run up and down the stairs 5-10 times. He comes back with a clearer head.

 

Prepare: Go over the schedule at the beginning of the day. If you've got time to write out a simple checklist: math, break, language, grocery store, play....it gives a visual reminder of what's next and helps the child to see progress throughout the day. This is a great way to start the school transition anyway, and offers you an opportunity to introduce any schedule changes or disruptions that might come up: Today brother is not feeling well and I'd like to go to the grocery store earlier, so we're going to try to get math done before this time.

 

Then prepare more: In ten minutes we'll put the math book away, then we'll _____.....It's time to put away your math. We'll finish the rest of the problems later. Now we'll (next step).

 

Transition objects can help. As she moves to her work area, hand her the pencil and math book, or her checklist, something that's a concrete representation of what she's doing next.

 

Warm-ups: At the beginning of the day, we do "math minutes," or read a story on the couch, play a math or logic or language game together, do a drawing exercise. What I aim for in a warm-up activity: a) fun, b) short and c) not too demanding. It's like a stair step between playing and working hard. It's meant to get the juices flowing and get us through that period of attention difficulty by being relevant to our studies without requiring the kind of focus they need when they're learning and practicing more challenging information.

 

Another idea, and I don't know how this would work for your dd and your schedule, because my 6 y.o. is a different child--Set aside the math curriculum for a while. My 6 y.o. was getting frustrated and tired and "bored" and distracted and you name it. I got him a math workbook at Borders and we've got some math games and manipulatives. Every day I say, "math time" and he gets out his workbook or a math game or the cuisenaire rods and does whatever he wants, as long as it's math related, for 15-20 minutes. He's staying focused longer because he's choosing and directing the activity. I figure we'll transition back into his regular math program once he's re-established the habit of attention. Attention is a skill and habit, and I decided it's worth a few weeks, or even months, of working at a different academic level to teach good habits in attention, motivation and transition. And actually, he's all over the map when it comes to his math choices--yesterday he did a counting page, today he was working on subtraction.

 

Bad idea! Stupid Mom!

 

Hey now, none of that. You're trying to adjust to circumstances. Now you're getting an idea of what does and doesn't work--smart, not stupid. :grouphug:

 

Cat

[myfunnybunch]

It is so hard to know what to do because she tries to act like she is a genious and doesn't want me to teach her at all.

 

Ooo! I just read this.

 

Check out some books at the library: Family Math and Family Math for Young Children, or A Collection of Math Lessons, Grades 1-3 (Marilyn Burns), Janice VanCleave's Math for Every Kid, or some other hands-on math program. Then let her figure it out (with your help and guidance, of course).

 

Whether you do it in place of or in conjunction with your regular math program, if she's in a place where she wants to do it on her own, take advantage of it! This is a great opportunity to teach her math thinking and problem-solving and confidence in her math skills, which will serve her far better for far longer than completing a curriculum within a certain time.

 

Cat

[Mommyof4ks]

I have a DD that wants to be independent also, but when she gets stuck math drags on FOREVER and she will not ask for help nor let me help. Changing the subject is a way to escape from having to focus on a task that is too hard for her. I like to challenge her with things a bit above her level of self mastery, but I have learned to start the day with some work that she can do easily and then move to the 'harder' stuff. She is more accepting of my help once she realizes that she can still do stuff by herself. Does that make any sense lol? Basically she is a control freak like me, and she needs to feel like she can do alot on her own.

 

If math is the only thing that she behaves this way with, then ADD is most likely not the culprit. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on tv, just my 2 cents. I would keep plugging along with math perhaps a bit slower but maintain the challenge. One thing I just discovered is that my DD does not know the addition or subtraction facts very well yet, so that makes plugging them into operations difficult. We are getting math blaster for her DS game system (due out in March) and I have her reviewing flashcards that I wrote the answers on daily.

 

We also use Math-U-See and it is a much better fit for our DD than Singapore or Saxon that we used prior, so perhaps a different program would help?

[Parrothead]

LOL!!! But I am trying every strategy I can. Dr. Demme says to try doing several lessons yourself, modeling for the chid without asking them to do the work first, so I am going to slow it down and try that too. It is so hard to know what to do because she tries to act like she is a genious and doesn't want me to teach her at all. She wants to figure it out herself. But, maybe now she needs it to slow down. Deep breath!

If she doesn't want you to teach her, try letting Dr. Demme (Mr. Steve in our house) teach her. Let her watch the videos with the book and manipulatives beside her.

 

Since I brought MUS into the house I don't teach math at all. Dd learns it all from watching Mr. Steve teach it. I don't know if I was making it too complicated or what. Mr. Steve's 2-4 minute lesson all dd needs. (Of course there was that issue with her forgetting her earlier facts by the time she got to the end of Gamma, but extra drill at the beginning of the year solved that.)

[LizzyBee]

My 7 yo dd has ADHD. I can't keep her attention to do basic math fact practice, so she uses learning wrap-ups for that. She does much, much better with word problems than basic math problems. We're using Ray's New Primary Arithmetic for Young Learners that I downloaded free from google books because it has lots of word problems.

[Lovedtodeath]

IIf math is the only thing that she behaves this way with, then ADD is most likely not the culprit.

 

She does this with nearly everything, (she can't finish a TV show, and I have her narrate to me every 2-3 sentences to make sure she is paying attention) its just that math is an extra struggle. But part of that reason is that we do it first. DOH! I have thought about a program change, because someone said that kids strong in LA like other programs better.

 

My 7 yo dd has ADHD. I can't keep her attention to do basic math fact practice, so she uses learning wrap-ups for that. She does much, much better with word problems than basic math problems. We're using Ray's New Primary Arithmetic for Young Learners that I downloaded free from google books because it has lots of word problems.

Thanks. I will check it out.

 

If she doesn't want you to teach her, try letting Dr. Demme (Mr. Steve in our house) teach her. Let her watch the videos with the book and manipulatives beside her.

 

Since I brought MUS into the house I don't teach math at all. Dd learns it all from watching Mr. Steve teach it. I don't know if I was making it too complicated or what. Mr. Steve's 2-4 minute lesson all dd needs. (Of course there was that issue with her forgetting her earlier facts by the time she got to the end of Gamma, but extra drill at the beginning of the year solved that.)

I will try playing the DVD everyday. That is a good idea.

 

Thanks all!!

[LizzyBee]

I thought of something else about my 7 yo. My 7 yo constantly wants to play games. I mean, most kids like games, but I've never seen a kid that likes games as much as my 7 yo. Last fall, I was listening to a CD by Cindy Gaddis in which she said, "Listen to your kids. They will tell you how they need to learn." That really stuck out to me, and I've tried to incorporate more games into our school day. Would your 6 yo maybe do better with math (and other schoolwork) using more games and stories?

 

Also, some kids with ADHD or SPD have a need to move, and they can't learn if they are being still. Our EdPsych suggested I let dd7 stand up to do her handwriting, and our occupational therapist suggested some things to help her move and focus at the same time - exercise ball, sensory pillow, silly putty, chewing gum, etc.

[vettechmomof2]

My daughter was the same way, around the same age. We used our indoor trampolene for math. She was allowed to jump onthe trampoline for correct answers, if she got one wrong then she had to take a break.

Now this worked for my daughter as she needed to move, refocus and she LOVES the trampoline. We also have used things like jumping jacks and sit ups as she used to really enjoy those as well.

Maybe try having her move while you are aksing her the questions.

Good luck. It did get better for us and this year has been WONDERFUL.

[AnnetteB]

My first thought is that it sounds like attitude. My second thought is that the television and headphones would disappear.

[Lovedtodeath]

I think it is a combination of both, and even if it is an ADHD behavior, we need to learn how to deal with it, not just excuse it. (She has always been obviously super hyper; I have had many people say she is worse than a boy, or more work than any kid they ever baby-sat.)

 

I will make sure she is taking her supplements. I have found her laying them down and forgetting. :glare: I will work on transitioning and sticking to schedule. I will make sure she eats!!! I will give her some LA before we do math. I will try not to yell, because then her righteous indignation takes over and makes anything impossible. I will send her to the corner for attitude, but try to mildly redirect for other things. And I will make sure she watches Dr. Demme every day so that she has a fresh reminder how to do it.

 

So I've got some work to do.

[Catherine]

When my ds did this kind of thing, I put a small bowl of M&Ms on the table in front of us. When he did not pay attention or purposely disrupted our lesson (this used to happen multiple times in a short lesson) I ate one. He got to eat all that were left at the end of a lesson. This was very concrete and effective. I think at first he sincerely did not know exactly what I expected of him. Of course as long as I just nagged and got frustrated, it was not his problem. Once he took ownership of the problem, it was much easier for me to guide him into what I expected him to do. I can't believe, truly, how much better he has been in the 10 or so months since I started doing this.

[Evergreen State Sue]

I haven't read all the responses, but didn't you say this happens first thing in the morning? Perhaps if you did Math at a later time. I know my ds isn't ready to face math until a couple hours go by first.

[Reya]

With my ADD kid, the rule is if he won't concentrate with me sitting there, then he gets to do it alone in his bedroom.

 

His record is it taking three hours to do 40 single-digit addition problems. Keep in mind that these were actually two "mad minute"-type exercises.

 

As it is, I have murder in my eyes once a week or so. (Like today, when he wanted to loll in front of the heater to do his reading. I said "sure." Two hours later, I got to find out what's taking him so long and find out he's spent the entire time apparently staring at the ceiling and has read two pages. THAT was SERIOUS trouble. Immediately afterward, he read 43 pages in less than an hour. I had to set the timer for 10-minute increments and give him rewards for each "burst", of course, so really, maybe 40 minutes of that was actual READING.)

 

Cutting the assignment down into shorter bursts and using a timer helps DS tremendously. I have no solution yet for reviewing things he had down pretty well but not at the speed I'd like, though. It seems like familiarity breeds boredom, which makes him s-l-o-w, which entirely defeats the purpose of things like math drills.

 

A big mistake that you're making for sure is letting her get you off topic. Anytime she says anything off topic, say "That's not school." Interrupt her as soon as you know it's not on topic--let her know you won't even listen to anything else, much less respond to it. Shorten it after a while to just an interrupting noise so that you don't even disrupt your own lesson by so much as a word. Under NO circumstances should she be allowed to get up in the middle of a lesson except to pee. (And if you have to, limit those.) If she's DYING to wriggle, schedule in wiggle times! 5 minutes, then three laps around the table or something. Don't let them come when they wish.

 

I've also had to state up front when he can have food/a break/etc. I have to say, "You may have lunch after math," and stick to it, no matter what. Otherwise, things get unbearable.

 

Unfortunately, you may not be able to sweep/clean/get ready while she is doing certain subjects, at least for a while. The multitasker in me screams at this, but this is how it is.

 

Rewards of pennies or M&Ms can work well. Set the timer for 5 minutes. She should do (say) 5 problems in this time. If she does more, she earns a penny or an M&M for each one. Less, and they get taken away. (Make your level reasonable. My DS, for instance, averages 13-18 multiplication facts per 5 minutes, as he still must work most of them out in his head. I set the number at 10 per 5 minutes, so he's usually--but not always--ahead.)

 

A point system or other toke economy also works well for some kids.

 

It's not easy. There are days when I have to send him to his room to do all his work there, even if it takes him eight hours, so I don't take him out. But what I don't do is go "Mommy's too stressed, so you get to do less." That rewards the inattentiveness.

 

My DS, BTW, is fabulously behaved overall. He's never hit another kid. He's polite and obedient enough that we get frequent comments. But he can be distracted by AIR MOLECULES. I swear. He's so mature...and SO immature at the same time. It's just plain keepng attention focused. He's ADD/CAPD/dyslexic, so it's tough!

Edited February 20, 2009 by Reya

[dawn of ns]

A couple of things. If you're doing math drills or asking questions coul you do it while the both of you are walking or maybe while she's drawing? In school I'd get in trouble for doodling all over everything but that was the only way I knew to gather my focus so that I could listen to the teacher. If I couldn't doodle I'd be starting out the window daydreaming. If she doesn't draw then get her something to keep her hands active and excess attention tied down - jigsaw puzzle, blocks, anything like that.

 

Touch is good too. If you are sitting with her then touch her frequently - when you ask a question or are looking for an answer. With ADD a person can get disconnected and you wouldn't believe how much a touch can help ground a person.

 

Somone suggested wrapups and I think that's a great idea. Also board games or a computer games like Timez Attack that reinforces skills.

 

Even if you guys aren't going to seek out a diagnosis I'd really encourage you to look for resources for ADD kids on the internet. There are a lot of common sense strategies out there that you'd probably find useful.

[st_claire]

I would discipline. She needs to learn to focus and respond to your questions. Talking about other topics is a privillage, one she obviously isn't ready for yet. So while school is in session (make this clear, like maybe use a sign or when in a certain room or something), she is not allowed to speak without getting permission or when answering a direct question. Then ask her direct questions, like the 18-?=9 question, and she is to answer. If she ignores you, or speaks out of turn, etc... then she gets punished, I suggest pushups. They are quick and immediate, can be done anywhere, and use up energy. Explain to her in advance how the system works. Make sure she doesn't have questions and she understands. Then stick to it. She should be over it in a few days.

[Pongo]

I would get her to do some rigorous exercise every morning. Works wonders for my ds who is no 9 and a wonderful student. When he was 2 he started speech and the speech therapist thought I should have him diagnosed because he couldn't sit still. I started having him ride his bike and running before his appointment. Boy, she ate those words.

 

I send all three of my kiddos outside every day. They do math,latin and get a snack and go out for an hour. Then we move through the rest and after lunch they go out again. We finish around 2:30ish and they go until until supper. They sleep wonderfully and eat like horses. Exercise is the best medicine:)

[Ria]

Sounds like a discipline issue to me. She knows she can get away with this behavior...it's working quite well from her point of view. You respond and she calls the shots. I agree with some of the others - she needs firm discipline so that you take control, not her.

 

Ria

[Lovedtodeath]

It seems like familiarity breeds boredom, which makes him s-l-o-w, which entirely defeats the purpose of things like math drills. YES!!

 

A big mistake that you're making for sure is letting her get you off topic. I've also had to state up front when he can have food/a break/etc.

 

Unfortunately, you may not be able to sweep/clean/get ready while she is doing certain subjects, at least for a while. The multitasker in me screams at this, but this is how it is. I know, I know, and I am usually okay with this. It is when math alone takes 2 hours to do one sheet... I need to be doing something!

 

Rewards of pennies or M&Ms can work well. Wow! You do not want to see my DD after M&Ms!!! She is totally rabid out of control!

 

A point system or other toke economy also works well for some kids. The M&Ms would work great until they kicked in.:lol:

 

It's not easy. There are days when I have to send him to his room to do all his work there, even if it takes him eight hours, so I don't take him out. But what I don't do is go "Mommy's too stressed, so you get to do less." That rewards the inattentiveness. Good idea.

 

My DS, BTW, is fabulously behaved overall. He's never hit another kid. He's polite and obedient enough that we get frequent comments. But he can be distracted by AIR MOLECULES. I swear. He's so mature...and SO immature at the same time. It's just plain keepng attention focused. He's ADD/CAPD/dyslexic, so it's tough!

Thanks for all of the advice!

 

A couple of things. If you're doing math drills or asking questions coul you do it while the both of you are walking or maybe while she's drawing? In school I'd get in trouble for doodling all over everything but that was the only way I knew to gather my focus so that I could listen to the teacher. If I couldn't doodle I'd be starting out the window daydreaming. If she doesn't draw then get her something to keep her hands active and excess attention tied down - jigsaw puzzle, blocks, anything like that.

 

Touch is good too. If you are sitting with her then touch her frequently - when you ask a question or are looking for an answer. With ADD a person can get disconnected and you wouldn't believe how much a touch can help ground a person.

 

Somone suggested wrapups and I think that's a great idea. Also board games or a computer games like Timez Attack that reinforces skills.

 

Even if you guys aren't going to seek out a diagnosis I'd really encourage you to look for resources for ADD kids on the internet. There are a lot of common sense strategies out there that you'd probably find useful.

Good ideas! She actually does want to sit on my lap while doing work. I have no problem with that, if it is possible. A big problem is that DS doesn't nap until about 4pm.

 

I am trying to get the RightStart Math games, but I do need her to do at least one worksheet so that I know she understands WHY the answers are what they are... then we can work on memorizing, KWIM?

 

Thanks again!

[katilac]

I didn't read all of the replies, but I'd say it's half and half, plus a dose of being six, :001_smile:. Either way, discipline problems that arise to a degree from ADHD still need to be addressed, kwim?

 

Putting on headphones while I'm speaking to her would definitely be included in the discipline half, and, possibly to a lesser extent, the "I can't hear you."

 

I do think Reya is absolutely correct about not letting her pull you off track. No response, just "That's not school" and redirect.

[Lovedtodeath]

I didn't read all of the replies, but I'd say it's half and half, plus a dose of being six, :001_smile:. Either way, discipline problems that arise to a degree from ADHD still need to be addressed, kwim?

 

Yes, but there are some days in which a person with these problems cannot function no matter how hard they try. I know, I am one of them. Yet, you are right that I still need to train my child. So it is a difficult balance to find, which is why I am always asking for help.

[Lovedtodeath]

We did LA first, watched the MUS DVD, and my attitude was much better. ;) Today went fairly well, though we weren't done until 5 PM. (with breaks of course) We were happy with each other, so that is good.

[Reya]

If she's taking two hours and you can't stand it, send her to work in another room. A boring room. If the bathroom is the only boring room in the house, it won't kill her to work there! :-)

 

If she isn't working with you, then send her away for a while. Or switch subjects and come back. Don't beat your head against the wall--or soon enough, you'll be wanting to beat HER, and that's not good!